Tag Archives: Beavis

Expand Your Vocabulary


Shakespeare

Shakespeare was a dirty bastard.

You read my post about naughty words & the “R-Word”, right?  Well, to help you stop using the r-word (since I know my post convinced you to take the pledge), I’d like to try to put together a list of alternate words.  I’m really gonna need your help in the comments.  Let’s get ridiculous.  I want so many alternatives that are more fun to use that we won’t even remember the word we’re trying to replace.  If you’re easily offended by potty-mouths & naughty-bits, you might want to skip this one… or even better suggest some of your own substitutions.  You can go funny, you can go high-brow, you can go low-brow.  Just give me what you’ve got.

  • Anus  (I say this way too much.  It makes you cringe more than any other word for it…  especially if you preface it with “puckered”.)
  • Scoundrel  (This one makes you sound badass & elegant.)
  • Jagoff (Don’t be a Jagoff.)
  • Dumbass
  • Fishmonger  (Didn’t you pay attention to Shakespeare?)
  • Ass-monkey (Ass-clown, Ass-hat, Ass-face, this could go on forever until you get to Ass-ass then it’s like meeting yourself in the Back to the Future movies.)
  • Dingleberry
  • Bunghole, Dillhole, Fart-Knocker, or anything else you learned from Beavis and Butt-head.
  • Butthead.
  • Peckerwood
  • [Expletive]-nugget.  (Any of your favorite swear words will work there.  Try a few!)
  • Borrow from our friends across the pond Tosser, Wanker, Fart in a Jar, Twit, Todger, Tosspot, Arsehole, Toe Rag, Gobshite, etc.
  • Lowlife
  • Miscreant
  • Maggot
  • Dastard
  • Vagabond
  • Wretch
  • Good-for-nothing
  • Ne’er-do-well
  • Bad egg
  • Nitwit
  • Fool
  • Jackass
  • Bonehead
  • Penis-wrinkle  (Again, using the “actual” word for a body part is sometimes more shocking than anything else.)
  • Coinpurse
  • Pickle-polisher
  • …and a few that I wont list because my mother reads this.

Maybe you should get a Thesaurus.

Then again, maybe you just shouldn’t say mean stuff to people.

Beavis and Butt-head

Duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh-nah!

\m/ Roger Tullgren \m/


Roger Tullgren

Roger Tullgren, Metal Lord

So, have you heard about the dude from Sweden who gets a disability check for addiction to heavy metal?

This dude is awesome.

I’m not sure if he really feels that he’s helplessly addicted to metal, or if he’s yanking the Swedish government’s proverbial crank, or what…  but dude is almost as metal as Lemmy for this insanity.

Is it a way to cheat the government?  A publicity ploy for his bands?  Does he really feel that his compulsion to attend shows, dress like a metal-head, and listen to loud music is more than just his preferred lifestyle?

I call shenanigans in that there are plenty of places to work where you can dress like a metal-head & listen to loud music.  If there was such a thing as a record store any more, I’d suggest there…  but what about a guitar store?  Stoner coffee shop?  A concert venue?  A bar?  On a road crew?  The dish-washing thing reminds me of that Poison video

That being said, if the government is dumb enough to dole out the money… Roger & his employer would be even dumber in not taking it.  The question of their accommodation/compensation being akin to paying an Oxycontin addict for working in a pharmacy still remains, but oh well.  At least we know for sure that Black Sabbath is a powerful & dangerous gateway drug into the heavy metal lifestyle.

\mm/

Too much metal for one hand?

I’d watch a reality show or documentary about this cat.  Even better, I’d like to see it turned into a movie… somewhere between Anvil! The Story of Anvil and Airheads.  Imagine the hilarity that would ensue in 10-years worth of trying to get an addiction to metal recognized as a serious medical condition?  Not to mention, a killer soundtrack!  Are you paying attention Hollywood?  We need this story before we need a Crow or Last Dragon remake.  Sho’ nuff!  If you need a writer, I’m all about it.  I vote for Robert Downey Jr. or Johnny Depp in the lead role.

Also… can I get my money, Uncle Sam?  I’ve been going to concerts for years, buying merchandise, buying merch from small bands on tour, losing money by playing in local bands, ferociously collecting bootlegs, B-sides, & rarities for my favorite bands to satiate that completest appetite.  (Thanks RoadRunner for that US/Japan/UK bonus track crap where I buy the same album 3 times – and thanks Metallica for putting out 30 singles for each song with 17 demo/live b-sides.)  I wear t-shirts with skulls on them, and used to have blue hair.  I not only suffer form heavy metal addiction, but also a general punk rock addiction, spanning everything from horror punk to pop punk to street punk.  There’s also my hard rock addiction, which I seem to be getting over.  The bands with which I seem to have the biggest problem are…

…and all of their related bands; Guns ‘n’ Wankers, Billy No Mates, Hollywood Rose, Slash’s Snakepit, Velvet Revolver, Loaded, Danzig, Graves, Gotham Road, The Undead, …and I deserve some kind of metal for buying a Kryst The Conqueror album, Chinese Democracy, & St. Anger just to have “complete” collections.

Cover of "Airheads"

Cover of Airheads

I’d love to see Roger’s playlist, CD/Record/Cassette Tape/VHS/8-Track/DVD/MiniDisc/BluRay/LaserDisc/Whatever collection… or his ticket-stub book if he’s got one.  Who are his favorites?  I need to know!  I unfortunately am unable to check out that video linked-to from the Blabbermouth article.  I think it may have crashed their site, or it’s a bad link?

So, what do you think?  Is this guy super-awesome or super-lame?  Is he a genius, or a loser?  Is he some combo of all of the above?