Tag Archives: chupacabra

Jerry Only needs an intervention.


Jerry Only

Image via Wikipedia

I wanted to love the new Misfits album.  Really, I did.  I of course, love the original incarnation of the band.  I really dug the 90’s Misfits too, even if it was without question an entirely different band with a different sound & different direction.  I mean, I like Samhain, Danzig, The Undead, Graves, Gotham Road, and most of the slew of other related bands, so why not the new Misfits?

I think Jerry Only has surrounded himself with people too afraid or too dumb to tell him no or keep him in check.  ([cough]John Cafiero?[cough])  Danzig arguably has the same problem.  As an artist you need a healthy amount of “I’m going to do something crazy” room in your creative process.  Sometimes, that’s the only way to achieve the next level of awesome.  It gave us the Danzig album out of Samhain, and it gave us the Shocking Return of the Misfits (a.k.a. The Misfits™ or M95).  It gave us my favorite Danzig song, “You and Me (Less Than Zero)”.  It also gave us Kryst the Conqueror.

American Psycho and Famous Monsters are solid albums, with a slight metal tinge to the old horror punk vibe and a lot more camp.  I was hoping that Devil’s Rain would be somewhat close to that.  It’s like the cutting-room floor material for those albums.  I would be embarrassed to have my name on this album were I involved in recording or production.  The songs don’t flow well.

There is stuff here with some potential, but it lacks a certain tweaking.  I have said the same stuff about Michale Graves‘ solo work.  I think he’s a great singer & songwriter, he’s just better tempered with a band.  With the 90’s Misfits, they all brought songs to the table.  Chud, Michale, Jerry, & Doyle all wrote songs or parts.  Right now, I feel like it’s the Jerry Only show, with a few scraps for Dez… and a leash for Goat, I mean… Eric “Chupacabra” Arce.  (Was Robo just sent a plane ticket home, or what?)

Jerry in a Jerry T-Shirt

Jerry in a Jerry T-Shirt

Jerry went wrong some time around when he started to wear the T-shirt of himself.  Was this before or after the band was falling apart?  It’s all such a blur.

I remember talking to him backstage on more than a few occasions.  He’s unarguably a great entertainer, an excellent showman, and a very cool guy to stick around to talk to fans, give interviews, and sign anything you’ll put in front of him.  (Although, I did one see him  refuse to sign a teenage girl’s boob… and it was hilarious – Kudos to him for not being a creeper.)  Where it goes from there is open to debate.

That being said, lackluster vocals can kill an album.  (See the Gorgeous Frankenstein album, then dig up the demo of the song “Gorgeous Frankenstein”. with Michale Graves on vocals.)  The aforementioned poor vocals do a spectacular job killing Devil’s Rain.  I can’t put my finger on it.  Jerry’s vocals aren’t bad live, but with this recording it’s evident that his range & the vocal power just aren’t where they need to be.  Dez would be great on a dirty punk record, but here it sounds like an old guy telling kids to get off his lawn.  The vocals have always been strong with the Misfits, be it Glenn or Michale.  On Devil’s Rain they fall flat (literally and figuratively).

The guitar tone is “eh”.  It lacks the metal punch that Doyle had going after Kryst the Conqueror, and it’s not quite the old dirty punk vibe.  I’m not big on the fills and solos.  I mean, we all know Franché Coma & Bobby Steele could do that, but they didn’t.  It wasn’t the Misfits’ thing with a few notable exceptions.  (I still think 12 Hits Form Hell is a damn-near perfect album & the Undead’s version is cool too.)

If the past Misfits stuff is campy, this album is just downright corny lyric-wise.  I mean, I like some goofy stuff (like Peelander-Z!), but this is the wrong kind of goofy entirely.

Father almighty turn the darkness to day
Father providing turning desert to grain
God’s son the Pharaoh speaks to Ra calling his name
Oh Ra, devour those who dare open my grave
Place a curse in his hand

Really?

I can listen to “Land of the Dead” which still needs something, but it’s undoubtedly the best of the bunch.

This is just one man’s opinion.  I’d be interested in yours.

Misfits | Devil's Rain

Misfits | Devil's Rain

The Mythical Magical McGangbang


You’ve heard of the McGangBang, right?  For the uninitiated, there’s a world out there of fast food items not listed on the menu that are available for your dining pleasure (and most likely for your digestive displeasure) if you’re in the know, and if the employees are in the know.  This list from McDonald’s alone is pretty impressive.  There are many others out there.  My friend Andy used to apparently get a “Volcano” from Taco Bell, which was described to me as a burrito with everything in it.  Now that they have volcano tacos & burritos that are something else entirely, that might be an ordering issue.  If you’ve got time to kill or your interest is piqued, it’s definitely worth Googling.

At any rate, while I have raised a legitimate issue with McDonald’s, and I have gotten one response so far… I decided to use my W(aL)D email address to address a ridiculous issue with them.  So, off to the McWebform I went!  Sadly, you’re forced to pick a category… none of which exactly fits my query.   I think I posted to “McDonald’s U.S. Marketing, Promotions, and Advertising“, but it seems like my answer was brought about by the “Unsolicited Idea Policy“.  Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself.  On to the emails…

My original submission (via McWebform):

Hello Friends,

I was wondering if you are aware of the mythical magical McGang-Bang, and if at any time in the future, you man be adding it officially to your menu?

I believe it to be a McChicken sandwich stuffed inside a Double Cheeseburger, the new 99¢ McDouble, or even a Big Mac.  The exact specifics are a subject of hot debate, as this is a rare creature, like Bigfoot, el Chupacabra, or the Unicorn.  There is also debate on whether to discard an extra bun or down it whole.

If you do plan to offer this in the future, what would the proper spelling be?  McGangBang, McGangbang, McGang-Bang, or McGang-bang?  I could see how all options would be acceptable?

I’m not sure where the name comes from, but it sure is catchy.  (Much better than “Arch Deluxe”, no?)

I’d like to be able to go into a McDonald’s and order a McGang-Bang without being looked at like I’m crazy when it’s common knowledge among certain circles.

Thanks for your time, I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on the matter!

-E.

Their “we got it, we’ll get back to you” reply:

From: McDonald’s DoNotReply@mcdonalds.com
Date: Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 10:38 AM
Subject: McDonald’s Web Site Comment or Question
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Thank you for visiting McDonald’s website. Below is your email which has been submitted to McDonald’s Customer Response Center. While replies to this e-mail cannot be received, should you need to contact us again, please feel free to contact us through mcdonalds.com. Thank you.

Title: Mr.
First Name: ERiC
Last Name: AiXeLsyD
Mailing Address: ____ _______ _____ ____ __
City: Pittsburgh
State: PA
Zip: _____-____
Day Phone: 412-555-1212
Evening Phone: 412-555-1212
Contact Time: None.  Email please.
Your E-mail Address: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Comment: [What you just read above...]

Their “real” reply:

From: McDonalds.CustomerCare@us.mcd.com
Date: Fri, Dec 11, 2009 at 5:08 AM
Subject: Message from McDonald’s USA
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Hello ERiC:

Thank you for contacting McDonald’s recently with your idea for a product or service that you believe would be of interest to us. We appreciate your interest in McDonald’s, but it is our company’s policy not to consider unsolicited ideas from outside the McDonald’s system. We have retained an electronic copy of your submission solely for our records.

It’s not that great ideas cannot come from people outside of McDonald’s. Each year, however, McDonald’s receives thousands of unsolicited ideas and proposals for products and services from individuals as well as companies. Because of the volume of unsolicited ideas and the difficulty of sorting out what is truly a “new” idea as opposed to a concept that has already been considered or developed by McDonald’s, we must adhere to a strict policy of not reviewing any unsolicited ideas that come from outside the McDonald’s family of employees, franchisees and approved suppliers. We realize that we may be missing out on a few good ideas, but we have had to adopt this policy for legal and business reasons.

As a result, we must decline your invitation to review your submission and hope you understand the reasons for this decision.

Again, thank you for thinking of McDonald’s.

Jessica
McDonald’s Customer Response Center

ref#:6525973

————————————————————————————————————–

Please do not “reply” to this email response. No “replies” can be received through this mailbox. If you wish to contact McDonald’s Customer Response Center again, please visit our website at www.mcdonalds.com

————————————————————————————————————–

Are you finished with your holiday shopping? Even the person with everything gets hungry. An Arch Card makes a great holiday gift. For more information visit your local McDonald’s restaurant or our website at http://www.mcdonalds.com/archcard.

You wrote:
[You just read it above...]

Well, apparently my idea went to the wrong department, or someone that’s absolutely no fun.  I didn’t submit an idea!  I asked about a secret menu item…  Hopefully, as we’ve learned with most other web-forms, we submit again, and we get a different person responding.  Although, this looks curiously like a form letter.  Perhaps I should try again in a different category?  Should I ask for the email address of a real live person?  Perhaps I need to Google some names of high-up important McPeople and try to figure out the syntax of the company email addresses.  This worked with great success for me in the past with Boston Market.  Ha ha ha.

Also, I wondered on the Beat if putting a “Mc” in front of everything could be construed as racist?  As an American of Irish and Scottish descent, perhaps I should be taken aback by the flippant use of “Mc” in front of everything?  (By McDoanld’s, and even my own shockingly casual use.) It is after all, listed in the Racial Slur Database and in Wikipedia’s list of ethnic slurs.  Perhaps this is an idea to addressed in the future.  Dave was quick to point out though, that nothing is more racist than 365Black.  Wow.  Just…  Wow.  (…or McWow?) Also… What about leap day?  Is that a day off?

Find any of this amusing?  What’s the next step?