Tag Archives: Pittsburgh Penguins

The Stickermobile…


I saw this the other day at the Giant Eagle in Bridgeville.  It blew my mind.  All of the stickers/magnets were on the driver’s side of the vehicle… there were none on the back or the other side.  I had to take some photos.

The Stickermobile!

Is this what happened when Pimp My Ride went off of the air?

I tried to get a few angles…

Insanity.  You get all that? Let’s analyze some of these stickers and magnets, ignoring the fact that they’re all on one side of the vehicle.  Here we go…

The Stickermobile roundup...

What exactly is going on here?

I’ll try to tackle these dozen highlights one at a time:

  1. Support BP Music, NC State, and they love their dog.  Call me sexist, but I’m assuming this is a woman’s car.  She loves her dog.  BP is Bethel Park, right?  A lot of colleges are represented on this car.
  2. Here we have some refrigerator magnet letters, a penguins sticker, and something unidentifiable.  We can only guess as to what GH, VA, & UP mean.  Go Home?  Virginia?  UP what?  Why are the letters faded to clear?  Did they start out clear, or did UV rays suck out all the pigment?
  3. Here we have two giant Penguin bottle-cap refrigerator magnets, which can only mean twice the support for your hockey team and twice the alcohol problem.
  4. She really loves her dog.  She doesn’t love her van.  Magnets get tiny rocks stuck behind them, and they scratch the paint on your car.  Paint also discolors behind them.
  5. Here we have the troop support ribbon, a probably non licensed Steelers football, and a pink Baby on Board sign.  I say if you have a troop support ribbon on your car with any other ribbons… it negates the gravity of your sentiment.  There’s another ribbon somewhere among all this chaos.  By buying generic “go black and gold” sticker, you are stealing money from the poor underprivileged team that you support.  If your car looks like with all the stickers, I hope you didn’t tattoo one side of the baby you supposedly have on board.
  6. It wouldn't shock me if this dog was in that van.

    It wouldn’t shock me if this dog was in that van.

    West Virginia and Penn State on the same vehicle?  Pitt is in there too.  You are a rather conflicted individual… assuring you’re going to get keyed no matter what school you visit.  I bet college kids love getting picked up in this van.  Also, you love your Pomeranian a little too much.  You’re not into bestiality, are you?  I sure hope you didn’t dye it purple.  Wait.  Is Baby the dog?

  7. Here’s that devotion to Pitt, a faded Pens sticker, a blue Steelers football, a Penn State paw, and a secret coded message with the ‘fridge magnets.  JFLE S ON.  What is Jfle on?  Crack?
  8. Only the best fans have super faded stickers.  Was this a Steelers one, or one for one of the colleges… or high school?
  9. XK? XK.
  10. A Steelers cap, but there’s only one.  Not as devoted as the Pens?  You only drink half as much during football?  There’s something unidentifiable, an M (I think), and something saying something about how you roll.  I think we know how you roll.
  11. Is this a Nascar sticker, or a Sunoco one?
  12. Protesting construction in Pittsburgh?  That’s actually funny.  Perhaps the construction workers would be amused by it when you pass… if they could pick it out of the madness.  This ribbon apparently supports ninjas.

So, what’s your take?  What is this all about?  Is it a statement?  Is it kitsch?  Is it art?  Is it madness?  Is it super fandom?  Is it hoarding?  Is is someone who is banned from putting magnets on the refrigerator at home or a girl that was ever allowed to hang teen heart-throb photos on the wall while growing up?  Is it covering bird poop?  Is it a message for the aliens when they finally arrive?  Hoarders: Sticker And Magnets Edition?  Where is your OBX-like “PGH”, “N@”, “N’at” or “Yinz” sticker?

Look out for your drunken friends. I’m just sayin’.


Check out the latest police blotter from my friendly little neighborhood…

Dormont Police Blotter March 17 to March 30

The following information was supplied by Dormont Police. Where arrests or charges are mentioned, it does not indicate a conviction.  |  By Erin Faulk

March 17

  • Dormont Police were called to a home in the 1300 block of Mississippi Avenue for a report of a male who had been a guest in the home but was refusing to leave. [Some Dude], 20, of Beechview, was cited for underage drinking.

March 18

  • A man was charged with simple assault and endangering the welfare of a child after police were called to a home in the 1600 block of Montpelier Avenue for a report of a violent domestic. The incident occurred at 7:45 p.m.

March 19

  • Dormont police responded to a report of a man punching a car in a parking lot in the 3200 block of West Liberty Avenue at 12:15 a.m. [Some Dude], 26, of Dormont, was charged with disorderly conduct and public drunkenness.

March 20

  • Police responded to a report than an unknown man was in the basement of an apartment building in the 1100 block of Illinois Avenue at 2 a.m. When police arrived, the man, identified as 19-year-old [Crazy Dude] of Beechview, appeared to be sleeping on the basement floor. According to the police report, [Dude] began jumping around and screaming, and charged toward the police officers when they woke him up. Police tased [Dude] and took him to the Dormont police station. [Dude] was arraigned on charges of public drunkenness, loitering and prowling, unlawful entry, and various crimes code violations.

March 21

  • Police were called to the CoGos at 1530 Potomac Ave. for a report of an intoxicated man trying to shoplift items from the store. Police found the man in the parking lot with no stolen items in his possession. [Some Dude], 25, of Mount Oliver was charged with public drunkenness.

March 22

  • While on patrol at 5:30 p.m., police saw a man passed out on a bench on Potomac Avenue. According to the police report, the man appeared to be under the influence of some type of drug. Police found syringe in his pocket, suspected heroin residue and a silver spoon. [Some Dude], 25, of Churchill, was taken to the Dormont police station and lodged overnight. He was charged with narcotics possession.

March 24

  • Police responded to a report of a fight between two men taking place in the street in the 1600 block of Hillsdale Avenue at 9:42 a.m. [Some Dude], 44, of Dormont, was charged with disorderly conduct.
  • Three people face charges after running from their car during a traffic stop at 12:10 p.m. Police stopped a car in the 2900 block of Glenmore Avenue for going the wrong way on a one-way street. All three people in the car ran from the vehicle. Dormont police caught one man in a foot chase off of West Liberty Avenue. Baldwin Township police arrested the other two at the intersection of Castlegate and Woodburn avenues. [Some Dude], 20, of Beechview, and two juveniles were charged with disorderly conduct, traffic offenses and various crimes code violations.

March 25

  • Police responded to a report of two people fighting in Beggs Synder Park near Illinois Avenue at 4:57 p.m. [Some Dude] and a juvenile, both of Dormont, were charged with disorderly conduct.

March 26

  • Police responded to a report of an intoxicated woman on the LRT platform on Potomac Avenue at 7:50 p.m. [Some Chick], 30, of Mt. Lebanon, was charged with public drunkenness.

March 28

  • Allegheny County Adult Probation and DEA officials notified Dormont police of an arrest warrant for a Dormont man for violating probation terms. Police responded to an apartment in the 2800 block of West Liberty Avenue at 4 p.m., where [Some Dude], 32, of Dormont was stopped outside of the building and taken back inside. According to the police report, 393 stamp bags of suspected heroin were found on [Dude] and 50 more stamp bags of suspected heroin were found in the apartment, along with 14 bags of marijuana and several capsules of suspected ecstasy. A two-month-old child was in a crib in the apartment. [Dude] and [Some Other Dude], 34, of Brookline, were arraigned on charges of narcotics possession, and various drug and drug equipment violations. CYS was contacted, and the child was returned to its mother’s care.

Follow Dormont-Brookline Patch on Facebook and Twitter. For more news, sign up for our email Newsletter.

Related Topics: CoGos, Dormont Police, Drug Arrests, Police Blotter, Public Drunkenness, and dormont blotter

Anyone else notice a common theme?  Besides being wildly amusing (like the guy dumb enough to charge police that needed tazed), there seems to be a lot of public drunkenness around here.  Ha ha.  I’m not judging or hating, just saying that it’s odd that so many incidents where police needed called involved either public drunkenness or narcotics possession.

If you & your friends are in Dormont getting drunk… maybe you should look out for each other.  Don’t let your friends break into apartment buildings to sleep it off in the basement, punch cars, get into drunken fights, try to shoplift, charge at officers of the law, or hang out on the T platform creeping out other potential passengers.  Apparently you shouldn’t get rocked & overstay your welcome either.

I’m amazed that the police have never been to our neighbors’ house to to drunken debauchery that happens there during every Steelers game & most Pens games.  Perhaps they’re cool enough to look out for each other, and we’re cool enough to not call the cops because of their drunken loudness.

Also, perhaps you shouldn’t do (or sell) ecstasy, heroin, or weed… especially with a baby in your apartment.

You love me, you really love me!


Pittsburgh’s Most Valuable Blogger Awards 2011

Pittsburgh’s Most Valuable Blogger Awards 2011

So, this thing happened…

CBS Pittsburgh’s Most Valuable Blogger Awards 2011

There was blogging, there was voting.  There was certainly some goofiness.  I still haven’t been contacted by anyone at CBS.  I know other bloggers have.  Just so they know, the contact form on my blog works quite well.  There was something about prizes, but the rules detailing how one could claim a prize are gone.  I really thought I had no chance of winning, as there are so many cool blogs out there.  I’m not sure what kind of bragging rights this gives me.  Do I get a T-shirt or stickers or something?  “Hey, I’m annoying and goofy on the internet!”

It’s good to know that I’m the people’s choice, and not the editor’s choice.  I blog for the people, not for the editors.  I bet I won begrudgingly.  Ha ha.  They were probably all like “Oh crap, not that one!”.  I have to say thank you to whoever nominated me, and thank you for all my friends & family (& readers – who most likely fall into one of the aforementioned groups) who voted!

Here are the results…

Dining and Entertainment

Local Affairs

Sports

Health, Fitness and Medical

Lifestyle and Family

Everything Else

I call shenanigans on Only In Pittsburgh & Beyond Willpower not winning at least one “choice” in their respective categories.  It’s also odd that some of the people’s choice & editor’s choice were the same thing…  Why not spread the love?  I will go all mushy on you now, & say that everyone wins here, because we all got some exposure & hopefully traffic to our blogs that we might not have had before.  I’ve even added a few of these to my WordPress reader/feed.  Go check out all the blogs and their descriptions, and see if there’s something that piques your interest!

Some of the ones I dig:

Hopefully we all say “yinz” without noticing and with pride.  Thanks CBS & Pittsburgh!  And, of course, thanks to these guys & gals for letting me know what’s up!

Thanks Peeps!

Thanks Peeps!

CBSPittsburgh.com’s Most Valuable Blogger Awards 2011

CBSPittsburgh.com’s Most Valuable Blogger Awards 2011

Furniture Follow-Up and Fallout


So,did you read the couch-buying blog and see the couches?  I did get some follow up from both sides.  You can see some in the comments section of the original blog, and I’d like to share some here…

I sent this to DFW via their contact form

Comment: Hello,

I wanted to write to let you know that my wife & I had an excellent experience with store manager Matt Walker at DFW in Pittsburgh earlier this evening.  We left a Value City nearby wholly disgusted with their salesperson, and our experience at DFW was such a great relief.

I blogged about my experience here:  http://wp.me/pwqzc-y2

Please pass my praise on to Matt and his boss.  I hope that such excellent service is rewarded!

Thank you for your time,
-Eric
.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI

(Contents of my blog below for your convenience…)

…and got this back:

From: Andrew Robinson <arobinson2255@gmail.com>
To: eric_aixelsyd@yahoo.com
Sent: Mon, April 25, 2011 8:11:15 AM
Subject: Re: Contact Form

Eric. Thanks for taking the time to share your experience. We hope you don’t mind, but we have posted a link to your blog on our Facebook page.

PS. We are giving away a FREE sectional on our facebook fan page.   http://www.facebook.com/DFWFurniture#!/DFWFurniture?sk=app_121121694568521   just “like” DFW to enter….

On Sat, Apr 23, 2011 at 1:41 AM, CustomerSupport <sales@dfwfurniture.com> wrote:

It made their Facebook page too!  They have a pretty cool blog if you’re in the market for some new furniture.

Here’s the post in question… if you follow, them please “Like” it or leave a comment:  http://www.facebook.com/DFWFurniture/posts/110773852342054

Even better, Bethany’s on their email list, and this was in her inbox today:  http://us2.campaign-archive2.com/?u=66b31c192a78cb1962439b620&id=58954895aa&e=fed37b6f6a

Just part of the email…

…but we want to encourage  feedback and interaction from the community on Facebook.

Example : The recent story from Eric in Pittsburgh about his shopping experience at Value City Furniture vs. DFW Furniture in Pittsburgh.

We realize that advertising is always SUSPECT…But customer testimonials are PRICELESS… and credible.

How awesome is that?!  I’m famous!  Ha ha.

In all fairness, Value City did indeed reach out in the comments of the original blog, and as requested… I did follow-up:

From: Eric Carroll
To: jeremy.sipes@vcf.com
Sent: Mon, April 25, 2011
Subject: Blog about couch buyin experience…

Hello Mr. Snipes,

I’m responding to your comment on my blog.  I’m not sure what else you would need detail-wise, or any way of resolving anything.  Did you first read about my blog through your submission form?   I don’t really have any other details then what I expressed in my blog.  What else would you be looking for, exactly?

Thanks,
-Eric

.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI

And, this was the response:

From: “Jeremy.Sipes@americansignature.com”
To: Eric Carroll
Sent: Tue, April 26, 2011
Subject: Re: Blog about couch buying experience…

I just wanted to make sure to reach out to you regarding your experience in the store. I apologize for your experience with one of our sales people. I will be in contact with store management in order to address your concerns. I am glad that you found furniture that you are happy with, it is just unfortunate that you were not able to so with our store.

If you need anything going forward, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Thanks for your time

Jeremy Sipes
American Signature Inc.
Customer Service Coordinator
1-800-743-4577
1-614-449-4351

Again, there’s not too much to do at this point, is there?  Although, they did have some cool pop-bottle looking bar-stools there…

Heh.  Twitter is also a powerful tool:

Couches


Well, if you read about our couch buying experience and were at all curious, here are some crappy photos from my cell phone:

New Couch

Klaussner Couch

New Love Seat

Klaussner Love Seat

I like they stripey pillows on the love seat, they came with the set. I don’t think Bethany likes ‘em though. We bought the pillows that are on the couch from Kohl’s, but they’re a pretty good match.

Adventures in Couch-Buying


So, the wife & I been saving to buy a new couch & loveseat for quite a while. We’ve been very casually looking at furniture stores since last October.  Retail sales people in general really bother me.  I tense up when they approach.  It’s impossible to walk into any furniture store & browse without a sales person being on you like white on rice.  I have an issue with the titles too.  They never call themselves sales people.  It’s always “associate” or “specialist” or “floor manager” or “Archduke of Ass-cushions”.  You’re there to sell furniture and make commission, not to help me with the interior design in my house or really even to sell me what fits my needs.  You want to up-sell as much as possible.  I know that, you know that… why can’t you admit that you know I know it?  Pardon me, I’m getting ahead of myself.

At Levin’s they weren’t interested in showing us anything other than the most expensive couches.  Once they got an idea of our budget, they weren’t interested.  Roomful Express was a veritable pressure cooker with a “buy it now because we’re going out of business” style sales pitch.  So, no warranty then?  Ikea is great, and we love the place for other reasons, but none of the couches that we saw on our last few trips fit our style and budget.  Big Lots had some affordable furniture, but the couch we had considered there only came in one awful orange-tinted brown… and it just brought poop to mind.

That brings us to the events of tonight.  We had passed by the DFW on Rte. 51 a week or so ago, but we decided to check it out.  We had looked at a few of their pieces online and were happy with the price & selection.  We decided to stop at Value City first since it was on the way & we were out looking.  The plan was to look around at Value City, check DFW in person, and if we needed to hit Value City on the way home, we could do that.  We could not have had two more divergent experiences.  I will mention sales persons’ names below, as it’s my intent to contact both Value City & DFW with the details of our experiences.  They both need to know what’s going on in their stores, good & bad.

As we were walking up to the door at Value City, we could see a young sales guy looking out the front window directly at us as if we couldn’t also see him.  He ran out of our view to his left, not unlike a puppy running to get some treats.  I said to Bethany “Wow, this guy’s going to be all over us before we’re even in the door.”  I was wrong.  Another sales guy was on us as soon as we were in the door.  He appeared like Batman disappears in the movies & cartoons.  I really have no idea where this guy came from.  He was just there.  I say “sales guy”, but he called himself a “floor designer”, commented on Bethany’s Penguins hoodie, and introduced himself as Bill.  Bill asked what we were looking for, we said couches, and he gave is a well-rehearsed (read: tired) spiel about how we were “here for two things; eye appeal and butt appeal”.  Things like “it’s got to be comfortable”, “sit on it, jump on it, relax”, “microfiber is just a fancy way of saying 100% polyester” were said.  Also, there were mentions of how their parent company owns Big Lots and DHL and a few other companies… which have absolutely no bearing on me buying furniture.  I’m not impressed with image.  Cheesy, but at that, he let us off to browse on our own.  We made our way up the first aisle, down the second, and were on the way up the third when Bill caught us again.  Along the way, we saw two couch/loveseat sets that we really considered purchasing.  We had our mind set on one because it was comfortable and within our budget and we were frankly just in the mood to finally purchase a couch this evening.  When Bill caught up to us the second time, we may have confused him, as we talked in passing to another family who had just walked in the front door.  Bill proceeded to introduce himself to us and give the same “eye appeal and rear appeal” into the “microfiber=polyester” speech that we had just heard less than ten minutes earlier.  As we were just into the third aisle, we were beginning to realize that most of this furniture was above our budget… so the plan was to walk through quickly.  Bill caught us by a rather ugly yet comfy reclining sofa that was ridiculously priced and begged us to sit in it.  We obliged.  Then Bill proceeded to tell is that we may recognize him from TV as he’s the “furniture doctor” (or something to that effect) on KDKA.  He also said that he sold this same couch to Tyler Kennedy & Max Talbot, then named some Steelers for good measure.  This is where my mind was made up that we wouldn’t be buying anything from Value City.  I don’t care who else has the same couch as me, and these local sports heroes will never be sitting on my couch… so it really is irrelevant.  Also… I know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but just looking at us, he should have known that the couch in question was way out of our price range.  I would like to make it clear that the only reason that we didn’t buy a couch from Value City this evening is Bill Crewson.  I found him to be pretentious, pompous, and obnoxious.  We escaped Bill’s sales pitch of doom, and had a discussion around the first corner.  My wife agreed with my assessment and decided that worst-case scenario, we would come back & deal with a different sales associate because Bill was not getting a dime of commission from us.  We promptly headed to the door.  Bill again appeared out of nowhere and handed us a business card as we were on the way out the door, title being “Home Furnishing Consultant”.  Get your title/position straight, Bill.  Consistency is a good thing.  As soon as we got home, I fired up Firefox and Googled the bejesus out of Bill’s name on KDKA’s website.  I can find no mention of Bill by name or by “furniture doctor” or “couch doctor” or whatever he called himself (or anywhere else on the web).  If someone knows Tyler Kennedy or Max Talbot, tell them to call me to talk about their couches.

Next, we went to DFW.  The experience there was as refreshing as Value City was exasperating.  We weren’t immediately pounced upon when we walked in the door.  After we had made our was across the front of the store, we were casually approached by a Mr. Matt Walker.  He asked us what we wanted, and what our needs were.  He explained what they had, how the discounts worked if you bought outright vs. a payment plan, and set us free to roam around the store.  Still reeling from Value City, I thanked Matt for being the first sales person in a furniture store that wasn’t so far up my rear-end that they were looking out my mouth.  He laughed like he hears that a lot.  Bethany & I were able to take our time, look at the prices, sit on the couches… and we again found two sets that we liked and that fit our budget.  The one didn’t come in any different colors, so we happily picked the other, and we had to seek out Matt to let him know that we were ready to make a purchase.  To not be hovered over, or approached a second time with some sort of practiced sales pitch, or to not be only shown the most expensive pieces on the floor was a huge deal.  Happily, the set we wanted was well under budget at the advertised price.  Not only that, but we got a discount for paying for it all at once.  There was also another deeper discount because the floor model was the only one left.  We looked it over, were satisfied with the condition and quality and went with it.  We did purchase a reasonably priced protection plan for the cushions and there was a standard delivery fee… and we were still under the advertised price for the set.  I urge anyone in the Pittsburgh area looking for cheap quality furniture to seek out Matt Walker (Store Manager) at DFW on Rte. 51.  DFW should send all of their managers and sales persons to Matt to be trained.  They would be wise to pick up his tactics and demeanor.  The delivery is set for tomorrow, I’ll have to pop up a photo and let you know how that goes!

Food Allergy News, the good kind…


OK, so my last Food Allergy post was a little sad, disheartening, and rant-like.  Hopefully this one will be the Yang to the others Yin.  (Or is that Yin to the others Yang?)

I’d like to share some good news in the form of links, and a little commentary…

  • FAAN | The Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Management Act – Finally, the FAAMA bill has passed, and is expected to be signed into law.  This will hopefully prevent events like the ones surrounding Katelyn’s death from happening in the future by making sure schools are more educated on the subject, and more equipped to deal with similar situations.  Sadly, it’s a voluntary policy and not a mandatory one.

My $1.05 Pillsbury Research Grant Has Arrived!


35¢ OFF

So, you did read my initial letter about Totino’s and the follow-up correspondence, right?  Well, needless to say, my research grant is a little smaller than expected.  Some “cents off” apparently means just that.

I got 3 of these bad boys, entitling me to a whole 35¢ off of one Totino’s product.  One dollar and five cents off of three Totino’s products?  I’m sure I get more than that when I use my Giant Eagle Advantage Card & get them on a regular sale.  Maybe Giant Eagle will double these since they’re less than a dollar…  So I’ll be getting $2.10 worth of free pizza rolls.    I wonder what the regular price is?

Pizza Rolls on Sale at Giant Eagle!

Right now, Giant Eagle has Totino’s Pizza Rolls on sale… 3 boxes for $8.  They say they’re normally 3 for $10.  So… About 40 rolls in the 19.8 oz. bag, 35¢ would get me 4 pizza rolls?  And, I’d only be able to use one coupon with this special, as the Giant Eagle website states that you must buy 3 bags in order to get the $2 off, and the back of the coupon states that no other coupon is to be used with this coupon.  Does the sale act as a coupon?  If not, I could still only use the one coupon at a time… so out of 120 pizza rolls, a whopping 4 would be free?

Perhaps this was a karmic slap in the face?  Maybe a well-deserved one.  You’d think they would simply either not offer any coupons at all… or offer some coupons that are actually worth something… like a BOGO or at least a dollar off.  Perhaps they’re just cheap, or this is all they’re authorized to give out?  It cost them 38¢ to mail me the damn coupons!  That would have been 4 or 5 more free pizza rolls had they emailed me some coupons.  Maybe they know I’m goofing on them.

The letter accompanying the coupons is quite amusing…

Letter from Tracy Boyd @ General Mills

HA HA!  I'm using the internet!

When I see someone write “the internet”, I always think of the guy to the right.  I have no idea why.  I just do.  It sounds archaic written down like that.  THE INTERNET!  HA!  HA!

Not sure where to go from here.  Do I write back, and ask for more research funding?  Do I ask to talk to someone else who may be able to offer more money?  Do I write to completely unrelated organizations and as for research grants?  Has anyone reading this ever applied for a grant?  Should I include a research proposal?  Maybe I should just write back, super-excited about the $1.05, saying what a generous gift it is.  Maybe I should ask to speak directly to General Mills or Totino himself?  Heh.  I feel confident in turning this up a notch.

Also… research will definitely go forward.  I will need some time to assemble my team (although, I think I already know who’s in), procure the test product, and schedule a date for the study.

Stay tuned, loyal subjects!

®

A one time good will gesture from Pillsbury!


Pillsbury Pizza Rolls BoyNot too long ago, I wrote to the maker’s of Totino’s Pizza Rolls (which I soon discovered was Pillsbury/General Mills) to ask about microwave cooking times for quantities of more than the reccommended 6 at a time.  The answer seemed to be pretty vague, as most corporate replies are.  Of course, I was determined to ask further questions — goaded onward by many of you here and on other places around the ‘net.  Here’s where I’d like to share my reply to them, and of course their latest response.  Thanks to Dave again for the editing help here!

from ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
to Corporate.Response@genmills.com; Pillsbury@emails.pillsbury.com
date Tue, Mar 2, 2010 at 2:39 PM
subject Re: Your Response From “Pillsbury” – 2010/02/12-0715 XTB
mailed-by gmail.com

Hello Ms. Boyd,

Thank you for the quick and thorough response!  (Apologies if the “Ms.” should be a “Mr.”, I know the name Tracy can go either way!) In reading your response, I have a few more questions, and perhaps a proposal for your consideration.  I do enjoy the quickness/convenience of cooking in the microwave versus using a conventional oven.  Perhaps I should learn to use the toaster oven as a compromise?

The first thought brought to mind was that perhaps I may be doing something wrong.  The instructions say to arrange the rolls in a circle on a plate.  Would this be “in a circle” like spokes of a wheel, or “in a circle” like covered wagons circling around weary travelers?  I haven’t ever really put much thought into it until now, thinking I may perhaps be doing it wrong as there is no picture on the box to illustrate.

I’m somewhat confused as to the 8 pizza rolls for 45 seconds, as the recommended time for 6 rolls is (I believe) 55 seconds.  Typically, I go for 1:05 so that the middle isn’t still cold.  I’m also aware that all microwaves are different, and may vary, so I accept that my microwave is behind the curve, if you will.  I will have to try 8 rolls at a time, and may even venture into as of yet uncharted 10 or 12 roll at a time territory.  I know this may be a cavalier attitude, but it’s just how I roll.  (Pun intended.)  I will take into consideration that it has been “highly suggested” that I cook more than 8 in a conventional oven.

Along these same lines, I’m fascinated that no more than 8 rolls at a time have been put into the microwave at once in your test kitchens.  Is this really the case, or have trials involving more than 8 rolls at a time manifested disastrous results?  Is there some sort of moratorium on adventurous cooking?  I know that if I had access to a bunch of pizza rolls, and a bunch of microwave ovens… I’d feel it was my duty to push past the ambit of acceptability into the realm of ridiculousness.

I have bounced my ideas off of a few like-minded individuals, and we are prepared to do a public service by testing Totino’s pizza rolls in varying quantities, cooking times, and microwave ovens while making video and statistical documentation of the results.  I have safety goggles, a food thermometer, hot pads, a video camera on loan, and, obviously, a microwave oven.  The only thing that we require now would be copious amounts of pizza rolls.

While I’m guessing that you’re not officially able to get behind such a study, would you be able to provide coupons for the pizza rolls, or perhaps donate them altogether?  Certainly the prospect of someone embarking upon new microwave cooking frontiers would be exciting not only to you, but to the scientists/chefs/technicians in your test kitchens.  We would, of course, be more than happy to share all of our results, which you in turn would be able to use (or ignore) at your discretion.

I would like to thank you for your time and continued correspondence.  I truly appreciate the fact that Pillsbury/General Mills takes the time to respond to its consumers’ web inquiries with real emails from real people.

Respectfully Yours,
-Eric Aixelsyd

I thought that was a pretty straight-forward email with some easily answered questions & an interesting proposal.  Apparently I crossed the ridiculousness line for Ms./Mr./Mrs. Boyd, though.  I don’t know why, but I read the following response with the “not amused” tone.

from Corporate.Response@genmills.com
to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
date Tue, Mar 2, 2010 at 6:47 PM
subject Your Response From “Pillsbury” – 2010/03/02-5183 XTB
mailed-by genmills.com

Hello Mr. Aixelsyd:

Thank you for contacting Pillsbury with your inquiry.

In regards to your question, we have not tested for more than 8 pizza rolls at a time.

If you wish to try this, it would be at your discretion. Please note that when adding more products into a microwave to cook ( ie 16 pizza rolls instead of 8 ) and trying to adjust the cooking temperature will not harm the safety of the product, but may change the quality, such as hardening of the crust or uneven cooking, etc.

As a one time good will gesture, we will send some cents off certificates in which you should receive within 20 business days.

We hope you find this information helpful. Please let us know if we can help you again.

Thank you,

Tracy Boyd
Customer Care Specialist

Coupons!  Nice.  This will be a long 20 business days.  I can’t believe that they’re actually sending coupons.  I wonder what the amount will be?  I have to do the testing now.  I have officially gone past the point of no return.  I must complete this absurd task… and I must do it right the first time.  I’m assuming that “one time good will gesture” means that they’ve had enough of my shenanigans.

So, they definitely have not tested more than 8 at a time in the microwave.  Why?  I know I would.  You know you would.  Hopefully, with the help of my esteemed colleagues, we will remedy this situation.  The world will know the limits of pizza rolls in the microwave.

Interestingly, my question about pizza roll circle placement went wholly ignored, as did the more personal inquisition as to Tracy’s gender.  Not that the second one matters, but perhaps it iw what pushed the button.  The circle question was quite important, though.  I’m surprised that there’s no drawing on the box/bag.  There are certainly illustrations out there for much more obvious sets of directions.

I can only imagine what went through his/her head as she read the “wagon wheels” line.  Ha ha ha.

So, this leaves us wondering…

  • How did they know that safety would not be an issue but the quality would degrade if they didn’t do any testing past the magic 8?
  • Seriously, now… Does “in a circle” mean like spokes of a wheel, or like circling covered wagons?
  • Is Tracy a man or a woman?

Luckily, Tracy said “Please let us know if we can help you again.”  I believe that we do again need some help.  Is another reply in order here, or do we just save it for inclusion with our test results?

Perhaps I’ll ave to include this too…

arrange the rolls in a circle on a plate

"arrange the rolls in a circle on a plate"

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts.


Entirely unrelated, just for fun…

Totino’s® Pizza Rolls®


Pillsbury | Totino’s® Pizza Rolls® Pizza SnacksWho doesn’t like Totino’s® Pizza Rolls® Pizza Snacks?  More importantly, who eats only six at a time?  Maybe for a small snack… or maybe I just eat too much.  I don’t have them often, but when I do… I most assuredly want more than six.

I realize that I could cook more than six at once and figure out the timing on my own… but that wouldn’t be any fun now, would it?  I decided to write to the maker’s of Totino’s, who (previously unbeknownst to me) happen to be Pillsbury.  I clicked around until I found their webform, and submitted this…

Hello Friends,

I write to you today regarding Totino’s Pizza Rolls.  These little snacks are awesome, my friends.  I love to eat them as a snack while I’m watching my favorite TV shows or Penguins hockey.

My problem though, is that I’m fat… and I need more than the 6 at a time that’s listed on the package in the cooking suggestions.

Certainly your portly Pillsbury mascot could appreciate my situation?  I’d like to suggest that the bags & boxes also include cooking recommendations for 12 at a time… or more.

Usually 12 can satisfy my snack cravings, although sometimes I go for 18.  Maybe you could include instructions for 13, a baker’s dozen as they say?

In the mean time, before you’re able to print new cooking instructions on the bags & boxes… can you just send me a chart of larger quantities and suggested cooking times?

Thank you for your time, I can’t wait to hear from you.  (I can appreciate how valuable time is… like when I try to cook two batches of 6 rolls during the commercials!)

Inquisitively,
-Eric

Which I thought was a little goofy, but not over-the-top.  Apparently this is a request that’s made often.  The answer seems well practiced…

from Corporate.Response@genmills.com
to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
date Sun, Feb 14, 2010 at 2:01 PM
subject Your Response From “Pillsbury” – 2010/02/12-0715 XTB
mailed-by genmills.com

Hello Mr. Aixelsyd:

Thank you for contacting Pillsbury with your inquiry.
Unfortunately, the most that we have tested for in our kitchen is 8 pizza rolls in the microwave, in which you would place on a microwave safe plate in a circle and cook on high for 45 seconds (noting that microwave oven temperatures can vary).  If you are intersted in baking more, I would highly suggest following the directions for the oven.  Please be assured that your comments and suggestions will be shared with our product specialists.

We hope you find this information helpful.  Please let us know if we can help you again.

Thank you,

Tracy Boyd
Customer Care Specialist

I’m going to have to write back, and get goofier.  My inquiry was taken absolutely seriously.  I really can’t believe that there are food scientists or chefs out there that have a job that involves putting things in microwaves… and they haven’t gone past 8 at a time?  Ridiculous.  You know that you’d try to at least do a whole bag at once… if not two or three.  Look… I can’t even control my use of italics.  Can you imagine if I had a microwave and some goo-filled little exploding pods at my disposal?  Microwaves are cheap enough these days.  I’ll take donations… I’ll need a microwave and more Totino’s Pizza Rolls than you can count, and the trials will begin.  For more fun, I’ll need someone to help & video.

Anyone in?