Totino’s® Pizza Rolls®


Pillsbury | Totino’s® Pizza Rolls® Pizza SnacksWho doesn’t like Totino’s® Pizza Rolls® Pizza Snacks?  More importantly, who eats only six at a time?  Maybe for a small snack… or maybe I just eat too much.  I don’t have them often, but when I do… I most assuredly want more than six.

I realize that I could cook more than six at once and figure out the timing on my own… but that wouldn’t be any fun now, would it?  I decided to write to the maker’s of Totino’s, who (previously unbeknownst to me) happen to be Pillsbury.  I clicked around until I found their webform, and submitted this…

Hello Friends,

I write to you today regarding Totino’s Pizza Rolls.  These little snacks are awesome, my friends.  I love to eat them as a snack while I’m watching my favorite TV shows or Penguins hockey.

My problem though, is that I’m fat… and I need more than the 6 at a time that’s listed on the package in the cooking suggestions.

Certainly your portly Pillsbury mascot could appreciate my situation?  I’d like to suggest that the bags & boxes also include cooking recommendations for 12 at a time… or more.

Usually 12 can satisfy my snack cravings, although sometimes I go for 18.  Maybe you could include instructions for 13, a baker’s dozen as they say?

In the mean time, before you’re able to print new cooking instructions on the bags & boxes… can you just send me a chart of larger quantities and suggested cooking times?

Thank you for your time, I can’t wait to hear from you.  (I can appreciate how valuable time is… like when I try to cook two batches of 6 rolls during the commercials!)

Inquisitively,
-Eric

Which I thought was a little goofy, but not over-the-top.  Apparently this is a request that’s made often.  The answer seems well practiced…

from Corporate.Response@genmills.com
to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
date Sun, Feb 14, 2010 at 2:01 PM
subject Your Response From “Pillsbury” – 2010/02/12-0715 XTB
mailed-by genmills.com

Hello Mr. Aixelsyd:

Thank you for contacting Pillsbury with your inquiry.
Unfortunately, the most that we have tested for in our kitchen is 8 pizza rolls in the microwave, in which you would place on a microwave safe plate in a circle and cook on high for 45 seconds (noting that microwave oven temperatures can vary).  If you are intersted in baking more, I would highly suggest following the directions for the oven.  Please be assured that your comments and suggestions will be shared with our product specialists.

We hope you find this information helpful.  Please let us know if we can help you again.

Thank you,

Tracy Boyd
Customer Care Specialist

I’m going to have to write back, and get goofier.  My inquiry was taken absolutely seriously.  I really can’t believe that there are food scientists or chefs out there that have a job that involves putting things in microwaves… and they haven’t gone past 8 at a time?  Ridiculous.  You know that you’d try to at least do a whole bag at once… if not two or three.  Look… I can’t even control my use of italics.  Can you imagine if I had a microwave and some goo-filled little exploding pods at my disposal?  Microwaves are cheap enough these days.  I’ll take donations… I’ll need a microwave and more Totino’s Pizza Rolls than you can count, and the trials will begin.  For more fun, I’ll need someone to help & video.

Anyone in?

8 responses to “Totino’s® Pizza Rolls®

  1. You’re nuts.

    Like

  2. Food testing is important. Test kitchens have different microwaves and ovens and try very hard to come up with instructions that can cover all the bases as best they can. I would like to work in a test kitchen…

    Like

    • Oh, so would I… But my urge to blow stuff up in the microwave on a daily basis would probably prevent that form being a good career path. Well, that, and possible contact with deathfish.

      I was just hoping to get a funny response… I will eventually. I’m going to have to turn it up a notch. I’m not sure what angle to take… I have a few ideas though.

      Like

  3. I’m going to have to ask… in a circle like wagons, or in a circle like a spoked wheel?

    Like

  4. Pingback: A one time good will gesture from Pillsbury! « World (and Lunar) Domination

  5. Pingback: My $1.05 Pillsbury Research Grant Has Arrived! « World (and Lunar) Domination

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