So, not long ago, we got some of those bagged Tyson breast tenders. They’re a nice quick meal, and generally consistently good quality. Although, in talking with Dave who serves them quite regularly, he seems to not find any of the “odd” ones that I mention below. Do you get odd ones? I’d like to open up discussion.
I opened an amusing dialog with Tyson, and here’s how it’s panned out so far:
Peace, Poultry Potentates!
Recently, my wife brought home a bag of your delicious Honey Battered Breast Tenders. I must say that they are the perfect dinner solution when we are pressed for time or just plain don’t feel like cooking. I generally over-indulge because the breading/batter is so delicious when cooked in the oven, and I thoroughly enjoy dipping things… whether it be in Honey Mustard, Honey BBQ, just plain ketchup, A1, or a nugget-dipping sauce pilfered (I mean “left over”) from one of the many fast food chains.
On a side note… I really wish Arby’s would bottle & sell their Bronco Berry Sauce®. Perhaps you can talk to them about that? It’s EXCELLENT on chicken nuggets or tenders. Maybe you’d have better luck with McDonald’s getting their nugget sauces in stores? Didn’t you guys provide them with the not-quite-Chick-fil-A sandwich?
Too many tangents, my friends. My mind wanders. Well, not so much wanders as jumping randomly from thought to seemingly unconnected thought. I assure you though… I do have a point in writing to you today.
I would like to see if I have won some sort of prize, or made some sort of amazing discovery. Upon opening the most recently purchased bag of Honey Battered Breast Tenders [Mfg. Code 2390CNQ0610] to place on a baking sheet (covered in foil because I hate to clean up), out came this wild tiger-striped breast tender. If this were an email, I would simply attach my photos, but it’s not, and I can’t… so I will provide you with a link to the photographic evidence on Photobucket:
These photos were taken of the tender just as it was after being pulled out of the bag, I did not cook this tender.
You can see that one side of the tender is more striped than the other. Surely, I have made an amazing discovery. Is this like Charlie Bucket’s golden ticket in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Do I get a free tour of your facility now? That would be quite exciting. Quite exciting indeed! I must confess that I don’t typically stay up on current poultry-related events, so I haven’t seen anything about the contest. I was unaware on how to proceed, so I figured that I would reach out to you.
I found this “deviant” to be exceptional. Generally, there’s the accepted and expected amount of 2 or 3 “off” breast tenders to a pack. This isn’t the usual overcooked/brown one, a non-fully coated one, the mysterious black spot one, or the “Siamese twin” one(s?). (I saw these machines on the Food Network or History Channel one time… where this laser shot odd-colored potato chips out of the line. Perhaps you ought to look into borrowing one over a weekend to see if it works out on your line?)
I immediately placed the chicken tender with war paint into a plastic freezer-bag and placed it back in the freezer. I can certainly send it to you upon request, although I’m not sure where to obtain dry ice for safe shipping.
Also, there was a ridiculously short yet violent storm in the area last week that knocked out our power for two days. Most everything else in the freezer and refrigerator ended up in our trash cans because our power company doesn’t understand the importance of a solid infrastructure quite like it should. (Our power has gone out for more than 24 hours on three separate occasions this year alone.)
I kept the tiger-tender, and did open the Ziploc® bag to take a whiff. It’s definitely not rancid, but it did get to a point where it was more soggy than frozen. I have considered sending a bill for my wasted food (including about 1/2 the bag of Tyson Honey Battered Breast Tenders) to Duquesne Light, but am unsure of the legality.
Well, my de-feathered friends, I thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon regarding this rare specimen. I wait with hardly contained excitement, much to my wife’s dismay. For some strange reason, she thinks that the zebra-tender is just a fluke, and not a prize winning game-piece, or as I had suggested one night while sitting in the dark… Perhaps it’s a new top secret flavor, unveiled in a covert manner to the masses. Help me prove that I’m right!
Hungry for Knowledge as well as Chicken Tenders,
And, the photos…
I submitted it via webform, and didn’t get any immediate responses… so of course, I Googled some “@tyson.com” email addresses until I came up with a few. Luckily, it worked!
from Barber, Willie <Willie.Barber@tyson.com>
to ERiC AiXeLsyD <firstname.lastname@example.org>
date Fri, Oct 1, 2010 at 6:13 PM
subject Tyson Honey Battered Breast Tenders
Hello, ERiC AiXeLsyD:
Thank you for a very entertaining and interesting message! The pictures were very helpful.
The Food Safety & Quality Assurance Manager at the processing plant reviewed the picture of the “tiger tender” and its compadre. She related that the stripes are overcooked batter in crevices caused by the wire conveyor belt. Sometimes when the batter is too thin, the wire belt will make “ridges” on the tenders. Because the batter is thin, it cooked up darker compared to the rest of the batter on the tender. The sugar in the honey also adds to a darker color profile. She also related that the other picture looked like there wasn’t enough batter or it popped off during freezing or packing.
So, it appears that the tiger tender and the rare specimen are simply suffering from the lack of batter–nothing interesting or covert! Send me your postal address and I will send some complimentary coupons to help your Hunger for Chicken Tenders.
Willie D. Barber
Manager, Consumer Relations
PS Some time ago while researching on the web, I happened to visit your blog and became intrigued with your name. Surprisingly, I recognized it when your message was forwarded to me. You are certainly a multi-talented person!
Couldn’t have asked for a better response. Ha ha ha. Not only did they write back, but they took it seriously, and it looks like I may get some free stuff or at least a coupon! Bonus points for the use of the word compadre, even if there was no mention of McDonald’s and/or Arby’s.
Also… the PS? I’m famous? Ha ha ha. I wonder where/how Mr. Barber previously came across my ramblings? I didn’t think that many people read this thing.
Oh well, now I need to write back… but I’d still like to know about the odd ones. Be it chicken tenders, pizza rolls, any frozen food… isn’t there generally always an odd one or two?