Worst resume ever? Perhaps. It’s pretty funny though… so maybe if the writer can harness the chaos, it can be put to good use. I wish I could take credit for writing or even finding this, but I can’t. It comes from a note posted on Facebook by my good friend Mike. I asked him if I could steal it to share with a wider audience, and he agreed that it’s too good to not be shared.
So, grab a cup of coffee, and pretend you’re looking to hire someone…
[Mike’s forward: This comes from my pal at a local coffee shop. This kid came in and insisted on including this resume with his application. I have not edited it for content, spelling or punctuation aside from anything containing his personal info. Have fun!!]
Resume of, AUTHOR.
Address: (Something, Pittsburgh PA 15219.)
Best way to contact: E-Mail.(firstname.lastname@example.org.)
Attending college at: (College.)
Major of study: (Graphic Design, moving up to Game & Art Design.)
Degree earning: (Bachelor’s Degree, “4 years.”)
Years done so far out of 4: (almost a full 2 years total.)
Skill’s & Talent’s, which PERSON can bring to this job offer, is as followed:
- I have both my Adobe & Microsoft skills.
- I wield the knowledge & understanding on, how to properly function these programs.
- I am computer smart & very good with organization.
- I am a hard worker & I get stuff done right the first time around.
- I am very well, at English & speaking.
- I understand details very quickly & fluently as well.
I take direction extremely well & work as hard as I can, in order to guarantee success at whatever it is I am presently doing.
- I am a team player & can be greatly independent upon my efforts put fourth in my work too.
- I can give great advice to fellow students, if I do not know an answer to a question I will first try to see if I can figure it out, or guide them to the correct person in position to answer their questions.
- I am passionate at everything I do, I never waste time I work first & leave the relaxing time for when it can be enjoyed without consequence.
Background & Job qualifications.
You are probably asking yourself:
- “Why should I consider hiring, this college student?
- What makes him, stand out more than any other college student. who may be applying?
- Does he have the ambition & determination, to follow through with this job position?
- Will he ever fail me, or let me down in anyway imaginable?
- Can he be trusted & reliable, to do this type of work?
” These are all very good questions & I can inform security, that I can honestly answer them all, both correctly & factually, while backing up everything I am about to explain with evidence. ”
- I feel you should consider my employment, cause I am a working type of person almost 95 percent of my time, my life is what I do, in this cause art & employment, I seem to never stop moving or working on something important, while others party with friends I am either figuring out life arrangements, school finances & study, or just creating neat art, cause that’s what I came to an art college for.
I believe what makes me stand out, is my never give up attitude, my spunky side which shines through as a bubbly personality, my humor can be a personality trait in particular settings, I naturally love people & always give my all & best to help them, I would give a homeless guy the remaining dollar in my wallet & I have done that a lot, so I just believe with every good employee, comes a caring strong individual. I am a determined student, with one option only, success. Failure is a given, but I never allow it, it will never be3 a option for me, if I want this dream career & lifestyle I have to want it, I have to live it & most importantly I have to fight for it full throttle. I brought my GPA up this quarter from a 1.7 now is at a peaking 2.4 /2.5 & there are still a few grades that need to placed in their, but I know how I did by communicating with my professors, it will at least be a 2.5 if anything. I can guarantee excellent & efficient work ethic, delivered daily without any questions ask. I am up for change, so if details in the work environment turn to the left or to the right I am on the ball & never respond negatively to a changed course or daily pattern. I am a Full-Time Student, at the COLLEGE, in the Graphic Design Program (Bachelors Degree.) I came for Game & art Design. though my art work from high school, passed in insanely well, my mathematics’ is what I am working on in order to move up & soon enough I will do just that.
Personal Cover Letter.
I am a very determined person. I believe in promotion, even where it seems, down right impossible. I believe anyone of us, can succeed at what we dream. It’s not where you come from, that makes who you are today, It is what you went through & how you handled it, in order to get to where you are today. I do not believe in using your pass negative experiences, as an alibi, nor do I agree with, failure being an option. I came from a rough life, beofre I became the young successful man I am today. I was the boy on the streets, the boy with no father or mother, nor anyone to love him. I came from Foster Cares, an endless amount & I went through life’s tragedies at an early age. Though my life was difficult, I still dreamed of a brighter tomorrow, with that said, I always said I BELIEVE. I never listened, when family & outsiders use to say, give up that’s a fairy tale dream-life it will never happened I still held my head high & believed, their must be more to this world Everyone can not simply be this horrid, their must be a better life, out there just waiting around the bend, sure enough after 17 to 18 years of my life, I found out that I was in fact very correct. There was a dream-life outside of tragedy & despair & that’s what I found today, for 2 years right out of high school I jumped on the college bandwagon & never stepped off since, still dealing with tragedies sure we always will, but I deal with them, get through them, the mature way, the professional way & I still do what my work & schooling expects of me.
I did have a part time job at the local Dunkin’ Donuts, but ran into, some scheduling details that weren’t that well explained in this case, every week was a new schedule & it began to confuse many employees working on the site. I worked as a very hard worker for a solid month, to the point that, the Assistant Manager taking over soon, said I wish I was in charge right now cause you would still be my employee, he apologized & said you the only one here who cleans, closes & runs this shop like a professional & to the book, like me, everyone else seems to slide on through & slack off, he said my apologize. This was very difficult it hurt very badly to where I cried a bit, I never been rejected in that fashion, so I think we all, get that wake up call, that proves to us even if your doing everything in your power to be the best employee, sometimes life still happens, all we can do is cry, move on & change for the better in the end I am also applying for 2 part times or one Full time position this quarter I have to find a place to live come September 1h & I expect to be okay, come fall something tells me I will. I guarantee, though I work part time, I will have more than enough time to work for you, this is without questioning, I would have never applied if I couldn’t bring the goods to the table, trust me. Many days I sit bored in a dorm silly, cause I don’t work that day or classes are finished, so I have all the time in the world I am a hard worker & I believe living life to it’s fullest, takes effort in order to receive it’s glory
Did he get the job? Please, share your thoughts! I’d also love to know how much of this was put through Google Translate. Think any of it was? I hope some of it was, anyway.
What’s your favorite line? There are so many good ones! This should replace the standard lourem ipsum.