Concert Stereotypes


Rock Concert!

Rock Concert!

This topic was by my friend Laurel the other night at the Dropkick Murphys Shamrock-N-Roll tour.  I know I’ve had this conversation before with others.  I decided to take it & digitally run with it.  Stereotypes are generally a bad idea, but they sure are funny.  A punk rock show, or really any show… is full of them.  I’ll start a list.  You’ll contribute in the comments.

  • That” guy.  Formerly known as “the guy that wears the shirt of the band he’s going to see”, but shortened to “that guy” because that’s a mouthful.  I’ve been that guy.  I bet you’ve been that guy.  Somehow it’s sometimes seen as cool… and sometimes not.  This is probably more acceptable/expected at a Misfits or ICP show than anywhere else.
  • The “Windmill” Guy.  Generally, he’s in a college hoodie, maybe even with his Greek letters on it.  He’s visibly drunk, and probably double-fisting when not in the pit, flailing his arms around in an effort to be cool and badass by totally missing the point of slam-dancing or moshing by trying to hurt people… and take as much punishment as they can get.  You can also spot them by the off-kilter fitted cap, thank Fred Durst for these toolbags.
  • Old Creepy Guy.  I’m rapidly becoming this guy.  I’m cool with that.  The recent Shamrock-N-Roll show saw a really diverse group of concert-goers.  There were grandmas & grandkids all over the place!  Generally though, at smaller shows… there’s a lone dude just hangin’ out that doesn’t seem like he’d be into whatever’s going on at all.
  • Your new best friend.  Cat comes up & starts talking like you’re old buds.  No big deal right?  You’re obviously both fans of the same band, you’re both there.  What’s the harm?  The conversation turns way too intimate or inappropriate quite soon.  You have no escape.  This guy’s probably drunk.  Hopefully, anyway.  He has no concept of personal space, and is telling you all about the band/joke/logo on your T-shirt.
  • The “Stuffed Sausage”.  Generally a petite-in-height but not in girth young lady with self-esteem issues.  Most likely she started as quite an attractive curvy woman, but donned about 3 lbs. of makeup, pushed up and bared most of her boobies, hung some butt cheeks out of a tiny skirt or shorts… and all of her clothing is about 2 sizes too small.  I’m not hatin’, I’m just sayin’.
  • The nearly blind-drunk guy.  There’s always a stumbler ambling through the crowd that’s just there for beer.  At $30-$50 for a concert ticket without TicketBastard fees, and $7-$9 per tiny draft beer… the whole concept is pretty ridiculous.  This guy generally looks like he doesn’t belong anyway.  He squints to see, walks sideways while looking straight ahead, and smells like the floor of a brewery.
  • The militant lesbian.  I’m not going to say much here, for fear of getting beat up.  The partially shaved head and camo pants are a sexy sexy combo that’s always in style.
  • Lookatmytats. This dude or dudette has spent thousands of dollars & hours under the needle, so they wear as little clothing as possible in order to bare their epidermal canvass.  I would too were I all inked up, I think.  Generally this is accompanied by gauges or other “non-traditional” piercings.  Not to be confused with Lookatmytatas, who needs no explanation.
  • Wikipedia Guy.  This one is always directly behind or in front of me at concerts where you have an actual seat… also prevalent at Pens games.  Wikipedia guy isn’t here to be entertained, he’s here to wow the people with him & anyone in earshot with his knowledge of the band’s formation, various lineups, demo material, and complete discography including various pressings and formats.  I’m in danger of being this guy, and it’s so annoying.  I love my music & trivia… but try to only spout when asked, & not broadcast it.

That’s my starter list.

I know I’m missing more than a few that I see regularly, but I’m hoping someone else will think of them too… so I’m not all alone here.  What about the kid with headphones?  The super-fan?  The crying girl?  The PDA couple?

Please, leave the name of your concert-going stereotype in the comments section below.  If you’re feeling creative, how about a description too?  If you have landed here via Facebook or Twitter & you’re still logged in there… you can comment below with no hassles.  You can also just comment w/o logging in.  WordPress just asks for a name & an email address to go along with your comments, with the option of a URL.

What stereotype are you?  Which one do you love?  Which one do you hate?  Which one are you?  Which one am I?  Have any comments/additions/corrections to the ones I’ve already listed?

Perhaps I’ll compile another blog with all the results, perhaps they’ll just live in the comments section… but I need your help making the list!

40 responses to “Concert Stereotypes

  1. My least favorite stereotype is relatively new, and one of my biggest pet peeves. It is Mr.(or Mrs) look how important I am I can’t get off of the phone the entire game/concert/ whatever public event I’m at. Usually some jackass with front row seats that could care less about the game/show, and spends the entire time talking or texting. I wish it was acceptable to give these people a beat down, and a double beat down if they are using a blue tooth.

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  2. So I already posted this on your facebook, but here it is again. I’m not sure how to stereotype this guy. Laura and I attended a concert and there was a guy with 2 girls not sure if he was gay but but was kinda swaying trying to be cool, wearing a pink shirt with a collar and every time the collar would fall he would “pop his collar”

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    • Ha, the collar popper. Quite goofy. May or may not be the same guy who wears the concert T-shirt that he just bought over his collared button-down or polo shirt. Thanks for posting here in the comments section!

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  3. The Couple – These two are totally into each other, so much so that they can’t lose physical contact long enough to actually enjoy the show they’re at. He stands directly behind her with a death grip around her waist and shoots you a way-to-nasty look if you touch them. No one is supposed to touch, talk to, or even acknowledge his girl’s existence, which is why he takes her to a punk show and positions himself 6 feet from the stage where there are 100s of people.

    The Leprechaun – These are specific to Irish punk shows. They’re the ones that only know 1 or 2 songs from the band they’ve paid to see but it doesn’t matter because they’re having more fun than everyone around them, which causes everyone around them to have fun as well. They are usually bouncing around with a huge smile on their face and may or may not be intoxicated.

    The Girl With Her Work Clothes On – This lady just got off work and decided that she needed to become more “well rounded”. So, she buys tickets for a band she’s never heard of. She wants to check them out and decides to get a good place for the show but is horribly dismayed to find out that there are lots of people who want to stand exactly where she is. Rather than backing up a little bit where she can be comfortable, she decides to stand her ground because damnit, it’s her right to stand where she wants. It’s all of these other people that have a problem.

    The Hot Topic Girl – This girl got tickets to a punk rock show and realized that she would look horribly out of place with her favorite Hollister ensemble on. In desperation, she Google’s “Punk Girl” and finds herself a wardrobe even Joan Jett would enjoy. The jeans are torn in the perfect places, the black and red corset still has the tags, and those knee high hooker boots are still shiny. (From Libby)

    The Baby Boomer – This person has seen shows that we can only dream about seeing. They only go to the ones that are worth it in their later years, so when they show up to a show you’re at- show some respect. More than likely, they know every word to every song the band is playing. They’re smiling and looking around, happy that young people are enjoying music as much as they did when they were in their prime. They know exactly when to shout the “Oi, Oi, Oi’s” and do the fist pumps. They’ve been around the block and you should be honored to share the same music tastes as them.

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  4. The “we’re being so sneaky” pot smokers. Discrete and smoking a bowl do not go hand in hand, but I give them credit for trying. I prefer the guys who just say the hell with it, light a joint and say “pass it down.”

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  5. I didn’t say who I was… I am now the creepy guy that comes to the concert by himself. You can usually get great single tickets for way cheaper than a pair, and the way I see it, you can’t talk while the band is playing anyway.
    I’ll also add ” The guy that looks so out of place you can’t believe he’s even here” in honor of my Dad. We always go see AC/DC together, and the last time we went he had on a reign deer Christmas sweater so tacky it shouldn’t have even been worn at Christmas. But he rocked out and had a great time, and probably has seen them more often than 90% of the people there. Plus it made him easy to find.

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  6. The completely abnormal birth defect/disfiguration/burn scar victim. Yes! This person has every right to be here and sit or stand wherever they like. But they are so disfigured you can’t help but stare and wonder what happened, even though you know it’s wrong.

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  7. How about the girl who is pregnant and trying to have fun bouncing around with a baby belly, trying to have as much fun as you possibly could, kind of a last blow out before having the baby. I was that girl.

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    • I think I spotted a few pregnant chicks at the show Monday… It was odd to see more than one.

      I remember seeing a drunk pregnant lady get kicked out of this bar called Shooter Luke’s (the S “fell” off of the sign) somewhere in West Virginia. I went down with a bunch of people & the band Blasting Caps to see a show there. It was a crazy crazy scene.

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  8. I’ve been the guy in the wheelchair, I went to the football game the day I got out of stroke rehab last year. I also get a lot of funny looks because I still don’t walk quite right.

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  9. What about the person who turns and tries to direct the crowd in singing? One of those guys told me he wanted to get the crowd into it for the band.

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    • Heh. Toolbags. The mic hog… I haven’t seen those in a whilwe I remember a time period where every punk show at Laga in Oakland had a mohawk-clad mic hog who would get up & scream off-key while grabbing the mic stand like a rock star. Hey, Sid Nauseous. I didn’t pay to see your dumb ass!

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  10. Guitar Hero Guy – The only song by the band that this guy knows is the one that’s on Guitar Hero/Rock Band. He rounded up his bros/hos and came to air guitar during that song (assuming they even play it, lolz,) then GET SMAAAAASHED the rest of the time.

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  11. The “Why is He Here Guy?” that guy who just looks totally out of place at a show. He shows up at a punk show in AE clothes or some other name brand. You just look at him and wonder where he came from.
    The same also tends to work in the reverse you may find yourself at a rap show or at some college rock Benfoldsmaroon5mathews show and see some punk kid and just wonder “why?”.

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  12. The sweaty fat guy, this is the guy that is always near me, normally has long hair and feels the need to move his hair to shower me in sweat.

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  13. Joel forgot to mention that the sweaty fat guy never has a shirt on.

    I submit the following:

    The opening band that doesn’t stay crowd – Usually an ill fit opener for a national who brings the six friends they convinced to buy overpriced tickets. Said six friends will be wearing the bands merch, all of them will have cameras and at least one will have a video camera. This posse and the opening band will leave as soon as are able to get their over-sized, top of line equipment loaded into a really really really nice van.

    Cell Phone Guy – Not to be confused with “Mr.(or Mrs) look how important I am I can’t get off of the phone.” This guy needs to make sure that he captures the entire show using the sweet video and photo capacity of his android or iphone. He’ll be the one standing in front of you holding his phone up high enough for both of you to enjoy something you are 10 feet away from as if it were on the world’s smallest television.

    Clove Cigarette Guy or Girl – Someone smoking a clove cigarette in a small venue. In Pittsburgh bars and clubs, cigarette smoke is mostly, if not begrudgingly tolerated. Cloves are a whole ‘nother level of awful.

    I Hate Music Dudes – Back of the bar sluggin’ down whatever’s on special because this is their watering hole. Oh, what’s that? Bands play here? Fuck those bands, I’m just here for the Natty Boh.

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    • Oh man, I hate those clove cigarette people… They need punched in the lungs.

      The phone people are just goofy. I do snap photos… but wouldn’t record the whole thing, and my phone is crap.

      The opening band leaving crowd is quite annoying, but happens all too often. I haven’t seen a good punk rock entourage for quite a while.

      Heh. I play for the “I hate music” dudes… I like to annoy them.

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  14. How about the sexy dancer on stage girl? She takes any opportunity to dance on stage and thinks she looks great. She probably looks really stupid. That used to be me.

    The other one: Creepy old couple hitting on attractive young people. In the old days, the creepy couple used to really freak me out. Now I realize that I’m no longer the sort-of-hot-chick-dancing-on-stage and instead am 1/2 of creepy old couple!

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