The Car Sales Handbook

Looks like a good deal...

From recent experiences, I believe that I’ve come up with the set of rules by which all car sales people are directed to operate.

It may seem simple, but I believe it’s a highly complicated dance designed to wear you down mentally.  I’m sure this isn’t their handbook word for ludicrous word, but I’m also sure that it’s pretty close.  If you can get your hands on a copy, let me know.  I’d like to see it.

1. When someone emails you, uses your website, or uses a 3rd party website like Yahoo! Autos, don’t reply.  Call them.
2. Call repeatedly thereafter.
3. Send out form-letterish very spam-like emails.  Repeatedly.  Don’t reply to any replies.  Call.
4. Call again.  Leave a message every other time.
5. If you must send an email reply, include your office number, extension, and cell phone number… and ask the potential customer to call you.  Perhaps express that you’ve been trying to call.
6. Don’t answer any questions about price or inventory via email or over the phone.  Get the customer to the dealer.
7. If they ask about used cars, show them new cars.  If they ask about new cars, show them used cars.
8. When the customer discusses comfortable monthly payments, always shoot $50-$75 higher than that number.
9. After they express disinterest, call them again.
10. Send emails with customer satisfaction survey links that lead to broken pages.
11. Call again.  Leave a message.  Be sure to say “buddy” or “friend”.
12. Call, once more.  Don’t leave a message.
13. Call again, ask why potential customer didn’t like car/deal.
14. Send a plethora of from emails from the dealer, manager, and sales person asking customer to call the dealer to discuss auto purchase options.
15. Call & leave a message stating that you reached out via email, ask them to call you back.
16. Wait 2 months, call again.  Leave message asking for a call back.
17. Have you tried calling the customer?

Tele-what?

I’m starting to wonder if perhaps payment is no longer based on commission, but on time spent on the phone.  Holy cow.  The barrage is instant and never-ending if you use a site that spits out emails to several dealers at once.  It creates absolute telephone chaos.  It’s 2011.  Can we conduct business/ask questions via email… especially if I take the time to note “via email” as my contact preference?

If you know me, you know I’m not a big fan of telephone conversations.  I like email.  Texting is OK.  I’ve had friends who have been my friends for many years, and our total phone-talk time probably amounts to a few hours.  Even if you don’t know me… it would be safe to assume that if I was using the internet to research/reach out to you, I might be more comfortable with an email.  (Otherwise, I would have called you… or just stopped by.)

Do you feel that I’ve missed any auto sales rules?  Please, add to the list in the comments section!

Related articles

• 5 Steps for Creating Successful Lead Nurturing Campaigns (hubspot.com)
• Forget Your Sales Training and Sell More (hyperdiskmktg.wordpress.com)
• Buyers Choosing Car Dealer Finance (confused.com)
• Email isn’t a productivity killer unless… (blogs.zoho.com)
• Hug your customers and prospects (fearlesscompetitor.net)
• Mercedes dealer in search of praise (telegraph.co.uk)
• How to Save Money in Selling Your Car (athingforcars.com)