God’s Spam


Full Moon view from earth In Belgium (Hamois).

W(aL)D

Sometimes,  like to reply to spam emails.  I really wish this author would have written back to me.

From: Mrs.Linda Vells <sheryely@aol.com>
To:
Sent: Thursday, October 20, 2011
Subject: Re: GOD’S PROJECT

Dearest Friend ,
I am Mrs.Linda Huspage Vells from Netherland, I am 68 years old, I am suffering from a long time cancer of the breast, from all indication my conditions is really deteriorating and it is quite obvious that I can’t work or do any stressful thing, according to my doctors they have advised me that I may not live for the next two months, this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage. I was brought up from a motherless babies home was married to my late husband for twenty years without a child,
My Husband Huspage died in a fatal motor accident before his death we were true Christians. Since his death I decided not to re-marry,I sold all my inherited belongings and deposited all the sum of USD$4.6 Million dollars with a Bank in London. Presently, this money is still with the Bank and the management just wrote me as the true owner to come forward to receive the money or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf since I can not come over because of my illness.
So instead of getting it confiscated I rather have someone whom I can trust to receive the funds and utilize it according to my wishes. And the best part of it is, the Bank told me in the letter that they can have the funds released to my approved person .
Presently, I am using my laptop in the hospital at Germany where I have been undergoing treatment for my sickness. I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only more 2 months to live.
It is my last wish to see atleast 60% of this money is
invested/donated to any organisation/buisness of your choice and distributed each year among the charity organization, e.g. the poor homes, the motherless babies home where I came from, the deaf homes, and churches etc and 40% will be for your Well doing.
All I seek for is a God fearing person like you ,who will carry out my last wishes and before I emailed you today i prayed and the holy spirit gave me the confidence to send you this email. I took this decision, before I rest in peace because my time will soon be up. As soon as I receive your reply I will give you the contact of the Bank in London.
Please send me your Full name,full Address,Age,Occupation and phone no.
All I need from you is a confidential assurance that the funds when received by you will be used for the said purpose, Nowadays there are so much scams going on in the internet and it is difficult to trust but I don’t know why the Holy spirit still approved me to email you about this out of few email addresses I have from the internet, yours was the only one that my mind convinced me to contact.
Waiting for your reply.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs.Linda Vells

Of course I was interested.  Invoking God, motherless children, and Cancer in this not-quite Nigerian Scam?

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Oct 20, 2011
Subject: Re: GOD’S PROJECT
To: sheryely@aol.com

Hello Mrs. Vells,

Thank you for taking the time to write.  What an exciting opportunity God has in his plan for us!  I am sorry to hear about your breast cancer and the passing of your husband.  I have yet to have any children, but I do have a plan for world (and lunar) domination that I consider dear to me like it were a child.

I do not mean to question the work of the Holy Spirit… but you can forgive me if my skeptical side sees this as perhaps some sort of scam?  I have heard that there is no cancer in the Netherlands because of all the fish in the diet.  I’m also suspicous that your email address, “sheryely@aol.com“, doesn’t look anything like your name.  How do I know that this isn’t the work of the devil?  Lucifer is a tricky one!  Also, one does not become ruler of the earth (and moon) by being too trusting, if you know what I mean.

I do not feel comfortable divulging my full name, full address, age, occupation & phone number.  I would have to assume that were one on a true mission from God (like the Blues Brothers) that he would have provided you this information in addition to my email address.  I will share my occupation…  Your Future Emperor of the Earth (and Moon).  I don’t have an address currently recognized by any government (save for Monaco, Nauru, and Lichtenstein), and on top of that there is no postal service here in the Sea of Tranqulity.  I’m on the lunar surface overseeing the survey process in order to build the first Chick-fil-A on the moon.

Perhaps you can put the cash in an envelope, and leave it at a drop point where I can pick it up upon my return to earth?  This really is your best course of action.  With the current state of banking in the United States, I don’t want to risk such a large transfer to my US-held accounts.  I also don’t want the government to slap me with a gift tax.  I’ll need funding to keep my minions happy, and eventually all material wealth will be mine anyway.  As my grandfather used to say, “Why piss in the face of progress?”  Your donation will be appreciated!  Do you want to see if my minions can put your head in a jar, like the celebrities on Futurama?  Perhaps it can be arranged.  I’ll need an overseer of the state approved religion, and someone with direct communications to God really would fit the bill.  Please consider my offer for decapitated immortality!

Then we could work together on your plan to eliminate the poor houses, deaf houses, and motherless children in the name of the church.  We may also have a management position open at Chick-fil-A.  I will put in a good word for you.  They dig the religious thing.

Now we need a good drop point in Germany… perhaps somewhere near a beer garden?  I do love to drink beer and wear my lederhosen!  I’ll leave it up to your best judgement, and I’ll pick it up whenever you tell me it’s ready.  I would like some of it in small bills though… as to not annoy the Chick-fil-A when I place my orders.  I prefer to communicate via email, it’s the only reliable form of correspondence here on the moon.

My pleasure,
-Waldo Lunar
World (and Lunar) Domination

A series of Chick-fil-A trucks at the Airport ...

Do you have lunar-surface tires?

7 responses to “God’s Spam

  1. Pingback: If I Were As Gullible As SOME People Wished… « The Word Busker

  2. Very funny! I’m glad WordPress suggested this post as a tie in to mine. Cheers.

    Like

  3. Mine went a little further than yours did, her so called attorney even wrote me. I wish that I could post all the details on here.

    Like

  4. Dear Beloved Kim Hays,

    May the peace of our God be with you Amen? For your information, I have my husband relatives who are into drugs and have wasted all the properties left behind by my late husband and they are just been waiting for me to drop dead and they will jump into this money I deposited. If I still WILL the money to them it is in Vain and it will be useless.

    I have been on pains in my entire artery and also back pains since morning and I have notified my lawyers that I have re-write my WILL the lawyers will be coming to Germany for the WILL this weekend.

    Now I am counting on days, I want to prepare all the WILLS in time as I am waiting for my lawyers to arrive to Germany to meet me so they will witness the WILL, one will be coming from Netherlands and the other from Samoa Islands they have been our family lawyers when my late husband was alive.

    When I complete the WILL, I will send you copies of the WILL and also the contact of my lawyer who will be in London to make sure that the bank releases the money to you legally.

    By Tuesday coming week you must have gotten the WILL and you will then work with my lawyer to legalize the WILL and you may have the opportunity to visit me when you have the $4.6 million if I am still alive by then. The money will go a long way to help those that has terminal diseases like Cancer all over the World.

    All the WILL documents will be sent to you.

    I am attaching my present pictures.

    Agape

    Yours- in- Christ,
    Linda Vells

    Like

  5. Dear beloved Kim Hays,

    I attached the four page WILL in your name. It takes time as I do not have scan to do the documents.
    You are to contact of my lawyer who is now in London.

    Trevor Jones Esq.
    London, United Kingdom.
    Tel: +447024093889
    Fax: +447024084585
    Email: trevorjones@skymail.mn
    Email: trevorjones@lawyer.com

    May God guide you as you promised to obey my WILL and help the poor? I attached the four pages WILL/Deposit Certificate for your own record. All you need to do is to legalize the WILL and have the money.

    He will assist you to the bank for the release of the money to
    you. I am very sick now and I have WILL all I have, my days are numbered.

    Agape Love,
    Linda Vells

    Like

  6. Oh by the way this attorney, before I found out it was a scam was D*ck!

    Like

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