Bathroom Attendants.


I’d just like to go on record saying I don’t like bathroom attendants.  I’ve been to two venues lately that have had them, the Diesel Club Lounge & the Altar Bar.  My run-in last night at the Altar Bar was odd.  I went into the stall to relieve myself, and came out to the faucet running, a dude squirting soap in my hands, and handing me some towels when I was done.  It’s odd to have someone do something for me that I could have easily done myself.

Imagine you’re walking down the street and your shoe comes untied, I run up to tie your shoe, & expect a tip.  I would be met with a resounding “WTF?” because I wasn’t asked to help.  Yet, I helped you, and you had no choice.  Odd there.  Odd in the bathroom.

We can suspend the general “stage fright” issue, knowing it’s weird that there’s a dude standing less than 10 feet away, but it is a public bathroom so there’s always that distraction.  It’s just the other guys are there doing the same thing as you, not offering any services.

English: From the author: Gnarly bathroom. Pro...

Poop-flavored candy, cakes, & gum!

Speaking of offering services… No, I don’t want any gum, candy, Swiss cake rolls, or honey buns that have been sitting in the bathroom.  Can’t you at least put that part right outside the door?  I don’t generally have food in my bathroom at home…. why would I want it anywhere else?  How many foul smells & horrible germs must those foods absorb before you’re able to sell them?  I’m not a smoker, but I’m guessing that people who are also don’t want cigarettes that smell like they were pulled out of a sewer.

Why are you trying to sell me food in the bathroom?  No, I don’t need cologne or deodorant, or anything else.  When I’m urinating, it’s my own special alone time.  I don’t need to chat or dine afterwards to celebrate.

Thank goodness I didn’t need to defecate last night.  Who wants to poop with someone hanging out ready to smell that?  Not to be disgusting, but we all do it, and we all know it smells horrible sometimes.  Who the hell wants to stand in a room selling absorbent little cakes while that’s going on?  (Would he build a nest for me?  Is that guy ready to wipe & wet-nap my ass too?  Do you have to tip extra for that?)

I can see the plus sides… perhaps a person in there deters people from being general pigs, graffiti, illicit activities, and promotes hand-washing.  They probably never run out of towels, soap, or toilet paper.  But, really, why not just check on things periodically and put up a sign.

Do these attendants get paid, or do they work only for tips & poop-flavored candy sales?  How does one get a position as a urination supervision specialist?

Shouldn’t I have a chance to refuse their services entirely if it creeps me out?

Where & why did this all start?

We live by Carnegie Mellon, can’t someone make some robots for this job that aren’t creepy & that don’t require tips?

Enlighten me.

18 responses to “Bathroom Attendants.

  1. My sentiments exactly. Very uncomfortable situation. At first I thought the chick in the ladies room was just hanging out waiting for a friend (she was on her cell phone.), then I realized I was the only one in there besides her. Would she have changed my tampon for me? Vulgar, yes, but I felt like my ‘space’ was invaded.

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  2. What is the bar owner thinking when deciding to hire a bathroom attendant? “People will think I have a classy joint if they don’t have to operate the soap dispenser”?

    The bathroom is no place for Little Debbie cakes.

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    • Yeah, I’m guessing they’re mainly there as a debauchery-deterrent and TP re-filler, but they seem to be at the “night club” type venues.

      “The bathroom is no place for Little Debbie cakes.” Exactly. You would think that wouldn’t have to be said, like it’s a universally understood unwritten rule or something.

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  3. I too don’t like bathroom attendants.
    Although I haven’t experienced an attendant “assisting” in the procedure of washing my hands, I still find it awkward to have them there.
    However, I have been handed a paper towel from an attendant, hoping they had clean hands.
    I’m out of the bathroom in a flash; the attendant doesn’t have time to offer me any hairspray, body sprays, perfume, etc.

    As if relieving one’s self in a public bathroom isn’t awkward enough…

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    • I was barely out of the stall before dude was squirting soap at me and trying to peddle befouled foodstuffs. I felt assaulted.

      Maybe the running water so it was already warm was a nice touch. Wasteful, but a nice touch.

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  4. So my blog post appeared in your ‘Related Articles’ and that’s how I got here. From my blog post, you can tell that we certainly don’t have many bathroom attendants in Jamaica so it’s quite an unexpected experience when you do get one. I can totally see their benefits, but I do understand your view on the matter.

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  8. Totally, I’m never nice to that guy. He’s over the top. I don’t think he’s employed by The Altar Bar, I’m fairly certain that he’s there of his own choosing.
    Snack cakes, I agree with. Cigarettes, on the other hand, couldn’t get more disgusting. They already have rat poop, cyanide, and other things that make them plenty worse than what you’re getting in the bathroom.

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  11. I love having the attendant in the Ladies’ room at the Altar Bar. That bathroom is creepy and scary, and the times I’ve visited it when the attendant was not there were most unpleasant. I feel like the space is safe and clean when she is there, and she is pleasant and chatty and I never felt she was pressuring me to buy something or tip her. Sure, I can wash my hands myself, but when an attendant has the warm water running and squirts the soap on your hands, I think it means a lot of people who would ordinarily skip the hand-washing actually do wash, and upping the percentage of people in a public space who wash their hands after using the toilet can only be a good thing! I happily give her a tip just for performing that public service!

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    • 🚾 So, how long have you worked at the Altar Bar? 🚻

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      • Never worked there. As a matter of fact, I actually quite hate that place and seldom go there at all. Overpriced drinks, snotty service… Don’t think I’ve even been there for about two years. Last time I think I was there was either for that Rush cover band (who I did not like at all) or else to see Fungus. The one thing Altar Bar has going for them is that they do have a spacious dance floor, compared to other places where Fungus plays. That, and the restroom attendant, LOL! Like I said above, on nights she isn’t there, the bathroom, all isolated like it is, is creepy. With her, it’s warm and welcoming. And of course the increased hand-washing in a public place! I am quite the germophobe, and I can never believe how many women do not wash their hands after using the restroom! But it’s hard to skip when someone squirts the soap on your hands for you, ha. Also, I’ve used the restroom and NOT tipped the attendant and never ever got a bad vibe.
        This is simply my honest opinion as someone not associated with the bar or the restroom attendant in any way shape or form. Your post about it just caught my eye because that night I went to see the sucky Rush cover band, and waited 1/2 an hour for the not-busy server to sell me a $9.00 glass of bitter old wine from a box, I came home and literally told my husband that the restroom attendant was the best part of the night! So I offered up my post as just another viewpoint on the subject. No need to dismiss my different perspective as skewed by financial interests. Save THAT air of suspicion for people who go around posting about how great fracking is, LOL!
        You have my email address, look me up if you really want to check that I have no ties to Altar Bar😉

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