Expand Your Vocabulary


Shakespeare was a dirty bastard.

You read my post about naughty words & the “R-Word”, right?  Well, to help you stop using the r-word (since I know my post convinced you to take the pledge), I’d like to try to put together a list of alternate words.  I’m really gonna need your help in the comments.  Let’s get ridiculous.  I want so many alternatives that are more fun to use that we won’t even remember the word we’re trying to replace.  If you’re easily offended by potty-mouths & naughty-bits, you might want to skip this one… or even better suggest some of your own substitutions.  You can go funny, you can go high-brow, you can go low-brow.  Just give me what you’ve got.

  • Anus  (I say this way too much.  It makes you cringe more than any other word for it…  especially if you preface it with “puckered”.)
  • Scoundrel  (This one makes you sound badass & elegant.)
  • Jagoff (Don’t be a Jagoff.)
  • Dumbass
  • Fishmonger  (Didn’t you pay attention to Shakespeare?)
  • Ass-monkey (Ass-clown, Ass-hat, Ass-face, this could go on forever until you get to Ass-ass then it’s like meeting yourself in the Back to the Future movies.)
  • Dingleberry
  • Bunghole, Dillhole, Fart-Knocker, or anything else you learned from Beavis and Butt-head.
  • Butthead.
  • Peckerwood
  • [Expletive]-nugget.  (Any of your favorite swear words will work there.  Try a few!)
  • Borrow from our friends across the pond Tosser, Wanker, Fart in a Jar, Twit, Todger, Tosspot, Arsehole, Toe Rag, Gobshite, etc.
  • Lowlife
  • Miscreant
  • Maggot
  • Dastard
  • Vagabond
  • Wretch
  • Good-for-nothing
  • Ne’er-do-well
  • Bad egg
  • Nitwit
  • Fool
  • Jackass
  • Bonehead
  • Penis-wrinkle  (Again, using the “actual” word for a body part is sometimes more shocking than anything else.)
  • Coinpurse
  • Pickle-polisher
  • …and a few that I wont list because my mother reads this.

Maybe you should get a Thesaurus.

Then again, maybe you just shouldn’t say mean stuff to people.

Beavis and Butt-head

Duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh-nah!

19 thoughts on “Expand Your Vocabulary

  1. I wrote one of the posts you linked, which is how I wound up here. Your list amused me tremendously. Too bad I can’t show it in a high school classroom. Thanks for the humor thrown on a tough subject.


    • Ha, glad you found it amusing, and thanks for taking the time to comment! An edited list might be appropriate. I’m sure the kids in your high school classroom have a much filthier vocabulary than the words I’ve listed here… but I can totally appreciate that you’re not the one that should be providing them with such words just in case they don’t already know them. 🙂

      By the way, don’t ever type the word “anus” into your Zemanta search if you have it turned on in your WordPress blog.


      • Now I am laughing!! I even called in my husband to hear your list. I teach high school Leadership, and we cover STDs. They have heard and said it all. We have watched some Bevis and Butthead in our day, although I prefer Tosh.0 these days. Cheers! A.


  2. I don’t have suggestions for replacements, but would it be ok to add a word to your list? I am not particularly fond of . . . “douchebag.” I am growing less fond of it the more tempted I am to use it. “Doodyhead” is losing its punch..


  3. Pingback: My guest post on Ya Jagoff!!! | Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru? | World (and Lunar) Domination

  4. Pingback: Ya Jagoff!!! Parking Tickets | World (and Lunar) Domination

  5. Pingback: Superman. | World (and Lunar) Domination

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s