Shakespeare was a dirty bastard.
You read my post about naughty words & the “R-Word”, right? Well, to help you stop using the r-word (since I know my post convinced you to take the pledge), I’d like to try to put together a list of alternate words. I’m really gonna need your help in the comments. Let’s get ridiculous. I want so many alternatives that are more fun to use that we won’t even remember the word we’re trying to replace. If you’re easily offended by potty-mouths & naughty-bits, you might want to skip this one… or even better suggest some of your own substitutions. You can go funny, you can go high-brow, you can go low-brow. Just give me what you’ve got.
- Anus (I say this way too much. It makes you cringe more than any other word for it… especially if you preface it with “puckered”.)
- Scoundrel (This one makes you sound badass & elegant.)
- Jagoff (Don’t be a Jagoff.)
- Dumbass
- Fishmonger (Didn’t you pay attention to Shakespeare?)
- Ass-monkey (Ass-clown, Ass-hat, Ass-face, this could go on forever until you get to Ass-ass then it’s like meeting yourself in the Back to the Future movies.)
- Dingleberry
- Bunghole, Dillhole, Fart-Knocker, or anything else you learned from Beavis and Butt-head.
- Butthead.
- Peckerwood
- [Expletive]-nugget. (Any of your favorite swear words will work there. Try a few!)
- Borrow from our friends across the pond: Tosser, Wanker, Fart in a Jar, Twit, Todger, Tosspot, Arsehole, Toe Rag, Gobshite, etc.
- Lowlife
- Miscreant
- Maggot
- Dastard
- Vagabond
- Wretch
- Good-for-nothing
- Ne’er-do-well
- Bad egg
- Nitwit
- Fool
- Jackass
- Bonehead
- Penis-wrinkle (Again, using the “actual” word for a body part is sometimes more shocking than anything else.)
- Coinpurse
- Pickle-polisher
- …and a few that I wont list because my mother reads this.
Maybe you should get a Thesaurus.
Then again, maybe you just shouldn’t say mean stuff to people.
Duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh-nah!
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World (and Lunar) Domination 
I wrote one of the posts you linked, which is how I wound up here. Your list amused me tremendously. Too bad I can’t show it in a high school classroom. Thanks for the humor thrown on a tough subject.
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Ha, glad you found it amusing, and thanks for taking the time to comment! An edited list might be appropriate. I’m sure the kids in your high school classroom have a much filthier vocabulary than the words I’ve listed here… but I can totally appreciate that you’re not the one that should be providing them with such words just in case they don’t already know them. 🙂
By the way, don’t ever type the word “anus” into your Zemanta search if you have it turned on in your WordPress blog.
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Now I am laughing!! I even called in my husband to hear your list. I teach high school Leadership, and we cover STDs. They have heard and said it all. We have watched some Bevis and Butthead in our day, although I prefer Tosh.0 these days. Cheers! A.
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Ha ha, great show! Tosh offends all equally.
Have any words to add to the list?
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In class, we discussed how the word “retard” has been morphed from the term mentally retarted. 2 weeks prior, we discussed how the word “douche” has been morphed from another term. I can’t remember if that was on your list, but I put it toward my top irritating words. I’m pretty sure that’s a Tosh standard…:)
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Yeah, most women don’t like that word… Ha ha.
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Here’s a great post by Omawarisan on his Blurt blog that may help change attitudes: Riding the short bus.
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https://twitter.com/#!/AiXeLsyD13/status/178210643793555457
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https://twitter.com/#!/LissaMMJ/status/178227866327187458
https://twitter.com/#!/LissaMMJ/status/178228123505135617
🙂
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I don’t have suggestions for replacements, but would it be ok to add a word to your list? I am not particularly fond of . . . “douchebag.” I am growing less fond of it the more tempted I am to use it. “Doodyhead” is losing its punch..
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We will add both to the list! I’d rather hear either than the R-Word. Thanks for commenting!
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Taint tosser
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Ouch!
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Hiya – thanks for the pingback!
Your list made me chuckle, and brightened up my inbox. Thank you. 🙂
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Heh, thanks! Glad you liked it!
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fop
hobblety-hoy
frppery
feckless
chicanery
for more wordy excellence: oed.com
i have access to a subscription. I hope you have a spare 495
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