Nothing kills holiday cheer faster than when someone offers you Christmas cookies; you gleefully accept and are presented with a tray covered in little jelly-filled things, lemon bars, and crap with nuts or coconuts all over it.
“Cookies” implies deliciousness, like chocolate chip, Hershey’s Kiss or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup cookies, peanut butter cookies (fork-pressed cross-hatches with no chunks of nuts), Rice Krispies treats (in any iteration including chocolate and peanut butter shenanigans), Christmas wreaths, or even lady-locks or lady-fingers (or whatever you call them). I’ll even give you buckeyes.
“Cookies” does not include anything with jelly in the middle, anything with nuts on or in it, lemon squares, Fig Newtons, anything with coconut shavings or flavoring. These are (in a term coined by my friend Saurav I believe) in fact “Dookies.”
Sugar cookies and shortbread are barely passable as cookies. (Sorry, Eat n’ Park.)
Pizelles can be tricky. Some of them are delicious, and some taste like what I imagine licking the inside of a dumpster in August would be like. If you use a spice called annis that sounds almost like anus, you get what you deserve.
Chocolate covered pretzels, Oreos, peanut butter crackers, etc. are acceptable.
Red licorice is OK, black licorice is not.
Thumbprints can be tricky too. If they have chocolate icing, usually only the icing is edible. The rest is tasteless powder formed into a cup of lies.
Do we need someone to make a flow chart? Are you getting this? Don’t ruin someone’s Christmas by offering cookies when you’re presenting dookies.
Please, sort it out in the comments.