∞ Magical Musical Split? @Dethlehem & @TheBloodySeamen should do this…

Oprah Money & Dick Cheney Power – This could be the cover, because… Why not?

OK, so if I had Oprah money and Dick Cheney power, and could treat other human beings like my own personal play things…  I would commission two local Pittsburgh metal bands to do an epic cover split.  Do bands that aren’t punk bands do splits?  Well, they will if they’re my playthings.

I’d want Dethlehem to cover Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs” (with the original “Walpurgis” lyrics of course), and The Bloody Seamen to cover the Beastie Boys’ “Rhymin’ and Stealin'” (which music nerds know features another Sabbath riff from “Sweet Leaf”).

Why?  Why not?  I love obscure and nonsensical covers.  I like these bands.  They would probably not want any part of this.  I mean, guys in bands LOVE it when you go up to them and spew out “You know what song you guys should cover?” then ramble off dumb ideas like this.

Witches gather at black masses
Bodies burning in red ashes
On the hill the church in ruin
Is the scene of evil doings
It’s a place for all bad sinners
Watch them eating dead rats’ innards
I guess it’s the same wherever you may go
Oh Lord yeah

Carry banners which denounce the lord
See me rocking in my grave
See them anoint my head with dead rat’s blood
See them stick the stake through me
Oh

Don’t hold me back cause I’ve just gotta go
They’ve got a hold of my soul now
Lords got my brain instinct with blood obscene
Look in my eyes I’m there enough
Yeah

On the scene a priest appears
Sinners falling at his knees
Satan sends out funeral pyre
Casts the priest into the fire
It’s the place for all bad sinners
Watch them eating dead rats’ innards
I guess it’s the same wherever you may go
Oh lord yeah

Because Mutiny on the Bounty’s what we’re all about
I’m gonna board your ship and turn it on out
No soft sucker with a parrot on his shoulder
‘Cause I’m bad gettin’ bolder, cold cold gettin’ colder

Terrorizin’ suckers on the seven seas
And if you’ve got beef, you get capped in the knees
We got sixteen men on a dead man’s chest
And I shot those suckers and I’ll shoot the rest

Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
‘Cause I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’

Shh! Snatchin’ gold chains, vikin’ pieces of eight
I got your money and your honey and the fly name plate
We got wenches on the benches and bitties with titties
Housin’ all girlies from city to city

One for all and all for one
Takin’ out MC’s with a big shotgun
All for one and one for all
Because the Beastie Boys have gone A.W.O.L

Friggin’ in the riggin’, man, cuttin’ your throat
Big bitin’ suckers gettin’ thrown in the moat
We got maidens and wenches, man they’re on the ace
Captain Bligh’s gonna die when we break his face

Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’

Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves

Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves
Ali Baba and the forty thieves

Torchin’ and crackin’ and rhymin’ and stealin’
Robbin’ and rapin’, bustin’ two in the ceilin’
I’m wheelin’, I’m dealin’, I’m drinkin’, not thinkin’
Never cower, never shower and I’m always stinkin’

Yo ho ho and a pint of Brass Monkey
And when my girlie shakes her hips she sure gets funky
Skirt chasin’, free basin’, killin’ every village
We drink and rob and rhyme and pillage

Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’

I was drinkin’ my rum, a deaf son of a gun
I fought the law and I cold won
Black Beard’s weak, Moby Dick’s on the tick
‘Cause I pull out the jammy and I squeeze off six

My pistol is loaded, I shot Betty Crocker
Deliver Colonel Sanders down to Davey Jones’ locker
Rhymin’ and stealin’ in a drunken state
And I’ll be rockin’ my rhymes all the way to hell’s gate

Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’

Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
‘Cause I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most illingest b-boy, I got that feelin’
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’

Most chillinest b-boy
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’
Most killingest b-boy
I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’

Most dustin’ out b-boy, I’m tossin’ my dust
Most finkinest b-boy, I’m doin’ that finkin’
Most rhyminest b-boy, I’m stretchin’ my shade
Most shootinest b-boy, I think you’re shit

Most rhyminest b-boy, I’ll steal your shit homeboy
Most taxinest b-boy, I’ll tax you boy
Most illingest illingest illingest b-boy
Taxin’ all y’all squares, yeah!

Maybe change “b-boy” to “pirate” or something?  Bandit?  Looter?  Outlaw?  Maybe the line “Because the Beastie Boys have gone A.W.O.L” to “‘Cause the Bloody Seamen have gone A.W.O.L”?  I’d pee my pants if I heard you all rapping.

So what would it take, guys?  Can we get a Kickstarter going, or what?

The Bloody Seamen

Dethlehem

Decoding the car horn honk. (So, can you help this PA n00b out?) #beep ⚠

Recently, I was contacted by a non-native PA resident as a sort of last ditch effort in providing an answer behind the reason to the local-ish custom of horn honking.  I believe a Google led to my blog on horn honking traffic trolls (or maybe one of many road rage posts).  As much as I’d like to proclaim myself an authority on all things ridiculous in Southwestern & Central PA, I must confess that I’d only be guessing here.  So, I’d like to ask you to help this southern transplant understand the ways of us nothern-ish-ers here in Pennsyltucky.

Here’s the email:

Name: Victoria

Email: XXXX####@gmail.com

Website: http://victoriasviewpoint.wordpress.com

Message / Comment:

Hi,

I really hope you can help me, and answer my question before I either lose my mind, or go running out into the street to flag down a driver and ask him/her.

A bit of background: I moved to Central PA 5 years ago from Memphis, TN.  It’s a very long and stupid story but, suffice to say, I am stuck in Hollidaysburg for now.  It’s not a bad little town.  And, compared to Memphis, it’s safety personified.

Anyway, I have noticed over the years that people honk their horns here.  A lot.  And not (seemingly) to acknowledge a friend they see on the street, as I have noticed this happen when there is NO one on the street (my street, in particular).

It always bugged me, and no one seemed to know why people do this (or it’s a stupid reason and they are ashamed to tell me), but today I really got in a snit.

From around 2:30 this afternoon for a good 5 minutes, people were honking their horns.  A lot of people, honking a lot of horns.  It annoyed me.

I looked on the internet, which is where I found your blog about horn-honking, and since you are in Pittsburgh, I thought you might be able to explain to me what in hell is with all this honking!  I didn’t see anything on the internet that it’s, say, “Hollidaysburg Annual Honk-Your-Horn Day” at 2:30 PM or anything.

It’s snowing a bit, the first time this season.  Is this some kind of weird weather ritual I never noticed until today?  “Honk if you like snow”?

To me, it just seemed like an exaggerated example of something I hear on an all-too-often basis.  And it’s, as we say in Memphis, getting on my last nerve!

Do you know what’s going on with this behavior??

Thank you in advance,
Victoria

How’d you find my blog?: searching for “Pennsylvania horn honking”

Time: November 13, 2014 at 2:50 pm
IP Address: ##.###.###.#
Contact Form URL: https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/

Sent by a verified WordPress.com user.

And here are my thoughts:

• Yinzers use short beeps to say hello.  This probably happens in other places too.  They could be beeping be a popular hangout or person.  Maybe someone’s beeping for their dealer medical marijuana vendor?
• I saw a news program once about people honking in front of some guys house because they hated him.  Something political in a small town I think?
• Maybe someone has a kid, dog, cat, or crazy person that’s always running into the road.
• Anti-cyclist road rage.
• Is there a tunnel or an underpass shaped like a tunnel nearby?  Why do people honk in tunnels around here?  Do they do that everywhere?
• A well placed “honk if you’re horny” style sticker?  Maybe even a honk for support or protest of something?
• Perhaps there’s an odd traffic situation nearby?  Bringing out the horn honking trolls?
• Maybe there is something to the snow?
• Buses?  Everyone hates buses.

Other than that, I’m stuck.  What say you, people of Pennsylvania?  Please comment below.  Victoria and I would appreciate it!

🚌🚍🚙🚘🚗🚕🚖🚛🚚🚓🚔🚒🚑🚐

☠ FAMILY REUNION ☠ (T-shirt idea…)

Someone that can draw well needs to make this into a T-shirt design so we can sell it.

Skull Heads Family Reunion

I lost my drawing skills a while ago.  I posted this on Facebook the other day, but thought I’d put it here too… maybe Tweet & pin it too.

☠ Vic Rattlehead ☠ Ghost Rider ☠ Skeletor ☠
☠ General Kael ☠ Crimson Ghost ☠ Red Skull ☠

Are you spamminators? Are you real? Have you clicked “like” or followed my blog?

Well, I’ve been blogging for a while now, and I enjoy the “stats” quite a bit.  (I love the search terms that lead people here.)  Lately I’ve been seeing the number of reads, likes, and followers go up… but the comments are staying about the same.  I also wonder if the people following & clicking the “ Like” button actually like my posts, or if they’re just web-bots, or looking for links back to their own blog.

WordPress

I do a lot of my following with Google Reader, not on WordPress.  Google seems to do a better job of handling non-WordPress blogs in with the WordPress blogs.  The only problem is that my +1‘s or ☆‘s or probably don’t get back to WordPress authors (or other blog authors) as likes.

Google Reader

Have you recently followed me?

Have you recently “liked” one of my posts?

Leave a comment and let me know why you liked the post or why you followed my blog.  How did you find me?  Tell me something about yourself.  I’d really appreciate the feedback!  Not that I don’t already appreciate the likes & the follows… but it may even help me post more content that people actually enjoy.

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Oops.

It’s not that I haven’t head plenty to write about, it’s that I haven’t had the time or energy required.  I promise, I’ll be back ranting & raving & bothering you soon enough.

Pick two.

The thought for the day comes from a guy I knew named Chuck.  Chuck was always full of wit & wisdom.  He said often said something to the effect of…

You can have it done right.  You can have it done quick.  You can have it done cheap.  Pick two.

Links?

I somehow messed up my links page, and there’s no template to get it back that’s ridiculously obvious to me.  Anyone know what I can do to fix that?

Also… new theme, yay or nay?

Amusing Search Terms..

WordPress gives me a list of search terms that somehow land people on my blog.  I find some of them to be rather amusing.  Thought I’d share…

• annoying allergies poster
• bells pizza, welli hto zs
• chili cook off flyers
• crayfish disgusting
• directions on how to cook more than 6 pi
• food network, food allergies
• foot domination
• fun way cook hot dog
• functionless art is vandalism
• functionless music
• hard rock cafe + allergy awareness
• how do street vendors cook hot dogs
• how to cook totino’s pizza in microwave
• level of participation chart
• marinades using yuengling
• microwaving more than 6 pizza rolls
• one time gusture
• pizza hut moon
• sahta claus in.
• sonic food ingredients/allergy info
• soy milk dangers
• star wars mixing
• strange ice cream formations
• taco bell friday
• totinos pizza rolls allergens
• turner dairy iced tea bird
• what do pizza hut produce?
• what happens to people who eat shellfish
• what is the shellfish in taco bell
• what kind of oil do you cook hot dogs in
• what your poop is telling you
• where can find dark lord
• why do people boil hotdogs
• why does pizza make me poop
• wikipedia mcgangbang
• yinzer

Heh.  Weird.

Fart Math

This past Christmas, my wife got me a very funny gift, the What’s Your Poo Telling You? 2010 Desk Calendar.  It’s related of course to a book that I’ve mentioned before and that you can see if you ever have to use the facilities at our house… What’s Your Poo Telling You?.  People comment about it all the time, whether amused or horrified.

Today’s page struck me as extra funny because I’ve been talking about math & equations via comments on Facebook lately, it’s tax day, a volcano just erupted, and the volume (& frequency) of my flatulence is one of my wife’s favorite subjects.

I thought I’d share my amusement with you.

Thursday April 15th, 2010 - The Fart's Loudness Explained

Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Giveaway!

Yeah, I’m entering a contest via this blog post.  You ought to enter the contest too.  What is it?  It’s a giveaway from Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader.  I’ve blogged about them before, so I’m sure you’ve picked up one of the plethora of books available from the BRI already.  If you haven’t, you now have no excuse, you can enter the contest and get one for free!

In all seriousness, this is my book of choice… before bed, to relax, while waiting for something, and of course on the throne.  I love how they’re broken down into short segments of information… sometimes in story form, sometimes like a nice little history lesson, always with a touch of humor.

May times I have leared about something in a Bathroom Reader, then gone right to Google & Wikipedia or the bookstore to learn more.  I highly recommend these books!