This is mainly a re-post/revision of a Facebook status. I’m still in awe, even a few days later.
You probably read about it, saw it, or heard it in WTAE, WPXI, or KDKA. You may have even seen it somewhere else. This woman (in a feat worthy of “Florida Man”) walked into a Walmart to relieve herself. The problem with that is that she did it not only in the produce section, but on some produce. Potatoes. I personally like my potatoes mashed, not micturated.
I have so many thoughts about this.
The BEST part is that Walmart✻ had to release a statement assuring that they threw out the produce and disinfected the area. I mean, silly of me to assume that would be the case.
I have seen some Walmart bathrooms, and I may have supported this choice in this instance. They also close for “cleaning” often.
She doesn’t remember doing it? How did she find out? Did she see herself on Facebook? Did someone call and tell her? There needs to be a TV show that reenacts such shenanigans. (Sounds like she saw herself on TV. Imagine going to get a haircut, then calling the lawyer, then going to the police. Or maybe the lawyer prompted the haircut?)
How do you overcome “stagefright?” I like to pee alone, not in public.
I want a T-shirt with her picture in the middle of the Walmart star logo with the caption “I put the P in potato!”
Grace Under (Bladder) Pressure
I hope she didn’t drive to or from the Walmart.
I have been drunk, but never blackout drunk. I’m in awe. I wonder if in 2019 she can turn this into becoming a social media celebrity?
I hope she gets whatever ind of help she needs, and I hope no one bought the pee-tatoes unknowingly. Although, they may grow in poop… So, there is that. I would definitely advise her to have a trusted friend or handler with her at all times while drinking. I can’t imagine having to deal with the aftermath.
I remember posting a video on the now-defunct PittsburghBeat.com one time about this naked dude who while high on PCP after running from a stripper’s house ran across the divided highway on Banksville Road and ended up being tasered (again, while naked) by police and taken to the extremely cold ground in the snow. Months or years later, the guy sent an email asking for it to be taken down so he could move on with life. It mentioned but didn’t really threaten legal action. After all, it was a news story I dunno how you could “scrub” it. But, I can see the whole thing not boding well if a prospective employer were to Google you before hiring.
She may be a queen on People of Walmart.
This reminded me of an R. Kelly meme, and a song:
The only other song I remember about pee is an AiXeLsyD one, and I can’t shamelessly self promote something that is probably less embarrassing that peeing on potatoes in Walmart, can they?
Here are potatoes from my garden this year, no one has peed on them:
In parting, I call for your comments. Please share your favorite potato recipes (like this or this), your favorite drinking stories, or your favorite pee/Grace Brown/Walmart/Potatoes jokes.
