OK, so TLC never got back to me about Missionaries Impossible (where Mormons & Jehovah’s Witnesses try to convert each other), but I will not let complete and total failure or lack of any interest in actually following up on these sorts of things keep me from writing a blog about my newest idea.
It’s called: You Drive Like an Ass!
(Hey, Shit My Dad Says made it to TV.)
All I’d need would be a car with cameras all over it. I could drive it around for a week and have enough footage for an entire season of shows. All I would have to do is drive the speed limit, and obey all traffic laws… then watch everyone around be driven completely insane by that type of apparently abnormal behavior.
I see things several times a day where people are breaking traffic laws that we all read in the book from driver’s ed, things that are unsafe, or just plain aggravating; Like flags on cars, or even worse… eyelashes-on-healights aggravating. Don’t even get me started on bicycles.
Get some people to edit it, you have a super low-cost hit. You wouldn’t even need a narrator. Just get some clips of Samuel L. Jackson swearing & we can edit them all in.
If we were in the movie Idiocracy (and don’t think we aren’t …really.), this would rival Ow My Balls!
Someone get on this, and send me the car and a royalty check.
Posted in Consumer Advocacy, Funny Stuff, Ideas, Inspiration, Life, Movies & TV, Rants in my pants, Road Rage, Road Trips
Tagged #YouDriveLikeAnAss, @$$#●Ɫ℮, asshole, Bicycles, Bleep My Dad Says, call me, CarLashes, driving laws, 🚙, flags on cars, Go The **** to Sleep, hashtag, headlight eyelashes, idea, Ideas, Idiocracy, Idiocracy Prophecies, lazy, road rage, royalty check, Samuel L. Jackson, shenanigans, Shit My Dad Says, show idea, speed limit, TLC, TV show, tv show idea, twitter, You Drive Like an @$$#●Ɫ℮, You Drive Like An Ass, You Drive Like an Asshole
Apparently the newest annoying word for some time away is Babymoon. It’s better than Daycation or Staycation, but still annoying. The word is annoying, but the actual time away isn’t. With the impending arrival getting closer and closer, many online pregnancy-related websites & email lists suggest taking a babymoon. This goes especially for first time parents, as a nice little last fling before all of your apparent freedoms disappear.
We decided a while ago that a nice little getaway to a cabin would be the way to go. We have been tent camping at Forest Ridge Cabins and Campgrounds before, but had never tried out the cabins. They always looked quite inviting. The campground itself is always clean, and the owners are quite hospitable. The prices are competitive with other places that we checked out online, and really quite affordable. Important for the babymoon aspect, it’s not that far away. Cabins are our thing now I guess… since we honeymooned in one in Gatlinburg, TN. It all just seemed to make sense.
We booked the date a while ago, assuming that since it was spring we’d have a nice warm weekend. It was a nice weekend, but there was about 5 inches of snow on the ground, and the temperature never got much above freezing.
We stayed in the Allegheny cabin, and it was warm & cozy inside. We brought along some DVD‘s, cooked some s’mores (with peanut butter cups) around the campfire, and just had a nice relaxing weekend. The kitchen was stocked with all kinds of cookware and utensils, we made a nice steak dinner on Saturday. I also made a friend in Oliver, one of the campground cats. He strolled up as I was waiting for the last log to burn out on the campfire, then followed me up on the porch to hang out a but on top of the hot tub cover. He liked to look in the window at us, then look away when he saw that we were looking at him.
I think we’ve decided that Forest Ridge is “our place” as far as camping when we’re not going camping at Living Waters.
Check out Forest Ridge on Facebook, Twitter, & Yelp, and check out some of our photos…
Best use of a phonebook since the late 90’s.
Nice n’ clean!
Time for a picnic?
Oliver, standing guard.
Oliver the cat!
Soon, he will take over the world…
Posted in Life, Road Trips
Tagged 36, 66%, 899, Allegheny, Allegheny National Forest, Baby, Babymoon, Cabin, Cabins, Camground, campfire, Campgrounds, cat, Cold, Cook Forest, Day-tripper, Daycation, DVD, facebook, Forest, Forest Ridge, Forest Ridge Cabins & Campgrounds, Forest Ridge Cabins and Campgrounds, Forest Ridge Campgrounds & Cabins, Forest Ridge Campgrounds and Cabins, Gatlinburg, honeymoon, honeymooned, ice, Living Waters, Lodging, Mairenville, National Forest, Oliver, Outdoors, PA, Pennsylvania, Pregnancy, Recreation, Ridge, s'mores, snow, Snowman, Spring, Staycation, Tennessee, TN, twitter, United States, Yelp
Heh. So, I got stuck in the mud today. I found it amusing, thought you might too. Without revealing what I do exactly or my employer, I can say I drive around a lot for a living. I pulled off of a narrow country road to make way for a larger pickup with double-wide tires towing a trailer… on to what I thought was a solid piece of land. Turns out it was soggy muddy ground, sort of like quick sand. I could feel the truck slowly tipping as soon as I pulled over. I tried to rock back & forth in 4WD to get out, but didn’t want to bang the underside of the truck off of the edge of the road. Luckily some other guys I work with were just a phone call & a few minutes away, and towed me out without incident. A local also stopped to see if I was OK, and another guy working in the area did the same & even let me use his cell phone booster to make a call where my signal was weak.
So, if you’re ever in a bind, don’t panic. People who are generally willing to help out are out there.
Posted in Inspiration, Life, Road Rage, Road Trips
Tagged 4 x 4, 4WD, 4x4, chain, Four Wheel Drive, Frontier, goofy, Help, mud, Nissan, Oops, pull, Quicksand, rock, rope, strap, stuck, Tow truck, Towing, Truck, work
I’m not an architect, or a contractor, or even a toilet salesman… but I think I’ve found a flaw in a certain type of hotel room / bathroom setup. I’m no germaphobe, but I believe this design to be quite unsanitary.
What design? The sink outside of the bathroom design.
Sure, it’s convenient to shave or brush your teeth while someone else is pooping or showering… But at what cost do we purchase this convenience? The cost of a bazillion tiny germs all over the inside of the door handle after you wipe and before you wash your hands. Sure, you can grab an extra wad of toilet paper for your journey outside. How many people do that though? How much microscopic fecal matter is already on that door handle? Did the maid think to wipe it down? What if you forget after you get out of the shower? You just washed yourself, and now your hand may venture into a feculent festival of filth.
Am I doing something wrong here? Am I missing something? Let’s get this right so I don’t have to touch poop-encrusted (albeit microbial poop) door handles.
Posted in Consumer Advocacy, Goofy News, I Need Your Feedback, Life, Rants in my pants, Road Trips
Tagged architect, architecture, bathroom, bunghole, Crap, door handle, engineering, feces, feculent, filth, germaphobe, gross, Hotel, Interior design, Lodging, Mysophobia, Poop, shopping, shower, Sink, T.P., toilet, toilet paper, TP, Travel and Tourism