Lack of posts, & the dumbest product ever.


The sign outside of Sheffield Lanes/The Fallout Shelter in Aliquippa, PA this weekend.

I’ve noticeably slowed down with blogging.  Perhaps I was blogging too much before.  Real life has been happening lately.  The band played twice this weekend, my real job has been taxing, etc. Perhaps I’ll find inspiration more often in the days to come. 

Like this…

Groupon has successfully  shown me what I believe to be the absolute dumbest product ever:

Car Lashes ...Wait, car-freaking-lashes?

Car Lashes …Wait, car-freaking-lashes?

I could rant about it, but do I really need to?  There would a a Herbie/Love Bug joke, pointing out that putting them on a BMW decreases the value/classiness of the car, maybe a joke about truck nuts & just maybe a reference to the movie Cars even though I’ve never seen it.  Maybe even a joke about the dude I saw on My Strange Addiction who makes love to his car for the crowd who likes it blue.  Maybe even an Optimus Prime humping your car joke.  I have finally found something more annoying than flags on cars & more decorative than the mysterious stickermobile.  If you’re going to glue stupid stuff to your car, go all the way.

If there are any people out there with money to waste on stupid things, I’m taking donations so I can buy a Flycaster.

There’s a spider living in my mirror.

There's a spider in my mirror

Can you see the web? It’s pretty faint. There are diagonal strands across the mirror face.

I think a spider has made a home in my driver’s side rear-view mirror.  I took some photos, but my phone’s camera is terrible.  I decided to share them anyway.  Hopefully you can see something.

There have been some strands across the face of the mirror for a while now, and more recently it has built a web inside the curve of the mirror’s housing where it attaches to the car.

Do you see the web?

Can you see the extra web? It’s in the little curved part.

One one hand, I want to knock the web down & hopefully the spider will move along.  On the other, it has survived multiple drives, multiple rains, and just in general for about a week now… who am I to destroy it?

I’m guessing it lives back there behind the mirror.  I’d probably pick a similar spot if I was a spider.  The web is odd, it’s not the “classic” spider-web made famous by Halloween Decorations & Spider-Man’s costume.  It’s not the scary funnel web.  It’s some diagonal stands across the mirror and a weird shaped 3D thing inside that curve.  Apparently this isn’t that kind of spider, or it just didn’t pay attention in web-spinning class.

I swear, there really is a web there.

I swear, there really is a web there.

I haven’t ever seen any bugs in the web.  I hate bugs.  (Most of us do, right?)  I’m letting the spider stay out of hope that he’ll destroy our common enemy: All other bugs.  I really don’t like spiders.  They creep me out.  Especially little ones.  I held our science class’ pet tarantula in 4th grade… but she wasn’t as creepy as little spiders.  Those little brown recluse ones are nasty, I hope it’s not one of those.  Also… those little white spiders really creep me out.  (What are those things?)  I doubt it’s a black widow or a wolf spider.  I saw a wolf spider at camp one time that was as big as the palm of my hand… no exaggeration.  I woke up, and it was on the ceiling of the cabin above me.  I just let it go… as the cabin was in the woods and it belonged there more than me.

English: brown recluse as compared to a U.S.A....

English: brown recluse as compared to a U.S.A. penny (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I generally smash spiders as soon as I see them.  It’s usually a good idea.  One time, it wasn’t.  I was pretty young, and I stepped on this spider and a million (yes I counted) miniscule baby spiders ran out from it.  I freaked out, stomping around with both feet like I was putting out a fire or doing some kind of tribal dance.  I couldn’t have gotten them all.  I lived in fear of retaliation for many many years.  Maybe that’s why I still don’t like spiders.

I also remember renting Arachnophobia… watching about 5 whole minutes of it, and then popping the VHS tape out of the VCR and deciding not to continue.  I was too weird-ed out.

NEW Ultrasonic Spider Repeller

NEW Ultrasonic Spider Repeller

I’ve even thought about getting one of those things that you plug into the wall that are supposed to emit some kind of ultrasonic noise that spiders, bugs, and even rats don’t like.  Can that even work?  It just seems like a way to take my money for something that could in no way work as advertised.

Can anyone tell me what kind of spider this is from the web?  (If you can even see it.)  Should I crush the mighty arachnid now while I still can?  Will it make a million more little spiders that will overrun my car?

1: Places where spiders belong:

  • The Woods
  • The Desert
  • Outside
  • In the garden

2: Places where spiders don’t belong:

  • The Sink
  • The Bathtub
  • My Basement
  • The Bedroom
  • The Living Room

Where does my mirror fit in?  I’m guessing category 2, but I didn’t want to be too hasty.  Live and let live, unless you’re a mother spider carrying a bazillion spider babies, or one of said spider babies…

Apparently this happens to people everywhere.

Ya Jagoff!!! Parking Tickets

This Week It’s 2 “Prependicular” Peter Parkers!

This Week It’s 2 “Prependicular” Peter Parkers!

This is genius.  Tired of being able to do nothing when you see someone parked like a Jagoff?  Now you can do something about it.  Check out these perpendicular Peter Parkers as an example, and check out the printable parking “tickets”!

Just don’t damage anyone’s car (especially stickered or flagged ones), and don’t get caught and/or shot in the process.

One of these days I need to capture the people that park on the yellow-lined triangle int he middle of the lot at the Kuhn’s on Banksville.  They usually stop there to disrupt traffic when going to the ATM or Starbucks.

Printable Parking Notes | Ya Jagoff!!! | Printable Parking Notes: Do NOT ruin anyone’s vehicle!!

Snap a photo, place the ticket, and they can watch for themselves online. I only wish there was a way to call out the Peter Parkers who can’t Parallel Park on the street in front of my house.

I might need to make a custom one that says something like this:

Hey Jagoff New People That Just Moved Here,

Why has the number of cars on our street doubled since you’ve moved in?  Please note that there’s an alley behind your house where you can park two (or at least one) of those cars.  I don’t have an alley behind my apartment, so that’s not an option for me.  Help make the neighborhood an easier place to park by not being a Jagoff.

Your Grumpy Jagoff Neighbor

Or this:

Hey Jagoff That Visits Someone Here A Few Nights A Week,

Your truck is as long as a school bus, and is probably as wide.  I appreciate that your solution is to sometimes park with a tire on the sidewalk, but that’s not really cool.  It’s also not cool to take up 3 spaces by parking a half car-length (or quarter truck-length) away from the vehicle in front of and or behind you.  I appreciate that you probably can’t see from your seat that’s 2 stories high… so maybe you should just park in the lot at the bottom of the hill & walk to wherever you need to go.

A Jagoff that actually lives in this neighborhood

Or even this:

Dear Jagoff Neighbors,

How is it possible that you have a picnic, birthday party, barbecue, bonfire, or gathering for a sporting event every weekend?  Why is the gathering place for your entire extended family at your house?  Don’t you ever go to their houses?  Why is it that I can’t make a trip to CVS or anywhere else close by on a weekend without my space getting filled before I return?  Do you have a lookout on the porch doing some sort of jagoff valet where you move all of your cars closer?  Do you like to watch me carry 20 bags of groceries for 2 blocks?  There is a parking lot at the bottom of the hill for your family.  We occasionally like to entertain on the weekends too.  We tell people to park in the lot.

A Jagoff Neighbor

Okay, I need to go do something to calm down.

I’m pretty sure this is illegal. (Driving advice for horn-honking traffic trolls.)

I’m pretty sure this is illegal, but I see it happen all the time.  Can someone of authority weigh in on this?  Opinions are of course welcome, but if you’re going to claim why it’s legal/illegal… you have to give me some kind of backup.

Let me describe the scenario with the help of an illustration thanks to Paint.NET, Google Maps, & a Google image search

This is a dick-move.

This is a dick-move.

We’ll pretend I’m the blue car, behind the white truck, and in front of the little yellow bastard.

The white truck is trying to make a left at the light, only problem being (use your imagination here) a flurry of automobiles in the other 2 oncoming lanes coming forth with less than a car-length in between them, and at a speed well over the posted 25MPH limit.  (Never-mind that here the middle lane switches traffic directions depending on the time of day – that’s a whole different ridiculous issue.)

Of course, the truck is forced to stop in what I would like to consider the middle of the intersection, causing frustration to rise exponentially for each halted vehicle behind the pale horse of immobilization.

As the truck plays the waiting game, and I hone my skills with the Force trying to will a break in traffic to allow him (or her) to turn and more importantly get out of my way… the impatient arrogant bastard behind me decides to honk the horn.

Honking the horn when one is stuck in traffic is the action of a self-absorbed angry little person.  A honk is expected & appropriate if someone cuts you off, someone’s sitting at a green light, or backing into you.  A honk is inappropriate when everyone is stuck, & no one can go anywhere.

Now, I know this indignant troll of a human being wanted me to take the path of the green arrow above… which is a common Pittsburgh driving move.  I’m sure it happens elsewhere too, but it’s quite common around here.  I believe said move is not only illegal, but also quite dangerous.  I know passing on the shoulder is discouraged if not illegal, and doing it in the middle of an intersection isn’t the best idea.

It’s dangerous for the following reasons if you must know, traffic troll:

  • Someone in the inside oncoming lane could also be making a left, not see me coming around the side of the truck, and we plow right into each other.
  • The truck decides he’s (or she’s) had it with waiting to make a turn, and plows ahead in frustration as I move around & try to merge into that lane.
  • Someone from the road on the right may be coming to the intersection to make a legal right on red while it’s obvious that oncoming traffic is at a stand-still.
  • A final sequence, however unlikely… the light changes while I’m going around, and someone comes from the left straight through their way, and smacks into the side of me.

If you think of any other reasons why it’s a bad idea, please let me know.  If you can show me a link where the laws concerning such vehicular interactions reside online (especially for PA), I’d love to pass the link along to the honking trolls out there.

If you’re a traffic troll, I’d like to express to you that all you’re doing is putting the person in front of you in danger, as well as potentially yourself, and adding to the aggravation levels of everyone around you… when they’re already sufficiently aggravated.

This has been brought to you as a public service announcement warning against the dangers of traffic trolls.  I’m sure PennDOT and the State Police would get behind this if they read my blog.

You’re not a traffic troll, are you?