Well, I sent what I thought were going to be two rather fun emails, but they have both gone unanswered. Wow. What a giant dud. As my wife constantly reminds me, I certainly find myself amusing. So, in that spirit I thought I’d share these emails anyway. Perhaps you’ll chuckle too.
The first was to Best Buy via their form online and to the Twelpforce email address:
From: Waldo Lunar <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: Thu, May 31, 2012
Subject: A Formal Apology
Greetings Best Buy Associates,
I write to you today to offer a formal apology. I have lived with guilt for many years, and I would like to be able to clear my conscience. Sadly, you literally asked for what you got, but you certainly didn’t deserve it my friends. I beg you in advance to not unleash the wrath of the Twelpforce or Geek Squad upon my humble self.
Do you remember the commercials from about ten or so years ago that begged one to come in & play with all of the electronics in the store? Well, I said you asked for it. You did. I simply complied.
I went into one of your stores, and tried my best to restrain my maniacal laughter as I set all of the alarm clocks & clock radios to go off at different intervals after the store closed. Some were 5 minutes, some where 10 or even 20. It was incredibly hard to stifle my giggles and pretend like I was incredibly interested in these timepieces. I don’t know how no one noticed. Now I can’t get 10 feet into a Best Buy door without a blue-shirted hawk swooping in to ask if I need help, and I’ll get asked every 3 feet after that if I turn it down. Perhaps shenanigans like mine are why?
At one time, I wished that I could have been around to see the chaos. Okay, maybe I still do. Perhaps a master switch would have cut the power to all of them after the first one went off. I won’t pretend to know the internal machinations of such a colossal retail empire. Perhaps I made a memory for that team and brought them together through adversity in the name of silencing alarm clocks. Perhaps it is a good story to tell trainees, or it may have even been forgotten over time. I was much younger & more brash then. I thought I knew everything. I thought the world was my playground. To be blunt, I was an arrogant young miscreant. I don’t remember if it was planned, or spur of the moment.
I’m sure that when the internet was still “new”, I set more than a few of your browsers to my old band’s web page & walked away. I did this in every store though, not just Best Buy. I won’t apologize for that. A pimp’s got to pimp, right?
I would like to offer an apology to Best Buy as a corporation, the Best Buy employees startled and/or annoyed that day (and their families), and to all of the Best Buy associates that have joined the team since that day (somewhere between 2000 and 2002). I believe this was at the Greensburg PA location across from Westmoreland Mall. Please pass this along to them, if there are any left that may have been working that day. I have seen the err of my ways, and I can live with the guilt no longer!
Thank you for your time, I hope you find it within you to pass along forgiveness for this egregious behavior.
The next one was to Bed Bath & Beyond via their webform:
Do you remember those Best Buy commercials from 10 or so years ago where they asked you to come in & try the stuff out?
I did. I went in one night & set all of their alarm clocks to go off about 5, 10, 15, or 20 minutes after closing. I bet it was hilarious. I only wish I had been there to see it. I bet that happened often.
I noticed that you have a lot of kitchen timers and egg timers. What time do you close?
I thought it was funny. Apparently Best Buy and Bed Bath & Beyond did not. I did get the standard “we got your message, someone will write back with in 3 days” replies, over a week ago. I really thought Best Buy would come out with a witty intelligent retort. You’d think an electronics company would be helmed by geeks who found humor in such ridiculousness. Bed Bath & Beyond apparently do not go too far into the beyond part. Oh well.
Best Buy (Photo credit: Ron Dauphin)
Bed Bath and Beyond (Photo credit: Wikipedia)