Go ahead, push the button… I dare you.


You know I hate public restrooms.  This sign may be a wave of the future.  Think it’s a good idea?  Think it will work?  Is it too easy to abuse?

Cleanliness is important to all of us...

Intimidating button…

I saw a full garbage can, & thought about pressing the button…but thought it may only be for emergencies not maintenance.  I didn’t want to be the guy that whined about the garbage can being full.  Then again, I’d rather empty a trash bag than pick it up off of the floor if I were an employee there.

Is a button the way to solve all of your bathroom problems? This reminded me of the pull-strings in hospital bathrooms.  Ha ha.  If you find one of these buttons, I dare you to push it & yell “I need someone to wipe!”

Horrible Christmas Presents…


So if you’re looking for a Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Kwanzaa or Festivus gift… You may not want to go with these, unless you’re trying to give some kind of hint that you don’t like the recipient. I’ve heard them advertised on the radio lately, and they’re both just ridiculous.

Go nuts over Fresh Balls!

Go nuts over Fresh Balls!

Fresh Balls – “So Fresh. So Dry.” | It is what it sounds like. Some kind of deodorant, lotion, or talc for application to your apparently sweaty coin purse.  Maybe I’m not active or sweaty enough, but I’ve never considered this a real problem.  They advertise buying it for someone as a gift.  Who’s damp smelly package are you close to on a regular basis?  I have some good friends, and I’ve thankfully never smelled their family jewels.  If I ever do smell someone’s nether-regions, I’ll be sure to tell them about Fresh Balls.

✔ Badass colors ✔ Badass patterns ✔ Badass warranty

✔ Badass colors ✔ Badass patterns ✔ Badass warranty

Seats of Anarchy – “Custom toilet seats for hard asses.” | I love some good terrible wordplay, but the name is almost as atrocious as the idea. I’ve never watched Sons of Anarchy, but do they poop a lot?  If they did, I could see the point to this then.  If your man cave is your bathroom… maybe this would be appropriate?  Someone better get their Copyright and/or Trademark lawyers on this pretty quickly.  Nothing says badass like a camouflage toilet seat, or one with barbed wire.  Guarantee that all your guests will hover!  “Designer” toilet seats for manly men and bikers…  It sounds like a crappy idea.  Get it?  Crappy?  Toilet seat?  Ugh.

So, what have you seen lately what would make a horrible holiday present?  Anything as bad as (or worse than) these?

Dear Hotel Architects…


I’m not an architect, or a contractor, or even a toilet salesman… but I think I’ve found a flaw in a certain type of hotel room / bathroom setup.  I’m no germaphobe, but I believe this design to be quite unsanitary.

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What design?  The sink outside of the bathroom design.

Sure, it’s convenient to shave or brush your teeth while someone else is pooping or showering… But at what cost do we purchase this convenience?  The cost of a bazillion tiny germs all over the inside of the door handle after you wipe and before you wash your hands.  Sure, you can grab an extra wad of toilet paper for your journey outside.  How many people do that though?  How much microscopic fecal matter is already on that door handle?  Did the maid think to wipe it down?  What if you forget after you get out of the shower?  You just washed yourself, and now your hand may venture into a feculent festival of filth.

Am I doing something wrong here?  Am I missing something?  Let’s get this right so I don’t have to touch poop-encrusted (albeit microbial poop) door handles.

Goofy Search Terms


Lots of people looking, no one commenting.

Amusing Search Terms
Search Views
dibella’s allergen info 1
Not sure if I have that here… Try their website?
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dey mylan epipen commercial 1
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Boy did that ad get everyone’s panties in a bunch!
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Check out Food Allergy Fun for the best food allergy cartoons!
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You like stats, don’t you?  I doubt my graph was much help.  Are you using this for a report for your schoolwork?
“rep. matt smith” and food allergy 1
emergency epi pen act 1
the emergency epipen bill 1
I’d like a consumer push, but legislation is nice too.
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are scallops a sea bug (Yes.) 1
blog allergic reaction to shellfish 1
coworkers friends and family don’t understand my shellfish allergy (Preach on! & Read this & this & this.)
2
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joe’s crab shack allergy 1
no shellfish 3
pill bug allergy (They are creepy & they’re crustaceans.) 1
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Where are you people Leave some comments!
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I hope whoever wanted to “promote” anaphylaxis was just typing wrong.
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Is Sonic hiding something? Why are so many searching for this & landing here?
ihop peanut allergy 1
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Is someone at Kennywood saying they’re allergic to stupid people, or complaining about “stupid” paying customers with allergies?
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amish crime beard cut 2
amish gangs 2
Amish on Amish crime? Way to smash those non-violence stereotypes.
band names list 2
band names that have already been used 3
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my facebook band name already taken 1
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Congratulations!  You took the first step to not having a stupid band name, or one that already exists.  What did you eventually settle on?
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Me either.  They’re creepy.
elcaganer 1
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what’s your poo telling you 4
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Uncle John’s, hands (pants?) down.  They’re better written, better quality, and more informative & entertaining in general.
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east german bathroom sign 2
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hilarious bathroom signs 1
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men @ ladies sign 2
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Did you find some good ones?
don’t forget to wash your hands 3
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not for hand wash signs 1
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incorrect hygiene signs 2
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sing the birthday song wsh hands 1
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the sign in bathrooms showing how to wash hands 2
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wet your hands under warm running water. 4
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Hand washing is serious business. Glad to see so many are interested.  Make sure your instructions are possible… and that the employees aren’t mandated to wash your hands.
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I have no idea what these would have linked to…
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This could be the costumes, the movie batmen, the comics, the logo… be more specific?Batman Evolution
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dc comics superman electric guitar six flags (Not as cool as the Batman one.) 1
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ibanez with batman logo 2
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show me all of the old joker guitars that are dc comic 75050 2
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91 of you searched for the Batman guitar in some way.  Why did only 1 of you take the time to comment?  Tell me about yours!  (Check the Facebook page out too!)  Know anything about the manufacturer or where they’re purchased?
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batman 1966 film 1
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batman cartoon comics memes 3
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burt ward robin meme 2
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meme batman y robin 2
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frame batman 1
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visa batman 2
Batman Rules.
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batman meme nanananana me 1
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nanananana me 6
Looking for this?

Batman - Mic Check

Batman – Mic Check

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The world needs more Calvin and Hobbes.
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why does my pee smell like cheerios 9
why does my urine smell like cheerios 4
Apparently this is a rampant problem that no one will comment on.  Perhaps I need to explore it further?
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sample dry cleaner flyers 4
blatant false advertising 1
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false advertising 2
sample dry cleaner flyers 4
The more I think about it, Century Cleaners can eat a bag of dicks.  I’m just sayin’.
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family reunion.wordpress.com 1
Why did these land here?
arby’s berry sauce 1
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copycat recipes arby’s bronco berry 1
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Bronco Jalapeño demands justice They have tried to silence me with free Bronco Berry Sauce.  I will share it with the people.
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What is an Arby’s Finger?  The glove guy, or something that should be in the Urban Dictionary?  (Oh crap, it’s a news story…)
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deli tip jar 2
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mcdonalds fryer 4
they f__k you at the drivethrough  (Literally? I think that’s illegal.  And… who does?) 2
chick-fil-ainsiders.com 1
dan cathy undercover boss 2
dunkin warning 1
hot donuts sign 2
krispy kreme downfall 1
krispy kreme logo glow 2
krispy kreme sign 8
has panera fixed the chicken noodle soup (Nope.) 1
old panera chicken noodle soup recipe 1
panera employee view pau stubs 1
where does panera get their meat (Most likely from dead animals.) 1
pizza poop (Happen to you, too?) 2
supplier of pizza hut sauce (I bet they won’t tell you!) 1
phone number for quiznos helpdesk 1
what happened to all the quiznos 5
what happened to quiznos in pennsylvania 1
I asked, they didn’t seem to find it amusing in their answer.
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Try Sheetz.com?
taco bell certificate 3
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weed taco pic 3
where is there not a taco bell for 900 miles (Excellent question! But, I think it was qualified by Taco Bell test markets serving the Doritos Locos thing.) 1
Maybe Taco Bell wanted to reply to my email, but were so high they just forgot?
dispute vincent’s pizza 1
vincents of green tree affiliated with vincents pizza park? (No.) 1
I heard Vincent’s in Forest Hills just closed.
best wendy’s review ever digg 2
hilarious wendy’s review 1
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wendy’s review funny share 2
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I didn’t even write it.  Well, I did for the West Liberty one.
glenn danzig chick on his lap 3
eric “chupacabra” arce 2
jerry only 2
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misfits mars attack .mp3 2
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mythfits shirt mythbusters

The Mythfits

The Mythfits

2
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the undead punk band 5
What is wrong with Dr. Chud?
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7 lbs chipped ham in crock pot 2
barbecue sauce using ketchup and cola with chipped ham 2
gif bbq 1
the famous bbq restaurants logos of the world 3
beer helmet 3
where to find yuengling barbecue sauce 1
yuengling barbecue sauce 1
drink buttermilk with 1
how to drink buttermilk 2
old fashioned buttermilk drink 1
right time to drink buttermilk 1
turners charlies buttermilk 2
when to drink buttermilk 1
To all you haters: Buttermilk rules!
chili gi distress (Pepto’s Got U Covered!) 2
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do you need a cdl to drive the oscar weiner mobile (I doubt it, but it’s nice that you have a dream.  Good luck!) 1
hot dogs in toaster oven 1
how do resturants cook hot dogs (Many ways, no doubt.) 1
how to steam hot dog buns at home 1
redneck hot dog poke 2
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turners tea 3
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does sweet tea have citric acid 1
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Turner’s is the best.  There’s only 1 tea in Pittsburgh, dig?
pillsbury 4
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funny graph about pizza (How about a maze?) 1
is snyder of hanover and snyder’s of berlin the same company? (No.) 1
snyder’s of berlin and hanover story 1
how do u make a food graph (Very carefully.) 1
super moms chicken caesar salad 1
Now I’m hungry.
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What?
fender mini mt-10 4
fender mini twin mt-10 1
mini twin reverb 5
modifying fender mini twin 2
smokey amp 4
amplifier demonation (Is “demonation” turning it into a demon, or it’s possessed by a demon?) 1
I need to finish my mini-twin mod.
bacchus serials guitar 2
who manufacturers brownsville guitars 1
c 302 cimar guitar 3
cimar electric guitars 2
cort starfire guitar 2
elger guitar serial number 2
falcon guitars 3
copystratocaster performer 2
fender ‘g ii e’ 3
fender g-iie 3
fender strato japan 3
fender stratocaster american sender 2
fender stratocaster ukulele 2
long sleeve fender shirt 1
lunar fender 1
flipout guitar 5
flipout, lit cigarrete 2
If you have a FlipOut, let me know!  Share yours. Leave comments!
hagstrom deluxe f d2f 1
guitar graph funny 1
guitar squid flow chart 2
guitar stereotypes 1
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ibanez 627 2
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guitar lessons a master class 3
guitar lessons a series of master classics 2
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guitar lessons series master classes 2
guitar master class 1
poster guitar lessons 2
I’m the last guy you wanna learn from.
guitarras new york pro 2
new york pro guitar company 1
new york pro guitars 1
new york pro strat bridge 2
what are new york pro guitars made of 1
what kinda wood is a new york pro guitar made of 3
Do you have a New York Pro too?  Know anything about them? Leave comments!
odd guitar 3
odd guitars 1
overseas guitars 2
ugliest guitar in the world 2
record guitar 2
tom bingham 3
vinyl record 2
vinyl record guitar (Mr. Bingham is an artist.) 2
wierd guitars (Weird ones too.) 2
I like the weird ones.
loog guitars 2
orpheum guitars new york 1
prince guitar shapes 1
guitar shapes 3
guitar shelves 2
homemade multiple guitar stands 2
multiple guitar stand 4
ukulele stand 2
stereo types of guitarists 2
all guitars and ukulele (Looking for this?)

All of my guitars & the wife's ukulele

Guitar problem? What problem?

2
guitar wiring 4
schematic diagram of soldering gun 1
seymour duncan sh-6 2
stratocaster pickup 7
acoustic guitar pick guard decors 2
green custom archtop 2
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guitar noize 3
guitar wood recycling 2
headstock shape by brand 3
solid guitar 2
survival paint guitar 2
vote alabama’s best guitarist 1
funny math equation 1
funny maths equations 1
funny smartass comments (I’d hope there are lots here.) 2
funny waitress comic 2
little billy writes serial killers 1
mustafi donotevenreply 1
we’d like to thank bobby for coming out tonight television 1
the hard maze and the answer 3
pizza maze 9
pizza maze for kids 1
pizza mazes 2
pizza mazes for kids 2
hard maze solutions 2
yinz maze 3
a maze 2
big mazes and more 1
blow fish maze as a body 1
crazy maze 4
curvilinear maze 1
food mazes 2
fun mazes 2
hard mazes for kids to do 2
how to draw a maze 1
insane maze 1
knot maze 2
maze 20
maze “darth vader” pdf 1
maze pdf 2
maze riddle 3
mazes 15
mazes customer service 2
mazes for kids 5
sidewinder maze 1
start to finish games drawing 3
this.make maze begin end 2
Send me your solutions! world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
8 mile jimmy jacket 3
airheads football helmet filled (…with cottage cheese.) 1
airheads prs guitar 1
baby secret of the lost legend 3
baby the secret of the lost legend 2
mokèlé-mbèmbé 11
back to the future 1.21 gigawatts 2
back to the future movie screenshots 4
back to the future movie screenshots 4
cinemark rain check 2
crocodile dundee shaving 1
detroit rock city trip 2
flight of the navigator slash 1
goonies monster 1
gremlins scenes 1
grindhouse poster 1
harry and the hendersons movie 2
x never ever marks the spot 2
funny monster squad 1
neverending story cartoon 1
neverending story rock monster 2
police academy icon 2
police academy logo 5
predator animated gif 2
predator laserdisc 3
shaun of the dead meme 2
khna and kirk space seed 1
spock’s domination (…of who/what?) 2
star trek logo hd gif 1
wrath of khan 2
joshua war games 3
phreaking 4
willow of good 3
zorro the complete first son 2
brooksfilms limited products 1
hacking movies 2
movies from my childhood 2
best rock and roll movies 4
best rock n roll films 1
best rock n roll movies 5
best rock roll movies 1
good movies about rock n roll 1
rock n roll movies 2012 1
top rock n roll movies 1
I dig me some movies.
3po music icon 3
ackbar it’s a mouse trap tee shirt 3
ackbar snackbar 2
admiral ackbar jump to lightspeed scene 1
bob fett cartoon blu 1
boba fett cartoon poster 2
boba fett riding dragon 1
boba fett star wars blu ray art 2
cartoon on star wars blu ray 1
dark lord of the 5th day 2
darth vader light saber room light 2
darth vader vs bane 2
death star cheese ball 3
ewok meme 2
family guy star wars chronological order 1
family guy star wars movies in order 1
funny anakin pictures 1
george lucas animated musical 1
han solo saying dont get your panties in a knot 1
origami ewok 2
phantom menace robot factory 1
star wars blu ray easter eggs 1
star wars cheese ball 2
star wars christmas special easter egg 2
star wars meme 2
star wars movie night 2
star wars movie order 7
star wars seat covers 2
star wars themed r2 alcoholic drinks 2
warwick davis star wars phantom menace 4
warwick davis yoda 2
where are the droids takei 3
Do I blog about Star Wars a lot?
ann beretta“+”blogspot.com” 2
“ann beretta”+”blogspot.com”+”fallen” 1
lesbian militants stereotype 1
rock concert funny 2
devil makes three 2
the devil makes three setlist pittsburgh 1
flogging molly may 10 2012 set list pittsburg pa 1
flogging molly setlist stage ae 2
Did you read my Flogging Molly / Devil Makes Three / Brothers of Brazil show review?
axl rose in concert 1
goddamn gallows nazi? (I hope not.) 2
go-go-rays “go go rays” 1
rancid boston 2012 1
the real mckenzies (Soon!) 2
best bass guitar intro song 1
best guitar intros 2
best guitar intros of all time 1
best guitar rock intro 1
best rock guitar intros 3
best rock intros of all time 5
great rock intros 1
greatest guitar intros 3
greatest guitar intros of all time 1
greatest rock intros all time 2
list top guitar intros of all time 1
rock song with sweet guitar intro 1
songs with great guitar intros 1
top 10 songs 2012 guitar intro 1
who came up with crazy train riff 1
headbangin 2
Why not tell me what you think of my list?
snuff blah zsa mc bong bing 1
snuff lee erinmez 1
spinal tap cover 1
functionless art is simply tolerated vandalism 3
functionless-art tolerated-vandalism 1
i can’t believe katrina i was looking for my hate lyrics type o negative 1
josh silver 2
peter steel 1
peter steele 4
peter steele recent 5
type o negative? 1
wat tyler f__k pump mp3 1
1-800-553-2324 1
705 256 2357 johnny cash 1
You gonna call those numbers?
lyrics clarks toyota commercial 1
the clarks toyota commercial 3
You forgot “sucks”
dethlehem circle of death 1
beechview police blotter 2
dormont police blotter april 18 1
super moon party dormont 2
ernie tattoos 1
pittsburgh post gazette and ernie and the berts 2
Were we in the paper?
hollywood theaters 1
size of hollywood theatre screen dormont 2
kdka compares giant eagle and walmart 1
kuhns banksville 2
kuhns banksville rd customer accident 2
kuhns banksville road customer dies 1
kuhns grocers union 1
kuhn’s market banksville accident 1
kuhns mcknight 3
Did someone die in an accident at Kunh’s?
“parkway center mall” 1
Is built on top of a garbage dump, & pretty much still is one.
mark madden sally wiggin 1
sally sarah wiggin pittsburgh 1
Sally Wiggin rules.
stage ae pittsburgh not allow 1
Not allow what?  Not allow who?
green man’s tunnel guy 2
the tunnel monster 3
tunnel monster 2
It exists.
senator wayne fontana (Reads his mail.) 2
pgh photos zappa 1
pittsburgh pirates logo history 2
driving horn 2
green arrow traffic 3
linkin park hybrid theory vector 1
me first and the gimme gimmes guitars 2
angus young meme 2
@shqiptar.eu 1
dr. peter ahmed 2
chicken caesar salad scam 1
salade chicken caesar mcdo 2
google giveaway team 3
google giveaway team 13th anniversary 2
lori sandra baker 5
lori sandra scam 2
Lori Sandra is still trying to scam people?
65.55.92.184 does not like recipient. meaning 1
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bcode sms 1
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how to unblock shortcode texting on iphone 1
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sprint message 1051 4
sprint short code texting 1
sprint short codes 2
sprint unblock short code texting 1
what is wrong if free sprint 9999 doesnt work 1
when i try to text cha cha it says unable to send due to invalid short code 1
Sprint hates you (and me).
link: foodallergybuzz.com 1
briandrusky@druskyentertainment.com 4
axvault.com 2
help customerservice.kmart.com 3
help@customerservice.kmart.com 9
help@customerservice.kmart.com . 1
help@customerservice.kmart.com. 1
http://www.help@customerservice.kmart.com 1
http://www.kmartfeedback.com 3
larry 2510 @gmail.com 2
ella.jones@us.mcd.com 12
mcdonalds.customercare@us.mcd.com 3
mcnews@ch.mcd.com 2
pit.03423@us.stores.mcd.com 2
aliciak@pizzamarketplace.com 1
hlpdesk@my quiznos.com 2
http://www.helpdesk@quiznos.com 1
googlegiveawayteam.asia@shqiptar.eu 2
gomez_p@subway.com 1
davidicus 39@gmail.com 2
jerry lunar lunar@yahoo.co.id 1
wwwjohn maherpa 2
Here is the root of the problem as to why people contact me thinking I’m McDonald’s or Kmart or anyone else.  They don’t know the difference between url and an email or an address bar & a search engine apparently.
babysitter dominationkid 1
english dominatrix wanker teaser 1
japanese sex and domination 1
knickers domination 1
man woman going to bathroom 4
orgasm torture in satan`s rape clinic 2004 bluray 1
poop taco 2
porn yinz maze 2
shirtless man in a kilt 2
spanish mistress domination 1
troubled teenagers teens living in 6556 clover valley road (You are a creeper of the highest order.) 1
vomiting domination 1
young chubby boy 1
fart math 8
What the hell is wrong with you people?  How in the hell did any of these land you here?
stuffed squirrel for sale 3
stuffed squirrel pictures 3
taxidermied squirrel 1
You need to visit Hoke·E·Geez!

Stuffed Squirrel on display (& for sale!) at Hoke·E·Geez (Bedford, PA)

“Help! I’m not dead! Some redneck just stapled my nuts to this driftwood!”

babysitter monster in bathroom 2
boots a clous skin hard 1
dine and ditch 2
dingleberry 2
fart canal 2
fart in math 2
gary busey tranny 2
girl liking wheelchair ride 1
kids monster bathroom wash 1
panty dropper sticker 2
proud rider of the short bus 2
reindeer playing ukulele 2
aixelsyd13 mcdonald’s 1
waldo lunar 9
world lunar domination 2
Someone’s looking for me! Did you find me? Where did you hear of me?
“joel pavuk” (Try asking The Bloody Seamen or The Botched.) 3
catherine paddock 1
cherelle flowers 2
chris thornborrow 2
frank l. visco 1
leroy mcdowell iv 2
linda cumer pittsburgh 2
michelle crouch 1
scott kausky mcdonald 1
travis stevens 2
So, are you looking for yourselves… or is someone looking for you?
13 levels of hell 1
4 colour pen 1
c64 logo 1
cartoon vhs tumblr 1
celtic cross scottish 1
cobra hood dragon fantasy 1
covelli enterprises wiki 1
crazy scientist electric 1
django’s bloodhound 1966 1
do you call it beanie or beanie hat 1
four colour pen 1
foxtrot comic strips andy cold 2
funny battle gear 1
ghetto blaster goofy t-shirt 1
giant bbq grate 2
girl riding short bus 1
graph of excedrin 3
graph of responses 1
graphs of food in civil war 1
happy birthday toy accordion 1
happy rock radio caroline 259 playlist 1
hare krishna vs moonies 1
how to play happy birthday on toy accordion 2
i just really want to kiss you right now (What?) 2
icecreamhucklebucks (I know the Legendary Hucklebucks…) 1
if you’re going through hell keep going poster 1
i’m sorry i annoyed you with my friendship 1
incessant 6
invincible meme 3
irish celtic cross back patch 1
irish cross 2
jelly carrier 1
letter of advertisement 2
lunar 2
lunar estate (Looking to buy? I’ll sell you some…) 2
mad scientist electrical 2
mad scientist electricity 1
modal video of paltry farms 2
moose logos 1
no entry sign vector 2
panira ng mood quotes tumblr 1
pick up after your dog sign vector 3
pro bendig wii 3
randi accessoires artikel 2833 artikel 2834 1
reunion phreaker 2
rocky road lift yj 2
shalom in 5 s wabash 2
sharpie market share graphs 2
short story a dog evolved and used man to throw sticks for him 2
stocking cap from moon 1
stupid employees 2
thank you for your time and clarifying on my queries 1
the draw-well ghost 2
the people upstairs (are noisy.) 3
this is crazy meme 1
title13, u.s.code, sections 141 and 193 1
vector graphics tv commercial for a gym 2
ya hand sign 2
Unknown search terms 257

See what I mean?

Employees Must Wash Hands « Blurt


You must read this blog by Omawarisan, he swears that this is the only photo he’s ever taken in a public restroom:

Employees Must Wash Hands « Blurt.

Omawarisan swears that this is the only photo he's ever taken in a public restroom.

I propose a revolution where these signs are strictly adhered to.

We all know my feelings on public restrooms, hand-washing signs, bathroom attendants, and stupid signs in general.  Omiwarisan takes it to the next level.  I applaud his ingenuity and regularly enjoy his blog.  You should check it out.

Sign: SN-R6EMW'Mind Your Manners' Japanese bathroom sign! Toilet Signs Vector Graphic

Bathroom Attendants.


I’d just like to go on record saying I don’t like bathroom attendants.  I’ve been to two venues lately that have had them, the Diesel Club Lounge & the Altar Bar.  My run-in last night at the Altar Bar was odd.  I went into the stall to relieve myself, and came out to the faucet running, a dude squirting soap in my hands, and handing me some towels when I was done.  It’s odd to have someone do something for me that I could have easily done myself.

Imagine you’re walking down the street and your shoe comes untied, I run up to tie your shoe, & expect a tip.  I would be met with a resounding “WTF?” because I wasn’t asked to help.  Yet, I helped you, and you had no choice.  Odd there.  Odd in the bathroom.

We can suspend the general “stage fright” issue, knowing it’s weird that there’s a dude standing less than 10 feet away, but it is a public bathroom so there’s always that distraction.  It’s just the other guys are there doing the same thing as you, not offering any services.

English: From the author: Gnarly bathroom. Pro...

Poop-flavored candy, cakes, & gum!

Speaking of offering services… No, I don’t want any gum, candy, Swiss cake rolls, or honey buns that have been sitting in the bathroom.  Can’t you at least put that part right outside the door?  I don’t generally have food in my bathroom at home…. why would I want it anywhere else?  How many foul smells & horrible germs must those foods absorb before you’re able to sell them?  I’m not a smoker, but I’m guessing that people who are also don’t want cigarettes that smell like they were pulled out of a sewer.

Why are you trying to sell me food in the bathroom?  No, I don’t need cologne or deodorant, or anything else.  When I’m urinating, it’s my own special alone time.  I don’t need to chat or dine afterwards to celebrate.

Thank goodness I didn’t need to defecate last night.  Who wants to poop with someone hanging out ready to smell that?  Not to be disgusting, but we all do it, and we all know it smells horrible sometimes.  Who the hell wants to stand in a room selling absorbent little cakes while that’s going on?  (Would he build a nest for me?  Is that guy ready to wipe & wet-nap my ass too?  Do you have to tip extra for that?)

I can see the plus sides… perhaps a person in there deters people from being general pigs, graffiti, illicit activities, and promotes hand-washing.  They probably never run out of towels, soap, or toilet paper.  But, really, why not just check on things periodically and put up a sign.

Do these attendants get paid, or do they work only for tips & poop-flavored candy sales?  How does one get a position as a urination supervision specialist?

Shouldn’t I have a chance to refuse their services entirely if it creeps me out?

Where & why did this all start?

We live by Carnegie Mellon, can’t someone make some robots for this job that aren’t creepy & that don’t require tips?

Enlighten me.

Wash Your Hands Frequently. Also, don’t forget to breathe.


GOOD HYGIENE

(Sort of) Good Hygiene

I saw this sign over the weekend in the restroom of a retail store. It was beside the standard “employees must wash hands before returning to work” sign.  This was just a print out, placed in a 3-ring binder type page protector, then taped to the wall.  I don’t mean to poke fun at the store, or the person who placed the sign on the wall… but I do see a few problems with this sign, and similar signs in general.  (OK, maybe I do mean to poke fun – you can read an old rant on public restrooms here.)

My first issue with this specific sign was step #3.  For you the reader to appreciate this, I should have perhaps taken a few more photos of my surroundings.  The knobs on the sink were the little kind.  One would have to be quite flexible and creative to turn them off with their arms.  Also, this restroom lacked paper towels.  There was a hand dryer on the wall though.  I could have used some toilet paper to turn off the faucet, but have you ever gotten TP wet?  And, if I waited until my hands were dried by the air dryer… I would have wasted a large amount of water.  I can see that someone took the time to print & post the sign carefully.  Perhaps they could have altered the steps to ones that pertain to their setup?

I guess that’s my only big issue with this sign, other than other sings have told me 30 seconds, or even to sing a song in my head, like “Old McDonald” or “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star”… but I’m sure hand-washing time is a subject of hot debate in the hand-washing and general good hygiene sign community.

I wonder what frequently means?  I would think that if one needed hand-washing explained, and they could read the word frequently… one may wonder exactly how often one should wash.  One may think a few times a day is frequent.  One may think that since you’re in the bathroom, it’s talking about your time within.  Should you wash your hands 2 or 3 times for each restroom trip?  I would bet that clarification is definitely needed for the people that need these signs.  I find myself confused, and I already know how to wash my hands.  (Also, I’m sure that some medical professionals would remind you that frequent hand-washing is a sign of OCD.)

I wonder who needs these sings, and at the same time… why there aren’t more of them, educating the uninformed masses of more good hygiene policies.  There could certainly be a bunch more in public restrooms like “don’t pee on the seat”, “no boogers on the wall please”, & “proper nest-building for public toilets”.

I almost want to make a “how to wipe your behind” sign to hang up as a joke to post in restrooms around the area… but sadly I fear that we may see them for real some day.  Maybe they do already exist somewhere.  I would definitely include a “flush at [X] number of sheets per [X] ounces of fecal matter, to prevent clogging” line.

Perhaps a sign above the trash can that says “please do not place soiled underwear in trash can” would also be in good order.  Seems I know quite a few people who have worked places with public restrooms where this sort of thing has apparently happened.  Maybe in with this, signs warning against urinating or defecating in the sink would be appropriate.  This, I have unfortunately seen with my own eyes at the O.  Many many years ago, I was trapped by a hopefully drunk street-urchin looking fellow once who tried to share my urinal… when I balked, he relieved himself in the sink which was unfortunately on my way out the door.  That time, I skipped washing my hands.  Perhaps a footnote is in order on the hand-washing sign.  “*If you have just witnessed someone urinating in the sink, you may skip hand-washing.”  I’m betting the same people that need hand-washing reminders/instructions would also need to be told not to touch others’ urine.

So, I now task you the reader with helping me think of other signs that may need to be hung up in public restrooms and beyond.  What do people need told?  What obvious things maybe aren’t so obvious to all of us need to be publicly addressed?

What about “Please don’t eat the food on the floor by the trash can” at your favorite fast food restaurant? What about “how to pick up dog poop” instructions at the park, right by the useless “No Dogs In Park” signs?  What about some signs on buggies (shopping carts to you non-Yinzers) that say “We have cart returns, please put this in one when you’re done, not pushed to a random nearby corner”?

If you’re super-creative, send me a sign and I’ll post it.  You can either link to the url or image wherever it lives using html in the comments, or email it to world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com.

Please, wash your hands before emailing me though.

I hate public bathrooms.


Abandonded, dirty bathroom - Seattle

Image by StartTheDay via Flickr

Well, I’m sure everyone does to a certain extent.  I hate them for the obvious reasons of comfort/germs/privacy just like (I’d imagine) everyone else.  I mean, everyone would rather do business on their own throne & all alone, am I right?

I hate public facilities for other reasons that are somehow more annoying than the obvious…

  • They’re never stocked properly.  Okay, I guess this one’s obvious.  Sorry.  Perhaps I should also say “rarely” instead of “never”, but I’m ranting here.  If something’s not out completely, the dispenser is jammed which is worse because it’s there but you can’t get to it.  Soap? Toilet paper? Hand towels?  Who needs ’em, right?
  • TP Quality.  If I can see through it and  have to go bad enough that I’m actually pooping in a public bathroom, you can guarantee that I’m going to wad it so much that you should have just bought the better stuff anyway.
  • The “hey we cleaned it 10 min. ago” sign-in sheets.  Yeah, “cleaned”.
  • Sink design.  There seem to be a lot of sink designers out there that have never actually washed their hands.  When the faucet hangs about 2 inches over a sink basin with a large slope… my knuckles are hitting porcelain and my palms remain dry until I pull some contortionist-like moves that should probably get me into the Olympics.  Did no one think about that when the bathrooms were being built or remodeled?  No one has tried the sink out, regardless of the inevitable “Employees Must Wash Hands” sign?  Perhaps I am doing it wrong.  Is there a secret?  If there is a better way, I am but your humble student.
  • Water.  It’s never quite right, is it?  Scalding, freezing… a minor inconvenience I guess.  Most public sinks that I encounter have the all-on-splash-my-shirt setting and the just-above-a-drip setting with not much in between.  I’ll also mention the “oh no I leaned on the counter and it looks like I peed my pants” moment here.  The auto-sinks at Walmart stores feel like there’s a tiny elf with an eyedropper in there just waiting to wash your hands.
  • Foam soap is just terrible.  Quit it already.  I’m over it, and you should be too.  It dissipates so quickly & leaves my hands feeling either not clean at all at best or almost sticky at worst.  The watered-down liquid soap that was used regularly well into the late 90’s and early 00’s is just fine.
  • Technology isn’t your friend.   I’m the last person to run a tirade against technology.  But sometimes, the more there is to it, the more there is to go wrong.
    • The auto-flush toilet was probably the first to appear.  While noble, I have perfected my boot-flush and elbow-flush techniques… so I don’t need it, even if it does work.  Everyone’s heard the tale of someone who was auto-flushed upon amid doing business on the john.  No one wants to be the victim there, right?  Especially of the ones that look like a mini hurricane in a bowl.
    • The Hand Dryer.  I believe the correct ratio is 1 out of every 3 hand dryers (hot or cool) actually functions.  I haven’t done any studies, and I’m not sure if this is the factory QC acceptance level, but it seems about right.  I’m saying 1 out of 5 for the no-button auto kind.  You can quote me on this.
    • The hands-free paper towel dispenser.  Jammed, not working, empty, gives a 3″ square or enough to dry 1 finger… then takes 10 minutes to give you enough for the next finger.  So much here to go wrong.
    • The hands-free soap dispenser.  There’s no soap in it, because it’s all on the floor.  Or, if it’s an in-sink unit, there’s always a bottle of Softsoap or Dial there because the in sink unit is always empty or broken.
    • The hands-free sink.  See my previous comment about elves & eye droppers.  It also helps if the elf isn’t sleeping.
    • Pfft.  The auto your-ass-stinks dispensers make it smell like poop and flowers.  That helps.
    • What’s next?  Someday there will be butt-wiping robots or poo-burning laser beams.  I’d like to go on record now as voting against this.
  • The pee trough.  These are rare nowadays, thank goodness.
  • The Surprise.  Unfortunately you know what I’m talking about.  Stop it, people.
  • The trash can.  Full or overflowing?  Yes.  The in-sink or in-wall ones are a joke.
  • The multi-tasker.  I don’t want to hear you on your phone while you’re pooping.  The person on the other end doesn’t want to talk to you while you’re pooping.  I don’t want to talk to you while I’m pooping.  Phones and pooping do not mix.
  • The dweller.  What’s with people that just hang out in restrooms?  What are you doing besides making me nervous?  If you’re not using the facilities or freshening up… get out.

What did I miss?  I’m sure something in public restrooms annoys you too.  What is it?  Am I wrong with any of the above statements?  Have any horror stories?  Hit me with comments…

Last night’s Tubonegro tribute! (via Ernie and the Berts)


Ernie and the Berts did some crazy Turbonegro covers last night… “Suffragette City” (a cover of a cover), “I Got Erection”, and “Sell Your Body (To the Night)”. It was captured in photo and video.  It’s a good thing we have no shame.

Last night's Tubonegro tribute! One lucky Ernie and the Berts friend & fan who goes by the YouTube handle johnnyaUSA captured a very special moment last night.  Ernie got to live out 3 rock n’ roll dreams (a.k.a. “steps to becoming a man”) at the 31st Street Pub and it’s all captured here on video.  What are they?  Well, you’ll just have to watch and see! … Read More

via Ernie and the Berts

IT’S A CRAP!


It’s weird how things interconnect all the time… like thoughts that occur throughout a week or month that are seemingly connected to other random things.

Recently I wrote about Spaceballs 3D.

Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader recently blogged about some crazy toilets(You have to see #10.  Seriously.)

I saw something on twitter about an Admiral Ackbar Toilet and was moved to re-tweet.

Certainly this is a toilet worthy of Uncle John’s list, and of moichandizing moichandizing moichandising!