Stuck in the middle with you…


Make sure you can get the whole way through an intersection before you actually go through it.  I see these dingleberries every weekday morning.  I use the word dignleberry because they cling to automobile in front of them.  Please, study the illustration of the offending intersection by Bing Maps & mad paint.NET skills:

Don't be a dingleberry.

Don't be a dingleberry.

To drive the point home, what you’re seeing is my path (the green arrow) and the wrong path (the red arrow).  The yellow outline is the zone where you should not be when my light turns green.  Let’s call that zone the clean wipe zone.  There are two lanes headed in my direction.  The left lane is where I need to be, the right lane is where most of the red path dingleberries are going, so they can get up on the major highway close by.

One major dingleberry always ends up straddling the inside lane, clearly inside the clean wipe zone.  Sometimes the dingleberry has a friend that sneaks behind, straddling the lanes coming towards me.  That’s super dingleberryish.  Don’t be a dingleberry!

(Dingleberries in the clean wipe zone cause incredible discomfort, and sometimes bring out horn-honking traffic trolls.)

If you end up in the clean wipe zone when my light is green, you are a dingleberry.  There may be several reasons for the offending action…

  1. You’re an idiot and you weren’t paying attention.
  2. You think you can squeeze through.
  3. You’ll do anything to get through your light, not caring if you’re blocking traffic going the other direction.

I have solutions for all of these problems…

  1. Pay attention, idiot.
  2. You obviously can’t, judge better next time.  When it doubt, don’t.
  3. You are not more important than the throngs of others on their way to work.  Why block a whole bunch of them?

Are we clear?

It’s called “right of way”, you anuses.


People consistently drive incorrectly, illegally, and dangerously at more than a few intersections that I travel through on a somewhat regular basis.  I’d like to deal with them all eventually, but let’s just start with one at a time.  I’ve talked about this kind of stuff before, and I’m not saying that I’m the perfect driver or never do anything wrong with my vehicles… but this kind of stuff is covered in the PA driver’s manual, isn’t it?

The first intersection that I’d like to deal with has a clearly marked right-of-way, but it’s apparently not clear to all drivers licensed by the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.  First a description of the intersection in question thanks to Google Maps & my mad paint.NET skills:

Can you find all of the STOP signs?

Can you find all of the STOP signs? ( Hint: There's just 1.)

Does this really need any explanation?  Of course it does, or I wouldn’t be here ranting about it.  The green arrows are the path I usually take.  I chose green for my arrows, because I’m obviously always right.

Red arrow path people… I’m talkin’ to you.  I’ve seen you all try to pull out in front of me, no matter which green-arrowed path I’m taking.  You sit there, eking forward as if to tell me you’re interested in playing intersection chicken, or simply that you don’t quite comprehend that I don’t also have a stop sign.  To channel Dr. Seuss;

I don’t have a stop sign going up the hill,
I don’t have a stop sign going down the hill.
I can spot stop signs with such skill,
It must make you very ill.
I don’t have a stop sign going around the bend,
I don’t have a stop sign like you, my friend.

In case it’s unclear, the stop on the sign indicates that you are to sit there until all others in the intersection (with the right-of way) have gone though.  Which unfortunately for you, in this instance, is everyone except you.

CROSS TRAFFIC ⇆ DOES NOT STOP

...but YOU do.

Maybe they need an “opposing traffic does not stop” sign or something to the same effect there (if there isn’t one already).  Maybe we need someone to stand there, and hand out printed copies of instructions on how to navigate the intersection successfully …or even just a copy of this blog post.

Please, stop crowding forward when the tiny section of road gets backed up at that light in the morning.  Please, stop making faces at me and throwing your hands wildly into the air like I have wronged you in some way as I come up the hill around the bend to the left.  Please don’t cut me off as I’m waiting in the backed-up traffic to get to the light.  I don’t have a stop sign.  You do.  I didn’t cut you off.  I’m driving correctly, you’re an anus.

(We don’t use that word nearly enough.)