I’m not Kmart.


This is a logo for Kmart Australia.

Are YOU Kmart Smart?

Apparently, the difference between an address bar, a search box, and a To field are entirely lost on a certain segment of the population.  That’s OK, because those people are here for our amusement.  I believe this kind of thing may sort of be the fault of a smartphone, but maybe I’m giving too much credit there.  I’m still lost on the exact chain of events, but this came through my blog’s contact form:

From: Mckiver <mckiver317@gmail.com>
To:  <me>
Sent: Monday, January 16, 2012
Subject: W(aL)D Feedback

Name: Mckiver
Email: mckiver317@gmail.com
Website: http://google
Message / Comment: January 16, 2012

Hello!  I have an Award Card.  My Award Card’s validation date is 12/05/11 – 12/09/11.  I would like to know if my Award Card can still be used?  If not, I would like to know if I can exchange this gift card for a new valid one?  I also want to know the valid amount on my gift card (if any)?

Thank You,

Please email your reply/answer to me at:
mckiver317@gmail.com
or
mckiver317@hotmail.com

Thanks Again!

How’d you find my blog?: I found this  blog on the back of my Kmart Award Card.

Time: Monday January 16, 2012 at
IP Address: 00.000.000.000
Contact Form URL: https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/
Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

Again with this crap:  How’d you find my blog?: I found this  blog on the back of my Kmart Award Card.”  No, I’m pretty sure you didn’t.  But, you’re here anyway.

So, I wrote back…

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Tue, Jan 17, 2012
Subject: Re: W(aL)D Feedback (Not Kmart)
To: Mckiver, mckiver317@hotmail.com

Hello Mr. or Ms. McKiver,

I just wanted to write to let you know that I’m not Kmart.  I believe you found a blog post that I wrote about Kmart, then somehow navigated to my blog’s contact form to send this email.  Perhaps you searched for “www.kmartfeedback.com” instead of using the url bar, and it brought you to my blog?  Or perhaps you searched for “help@customerservice.kmart.com” instead of sending an email?  Were you maybe browsing on your phone?

Unfortunately I am unable to assist with your awards card query.  I am also not McDonald’s.  Good luck in your quest for information, I hope that Kmart is able to provide an agreeable answer.  Hopefully they are more responsive than my dealings with Pizza Hut.

Rock and Roll, my friend!
-W(aL)D

I never got a reply.  Perhaps they were embarrassed, …or just incredibly computer illiterate?  So I tried to nudge one:

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Jan 20, 2012
Subject: Re: W(aL)D Feedback (Not Kmart)
To: Mckiver , mckiver317@hotmail.com
Cc: help@customerservice.kmart.com

Hello McKiver,

I hadn’t heard back from you, and I was worried that you had given up in your quest for award card information.  Did Kmart get a hold of you?  I Cc’ed them on the email hoping they’d step in & deliver your information.  I hadn’t received a thank you from them for trying to help out a Kmart shopper, so I was a little discouraged.

If you were able to use your gift card, what did you buy?  Anything exciting?  Last time I was at Kmart, I bought some really warm socks.  They’re nice this time of year.  I like to keep my feet warm.

Does your Kmart have a Little Caesar’s out front?  I remember their pizza used to be awesome, but now it tastes like tomato paste spread over cardboard & covered in wax chips.  Someone ought to look into that.  Yeah, it’s only $5… but my $5 was hard-earned, and I’m not going to spend it eating a turd, you know?

In conclusion, I’d suggest socks, not pizza for your award/gift card.

Hope you’re having a nice day!
-Waldo Lunar

Well, Kmart is concerned at least:

From: Kmart Help <help@customerservice.kmart.com>
Date: Fri, Jan 20, 2012
Subject: Re: W(aL)D Feedback (Not Kmart) (KMM20865508V93493L0KM)
To: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>

 Good Morning Waldo,

 Thank you for contacting Kmart.com.

Waldo, we are sorry for any inconvenience you encountered with the feedback that you have given today. We know that your time is valuable and we appreciate the fact you took the time to give us feedback on our performance.

 We are listening to what you have to say. The feedback that you have provided today regarding (will be taken into consideration as we continue to enhance our services to meet the needs of our customers, (including you) going forward.

 Many of the changes that we have made have been a result of feedback from customers like you.

 We are here for you! Please reply should you have any further questions. We value your business and look forward to serving you in the future. You can also contact us on our customer service number 1-800-733-7249 or login to our chat support. Have a wonderful day!

We certainly hope you will continue to make Kmart your choice for quality and value!

At Kmart we care for our customers’ feedback, it helps us improve our service. Take our survey to tell us how we’re doing.

Make sure you’re registered at Kmart.com for emails, so we can stay in touch! Please add Kmart values, Kmart.com to your address book to ensure our emails reach your inbox.

Sincerely,

Stanton K.(mkundal)

Kmart Customer Care

webcenter@customerservice.kmart.com

1800-733-7249.

We’ll see what happens, I guess.  I’m still not McDonald’s.

See also:

Pandora’s Lunchbox


Heh.  Twitter is fun.  So, you may know that I have my W(aL)D Twitter account, and I use it to be goofy.  I think I re-opened the Subway door here.  Mayhaps this time I’ll get some sort of resolution?

Today, Subway Freshbuzz tweeted the following…

Does anybody else out there try to save half of their $5 Footlong for a 2nd meal, only to be called back by its delicious siren song?

So, I posted this in response…

@subwayfreshbuzz Nope. Not when 1 bite is a potential trip to the E.R. thanks to cross-contamination in the food-prep area.

Tonight, I have this in my Direct Message box…

subwayfreshbuzz Thanks for the feedback. It would be great if you could let us know more about this incident on our cust. service page  http://bit.ly/bhSAn

Well, at least I have someone paying attention!  I sent them a link to my original complaint to Subway, but I’d like to list the whole saga here… in case I need them to refer back to the message trail at some point…

Five. Five dollar. Five dollar… foot up your ass.

• October 28, 2009 • 8 Comments (Edit)

Subway Customer ID: 1918316

• October 29, 2009 • 7 Comments (Edit)

Quiznos writes back before Subway!

• November 12, 2009 • 8 Comments (Edit)

So, we have a response from Subway! – Not really a response, if you ask me…

• November 13, 2009 • 2 Comments (Edit)

The Quiznos Toasty Torpedo™ and the diminutive hand model…

• November 17, 2009 • 3 Comments (Edit)

“You never told me you spoke my language, Doctor Jones.”

• November 18, 2009 • 3 Comments (Edit)

If we’re keeping score, that’s Subway 1 and Quiznos 3½. – No doubt.

• November 20, 2009 • 3 Comments (Edit)

Subway®: “First, allow me to apologize.” – Again, this really wasn’t a nice response, or a response at all…

• November 24, 2009 • 4 Comments (Edit)

Allergies, Alliteration, and Annoyance.
– I had to take it somewhere else.

• November 25, 2009 • 6 Comments (Edit)

Allergies, Annoyance, Alliteration, & Acceptance

• December 21, 2009 • 1 Comment (Edit)

Subway®: “First, allow me to apologize.”


So, I fired off two more emails…  One to Subway, and one to my new friend Mr. Jones at Quiznos.  No response from Mr. Jones yet, but we do have one from Subway.  I’ll share it all below!

OK, so email one, to Subway:

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
To: “Bridenbaker, Mack” m.bridenbaker@sfaft.org
Cc: Paula Gomez gomez_p@subway.com; Kevin Kane kane_k@subway.com; Anna Marie Seeley seeley_a@subway.com
Sent: Mon, November 23, 2009 10:24:20 AM
Subject: Re: Subway [
Customer ID: 1918316]

Hello Mr. Bridenbaker,

It’s been over a week since your email to me saying that Ms. Gomez would address my concerns and I’ve yet to see any sort of response.  I still haven’t had a reply to my initial message to Ms. Seely, or  from anyone on your team.  I’m disappointed in the lack of comment overall, my first message which was sent on Oct. 28th has still gone unanswered.

I now understand why the employees in your stores have an “I don’t care” attitude.  It trickles down from the top, and certainly must be passed on in franchise owners, hiring, & training.

I’m amazed at your total lack of concern for the decline of your once championing establishment.  I should perhaps pass on my shellfish allergen and cross-contamination concerns to some allergy awareness groups.  Perhaps allergy awareness lobbyists will warrant some attention.  Everyone I know already hates Jared and the $5 footlong commercials, so I don’t need to push the issue on that one.  The concept of cheese tessellation will obviously elude the average sandwich artist from now until the end of time, so we have no hope there.

Perhaps in copying Quiznos’ idea of toasting subs, you should also adopt their business model in using better quality ingredients and customer service policies.  I have had a continued dialog with them regarding your lack of customer service and their seemingly misleading Toasty Torpedo ads with the very tiny hands.  They proudly stand behind their ads (however creepy), their innovation, and their customer service.

Not signed.  On purpose.  Notice all the Cc’s, everyone hates that… I don’t care who you are.   I tried to poke at every issue and make empty useless claims about allergy awareness groups, and I brought up that Quiznos is the trend-setter while noting that they’re also not perfect.

And, on a friendlier note to Quiznos, I decided to reveal my intentions to an amicable Mr. Jones:

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 9:22 AM
Subject: Re: The Quiznos Toasty TorpedoT ads?
To: “Jones, Tony” TJones2@quiznos.com

Thanks Tony,

I must confess, I do have a blog and I have been chronicling my email escapades there.  I like to play them as part consumer advocacy, part humor and all goofy.  I used to write snail mail letters, but email has made it so much easier & faster.  Some friends have encouraged me to keep writing, so I have.  I really enjoy the open & honest dialogue that we have going on, and appreciate that you stand behind the product & integrity of your company… and take the time to respond to emails such as mine.  Also, you obviously have a sense of humor, which has to be a “must” for any kind of customer interaction.  I’m sure you get goofier emails and phone calls from actual crazy people.

I’m intrigued at your suggestion that I get into consulting or franchise journalism.  Do you know how I would even go about this?  Would I need to obtain a degree in something?  I hope to grab followers to my blog just for amusement, but am unaware as to how to make it a profitable venture, ha ha ha.

Thank you once again for your time, I’m actually waiting to hear from some of your Quiznos colleagues, and Subway has still not given me a response beyond “someone will respond”… not that I’m at all surprised by that at this point.

Rock on!
-Eric

Hopefully he writes back in a positive light, and still finds all of this amusing.  Still waiting for further comment from his other colleagues, none of which have really delivered so far.

And, now, the fun part… Subway’s response (or lack thereof):

From: asksubway@subway.com
Date: Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 3:03 PM
Subject: Subway
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Monday, November 23, 2009

Dear Mr Aixelsyd:

First, allow me to apologize. Secondly, I would like to thank you for taking the time to contact us and share your comments.

At each SUBWAY® restaurant, it is the goal of every owner; manager and employee to produce each sandwich and salad properly made to order.

Our customers provide us with valuable input, which we use to improve our operations. Your comments were shared with the regional office in your area as well as the owner of the SUBWAY® restaurant that you have visited.  Since all restaurants are individually owned and operated it is the owner who would be the person to contact you in response to your concern.

I have gone ahead and copied our Training Department so that further lessons can be addressed with owners and their employees on proper handling.

Again, I appreciate you taking the time to contact us. SUBWAY® looks forward to your continued visits.

Sincerely,

Paula Gomez

Heh.  “First, allow me to apologize” not followed by an apology is extremely profound, and hopefully intentional.  Then, she thanks me for writing, probably through gritted teeth.

This line reeks of copy & paste:  “At each SUBWAY® restaurant, it is the goal of every owner; manager and employee to produce each sandwich and salad properly made to order.”

And, I love the long winded “it wasn’t me”/”it’s not my fault”/”it’s not my problem”:  “Your comments were shared with the regional office in your area as well as the owner of the SUBWAY® restaurant that you have visited.  Since all restaurants are individually owned and operated it is the owner who would be the person to contact you in response to your concern.”  Basically, she’s telling me that I’m being ignored by a lower level.

“I have gone ahead and copied our Training Department so that further lessons can be addressed with owners and their employees on proper handling.”  With what?  Cross-contamination?  Cleanliness?  Cheese tessellation? How to reply to customer emails?

SUBWAY® looks forward to your continued visits” …so we can spit in your food?  Did she read my emails?  Perhaps this whole thing is just a reading comprehension issue.  I find it amusing that the e Subway spokesperson declined to comment.  Perhaps now is the time to move into old-school W(aL)D mode, and reply that Subway will not be allowed on the moon when I’m emperor.

Are there any psychologists or psychiatrists out there reading this?  I’d love to get your take (…if you can tell me without telling me what my own problems are, ha ha ha).

If you haven’t been following,you may want to check out the back-story rundown here:  If we’re keeping score, that’s Subway 1 and Quiznos 3½. That should explain the last email, and at the bottom there’s a rundown of all the ones that came before it (with links) if you’re interested.

Also… lots of people have been telling me they’re following… by word of mouth, or Facebook, or Twitter, and even via text message… but I beg you, if you’re reading… post a comment here, and others may have a comment about your comment.  I see by the stats that people are reading.  Don’t be shy.  We’re all friends here.  Except for you, people at Subway… Except for you.

Customer ID: 1918316