Axl ‘Leaks’ Possible New GN’R Tunes


Recent reports have surfaced that Guns N’ Roses’ sole founding member and self-proclaimed demigod Axl Rose may have literally leaked tunes to the upcoming GN’R “reunion” album. TMZ has posted but since redacted an audio clip of Axl Rose passing gas taken via iPhone by a fan in an adjacent restroom stall at a roadside rest stop in Tennessee. Lucky listeners may note that the flatulence has a powerful sound that when transcribed as musical notes or tablature would make an incredible guitar riff hearkening back to the Appetite era, and sounds light years heavier anything on Chinese Democracy.

Axl squeezing one out on stage.

Axl squeezing one out on stage.

The fan asked Rose to autograph a sanitary toilet seat cover, but Rose declined stating that his new boss, Angus, wouldn’t allow it. Further investigation showed that someone had ripped the dispenser off the wall and urinated all over it anyway.

When Ultimate-Guitar.com reached out to Dave Mustaine for comment, Dave enlightened the all of rock and metal fandom…

“Axl and I had the same voice coach right around the time that I was kicked out of Metallica for writing better riffs than Jaymz and being a bigger douche than Lars. I’m great friends with Slash since we used to do heroin together, but I have to say that Axl’s farts make better riffs than the too-low-in-the-mix guitars the last Velvet Revolver album, whatever it was called.”

Dave went on to tell everyone that he wrote all of the essential building blocks for Metallica’s albums up until the black one, and that he could play all of the Metallica Metallica riffs and solos in his sleep with his balls on a Hello Kitty ukulele.

Izzy Stradlin recently came out of his hole, saw his shadow, and asked Blabbermouth.net to get off of his lawn.

Sebastian Bach tweeted about the news, adding that Axl’s farts not only sound great, but that they smell like fresh roses and have since 1997. He wishes he could maximize his own lower orifice potential and maybe that would finally convince the other guys in Skid Row to take him back.

Slash and Duff McKagan could not be reached for comment. Dizzy Reed and Gilby Clarke tried to comment, but no one would listen. Steven Alder has an upcoming exclusive interview with the every-other-week best-sale-ever flyer from Guitar Center, keep reading with us for updates when we steal that story before doing any fact-checking.

Matt Sorum still wants to punch Axl in the face, but would take the gig with Axl/DC if the current drummer tries to kill anyone.  He has been asking Rush if he can join their band.

Axl has also been rumored to be singing for Queen (to be billed as Rocket Queen), and for Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, & Jason Bonham in a project billed as Red Zeppelin since Robert Plant won’t return any of their calls.  Rose’s trash collector’s brother denies rumors of Axl fronting a Dio-era Black Sabbath/Heaven & Hell tribute tour which may or may not include Bill Ward.

In related news, a special episode of ABC’s Celebrity Wife Swap will have Joe Perry and Slash trade places for a week to see how the other guy deals with each other’s wives & bands for two weeks on tour.

Pittsburgh’s Food Allergy Walk 2011 Recap


4th out of the 5 top individual earners!

4th out of the 5 top individual earners!

So, we had a great time on Sunday at the Pittsburgh Food Allergy Walk!  I was honored to receive a certificate for being a top individual fundraiser, and glad I could help.  I was also asked to perhaps take part in getting the word out next year, and maybe be in on some of the planning.  My online chatter was picked up by this year’s volunteer chair Uwe Winzen, as well as the founder of EpiMoms (I’m a terrible person, I forgot her name already).  How cool is that?

(I say next year, we get the 501st Legion out there!  –  Looks like they appeared at some other cities’ food allergy walks!)

Campaign Progress | Goal: $50,000.00 Achieved: $39,333.05

Campaign Progress - Goal: $50,000.00 Achieved: $39,333.05

As of right now, the site states that we raised $39,333.05 toward the $50k goal.  I head a number in the $40 range on Sunday, but perhaps they’re still tallying cash & check donations made the day of the walk.  With online & offline donations, I raised $560.55 and Bethany raised $106.85… so we raised a total of $667.40.  We quite literally could not have done it without the support of our friends & family.

I did notice that I was in the minority… all the walkers received a ribbon: Blue for people with food allergies, green for friends & family supporters.  I didn’t see too many people my age or older with blue ribbons.  It seemed to be a core of families who had small children & young teens with food allergies.

Kyle Dine

Kyle Dine

It was fun to finally meet & see a performance from Kyle Dine after talking via Twitter & Facebook.  After all, we do represent the #FoodAllergyDudeArmy.  Kyle does great work educating kids on what to do regarding not taking food from just anyone, getting an adult to read labels, and speaking out right away about reactions…  as well as letting them know they’re not alone.  I also got to personally thank local celebrity Sally Wiggin for her generous donation!  She called me a sweetheart.

I have some photos up on Facebook, and hope to send them to FAAN so they can be placed in their Flickr photostream.  Hopefully others will comment on the day’s events at the Pittsburgh Food Allergy Walk Facebook Page.

Got a nice little video thank-you from FAAN too:

Smiley Cookie

Smiley Cookie

One of the coolest things I took away from the day was talking to Chef Regis Holden from Eat ‘n Park about their food allergy policies & procedures.  He told us how he worked with Bill Moore, their Director of Safety and Security, to develop practices from marking the order, to looking up all of the ingredients with possible cross-contaminants, to this awesome little purple kit with a sterile sanitary contaminant-free cutting board, knife, tongs, and other tools.  Chef Holden also spoke of yearly allergen training video refreshers, and of how he had just recently heard good things about the Eat ‘n Park on Banksville Road which is nearby.  I may just have to go see for myself, and blog about their process and my adventure!

Thanks again to everyone who gave us donations, and to the walk organizers.  I think we did some good work for FAAN!

Celebrity Endorsement?


Sally Wiggin ❹

Sally Wiggin ❹

None can argue with the awesomeness of local celebrity, WATE-TV‘s own Sally Wiggin.  If you do argue, I’ll fight you.  Sally is awesome, in fact… she’s so awesome, that her hair has it’s own Twitter account.  You can find Sally on Wikipedia, Twitter, & Facebook (a few times)(There’s even a page called “Sally Wiggin Out” on Facebook.)  She’s a phenomenon.

Since Andrew Stockey is on Facebook all the time (he’s on Twitter too) , I was feeling goofy & decided to try & goad him into making a donation to the Pittsburgh Food Allergy Walk by invoking the name Sally Wiggin, as she’s the “Local Honorary Media Chair”…

Not gonna let Sally Wiggin get all attention for the Food Allergy Walk, are you? Care to make a donation...?

Not gonna let Sally Wiggin get all attention...

Somehow, Sally must have interpreted this as me asking her personally for a donation, as this appeared on my wall a few days later…

I did as you asked. Can't wait to meet you and Bethany at the walk.

I did as you asked. Can't wait to meet you and Bethany at the walk.

And she did!  You can see that Sarah Wiggin has generally made a contribution to my food allergy walk donation page: http://wwwofoodallergywalk.org/aixelsyd13

(This also humorously qualifies her for a limited run “king krab orange” T-shirt from Ernie of Ernie and the Berts – planning on giving her one at the walk, wonder if she’ll wear it?)

I’m not far from getting my name in the “top fundraisers” list on the Pittsburgh walk page.  Those people are still getting donations too… so keep ’em coming!

This post is to celebrate the generosity of Sally Wiggin, and to try and get other local celebrities and organizations to step up & donate… for a chance to be awesome like Sally.  (I have also received some initial contact from Chick-fil-A, Qdoba, & Giant Eagle… though no donations as of yet.)

You can also donate to my wife, Bethany… she’s not quite as “aggressive” as I am in collecting donations.  You can listen to this while you dig out your credit card…