Tag Archives: Guns N’ Roses

Guitarobatics 🎸


I’m on a few super gear-nerdy and G.A.S.-educing groups on Facebook.  To the Awesome Cheap Guitars group, I recently posed this question:

So,what awesome cheap guitar moves have you pulled on stage? I’m a horrible guitar player, but I can wow a crowd with some flash, flair, and goofy-looking guitars. I’m guilty of the checked following…

Dancing E.

Dancing E.

☑ Playing behind the head.
☑ Playing while squatting with guitar in between knees, reaching arm through legs from behind.
☑ Playing while falling/laying down.
☑ Dropping-trou and continuing to play.
☑ Playing on knees bending back until head almost touches the ground.
Sad 80’s dance move with shuffling feet while playing.
☑ Playing on chairs.
☑ Playing on tables.
☐ Playing on the bar.
☑ Walking outside & in another door if possible with a wireless.
☑ Sitting in a seat with a wireless.
☑ Stage-diving.
☑ The Chuck Berry/Angus Young walk.
☑ Switching instruments mid song.
☐ Using a beer bottle as a slide.
☑ Using a mic stand as a slide.
☐ Blowing bubblegum bubbles. (Like Doyle.)
☑ Drinking mid song.
☑ Injuring a band mate by accident. (I chipped the lead-singer/bass player’s tooth.)
☐ Injuring a band mate on purpose.
☑ Improvising a mic stand out of duct tape, a hockey stick, & gatorade bottles. (Hey, we were playing at a dek-hockey rink.)
☐ Playing on someone’s shoulders.
☐ Playing while someone is on your shoulders.
☑ Playing from behind a wooden bear statue with the guitar on the front of the bear.
☐ Putting a lit cigarette under the strings in the headstock.
☐ The amp-hump. (Like Jimi.)
☑ The guitar-as-a-phallic-symbol air-hump. (Like Rex from the Lone Rangers  in Airheads.) 
☐ The guitar toss – Badass edition. (Like Prince – also, check out the falling into the crowd move!!!)
☐ The guitar toss – Oops edition. (Like Prince with the borrowed Epiphone or Krist Novoselic on MTV.)
☐ The guitar toss – Someone else catches & starts playing.
☐ Smoke-bombs. (Like Ace Frehley.)
☐ Set Fire to the guitar. (Like Jimi.)
☐ The windmill. (Like Pete.)
☑ The powerslide.
☑ The failed powerslide.
☐ Swinging from the rafters. (Hard to do while actually playing? This dude did it.)
☐ The “‘round the world” spin.
☐ The failed “round the world” spin.
☑ Yelling out a second story window mid-set for people to come into the bar.
☐ The “nyah-nyah you can’t see me” EVH turn-around.
☐ The flying karate kick.
☑ On the knees.
☐ On top of a piano. (Like Slash.)
☑ Dancing with the crowd.
☑ Duel of the Fates – using another musician’s fretboard as a slide.
 The salute – All in the air.
☑ The Poison-ish choreographed lean.
☑ Lean on a bandmate.
☑ Lean into a bandmate.

I know there are more.  I know photos & videos exist of some of these with me.   I know this post can get goofy. Please, I implore you to share your moves, including videos, animated gifs, and photos in the comments!  This kind of stuff is hilariously entertaining to me.

What’s your favorite to do?  What’s your favorite to watch?  What have you copied?  What have you invented?  What did I miss on this list?  Share your stories and images and favorite stuff from your favorite performers!

Now, for the self-indulgence:

Let’s start some #AxlRumors:


So, Axl is everywhere in the rock media world again and 15 year old me reads every stupid article like those it’s those goofy gossip columns in Rip or Metal Edge that used to be one sentence stories with bold rock star names jammed into one long nonsensical paragraph.  I’m actually excited to maybe try & see whatever version of Guns N’ Roses eventually ends up in Pittsburgh (if it makes it that long).

#AxlRumors

#AxlRumors

I even made a parody news article with my last post that fell super flat with no reads or comments.  Oh well, my bad.

I know I broke the one rule of blogging by never having regular steady content any more, but work with me here.  I want some interaction.  Maybe no one cares.  I guess we’ll see.

Let’s start some Axl Rose rumors.  Use the hashtag #AxlRumors on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or newer cooler social media platforms that I am wholly unaware of but still use hashtags.

You can post the url to your rumor(s) here in the comments, and we’ll see if it gets beyond this little corner of the internet, and if anyone finds their way back here.

Kapish?

I’ll start:

Now you.

⚠ Go! ⚠

(Don’t forget the #AxlRumors hashtag!)

Axl ‘Leaks’ Possible New GN’R Tunes


Recent reports have surfaced that Guns N’ Roses’ sole founding member and self-proclaimed demigod Axl Rose may have literally leaked tunes to the upcoming GN’R “reunion” album. TMZ has posted but since redacted an audio clip of Axl Rose passing gas taken via iPhone by a fan in an adjacent restroom stall at a roadside rest stop in Tennessee. Lucky listeners may note that the flatulence has a powerful sound that when transcribed as musical notes or tablature would make an incredible guitar riff hearkening back to the Appetite era, and sounds light years heavier anything on Chinese Democracy.

Axl squeezing one out on stage.

Axl squeezing one out on stage.

The fan asked Rose to autograph a sanitary toilet seat cover, but Rose declined stating that his new boss, Angus, wouldn’t allow it. Further investigation showed that someone had ripped the dispenser off the wall and urinated all over it anyway.

When Ultimate-Guitar.com reached out to Dave Mustaine for comment, Dave enlightened the all of rock and metal fandom…

“Axl and I had the same voice coach right around the time that I was kicked out of Metallica for writing better riffs than Jaymz and being a bigger douche than Lars. I’m great friends with Slash since we used to do heroin together, but I have to say that Axl’s farts make better riffs than the too-low-in-the-mix guitars the last Velvet Revolver album, whatever it was called.”

Dave went on to tell everyone that he wrote all of the essential building blocks for Metallica’s albums up until the black one, and that he could play all of the Metallica Metallica riffs and solos in his sleep with his balls on a Hello Kitty ukulele.

Izzy Stradlin recently came out of his hole, saw his shadow, and asked Blabbermouth.net to get off of his lawn.

Sebastian Bach tweeted about the news, adding that Axl’s farts not only sound great, but that they smell like fresh roses and have since 1997. He wishes he could maximize his own lower orifice potential and maybe that would finally convince the other guys in Skid Row to take him back.

Slash and Duff McKagan could not be reached for comment. Dizzy Reed and Gilby Clarke tried to comment, but no one would listen. Steven Alder has an upcoming exclusive interview with the every-other-week best-sale-ever flyer from Guitar Center, keep reading with us for updates when we steal that story before doing any fact-checking.

Matt Sorum still wants to punch Axl in the face, but would take the gig with Axl/DC if the current drummer tries to kill anyone.  He has been asking Rush if he can join their band.

Axl has also been rumored to be singing for Queen (to be billed as Rocket Queen), and for Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, & Jason Bonham in a project billed as Red Zeppelin since Robert Plant won’t return any of their calls.  Rose’s trash collector’s brother denies rumors of Axl fronting a Dio-era Black Sabbath/Heaven & Hell tribute tour which may or may not include Bill Ward.

In related news, a special episode of ABC’s Celebrity Wife Swap will have Joe Perry and Slash trade places for a week to see how the other guy deals with each other’s wives & bands for two weeks on tour.

Youfest, Youapalooza, You’d Tour, or Youstock.


Just over a year ago, I tried out a blog post asking for your input.  It totally didn’t work.  No one tried it.  So I’m gonna try it myself, and you’re going to hopefully reply this time.  I think I have a few more regular readers now.  Here are the rules as I set forth before…

Okay.  You just found out that you’re secretly related to Oprah, and since she knows you’re a huge music fan… she’s letting you put together the concert of all concerts to celebrate.  Since you have Oprah money, you pretty much have no limit there, but you are limited to bands that are alive and actively together, or that you believe could be reasonably brought back together with a little grea$ing of the wheels.  Example… you’re probably not going to get Guns N’ RosesAppetite or (even the Illusions tour) lineup to get on stage together… but you probably could get Steven Tyler & Joe Perry in the same room.

Put together the whole thing…

  • The Venue: A small club?  A stadium or amphitheater?  Your living room?
  • The Run: Is it a one-night-only deal, or is this a 3-day festival?
  • The Name: Every killer show has to have a killer title.  No “w00t-stock”, please.
  • The Bands: Who’s playing & in what order?  Bonus points for linking to ‘em.
  • Added Insanity: Want a 20 minute drum solo with Neil Peart & Lars Ulrich?  Want an unplugged duet with Danzig & Shakira?  Want GWAR to disembowel you on the stage?  A guitar battle between Eric Clapton and Slash?  Want all the bands to do nothing but Black Sabbath covers?  Can’t hurt to throw the idea out there!
  • Micro-Manage: If you really want to get nuts, what do you want to see in each performer’s setlist?  Either highlights or the whole thing.

I’ll think about mine while you post yours in the comments below, and in a few days or so I’ll revisit the whole idea in another blog post.  Links to bands’ websites, videos, and music strongly encouraged!

Got it?  I’m working under that set of guidelines.

I’d have just 2 sages, going back-to back with maybe 10 minutes in between each set.  None of this bands playing at the same time crap like I’ve seen at some festivals where 2 of the 5 bands I came to see are playing at the same damn time.

I narrowed it down to 6 days with 10 bands each day.  I didn’t work out set times… and the order is more random than I’d like.  Pairing bands can be difficult.  One one hand similar stuff sometimes pairs well… on the other it sometimes gets boring.

My problem is that I like a lot of bands & they constantly go in & out of rotation.  I’m always forgetting & adding.  This list might change if I were to start it all over tomorrow.

I’d like to see all the bands in their current incarnations as per the rules.  I’ve seen some of them and they’re great live acts… I’d like to see what the others can do live.  And, of course, if I had Oprah money, I’d put my bands in there too.  Who wouldn’t?

I’d need 2 equal size stages… something like a parking lot venue where the crowd just turns around.

I’d call it AiXeLFest 3.0, because it would kind of be like Leonard Part 6.  No one would have remembered 1 or 2.  Well, some people would.

AiXeLFeSt 3.0

Band [ Stage # ] Why?

  • “Hit List”

Day 1

AiXeLsyD [Stage 1] Why not? You’d put your band on too, if you could, right?

The Legendary Hucklebucks [Stage 2] These guys are ridiculously entertaining. As for the Metallica cover, they played it live once and the crowd went NUTS.

Michale Graves [Stage 1] Dude works hard, writes some good stuff.  I’d like to hear some Graves & Gotham Road stuff… plugged in.

  • “Casket” (Graves)
  • “Creo Burn” (Gotham Road)
  • “Saturday Night” (Misfits)

Locksley [Stage 2] Killer live band that I’ve had the honor of playing with, and damn nice guys.

  • “The Whip”
  • “Darling, It’s True”
  • “Don’t Make Me Wait”

Enemy You [Stage 1] I have one of their albums and I need more.  It’s ridiculously catchy.

The Nobodys [Stage 2] These guys are hilarious potty mouths, and I bet they’d be a great show.

BARS [Stage 1] I can’t seem to find much about this band online. Did they even tour? Do they still exist?

Fist Fight in the Parking Lot [Stage 2] Prepare to have your face rocked off.  You can claim it later at the lost & found.

  • “Side Steppin’ Ninja”
  • “S&M”
  • “Something
Willie Nelson and his guitar "Trigger"

Willie Nelson and his guitar "Trigger" (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Willie Nelson [Stage 1] One of the coolest concerts I’ve ever seen was Willie Nelson.  The dude is a natural entertainer & such a great songwriter.

Motörhead [Stage 2] Have you seen the movie Lemmy?  Who wouldn’t want this guy to perform?  They rock harder than most bands can even imagine rocking.

  • “Ace of Spades”
  • “Sacrifice”
  • “Enter Sandman” (Metallica Cover)
  • “R.A.M.O.N.E.S.”

Day 2

Secrets Lie Within [Stage 1] These dudes are great friends that AiXeLsyD & Gasoline Dion played many shows with. I dig their sweet sugary sound.

Duncan Redmonds [Stage 2] The man is a genius. So many bands, so many songs.  His acoustic gigs look great on YouTube.  I’d like to hear stripped-down stuff from any of them.

I Voted For Kodos [Stage 1] Never had the pleasure of seeing them live.  They were a ska band, and then they weren’t, I think.  Ska is generally a fun time, and these dudes wrote some catchy songs.

Steel Panther [Stage 2] Why wouldn’t you want these guys at an almost week-long party?

The Misfits [Stage 1] At least someone is playing the songs.  I’d like to get as many of them as possible in one place and see either  a reconciliation or a brawl.

Reel Big Fish [Stage 2] One of the better bands I’ve seen live… they’re all kinds of crazy & fun.

  • “Beer”
  • “Everything Sucks”
  • “Another Day in Paradise” (Phil Collins cover)

Guns ‘n’ Wankers [Stage 1] I love the self-titled CD, it’s absolute genius.  Both versions.  I’d love to see this band live.

Mighty Mighty Bosstones [Stage 2] These guys are high-energy awesomeness live.  Must be that dude that just dances.

NOFX [Stage 1] I’d love to see them again.  They have an insane back-catalog of songs and I like most all of ‘em.

  • “Mattersville”
  • Woah on the Woahs”
  • “We Threw Gasoline On The Fire And Now We Have Stumps For Arms And No Eyebrows”
Flogging Molly performing live at Rams Head Li...

Flogging Molly performing live at Rams Head Live in Baltimore, MD (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Flogging Molly [Stage 2] Ridiculously awesome live show.  Ridiculously catchy easily accessible songs.  Ridiculous ability to get the crowd pumped.  I’d go see them any time I can.

Day 3

Gasoline Dion [Stage 1] Again, if you were doing it & had a band, you’d put yourself on too.  Or maybe I just have a big rockstar ego.

  • “Cold”
  • “Bitch Pants Opera”
  • “She Shits in Stereo”

Screeching Weasel [Stage 2] They’re the “hey those aren’t the Ramones?” of my generation.  I know they don’t play much.  I’d make them.

  • “Celena”
  • “Cool Kids”
  • “My Right”
  • “I Wanna Be Naked”

Ann Beretta [Stage 1] One of my favorite bands.  There was some kind of split, but Rob & Russ soldiered on to make more killer music.

  • “Bottlecaps”
  • “Love’s Easy Tears”
  • “Russ’ Song”
  • “Efforts Wasted”

800 Octane [Stage 2] Don’t know much about them other than I found them online many years ago & totally dug all their stuff.

Tom Green [Stage 1] Listen to this. This dude is a great rapper, and bound to be wildly entertaining and unpredictable. His Prepare for Impact album is incredible.

Dropkick Murphys [Stage 2] Great live show.  Catchy songs.  Celtic.  What more do you need?

  • “I’m Shipping Up to Boston”
  • “Amazing Grace” (Traditional)
  • “Dirty Glass”

ALL [Stage 1] ALL!  Oddly, I like ALL better than that other band that they’re almost all in.

Band of Skulls [Stage 2] I bought this album recently and couldn’t get it out of the CD player.  I kept letting it play.

The Offspring performing lite in Fortaleza, Br...

The Offspring performing lite in Fortaleza, Brazil, November 15th 2008 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Offspring [Stage 1] Another memorable live show.  These guys are pros all the way, and quite memorable.  I saw this tour where they had this “intermission” with bubble machines and inflatable furniture… it was hilarious.

  • “Total Immortal” (AFI Cover)
  • “Self Esteem”
  • “The Kids Aren’t Alright”
  • “Bad Habit”

Avenged Sevenfold [Stage 2] I liked this band the instant I heard them on a Hopeless Records comp.  Then, they blew up.  Good for them!

Day 4

Sing the Evens, Play the Odds [Stage 1] Fun fact: I named this band. They’d do it if I asked nicely. They were a killer live show & great friends.  I feel like they had another album in them somewhere.

The Bloody Seamen [Stage 2] You need to see this band.  Everyone needs to see this band.  What are you waiting for? Go!

The Eyeliners [Stage 1] Beautiful girls playing poppy punk rock songs with mad skills?  I’m in. Gel is one of my favorite guitarists!

  • “Destroy” (an appearance by Joan Jett would be killer!)
  • “Think of Me”
  • “Do The Zombie”

Transplants [Stage 2] I liked the first album, and I’d love to see how they do it live.

Marky Ramone’s Blitzkrieg [Stage 1] This has to be a great show.  I wanna hear all these Ramones Songs.  Marky is a space cadet.

  • “When We Were Angels”
  • “Pet Sematary” (Ramones)
  • “R.A.M.O.N.E.S.” (Motörhead Cover)
  • “Bop ‘Til You Drop” (Ramones)

Me First and the Gimme Gimmes [Stage 2] They’ve got to be a great time.  They were booed at PNC Park once because Yinzers are dumb.  They need to come back to an appreciative audience.

  • “Country Roads” (John Denver cover)
  • “One Tin Soilder” (Original Caste cover)
  • “Goodbye Earl” (The Dixie Chicks cover)
  • “Hello” (Lionel Richie cover)

Poison [Stage 1] Balk or scoff if you want, but I’ve seen them a few times, and they’re a great light-hearted rock n’ roll show.  Brett Michaels & CC DeVille are great entertainers.

Beastie Boys [Stage 2] I’ve never seen them live, but I’d love to.  They are incredible at defining what they do, and then doing it.

Velvet Revolver [Stage 1] Their records are over-produced, but they’re a great dirty live rock band.  I don’t care if it’s Wieland or whoever the new guy will be.

  • “Set Me Free”
  • “Slither”
  • “Negative Creep” (Nirvana cover)
  • “Mr. Brownstone” (Guns N’ Roses)
Prince playing at Coachella 2008.

Prince playing at Coachella 2008. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Prince [Stage 2] Absolute genius.  Incredibly insane.  I’d love to see this in action.  Ever see Purple Rain?  If he brought out Morris Day & the Time for a few, it would also be incredible.

Day 5

Exclusion Principle|45 min.|1|My favorite local band ever?  Probably.  These dudes gigged with AiXeLsyD all the time, and were awesome.  For Oprah money, I want a recording too.

Bastard Bearded Irishmen [Stage 2] If you live in the burgh, are at all of fan of Celtic stuff, and haven’t seen them… please kick your own ass now.

  • “In Heaven There Is No Beer” (Ernst Neubach & Ralph Maria Siegel cover)
  • “Drinkem’, Drankem, Drunkem’ “
  • “Black Velvet Band” (traditional)
  • “Float” (Flogging Molly cover)

Dethlehem [Stage 1] If any orcs show up to this gig, these guys will have it covered.  They also slay eardrums with magical sweeping.

The Unseen [Stage 2] These guys are a great live show.  I’m not sure who’s even in the band any more.  High energy songs, high energy show.

Omegalord [Stage 1] “Not. Gonna. Die.  …With bullets in my gun!”  Badass biker metal like Motörhead meets Black Sabbath, cool live show.  Oprah money may convince them to reunite.

Nerf Herder [Stage 2] Hilarious songs, great hooks, and goofy premises…  I wish this band churned out more albums & toured more.

Tenacious D [Stage 1] These guys are awesome.  With Dave Grohl on Drums and or additional guitar it would rock that much harder.

Dr. Dre [Stage 2] Musical genius.  Lyrical genius.  Production genius. Marketing genius. Hasn’t made kid movies.  I’d like to see Ice Cube, Eminem, MC Ren, DJ Yella, & Snoop do some guest spots.

  • “Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thang”
  • “Natural Born Killaz” (Dr. Dre & Ice Cube)
  • “Keep Their Heads Ringin'”
  • “Straight Outta Compton” (N.W.A.)
Slash playing a show with Velvet Revolver

Slash playing a show with Velvet Revolver (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Slash, Miles Kennedy, & the Conspirators [Stage 1] Slash & Miles Kennedy go well together.  They ought to keep doing it.  Slash digs his touring band.  They ought to keep doing it.  I need to see this band if/when they come through the ‘Burgh.  Slash has a great body of songs to pull from.

  • “Back & Forth Again” (Slash’s Snakepit)
  • “Starlight”
  • “Rocket Queen” (Guns N’ Roses)
  • “Ghost”

Aerosmith [Stage 2] I’ve never seen them, I’d like to before someone dies or they hate each other forever (again).  I bet it’s a hell of a show.

  • “Mama Kin”
  • “Walk This Way”
  • “Big Ten Inch Record”
  • “Love in an Elevator”
  • “Train Kept A-Rollin'” (Tiny Bradshaw cover)

Day 6

Ernie and the Berts [Stage 1] Yup.  I was in too many bands, and I self-promote way too much.

Peelander-Z playing at the Asian Heritage cele...

Peelander-Z playing at the Asian Heritage celebration in New York at LaGuardia Community College (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Peelander-Z [Stage 2] These guys are pretty much inexplicable as a live act.  It’s an experience.  It’s like you’re on another planet.  There’s so much interaction & participation, it’s hardly like watching a band… it’s like being in one.

The Bloodhound Gang [Stage 1] Such a fun live show.  It’s like a dirty dirty potty-humor filled  circus.

  • “It’s Tricky”
  • “Mope”
  • “Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss”

The Sword [Stage 2] These guys are so heavy, they might cause the stage to collapse.  These are the coolest riffs you’ll get outside of a Sabbath album.

AFI [Stage 1] So many different sounds, and I like them all.  I caught the very end of their set once at a Warped Tour.  I’d like to see a full set.

  • “I Wanna Get A Mohawk (But Mom Won’t Let Me Get One)”
  • “Totalimmortal”
  • “Kill Caustic”
  • “Days of the Phoenix”
The Drummer is the main vocals. Can't think of...

SNUFF: The Drummer is the main vocals. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Snuff [Stage 2] Such a great band.  So many albums, so many songs, so many related projects, and I love them all.  They need to come to the US so I can see them!

Rancid [Stage 1] So catchy, great live band, and all kinds of fun.  Rancid is a great gateway into ska & punk rock.

Danzig [Stage 2] Badassery abounds from the great tiny one.  If only Danzig could learn to not take himself so seriously.  Great live show though!

Green Day [Stage 1] I’ve never seen them live.  I’d love to.  I enjoy many of their albums & have for quite some time. They’ve become incredibly successful just doing what they do.

  • “2,000 Light Years Away”
  • “She”
  • “F.O.D.”
  • “Church on Sunday”

Metallica [Stage 2] METALLICA!  Even without Jason Newsted, and even after a few blah albums… I’d like to see them again.  They’re still THE metal band.


Son of Sam would be cool too if Davey Havok were to sing… or a Samhain reunion, or even the Teen Idols or The Donnas.  Then there’s, Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards, The Foo Fighters, Psychostick, Green Jellÿ, The Aquabats, The Phenomenauts, Head Cat, Sixer, Warp 11, The Distillers, Weird Al, Electric Eel Shock, and so many others..  I could easily add another day & lots more locals like The Cheats, Undercover Saints, Scratch ‘n Sniffs, Trash Magnet, Black Casket, maybe even Anti-Flag.  Maybe we could reunite the Satanic Bat?

I wonder how much money or money to a charity it would take to get Ozzy Osborne, Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler, and Bill Ward all to get on stage together?  Think I could get Dave back into Sum 41?  Then there’s Duff McKagan’s Loaded or Izzy Stradlin (& maybe even the Ju Ju Hounds).  Could I pay enough to bring Bobby Steele and The Undead out of retirement or for Danzig to play with John Christ, Chuck Biscuits, & Eerie Von?  Maybe a Pinhead Gunpowder or The Network appearance could happen?  I like the weird/quirky stuff.

I’d like to see all the bands in their current incarnations as per the rules.  I’ve seen some of them and they’re great live acts… I’d like to see what the others can do live.  And, of course, if I had Oprah money, I’d put my bands in there too.  Who wouldn’t?

As far as the “hits”, I tried to include rare stuff or stuff that I’d go just nuts without hearing.

So that’s my list.  Today.  Obviously, I find it hard to narrow down.  Now, make your own!  You don’t have to get as detailed as me.  You can list your favorites in the comments below.  You could post it on your own blog or as a Facebook note & keep it going.

Would you come to my show?

Dear Mr. Rose,


Dear Mr. Rose,

Thanks for pissing on the remaining shreds of hope that I had that there could ever be an Appetite-era lineup reunion of the infamous Guns N’ Roses.  I wasn’t hoping for a world tour or anything.  Just a 1-time set at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame would have been gracious and exciting.

I watched as the band burned bright, then fell apart.  Illusions I & II are the sound of a band imploding, and Spaghetti Incident is the sound of a band phoning it in.  Chinese Democracy is the unsettling ranting of a lunatic.

I have read the biographies, and I have made a public plea for a reunionAppetite for Destruction floored me when I was a teenager.  The guitars were blaring and dancing around each other perfectly.  The drums made my heat beat faster.  The bass managed to weave it all together.  The vocals made me want to scream and yell.  Lies was absolutely brilliant.  The raw aggression of the earlier “live” tracks were the Guns, & the stripped down yet edgy acoustic tracks were the Roses.

You could have been a grown-ass-man, and set aside your ego, your demons, and whatever else is plaguing you.  You could have probably even gotten away with not showing up for rehearsal, sound check or even acknowledging the existence of the other guys off stage.  Everyone knows you’re supposedly some sort of “temperamental genius” by now, and would have let it slide.  I mean, you really never got much more than a monetary slap on the wrist for inciting multiple riots.  If you can get away with that, you can pretty much get away with anything.

It seems that you fear reuniting with the old lineup would invalidate the existence of the current lineup of Guns N’ Roses.  The only thing that invalidates the current lineup is one W. Axl Rose.  You have made it unequivocally clear that the founding members of the band who wrote the songs that you’re surely playing on tour & developed the sound that you try so hard to get away from are nothing but hired guns (pun intended) to your apparently infallible and virtually unreachable artistic vision.  Why should we put any stock in the revolving door of members that has been present since the departure of core members Duff & Slash?  Perhaps Izzy was the most intelligent of the bunch, getting out shortly after Adler was ousted.  Gilby Clarke sure was never given status as a full band member.  Even Buckethead was called out for his apparent inabilities to record or tour when he left the band.  It’s always someone else’s fault, isn’t it?  Does Dizzy Reed know any other words than “Yes, Axl”?  (Surely even you have to notice how terrible the piano sounds on live versions of “Patience” and “Paradise City“.)

By all accounts it’s Axl who was always late to the stage, Axl who left everyone hanging in Chicago, Axl & some guy that wasn’t even in the band that included a hidden Charles Manson cover on an album despite the rest of the band’s wishes, Axl who called in Paul Tobias without asking anyone else, Axl who demanded legal ownership of the band name at a time when it was impossible for the others to refuse (all aiming to keep the fans happy), Axl who put out no albums while former bands mates cranked out multiple albums from multiple projects, and Axl who consistently points out the shortcomings of his peers and former friends through some self-created veil of paranoia while never taking the time to analyze or even admit to his own self-destructive actions.

Thank you for destroying my favorite band.

I guess I do have to thank you for making sure that the last memory of my favorite lineup won’t be some half-hearted attempt at recapturing some inspirational spark or any multitude of possibly disappointing outcomes.

Former Fan,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD

Appetite for Destruction

Appetite for Destruction (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Actual Best Rock Guitar-Dominated Intros of All Time According to the Ultimate Authority, Me.


Well, I said I was gonna do it.  I eventually got around to it.  Here it is.  I guess I should call this something other than “The Actual Best Rock Guitar-Dominated Intros of All Time (Not Chosen by Idiots)”.  But as a mediocre semi-professional guitarist, I am an authority.  Right?

  1. “Master of Puppets” – Metallica ==::: This riff slaps you in the head.  Thunk!  That’s what it does.  To your head.  Maybe it’s not as shrill as “Seek and Destroy” or as renowned as “Enter Sandman”, but it’s a hell of a way to bring you into a song.  There’s no easing, no build-up, just smack smack smack/blazing riffs and screaming about how drugs are bad!
  2. Velvet Revolver - Slash

    Slash

    “Welcome to the Jungle” – Guns N’ Roses ==::: This one owes as much to the delay effect as the riff, but wow it rocks.  It opens up one of my favorite albums.  I had to include it.

  3. “Sweet Child O’ Mine” – Guns N’ Roses ==:::  Legend goes that Slash hated this warm-up riff, and that he thought it sounded like circus music.  It’s a good thing Slash had Axl & the rest of Guns N’ Roses to keep this on around.  Who doesn’t love this playful riff?
  4. “Paranoid” – Black Sabbath ==:::  I play this riff 9 out of 10 times when I pick up a guitar.  Why not?  It’s fun.  Iommi is a genius.  It’s been covered by Megadeth, The Dickies, Avenged Sevenfold, Type O Negative, Green Day, Metallica, and bar bands everywhere.
  5. Toni Iommi playing a true left-handed guitar (...

    Tony Iommi

    “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath” – Black Sabbath ==:::  I always feel like this one is underrated.  Everyone talks about “Iron Man” and “Black Sabbath”, but this is a damn cool riff.  Recognize.  (“Supernaut”, another of my favorites, could go here too…)

  6. “Sunshine of Your Love” – Cream ==:::  It sounds like Clapton is playing an army of guitars here.  I believe Jack Bruce came up wit the riff, inspired by Hendrix.  It’s an incredibly powerful riff.  (Even if you change it like Living Colour did.) It’s iconic.  It’s rock.  It’s blues.  It’s heavy.  It grabs you.
  7. “Rock You Like a Hurricane” – Scorpions ==:::  Here they are.  Everyone my age remembers this riff.  I was never a huge fan, I think I have a greatest hit’s CD, but this riff is still classic.
  8. Stephen Egerton

    Stephen Egerton

    “Long Distance” – All ==:::  It’s my list.  I’ll include killer punk bands if I want.  If you don’t know this riff, you should.  In fact, a bunch of All riffs could go here.  Stephen Egerton has a sound where you know it’s him when he’s on guitar.  He’s got a totally underrated incredible guitar voice.

  9. “Crazy Train” – Ozzy Osbourne  ==:::  It’s in that commercial.  It’s been played by marching bands.  It’s been covered by Pat Boone.  It’s in our collective consciousness.  Randy Rhoads was a madman, and this is an incredible riff.
  10. “London Dungeon” – Misfits  ==::: This is a great gloomy riff, and one of the few things the Misfits churned out that wasn’t a power chord.  I like the recording from the ill-fated 12 Hits From Hell album that never was.  It’s got Bobby & Doyle on guitar, & producer Robbie Alter on guitar overdubs… I dunno who came up with the riff.  It could have even been Glenn or Jerry.

I’m sure if I were to make a list tomorrow, it may contain different songs.  What did I miss?  Give a link to the YouTube video in the comments below.

Ink N’ Pages – The Guns N’ Roses Autobiographies


Slash

Slash

So, it’s no secret that I’m a Guns N’ Roses fan.  Well, a fan of everything up until The Spaghetti Incident.  I like both of Duff‘s solo albums, all of Slash’s Snakepit & solo material, Velvet Revolver, I even have Hollywood Rose.  I still need to pick up a Loaded album, but I do have the Neurotic Outsiders.  This doesn’t dig into bootlegs of live and demo stuff… of which I have a plethora.

Appetite for Destruction generally tops my “all time favorites” album lists.  I go back to it time and time again, & get lost in between Slash & Izzy’s guitars spiraling around each other.

Of course, when the autobiographies started coming out, I had to read them.  I got Slash‘s book, then Duff’s then Steven’s.  Slash was a rock n’ roll hero to me when I was in Jr. High & high school, but out of the three books… I think Duff comes off the best  and most entertaining.  The writing is very fluid.  I found it easy to imagine Duff in the early days.  The stories are blunt & sincere, and he ties it all back to where it has led him & where he is now in life.  Duff seems like a great guy to hang out with.

It's So Easy: and Other Lies

It's So Easy: and Other Lies

Slash’s book is an easy read, but it jumps around quite a bit.  His recollection of events is really questionable.  It doesn’t necessarily feel like Slash is remembering things correctly, or even the one telling the story.  I might have to give it a re-read after finishing the other two books.

Steven’s book, like Steven, is a mess.  I can’t help but feel pity for the guy, mostly because he professes to not have a “poor me” attitude, but every single action the guy takes screams “oh poor me”.  This guy just can’t get it right, but he still seems like a likeable guy.

It comes across in all of them that they had fun times in the early days, with a vibe that can never be repeated.  Sadly, all these guys seem to have a habit of burning bridges… yet posses a decent history of patching things up.  I mean, Slash & Duff have never really stopped working together.  Duff has been on-stage with Axl’s band recently.  They both patched it up with Weiland recently.  Duff, Slash, & Izzy have jammed with Adler’s Appetite.

My Appetite for Destruction: Sex, and Drugs, and Guns N' Roses

My Appetite for Destruction: Sex, and Drugs, and Guns N' Roses

One thing is clear from all of these books… Axl is an absolute wild man, and these guys love & fear him.  I really hope Axl & Izzy churn out books someday.  Maybe somehow all of the events can get plotted out & reconstructed correctly.

Maybe they’ll even get together for the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame ceremony.

I’d love to check out some of the other GN’R biographies (like Reckless Road), but if the guys in the band can’t even get it right… then what hope does an outsider have?

♧♠♡♦♢♥♤♣

Rock’s Greatest Guitar Intros? (a.k.a. Another Stupid List?)


“Top however many of whatever” lists are designed to generate ire & promote discussion.  This one undoubtedly has in many circles.  Spreading around the internet like herpes, here’s the latest from some radio station somewhere:

What are The Top 10 Greatest Guitar Intros in rock?  Well, someone compiled a list and put it on the Internet.

All the songs were released between 1967 and 1990.

Here’s the list:

10.)  “School’s Out”,  Alice Cooper  (1972)

9.)  “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love”,  Van Halen  (1978)

8.)  “Thunderstruck”,  AC⚡DC  (1990)

7.)  “Sweet Home Alabama”,  Lynyrd Skynyrd  (1974)

6.)  “Heartbreaker”,  Led Zeppelin  (1969)

 5.)  “Working Man”,  Rush  (1974)

4.)  “Layla”,  Derek and the Dominos  (1970)

3.)  “Suffragette City”,  David Bowie  (1976)

2.)  “Purple Haze”,  The Jimi Hendrix Experience (1967)

1.)  “Eruption / You Really Got Me”,  Van Halen  (1978)

Source: Wise Brother Media/ Radio 96.1

What?  Shenanigans I say!  I bet you say it too.  I mean, there are some stellar songs on that list, but also glaring omissions.  Some other yahoos are taking a poll.  Gibson made a list a while ago that grabs some more timeless tracks & grabs “Sweet Child O’ Mine” which would be close to or at the top of my list & really, who could forget “Crazy Train”?  And neither list makes note of the banes of guitar stores’ existence “Enter Sandman” or “Smells Like Teen Spirit“.  And where the hell is Black Sabbath?  “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath” has to be one of the coolest intros ever, among so many more.  What about “Welcome to the Jungle”?

If you’re gonna include “Sweet Home Alabama”, why not “Stairway to Heaven”, or even that one Pearl Jam song that’s all jangly and has that sweet tone where Vedder mumbles incoherently.  Hendrix’s version or “Hey Joe” or “Voodoo Child (Slight Return)”?

“Eruption”?  Clearly awesome, but it’s its own song, isn’t it, not an intro?  I mean, what are the rules here?  Why not just throw in some bass like “Bassically“/”N.I.B.” or “Anesthesia [Pulling Teeth]”/”Whiplash”?  A bass is arguably a guitar, right?

Nothing by Heart?  “Sunshine of Your Love” anyone?  “Start Me Up”?  “Hair of the Dog?”  No ZZ Top?  Nothing by Aerosmith?  No “Talk Dirty to Me?”  Ha ha.  Just making sure you’re paying attention.  What about some more metal stuff?  No Pantera?  No Slayer?  No Metalli-freakin’-ca?  No punk rock?  Well, I guess not a bunch of punk has blazing riff like intros.

What is rock?  Can rap or funk be included?  What about some crazy stuff by guys like Carl Perkins or Willie Nelson?

It’s clear my friends that we need to make our own list.  I dig Velvet Revolver’s “Set Me Free”, but I may be in the minority there.  Remember, this is guitar intros, not riffs.  I’m guessing we should aim for guitar-only intros, or we would all have to concede to “Rock You Like a Hurricane” for being the most powerful.   There’s also that one Avenged Sevenfold song…  it’s got a killer riff at the beginning, but I think there’s some drums right at the beginning.  If these are OK, is there room for “No Sleep till Brooklyn” or “Fight For Your Right”?

Start naming songs.  We’ll figure out some ground rules, set a number, set up some brackets & some votes.  We’ll even name it something classy like “The Actual Best Rock Guitar Intros of All Time (Not Chosen by Idoits)”.  Then, we’ll spark more idiots to have more useless arguments discussions.

♫♪ ☠ ♬♩

♫♪ ☠ ♬♩

¿ɹoɟ ןnɟʞuɐɥʇ noʎ ǝɹɐ ʇɐɥʍ ‘os


Cover of "Cloak & Dagger"

Cover of Cloak & Dagger

OK, the last post was serious.  This one can be goofy …ridiculous even.  Help me out in the comments.

  • I’m thankful for my Dewey Decibel FlipOut because it hurts people’s heads.
  • I’m thankful that I can tell my wife to get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich, and she laughs & knows I’m not sexist.  It’s even better when I do something like this in the grocery store in front of elderly people.
  • I’m thankful that I don’t live any closer to the ocean.
  • I’m thankful that people read this blog, and pretend to find it entertaining.
  • I’m thankful that I’ve never purchased a Clarks album.
  • I’m thankful that I’m old enough to be like “back in my day” to you younglings.
  • I’m thankful that Al Gore invented the internet.
  • I’m thankful that I got to see Guns N’ Roses live before they imploded, and the Ramones before they quit & died.
  • I’m glad that I can remember the cold war.  Russians were much more fun than terrorists.  Cloak & Dagger or The Experts anyone?
  • I’m thankful that posting photos of food on Facebook is a ridiculously friend polarizing action.
  • I’m thankful that Boston Market is funny.
  • I’m thankful that I’m not these people or McDonald’s.
  • I’m thankful for kitten calendars.
  • I’m thankful that I’m not the person who bags giblets at the turkey factory, then shoves them in the turkey’s nether-regions.  (My apologies to those who are that person.)
  • I’m thankful for your eventual comments.

Guns N’ Roses – Rock & Roll Hall of Fame?


Cover of "Appetite for Destruction"

Do you know where you aaaaaaarrre?

Guns N’ Roses was & has been one of my (many according to the wife) all-time favorite bands for quite some time.  I was the target audience when this stuff was being played on top 40 radio.  They stood out among all the hair metal that was going on because they were a little more raw.

The production on Appetite for Destruction wasn’t glossy by any means.  The guitars hit you right away.  I still say Slash & Izzy have this amazing guitar interplay that no one else can match.  Duff has a style playing bass where you know it’s him, and his sound complimented everything else that was going on perfectly.  They had punk sensibility, rock riffs, they seemed like a meaner Aerosmith.  Apparently they weren’t able to keep egos in check or an endless array of drugs out.  Perhaps it’s better that the original lineup blew up as the Illusions albums were being recorded.  Then we wouldn’t have crap like Metallica’s Load to blame on them.  The blame for Chinese Democracy can rest solely on Axl.

I’m sparked to write about Guns N’ Roses because I see that they’re finally eligible and nominated for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  While I realize that the rock and roll hall of fame arguably has been, is, and will continue to be a sham for a small group of critics to fawn all over themselves…  The fact exists that it’s there, and it happens.  I enjoy the all-star jams.  I dug the Blondie appearance a few years back, and the tribute to Black Sabbath.  The non-appearance of Van Halen was a ridiculous disappointment.

I would love to see Slash, Duff, Izzy, Axl, & Steven Adler take the stage together before one of them dies.  Axl has made it pretty clear that he’ll never work with Slash again, and seems to be under some illusion that it was only his voice, personality, & songwriting that made the band what it was.  (Wasn’t the quote something like “Slash is a cancer”…?)  While Axl’s volatile nature clearly helped vault them to super-stardom, it would have been nothing without blistering guitar solos spewing forth from a chain-smoking, top hat-wearing, Les Paul-playing Cousin Itt… woven together by Izzy & Duff, with the attempt of holding things down by Steven.

I’m hoping the planets align, Axl takes some happy medicine,  and they all take the stage to rock out… even if it’s just a one-off and Axl goes back to the roving band of hooligans that is today’s (sad sad) GN’R.  I really wish Axl would just continue to write, record & tour as AXL… instead of pissing on the name & reputation of the band.  I wish Velvet Revolver would come in & play some songs with Miles Kennedy at the helm, and then go on to find a rock producer & record a new album.

Will Slash & Axl share the stage for an all-star jam?  Will they all be no-shows?  Will any incarnation of the band show up?  Will someone show up & play terrible covers?

Only time will tell.