This is a genius little work of art/humor. I decided to use it to try out flickr’s “Blog this photo” function. I wouldn’t mind having this printed, framed, & hung on my “home office” wall. Good stuff, Laser Bread!
Recently I received yet another message in my new found pen-pal friendship with Pizza Hut customer service.
I’m not sure where this is going, or if I’ll ever be addressed seriously… but that’s OK. It’s still entertaining.
Here’s what’s happened so far if you need to catch up…
- Pizza Hut’s Intestinal Warfare
- I wrote back to Pizza Hut…
- Pizza Hut: “…and I will handle them personally.”
…And, that’s what brings us here. I have no idea if this is another response from their webform, or me using my W(aL)D Twitter account to contact the Pizza Hut and Yum! Brands Twitter accounts to try and get some answers.
from Williams, Corey
date Wed, Feb 17, 2010 at 3:00 PM
subject Pizza Hut Customer Service
I understand you have some questions related to our Allergens and Sensitivities Guide as posted on www.pizzahut.com. I would very much like to speak with you on the telephone to explore this topic further. Please provide a telephone number where I may reach you. If you have a preferred time that is most convenient please indicate that also.
Thank you and I look forward to speaking with you.
And, this is my reply…
from ERiC AiXeLsyD
to “Williams, Corey”
date Wed, Feb 17, 2010 at 3:19 PM
subject Re: Pizza Hut Customer Service
Hello Mr. Williams,
Thank you for your attention to my inquiries! I have an ever-changing schedule, and I’m not really available by phone for any given length of time. I hope you are able to provide clarification via email.
Previously, I was contacted (through use of the webform) on two separate occasions by Dave Kronenwetter (Area Coach) and Ed Holt (Region Coach) with the same exact text copied & pasted into their reply. My questions are now in response to that reply. Here is the original message from Mr. Kronenwetter (the first to reply with this message):
Here is my response, full of questions of safety and cross-contamination all-around.
[Click here to read my reply to Mr. Kronenwetter’s original response.]
I’m excited by your reaching out to me to address these concerns. I can’t wait to read your reply, and to hopefully have some insight on these serious allergy issues.
It’ll be interesting to see what kind of response I get, if any.
If you’ve ever heard me on the subject of Pizza Hut, it all boils down to this… Pizza Hut = Gastrointestinal Distress. I have no idea why. I’ve heard the same thing from many other people when the subject is raised. I know I’ve gotten into it on facebook not too long ago too. I enjoy plenty of other pizzas from other chains & from the local shops, all with no digestional discomfort.
Hello Fine Friends at Pizza Hut,
Contrary to the belief held by your delicious pizzas, my intestines are not a waterslide. Can you please instruct the to not use my digestive system as a waterslide park? It would be very much appreciated!
Perhaps that’s why I waged another campaign of emails with a vengeance. I looked up several Pizza Hut and Yum! Brands executives online, found the syntaxt of their respective companies’ email addresses, and fired off a few notes… as well as filled out the webform once or twice or so.
from ERiC AiXeLsyD email@example.com
date Wed, Jan 20, 2010 at 8:28 AM
subject Intestinal Warfare?
This isn’t about a specific incident, but a general observation. There was nowhere in the webform to indicate that, so I had to seek out some email addresses. I find it quite rude that there’s no general inquiry area, or a contact email address.
As for the purpose of my missive…
I would like to know why your pizza treats my intestines like a water park. Every time I enjoy your delicious slices of pie, I feel like I have swallowed a hurricane that’s trying to escape via my …well, I’ll leave that to your imagination.
I can assure you that I’m not lactose intolerant, but perhaps I’m allergic to something in your sauce or pie? I don’t seem to have this problem with any other pizza places… chains or local.
Have any other customers written to you regarding gastrointestinal distress of any sort? My cousin who works in a Pizza Hut in Ohio swears that they use a different sauce there, devoid of the same effects.
Thanks for your time!
from Dave Kronenwetter Davekronenwetter@aurorahuts.com
cc Ed Holt firstname.lastname@example.org
date Thu, Jan 21, 2010 at 9:16 AM
subject Pizza Hut Incident Eric Aixelsyd
Dear Mr. Aixelsyd,
I was sorry to hear about your experience at the local Pizza Hut. Let me assure you that the ingredients used here in Pennsylvania are the same quality ingredients that are used throughout the country. In most cases our ingredients come from the same suppliers. The following website lists possible allergen & sensitive ingredients : http://www.pizzahut.com/Files/pdf/Updated%20PH%20Allergen%20List%2004.17.09.pdf This website includes our nutritional information: http://www.pizzahut.com/Files/PDF/Pizza%20Hut%20Nutrition%20Info%2010.12.09.pdf. Please feel free to contact me with any additional questions you may have and I will handle them personally
Aurora Huts LLC
Interesting. Well, at least now I have two good contacts… but perhaps my query will take a more serous and inquisitive turn.
Upon viewing the interesting pdf linked to by Mr. Kronenwetter, I see that a bunch of items there are marked “prepared in common equipment and therefore may contain allergens” in the shellfish column. I’m not sure exactly why this is, because I don’t recall any shellfish on the Pizza Hut menu, and especially since the items marked are oddly random and specific… Garlic Parmesan wings, and no others… three different pizza sauces… 3 of the 4 Tuscani pastas, and breadsticks.
I can only assume that these things arrive at Pizza Hut pre-made, and may come into contact with potential allergens at the manufacturing/processing/packaging facility? Oh well, perhaps I can figure out a way to address this in a goofy manner, yet still yield some positive and enlightening results. I know that many people suffer from the pizza hut digestion demon, and I really hope it’s not just some sanitary/kitchen issues.
Perhaps this too must move into snail mail territory. For some reason, most companies seem to treat a real live letter with more respect than an email.
I thought of Yum! Brands today as we watched Spaceballs… In the characters Kernel Sandurz and Pizza the Hutt – both now Yum! Brands brands. Would it be wrong of me to write to them and tell them that Mel Brooks is working on a new special edition of Spaceballs with more scenes, digitally inserted characters and creatures, and better re-vamped special effects… and that they’d like to include more Yum! Brands characters… like Captain Long John Silver and Taco Bell, and some droid sidekicks, A & W?