Are You Serving #Cookies or #Dookies? Click to not break your guests’ hearts.


Nothing kills holiday cheer faster than when someone offers you Christmas cookies; you gleefully accept and are presented with a tray covered in little jelly-filled things, lemon bars, and crap with nuts or coconuts all over it.

“Cookies” implies deliciousness, like chocolate chip, Hershey’s Kiss or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup cookies, peanut butter cookies (fork-pressed cross-hatches with no chunks of nuts), Rice Krispies treats (in any iteration including chocolate and peanut butter shenanigans), Christmas wreaths, or even lady-locks or lady-fingers (or whatever you call them).  I’ll even give you buckeyes.

“Cookies” does not include anything with jelly in the middle, anything with nuts on or in it, lemon squares, Fig Newtons, anything with coconut shavings or flavoring.  These are (in a term coined by my friend Saurav I believe) in fact “Dookies.”

Cookies vs. Dookies

Sugar cookies and shortbread are barely passable as cookies. (Sorry, Eat n’ Park.)

Pizelles can be tricky.  Some of them are delicious, and some taste like what I imagine licking the inside of a dumpster in August would be like.  If you use a spice called annis that sounds almost like anus, you get what you deserve.

Chocolate covered pretzels, Oreos, peanut butter crackers, etc. are acceptable.

Red licorice is OK, black licorice is not.

Thumbprints can be tricky too.  If they have chocolate icing, usually only the icing is edible.  The rest is tasteless powder formed into a cup of lies.

Do we need someone to make a flow chart?  Are you getting this?  Don’t ruin someone’s Christmas by offering cookies when you’re presenting dookies.

Please, sort it out in the comments.

This is one of many reasons why Turner’s is awesome…


Turner Dairy Farms rules.  Turner’s Iced Tea slays Galliker’s, Coteryahn’s, United, Schneider’s, or any other crappy brands you may try to throw into the mix.  Turner’s is also an incredible company.  Need proof?

There's only one tea in Pittsburgh.

...Dig?

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169160575132241920

https://twitter.com/#!/TurnersPremiumT/status/169447359351242752

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169450238686400513

https://twitter.com/#!/TurnersPremiumT/status/169453280408248321

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169473361628504064

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169473643062104064

This is what I got in my email:

From: Nicholas Yon <Nicholas@turnerdairy.net>
Date: Tue, Feb 14, 2012 at 11:08 AM
Subject: Turner Dairy Farms
To: Eric <me@my.email.address>, world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Eric,

Thank you for the reaching out via twitter regarding your recent diagnosis with GERD.  Thank you also for tweeting us (and about us) often and your continued support of Turner’s products.  I hope you’re still enjoying our Charlie’s Old Time Buttermilk when you can make it to the Brentwood GE and have had a chance to try our Blue Bug Juice.

 Listed below are the caffeine contents of our premium iced tea products.  It doesn’t look like there’s any that have no lemon/citrus and/or no caffeine.  Depending on your threshold for the amount of caffeine you’re allowed our Green Tea might work because it’s sans lemon and has “low” caffeine.  It does however contain citric acid.  Our Southern Style Sweet Tea and premium flavored teas, while having no lemon, have a higher amount of caffeine per serving.  They also contain citric acid.

 Thanks again for the “tweet.”  Have a great afternoon!

 Premium Iced Tea – 26mg-39mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving.

Diet Iced Tea – 25mg-38mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Diet Decaffeinated Iced Tea – < 5mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Peach Iced Tea – 24mg-35mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Diet Peach Iced Tea – 13mg-17mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

 Raspberry Iced Tea – 15mg-19mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Lime Iced Tea 14mg-18mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Orange Iced Tea – 13mg-20mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Green Tea – 6mg-12mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Diet Green Tea – 6mg-12mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Southern Style Sweet Tea – 28mg-41mg of caffeine per 8 ounce serving

Nicholas Yon

Marketing Director

Turner Dairy Farms

www.turnerdairy.net

From Local Farms to Local Families

Follow on Twitter www.twitter.com/TurnersPremiumT

Facebook: www.facebook.com/TurnerDairyFarms

Nicholas is the man.  Armed with this, I can go to the Gastroenterologist and figure out exactly what I can drink & how much.  Now, if only all Giant Eagle locations would carry Turner’s & not just the rebels in Brentwood & Murrysville, and Rite Aid would carry more than the regular tea & the chip dip… we’d be rockin’ hard.

G.E.R.D. is fun.  If by fun, I mean “an incredible pain in the dietary ass.”

Again, this is why I want Giant Eagle & Market District to carry Turner’s, why I dig the Tea-Bird, why I want a Turner’s guitar, and why I dig bug juice.