I’m on a few super gear-nerdy and G.A.S.-educing groups on Facebook. To the Awesome Cheap Guitars group, I recently posed this question:
So,what awesome cheap guitar moves have you pulled on stage? I’m a horrible guitar player, but I can wow a crowd with some flash, flair, and goofy-looking guitars. I’m guilty of the checked following…
☑ Playing behind the head.
☑ Playing while squatting with guitar in between knees, reaching arm through legs from behind.
☑ Playing while falling/laying down.
☑ Dropping-trou and continuing to play.
☑ Playing on knees bending back until head almost touches the ground.
☑ Sad 80’s dance move with shuffling feet while playing.
☑ Playing on chairs.
☑ Playing on tables.
☐ Playing on the bar.
☑ Walking outside & in another door if possible with a wireless.
☑ Sitting in a seat with a wireless.
☑ The Chuck Berry/Angus Young walk.
☑ Switching instruments mid song.
☐ Using a beer bottle as a slide.
☑ Using a mic stand as a slide.
☐ Blowing bubblegum bubbles. (Like Doyle.)
☑ Drinking mid song.
☑ Injuring a band mate by accident. (I chipped the lead-singer/bass player’s tooth.)
☐ Injuring a band mate on purpose.
☑ Improvising a mic stand out of duct tape, a hockey stick, & gatorade bottles. (Hey, we were playing at a dek-hockey rink.)
☐ Playing on someone’s shoulders.
☐ Playing while someone is on your shoulders.
☑ Playing from behind a wooden bear statue with the guitar on the front of the bear.
☐ Putting a lit cigarette under the strings in the headstock.
☐ The amp-hump. (Like Jimi.)
☑ The guitar-as-a-phallic-symbol air-hump. (Like Rex from the Lone Rangers in Airheads.)
☐ The guitar toss – Badass edition. (Like Prince – also, check out the falling into the crowd move!!!)
☐ The guitar toss – Oops edition. (Like Prince with the borrowed Epiphone or Krist Novoselic on MTV.)
☐ The guitar toss – Someone else catches & starts playing.
☐ Smoke-bombs. (Like Ace Frehley.)
☐ Set Fire to the guitar. (Like Jimi.)
☐ The windmill. (Like Pete.)
☑ The powerslide.
☑ The failed powerslide.
☐ Swinging from the rafters. (Hard to do while actually playing? This dude did it.)
☐ The “‘round the world” spin.
☐ The failed “round the world” spin.
☑ Yelling out a second story window mid-set for people to come into the bar.
☐ The “nyah-nyah you can’t see me” EVH turn-around.
☐ The flying karate kick.
☑ On the knees.
☐ On top of a piano. (Like Slash.)
☑ Dancing with the crowd.
☑ Duel of the Fates – using another musician’s fretboard as a slide.
☑ The salute – All in the air.
☑ The Poison-ish choreographed lean.
☑ Lean on a bandmate.
☑ Lean into a bandmate.
I know there are more. I know photos & videos exist of some of these with me. I know this post can get goofy. Please, I implore you to share your moves, including videos, animated gifs, and photos in the comments! This kind of stuff is hilariously entertaining to me.
What’s your favorite to do? What’s your favorite to watch? What have you copied? What have you invented? What did I miss on this list? Share your stories and images and favorite stuff from your favorite performers!
Now, for the self-indulgence:
Dance with the crowd!
Three Axe Salute
Behind the dome.
Listen to that sustain
Lean back ’til you can’t no mo’
Behind the Dome (Again)
On yo’ knees.
The other choreographed lean
Push n’ shove
Sweep the leg.
Attention, bear-f__ker, do you require assistance?
Under the nuts.
Wireless Table Dance
Through the legs!
Lean on me
Duel of the fates
Like a turtle
The Choreographed Lean
The campfire solo
Posted in Disbanded Bands, Funny Stuff, Guitars, I Need Your Feedback, Life, Your Band, \m/
Tagged Ace Frehley, Airheads, AiXeLsyD, AiXeLsyD13, Angus Young, Awesome Cheap Guitars, ☘, Chuck Berry, comment, dancing, Degenerated, Doyle, Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein, 🎸, Eddie Van Halen, Epiphone, ERiC AiXeLsyD, Eric Clapton, Ernie and the Berts, EVH, facebook, feedback, G.A.S., Gasoline Dion, Gel Eyeliner, guitar, Guitar Acrobatics, Guitar Moves, Guitar Spin, Guitar Toss, guitarist, Guitarobatics, guitars, Guns N' Roses, Interaction, KISS, Lit Cigarette, Lone Rangers, Misfits, Pete Townshend, Poison, post, Prince, punk rock, Rex, ridiculous, ridiculousness, Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame, share, shenanigans, show-off, showboating, showmanship, showoff, Slash, Stage Moves, staged moves, Steve Buscemi, Table Dance, The Eyeliners, The Lone Rangers, The Misfits, Ugly Guitars, Van Halen, wireless
So if you’re looking for a Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Kwanzaa or Festivus gift… You may not want to go with these, unless you’re trying to give some kind of hint that you don’t like the recipient. I’ve heard them advertised on the radio lately, and they’re both just ridiculous.
Go nuts over Fresh Balls!
Fresh Balls – “So Fresh. So Dry.” | It is what it sounds like. Some kind of deodorant, lotion, or talc for application to your apparently sweaty coin purse. Maybe I’m not active or sweaty enough, but I’ve never considered this a real problem. They advertise buying it for someone as a gift. Who’s damp smelly package are you close to on a regular basis? I have some good friends, and I’ve thankfully never smelled their family jewels. If I ever do smell someone’s nether-regions, I’ll be sure to tell them about Fresh Balls.
✔ Badass colors ✔ Badass patterns ✔ Badass warranty
Seats of Anarchy – “Custom toilet seats for hard asses.” | I love some good terrible wordplay, but the name is almost as atrocious as the idea. I’ve never watched Sons of Anarchy, but do they poop a lot? If they did, I could see the point to this then. If your man cave is your bathroom… maybe this would be appropriate? Someone better get their Copyright and/or Trademark lawyers on this pretty quickly. Nothing says badass like a camouflage toilet seat, or one with barbed wire. Guarantee that all your guests will hover! “Designer” toilet seats for manly men and bikers… It sounds like a crappy idea. Get it? Crappy? Toilet seat? Ugh.
So, what have you seen lately what would make a horrible holiday present? Anything as bad as (or worse than) these?
Posted in Consumer Advocacy, Funny Stuff, Good Websites, I Need Your Feedback, Life, Rants in my pants, Retailers, Stuff from the Internet
Tagged Anarchy, awful, ✔, Badass, balls, bathroom, Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanukkah, Christmas, Christmas and holiday season, Christmas tree, coin purse, Copyright, designer, Festivus, Fresh Balls, FreshBalls, FreshBalls.com, gift, gifts, google, Hanukkah, holiday, Holidays, horrible, Hygiene, Kwanzaa, man cave, new year, opinions, present, presents, Quanza, Ramadan, ridiculous, scrotum, seat, Seats, Seats of Anarchy, Seinfeld, solstice, Sons of Anarchy, sweat, sweaty, terrible, testicles, toilet, Toilet seat, Toilet Seats, winter, WTF, חֲנֻכָּה, חנוכה
13 Guitars in 2013!
So the other night while dining at Panera Bread, I was talking to my wife about guitars… and how I want a USA map shaped guitar painted like an old map with the pastel blue, yellow, green, & pink (red?) states. Then, I said I needed 3 more guitars to have an “even” 13 by the year 2013. With 13 being my favorite number… and us having a baby in 2013, it seemed like a good idea. She laughed and rolled her eyes. I said I could set up a Facebook page & get a million likes then she’d have to let me buy 3 more guitars. She said that a million was too many, & suggested 13,000.
Like all good jokes, I took it too far & started a page. Can I get 13,o00 likes by 2013 so I can add 3 more guitars to my collection? I need 13 in ’13!
So, spread the link if you’re so inclined… and we’ll see if I can get 1300, let alone 13,000.
Posted in Guitars, Life, Stuff from the Internet, Your Band, \m/
Tagged 10, 13, 13 Guitars in 2013, 3, ⑬, ⑬⑬===:::, ⑬⓭===:::, ⓭, ⓭⓭===:::, Electric, facebook, guitar, guitar collection, guitars, Joke, more, Need, Panera Bread, ridiculous, Stringed, United States, Wife
Image by -ant! via Flickr
I’ve lived in the same apartment for many years. My wife has lived there with me for most of that time. I’ve seen several neighbors come & go from the apartment upstairs… but they all make noise. Not just “normal” people walking around noise, but crazy “what the hell are they doing up there?” kind of noise.
The latest tenants are very quiet to see them outside, but at home in their own domain, they are noise monsters.
This is a list of things that I’m absolutely sure they’re doing if I’m to guess by sound alone:
- Doing the laser-pointer game with a 3-legged, one-eyed cat.
- Dragging a sack full of rocks up the steps, making sure to hit every step on the way up.
- Sled-riding down the stairs, fully padded with pillows & a football helmet of course.
- A rodeo where they ride pigs or sheep instead of bulls.
- Relay races from the kitchen to the living room, & back. (With time-trials, of course.)
- Reenacting the scene from Temple of Doom where that dude rips out the other dude’s heart.
- Racket-ball with basketballs and cricket bats.
- Hammering nails directly in to the wall to make a built-in Plinko board to match the built-in cabinets.
- Homemade giant sticky wall-octopus races. (Maybe with real Octopuses?)
- Staircase percussion only marching band.
- Teaching clogging to a rhinoceros.
I’m sure there’s more going on. This is only the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes I’m hurt that we’re not invited to join in on the incredibly fun-sounding activities. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.
It makes it interesting when this stuff occurs at 11:00pm, especially the stairwell activities… because their staircase goes right over top of our bed.
Anyone want to help me set up some cameras?
Posted in Funny Stuff, Life, Rants in my pants
Tagged Apartment, Atlasphere, Kali Ma, Marching band, neighbors, Noise, Noise Pollution, PA, Pgh, Pittsburgh, Plinko, relay races, ridiculous, rodeo, stair sledding, stairs, Stairway, stairwell, Temple of Doom, Wacky Wall Walkers