Ya Jagoff!!! Parking Tickets


This Week It’s 2 “Prependicular” Peter Parkers!

This Week It’s 2 “Prependicular” Peter Parkers!

This is genius.  Tired of being able to do nothing when you see someone parked like a Jagoff?  Now you can do something about it.  Check out these perpendicular Peter Parkers as an example, and check out the printable parking “tickets”!

Just don’t damage anyone’s car (especially stickered or flagged ones), and don’t get caught and/or shot in the process.

One of these days I need to capture the people that park on the yellow-lined triangle int he middle of the lot at the Kuhn’s on Banksville.  They usually stop there to disrupt traffic when going to the ATM or Starbucks.

Printable Parking Notes | Ya Jagoff!!!

YaJagoff.com | Printable Parking Notes: Do NOT ruin anyone’s vehicle!!

Snap a photo, place the ticket, and they can watch for themselves online. I only wish there was a way to call out the Peter Parkers who can’t Parallel Park on the street in front of my house.

I might need to make a custom one that says something like this:

Hey Jagoff New People That Just Moved Here,

Why has the number of cars on our street doubled since you’ve moved in?  Please note that there’s an alley behind your house where you can park two (or at least one) of those cars.  I don’t have an alley behind my apartment, so that’s not an option for me.  Help make the neighborhood an easier place to park by not being a Jagoff.

Respectfully,
Your Grumpy Jagoff Neighbor

Or this:

Hey Jagoff That Visits Someone Here A Few Nights A Week,

Your truck is as long as a school bus, and is probably as wide.  I appreciate that your solution is to sometimes park with a tire on the sidewalk, but that’s not really cool.  It’s also not cool to take up 3 spaces by parking a half car-length (or quarter truck-length) away from the vehicle in front of and or behind you.  I appreciate that you probably can’t see from your seat that’s 2 stories high… so maybe you should just park in the lot at the bottom of the hill & walk to wherever you need to go.

Thanks,
A Jagoff that actually lives in this neighborhood

Or even this:

Dear Jagoff Neighbors,

How is it possible that you have a picnic, birthday party, barbecue, bonfire, or gathering for a sporting event every weekend?  Why is the gathering place for your entire extended family at your house?  Don’t you ever go to their houses?  Why is it that I can’t make a trip to CVS or anywhere else close by on a weekend without my space getting filled before I return?  Do you have a lookout on the porch doing some sort of jagoff valet where you move all of your cars closer?  Do you like to watch me carry 20 bags of groceries for 2 blocks?  There is a parking lot at the bottom of the hill for your family.  We occasionally like to entertain on the weekends too.  We tell people to park in the lot.

Thanks,
A Jagoff Neighbor

Okay, I need to go do something to calm down.

Obey the Zone. (Rock Concert Etiquette)


So, I’ve been to many types of shows at many types of venues.  From stadiums to bars and from backyards to amphitheaters.  I’ve seen rock shows, rap shows, country shows, and even Weird Al.  Most of the shows I’ve attended fall in the punk or metal categories.  The crowds can get rowdy.  It’s expected, perhaps even demanded.  I’ve pogoed in a circle when commanded to by Joey Ramone, sat nearly motionless in a sea of silver hair at a Willie Nelson show, and lost my shoe once in a pit at a Misfits show (only monetarily, and it was the first & last pair of Airwalks I’ve ever owned).  I’ve been rubbed up against the sweaty shirtless guy, been flogged by the windmill hardcore kid, and burned buy the a-hole with a lit cigarette in the pit.  I chalk it all up to part of the experience.  Hell, I even had my nose broken in a stage diving incident.  I’m no stranger to the pit.

A man crowdsurfing in a moshpit, uploaded from...

The people are revolting, pushing the sweaty shirtless smelly guy out of the group.

I’m not saying that it doesn’t have it’s place.  I’m just tired of the people who don’t “get” it.  It always devolves into 2 or 3 probably drunken buttholes flailing around like fish out of water trying to start some kind of fight or prove their manliness.  Generally people have good manners.  Most people in the pit are just out to have fun bouncing around to the music, until it gets ruined by the few flailers.

It’s a weird topic to discuss.  Saying the word “mosh” makes it an instantly corny conversation.  I hate to say the word out loud because I’m old and it’s a young man’s (or brave young woman’s) game.  It’s just getting out of control.  I don’t want to see it stop, I just want to see it not be ruined by the few, the proud, the imbeciles.  This was all sparked by our recent adventures at the Flogging Molly show(Which musically, is a rather tame band… but crowd-excitement is off of the charts with them.)

We all know the “unwritten rules”, right?  The only one that I’ve ever seen obeyed consistently is: If someone falls down, pick them up.  This proves to me that we’re mostly all just out to have a good time & not hurt anyone.  As for the rest, I guess I’m going to have to write them for you.

The biggest one and my spark for writing this blog?

STAGE | PIT | CROWD

Fig. A

Obey the Zone.  This is the biggest rule that you need to adhere to.  You can see in figure A that there is a clearly defined acceptable zone for pogoing / slam-dancing / moshing activity.  It’s in yellow and black… for caution.  It can get a little bigger or even smaller depending on the ferocity of the act on stage.  The blue area is the crowd in general.  Generally, there’s a row or two of people up front really into the band or show and unwilling to move no matter how many goofballs are bouncing off of their backs. This spills out & around to people that are just trying to watch the band.  Is this that difficult?  Am I wrong here?

Please see my additional figures B & C to help drive my point home…

No means no.

Fig. B

Meathead Zone

Fig. C

In figure B we see the big red symbol recognized as “No”.  This is where you’re not supposed to flail, push, agitate, or try to cajole others into moshing.  The other night when we were safely in this zone, a chubby young ginger-headed frat boy was doing exactly that, and looking at all of us like we were crazy for not wanting to hardcore dance with him 1-on-1 when it was happening with willing participants mere feet away.  Was this kid afraid of the real pit?  I say put on your big boy pants & get in there, Skippy.  Or better yet, move into the Idoit Zone as illustrated by figure C.

NO HARDCORE DANCING

This unwritten rule is written for you.

The idiot zone is formed when the people who do know how to act at a show force out the people who don’t.  This is where the “too metal for you”, “hardcore windmillers”, and “guy with Greek letters on his hoodie & daddy issues” go to play.  They’re convinced that no one can have a good time unless you go home with bruises.  They feel that they are integral to your having the correct concert experience by placing an elbow repeatedly in your ribs or fist in your eye.  They’re irate when you don’t want to participate.  They go to the idiot zone to act like a wind-up toy and get out their frustration.  They just paid $30-60 for a ticket, $9+ per beer, and $10-$20 for parking to ignore the band on stage.

No moshing sign, Bumbershoot 2010

Weenies.

You have to understand that the whole floor has the potential turn into that zone, and accept your risk of taking a wild hit or someone landing on you if you’re going to get down there anywhere close to the action.  You most likely dropped some serious cash to see this show, and you’re there to see and hopefully enjoy the band… not to get distracted or assaulted by some self-appointed chairman of the mosh commission.

Well, that’s the big rule.  What’s your take on concert etiquette?  I’ll list some others, you give me more in the comments.

  • No lit cigarettes (or other burning substances) in the pit.  Most venues in Pittsburgh don’t allow you to smoke in the first place.  Besides billowing toxic crap into my air, burning someone while thrashing around like a toolbag is not cool.  If you need to get high, go do it in a dark corner.
  • Don’t scream off-key into your neighbor’s ear.  I paid lots of money for the people on stage to scream into my ear, not you.  Shut up unless it’s a sing-along rock anthem.
  • If you’re on the edge of the circle, keep it from spilling over.  Push the lugheads back into the fold.  Protect the people around you who don’t want in it, and watch out for that kid that’s way too young to be there.  Might be good to not trample him to death before he can drive.
  • You are not a windmill.  No one thinks this is cool.  No one likes getting punched in the head.  No one is more entertained by you dancing like Frankenstein than by the band on stage.
  • We’re there to see the band, not you.  You are not that guy on the runway, a traffic cop, or a cheer-leading coach.  Stop gesturing wildly at people trying to get them to go in a circle, spin you around, run into you, or do the safety dance.

Now it’s your turn.  While you think/type, please enjoy the following…

Vodpod videos no longer available.
Windmill

This is not a dance.

(Also, feel free to post other songs about moshing, slam-dancing, circle pits, pogoing, or any related ridiculousness.)

Also… to the people who drink in the parking lot through the opening acts, then come in during the headliner barely knowing where you are or that you’re alive.  Just stay home & get drunk.  It’s cheaper and safer, and you don’t have the potential to puke on my shoes.

Ridiculous Amount of Food Allergy Crap This Week


This week blew up on Twitter as far as food allergies.  So much went by that I wanted to promote, comment on, blog about, or whatever… but I didn’t get to any of it.  Oh well.  There are others out there… writing, educating, & commenting.  So… if you’re interested & you can keep up, here’s a run-down of stuff that you need to see:

First off, the ridiculousness with food allergy protesters in Edgewater, FL:

And, then, all the rest…

  • NY PIX 11 | FOOD ALLERGY WEEKIt was Food Allergy Awareness Week for WPIX TV 11 in New York. Awesome.  There’s a plethora of incredible content available here: NY PIX 11 | Food Allergy Week – I still haven’t made my way through all of it.  Looks like they’re covering all the angles though… form safety at restaurants and schools, to personal profiles, to cooking, to businesses helping out with allergy needs, to dealing with it mentally, to research, to legislation.  I really applaud the drive & effort… and hope other news stations across the country pick up on this!
  • Allergic Girl: Adventures in Living Well with Food Allergies is out, & I finally got a copy.  Just started reading, and I hope to eventually blog a review.  Bonus: Author Sloane Miller got her own segment in the aforementioned WPIX Food Allergy Week!
  • I read this essay from Keith at the FAAN website, and was quite moved: FAAN Community | First Reaction in 14 Years.  Want to know what anaphylaxis feels like?  It’s worth reading, and shows the importance of vigilance in reading labels, education, carrying an epi pen, and staying calm.  Write to your state governor and the President with FAAN’s help, & ask them to support Food Allergy Awareness Week 2011!
  • Quiznos has a lobster sub?  Ugh.  Disgusting.  I still hate Lent.
  • The Allergy Ninja has arrived to give support to the #FoodAllergyMomArmy, and  I bet (& hope) he’s up to no good.

Am I missing something?  I feel like I’m missing something.

Oh yeah.  I need to update my links.  Have a blog that I should be linking to?  Let me know!

AllergyEats | Massachusetts food allergy awareness law goes into effect… but is it enough?


So, this is a good discussion for those interested in food allergies & politics:

AllergyEats | Massachusetts food allergy awareness law goes into effect… but is it enough?

I like that the laws have begun the process, but we need to see how they’re enforced and if the spirit of the laws are followed, or just the letter.

On the other hand, I’m not really all about expanding the government’s control over the minutia of our everyday lives.  The food service industry itself ought to set some standards and adhere to them, driven by the consumers who have allergies themselves or friends & family with allergies.

Once it’s started, I just wonder where it will stop.  I mean the top 8 allergens are a big concern with cross-contamination, but what about stuff that’s prevalent  but not on the list like corn, chocolate, peppers, or something else?  Expand it to the top 11?  To the top 13?  To the top 203?  Eventually no foods will be able to touch each other, we’ll just eat single-ingredient dishes, all with their own dedicated cooks and kitchens.

I just don’t know where I fall here with a solution that’s practical yet makes most people (allergic and non-allergic alike) happy.

A.J. Jacobs – The Year of Living Biblically


While browsing the humor section at Borders the other day, I had more than a few books in my hands, and kept putting them back.  Then, I went over to the general reference section.  I also had 3 or 4 books in my hand there.  Then I put them back.

Generally, I’m a sucker for books filled with useless information in short bursts.  I like to read before I go to bed, and I generally find it hard to put down something that has a continuous story.

Do Ants Have Assholes?: And 106 of the World’s Other Most Important Questions is one that is definitely in my mental checklist of books to grab on one of the next few trips.

I finally wt back to humor & picked up The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs.  I’ve had it in my hand before, but I’ve always put it back.  My friend Joel visited while we were at camp and actually recommended that I get my hands on this one.

Boy, am I glad that I got this one.  I’m not too far in, but so far the imagery that Jacobs puts forth surrounding his quest (or struggle?) is hilarious.  I have a feeling that not only is the book going to get even more funny, but I think there will be a warm-fuzzy feeling at the end.  Ha ha.

From the book itself:

Everyone – family, friends, co-workers – had the same concern: That I’d go native. That I’d end up as a beekeeper at a monastery or I’d move into my ex-uncle Gil’s spare room in his Jerusalem apartment.

In a sense, they were right to worry. You can’t immerse yourself in religion for 12 months and emerge unaffected. At least I couldn’t. Put it this way: If my former self and my current self met for coffee, they’d get along okay, but they’d both probably walk out of the Starbucks shaking their heads and saying to themselves, “That guy is kinda delusional.”

As someone who was brought up in church, but who also appreciates things like logic… this book really hit home with me.  Around Jr. high, I started driving some more straight-laced ministers insane with questions.  Not long after that, I found the ones with a healthy sense of humor and realism that helped me see where religion can fit into an everyday normal existence without being overbearing or ridiculous.

A.J. comes at the subject as an agnostic but with a  healthy respect for the process.  He recognizes the good in religion along with the insanity.  He points out the insanity and makes it humorous without mocking.  That has got to be a difficult thing to do.

His visits with an Amish family, and we learn that some Amish have deadpan humor down to a science.  He has an Orthodox Jewish clothing fiber inspector come to his house to make sure that his clothing isn’t made of mixed fibers.  (Yeah, that’s actually in the bible.)  I’m anxious to see who we visit next.

I can’t wait to finish this book, and already recommend it to anyone who has ever wondered about all those crazy rules… or all those crazy Christians/Jews/[Insert religion here].  I’m definitely going to pick up Know it All soon too.