P is for Potato. 🥔


This is mainly a re-post/revision of a Facebook status.  I’m still in awe, even a few days later.

You probably read about it, saw it, or heard it in WTAE, WPXI, or KDKA.  You may have even seen it somewhere else.  This woman (in a feat worthy of “Florida Man”) walked into a Walmart to relieve herself.  The problem with that is that she did it not only in the produce section, but on some producePotatoes.  I personally like my potatoes mashed, not micturated.

I have so many thoughts about this.

The BEST part is that Walmart had to release a statement assuring that they threw out the produce and disinfected the area. I mean, silly of me to assume that would be the case.

I have seen some Walmart bathrooms, and I may have supported this choice in this instance. They also close for “cleaning” often.

She doesn’t remember doing it? How did she find out? Did she see herself on Facebook? Did someone call and tell her? There needs to be a TV show that reenacts such shenanigans.  (Sounds like she saw herself on TV.  Imagine going to get a haircut, then calling the lawyer, then going to the police.  Or maybe the lawyer prompted the haircut?)

How do you overcome “stagefright?” I like to pee alone, not in public.

I want a T-shirt with her picture in the middle of the Walmart star logo with the caption “I put the P in potato!”

We put the P in potato!

Grace Under (Bladder) Pressure

I hope she didn’t drive to or from the Walmart.

I have been drunk, but never blackout drunk.  I’m in awe.  I wonder if in 2019 she can turn this into becoming a social media celebrity?

I hope she gets whatever ind of help she needs, and I hope no one bought the pee-tatoes unknowingly.  Although, they may grow in poop… So, there is that.  I would definitely advise her to have a trusted friend or handler with her at all times while drinking.  I can’t imagine having to deal with the aftermath.

I remember posting a video on the now-defunct PittsburghBeat.com one time about this naked dude who while high on PCP after running from a stripper’s house ran across the divided highway on Banksville Road and ended up being tasered (again, while naked) by police and taken to the extremely cold ground in the snow.  Months or years later, the guy sent an email asking for it to be taken down so he could move on with life.  It mentioned but didn’t really threaten legal action.  After all, it was a news story I dunno how you  could “scrub” it.  But, I can see the whole thing not boding well if a prospective employer were to Google you before hiring.

She may be a queen on People of Walmart.

This reminded me of an R. Kelly meme, and a song:

Walmart✻ saving Potatoes from Grace Brown

The only other song I remember about pee is an AiXeLsyD one, and I can’t shamelessly self promote something that is probably less embarrassing that peeing on potatoes in Walmart, can they?

Here are potatoes from my garden this year, no one has peed on them:

In parting, I call for your comments.  Please share your favorite potato recipes (like this or this), your favorite drinking stories, or your favorite pee/Grace Brown/Walmart/Potatoes jokes.

Superman.


You all know I’m a Batman fan.  You might not know that I’m not really a Superman fan.  In this instance, I am indeed a Superman fan.  I’m not sure if this is real, in fact the only part that makes me doubt it is the fact that it says it’s a true story.  I’m generally not so sappy or philosophical here, but this just hit me for some reason, & I thought I’d share.

I’m not sure why it was on Lamebook, & not sure if it’s even real.  Even if it’s not real, we can all get a little inspiration from it (I hope). Please pardon my blogging equivalent of email forwards.  I hope this isn’t like the Fred Rogers was a Navy Seal rumor.

I get a few things from it that I’ll share afterwards:

Superman - Secret Identity - Lamebook.com

Superman (lamebook.com)

Superman

Superman (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So, this is what I got from it:

  • Someone’s always watching you.  You’re setting an example for people around you even if you don’t know it.
  • You can get an inspirational or emotional lift from someone when you least expect it.  It can be form someone you wouldn’t expect, or even some one you’ve never met.
  • Don’t be afraid of those who are different than you.
  • While it’s great to be humble, it’s OK to be someone’s hero every once in a while.

What did you get from it?

So, how do I make money at this art thing?


I’m a lazy artist.  I always have been.  I generally make art for fun, and give it away.  I made a ton of cool stuff in art class in high school and even in my time at WCCC, now I only have a fraction of it.  I’ve never had an interest in making money from any of it, perhaps because I felt it wasn’t perfect or even “good enough” to sell.  Perhaps it was because I’d feel “dirty” making money from art.  I’m also lazy in that I have a lot of ideas that don’t make it to fruition.  (You should see the AiXeLsyD and Gasoline Dion “almost” song piles… and that Yup-punk band idea…)

I also went through a phase of drawing a bunch of comic book stuff… and it was always my understanding that Marvel didn’t want me selling my Wolverine art, and DC didn’t want me to sell my Batman art.  Somehow the Airbrush guy at the mall makes money on pretty much any popular character out there.  (Exactly who’s buying white T-shirts with airbrushed Mickey Mouse and Garfield on them at a mall kiosk in 2011 is a subject of another blog.)  Is that guy bootlegging?  Is he paying royalty fees?

With the advent of sites like Etsy (and more so Regretsy), I can see now that my art is certainly acceptable for sale.  I’d like to think it’s a few grades above what’s considered acceptable for sale.  The question remains on copyrights though… I see all kinds of people selling Superman, Batman and Spider-Man stuff with images clearly ripped from elsewhere.  Not that I want to sell comic book-art, but I never know what mood will strike me.  My flyer art is mainly bastardization of existing images… so I’m sure I can’t sell any of that kind of stuff.  Again, I think I’m veering toward the subject matter of an entirely different blog.  Back to the insanity at hand…

I’ve been drawing mazes for what seems like forever.  I started them when I was a kid & was in the hospital for a while.  I remember my pediatrician saying I ought to look into getting them published.  I obviously never have.  I have through twitter found another cat on the internet who draws mazes… he sells them online & at art shows and has used LuLu to publish some books.  Is that a good avenue to explore?

I have an idea for what I think would be an amusing photo book… but how does one go into execution of such an idea?  Do I even have time for something like this?

Would I use something like deviantART to set up shop?  How do I get prints made from original artwork?  Should I settle for a Cafe Press or Zazzle store?  Ha ha.  I’d like to put photography in the mix too, eventually.  Every once in a while I capture some stuff that would look great on someone’s wall.  How do I sell the stuff online without the seller site making most of the money, or without breaking the bank in setting up a site & paying any maintenance fees while not selling anything… therefore eventually losing money?

People have also told me that I ought to get paid to write.  I must confess, I would most likely be an editor’s nightmare.  I jump tenses like hopscotch, and my grammar & typing can be quite poor… even though I can differentiate between you’re and your and the apparently difficult they’re/there/their.  (Is it just me, or do they all sound totally different if you’re pronouncing them correctly?)  If you would like to pay me to write, I will certainly take your money.

I don’t think I do well with deadlines or commissions though.  I don’t work well with others’ ideas.  I’d like to make my own mazes, drawings, paintings, photos, etc. at my own pace.  Although, I aim to be productive with art, & maybe buy some more camera accessories, or a new amp, guitar, or some other new goofy instrument or piece of equipment.  (Because I apparently can’t make any money as a musician unless I join/form a human jukebox band – and let’s face it; I’m a poor guitarist.  Ha ha.)

As you can see, I’m all over the place.  I need focus/direction.  I guess I’m just looking for advice beyond the “you should publish a book” or “you should sell your photos” or the “you should write for someone” point.  I get that, and accept that… but how?  I’m looking for specifics here.  I’d like to hear “I use such & such & it’s fantastic, and works like…” and not “I think my cousin’s uncle’s mother’s neighbor uses blah blah blah, …I think.”  Are you an artist?  How do you sell your work?  Hit me with your wisdom!

Favorite movies from my childhood…


I felt like listing some of my favorite movies from when I was a kid.  They’re in no particular order, just how they came to mind.  Some are 80’s movies, some are earlier, with a few early 90’s ones thrown in.  They were all new to me with the advent of home video rental stores.  We used to go to this place called Network Video, & eventually the general store by my house started renting videos too.

I keep adding to the list as some of these movies remind me of others, I may have to do a part 2 or something someday…

Star Wars | Original Trilogy

  • Star Wars – This one’s obvious.  I’m talking the whole original trilogy here.  I really don’t feel the need to elaborate.
  • Ghostbusters

  • Ghostbusters – I remember laughing hysterically at “We came, we saw, we kicked some ass!”  This was the perfect mix of creepy and funny for a kid like me.  I used to rent this one all the time.  I even loved the Saturday morning cartoon.
  • The Goonies

  • The Goonies – I have probably watched this more than any other movie on the list, except maybe Star Wars.  I can still watch this over & over again.  As a kid, it was really easy to be immersed in this movie.  I have felt a little bit like Mikey, Data, Mouth, & Chunk many times.  I just saw something about the original cast reuniting for a 25th anniversary celebration.
  • Gremlins

  • Gremlins – Who didn’t want a Mogwai after seeing this movie?  Regardless of the danger, Gizmo would be the best pet ever.  I actually remember the gremlins being kind of scary too.  (Hey, I was 7 when this came out.)
  • Monster Squad

  • The Monster Squad – This was like “Goonies vs. the Universal Monsters” to me… so, of course, I loved it.  Mr. Alucard called for you.  How scary is that?  This made me want to start a monster club myself.  I may just have to get this on Blu-ray… even thought I already have the VHS & DVD…
  • The Last Starfighter

  • The Last Starfighter – The movie for anyone who’s ever imagined that they’re actually in a video game.  Great plot-line for a kid who likes video games, or sci-fi.  From what I understand, it was one of the first movies to have major use of computer generated graphics.
  • Batman (1989)

  • Batman (1989) – I remember thinking (even at a young age) “Michael Keaton?  The guy from Mr. Mom, Gung Ho, & Beetlejuice?”  I was as surprised as the rest of the world when it turned out to be the scariest and most awesome Batman movie to date.  The comic book nerd in me was overly pleased with Nicholson’s Joker too.  Even though he had always been portrayed in the comics as a lanky degenerate loon… Nicholson seemed to capture the spirit of insanity perfectly in that cool demeanor that only he could deliver.
  • Batman (1966 film)

  • Batman (1966) – I loved the TV show in reruns as a kid, it was like a 60’s comic come to life in all its campy glory.  Plus, the Joker, Riddler, The Penguin, and Catwoman all in one movie?  Wow!  Ha ha ha.  This one still has the coolest Batmobile.
  • Explorers

  • Explorers – Space travel… with a home computer, a Tilt-A-Whirl car, and a junkyard.  What’s not to love about this one?  Again, to a kid, this all seemed quite plausible.  This could have been “Goonies in Space”.  Ha ha ha.
  • Leonard Part 6

  • Leonard Part 6 – Part 6 of a nonexistent line of films… Bill Cosby fends off mutant vegetarians with magic meat.  It burns them like holy water on vampires.  That alone will make you want to watch this even though Cosby hated it and spoke out against seeing it while he was supposed to be promoting the film.
  • The Experts

  • The Experts – Does anyone else remember this movie at all?  There doesn’t seem to be much  about it on the web.  It’s classic 80’s comic Commie cheese.  Two guys, one John Travolta and one other dude are somehow transplanted to a 1950’s style town in Russia set up as an experiment…  where the people think they’re in 1950’s USA.  It’s like Pleasantville, only not.
  • Cloak & Dagger

  • Cloak & Dagger – This was another one where you could really imagine being the kid in the film.  This YouTube clip sums up the mood quite well.  It’s a great kid-centered spy movie with a good deal of action, if I remember right.
  • Funny Farm

  • Funny Farm – This has got to be one of the most absolutely hilarious movies ever.  Andy Farmer is driven to the brink of insanity by an incredibly odd small town and a series of classic (& at the time still funny) Chevy Chase pratfalls.  The telephone operator,  Yellow Dog, mutton balls… all favorite movie moments.
  • WarGames

  • WarGames – Yeah, I just wrote about this one.  Every kid with a computer envisioned hacking into a government computer… or at least hacking into something… and this was all before the internet.
  • Flight of the Navigator

  • Flight of the Navigator – This movie is excellent.  I know I wore out the VHS, and watched it every time I happened to catch it on TV.  Alien abduction, a morphing spacecraft, time anomalies, government conspiracies.  Intense!
  • E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

  • E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial – I loved this move and still crave Reese’s Pieces every time I think about it.  I wanted to build a communication device with my record player too.  This movie probably started my distrust of the government.
  • Weird Science

  • Weird Science – Geek movie extreme, with that 80’s “my life will end if I don’t get laid” vibe.  Less believable than WarGames, more believable than Explorers… Sort of.  I never watched the TV show that this spawned, but the movie was a favorite.  Oh yeah, the theme song was cool too!
  • Willow

  • Willow – Best fantasy movie ever?  Maybe.  It had a 2-headed dragon, sorcerers, a hero, an unwilling little-person hero, tiny funny guys, a villain that looked like Skeletor, and endless amounts of awesome.
  • Back to the Future

  • Back to the Future Trilogy – If there was an order to this list, this would be very near the top.  These movies were fast paced, exciting, and visually stunning.  This is what movies should be like.  Plus, Christopher Lloyd is bat-shit-nuts and that’s always entertaining.
  • Project X

  • Project X – As a kid, I loved monkeys, chimps, gorillas, and pretty much any primate.  Pop them into an action thriller, and of course I was hooked.  This is probably another reason why I distrust government so much.
  • Big Trouble in Little China

  • Big Trouble in Little China – This movie is just ridiculous.  Martial arts, Uzis, lightning bolts, and Kurt Russell.  What more do you need to throw in to have a winning movie?  Oh yeah, creepy monsters and a Chinese sorcerer.  That’s what.
  • Indiana Jones

  • Indiana Jones Trilogy – Yeah, just the first 3 here… they were, after all, the only ones out when I was a child.  Indiana Jones is the movie hero.  The hat, the whip, the attitude… it’s iconic.  These would also be at the top of an ordered list.  I think that goes without saying.
  • The Last Dragon

  • The Last Dragon – Martial arts plus Motown.  We used to watch this during lock-ins where I took Taekwondo as a kid.  Bruce Leroy vs. Sho’Nuff had a very Jedi-like vibe, and there was lightning.  This is super cheesy, but it’s what makes it a great flick.  Sho’Nuff!!!
  • Coming to America

  • Coming to America – Ah.  Once upon a time Eddie Murphy was funny, & not afraid to say dirty words.  Sadly… this movie probably sparked the fat-suit movies to follow with Eddie and Arsenio playing multiple roles.  But there are so many things in this film to love…  McDowell’s, Soul Glo, Sexual Chocolate.  Priceless.
  • Enter the Dragon

  • Enter the Dragon – Bruce Lee’s final film, and (I think) the first one that I saw.  What kid doesn’t love martial arts movies?  The crazy mirrored room scene is my favorite.
  • Star Trek

  • Star Trek series – Yeah, I like both Star Wars and Star Trek.  Star Wars is more awesome, but don’t get me started.  In school, a lot of us nerdy kids were into Star Trek… the show, the movies, the shows that came after…  it was awesome.  The play between Kirk, Spock, & Bones gets better & better with each film in the series!
  • The Karate Kid

  • The Karate Kid – As a kid in a Taekwondo class, I loved these movies.  All three were good, but especially the first one.  (We’ll forget about The Next Karate Kid, and the new Jackie Chan one.)  I wanted to be the Karate Kid, only in a Cobra Kai uniform.  “Sweep the leg!”
  • Labyrinth

  • Labyrinth – This movie still creeps me out.  David Bowie’s Goblin King is more than a little creepy.  The Muppets here are the stuff of nightmares… almost as bad as the ones in The Dark Crystal.  This is like a darker Wizard of Oz type film… it really put me in another world.
  • The Dark Crystal

  • The Dark Crystal – We need more creepy Muppet movies.  Forget this GCI and 3-D stuff, I want puppets and stop-motion!  I honestly can’t even tell you the full plot, but I watched this several times and loved it.
  • Just one of the Guys

  • Just One of the Guys – I think this became a favorite just because I’ve seen it so many times.  I mean, it was always on.  And, there was like 3 seconds of boobs.
  • Short Circuit

  • Short Circuit – Johnny 5 is alive!  No disassemble!  Very funny childlike innocence in a robot come to life thanks to a lightning bolt.  Wacky comedic adventure,  loved this one.
  • The Princess Bride

  • The Princess Bride – A very funny tale with the infamous Inigo Montoya.  All movies should be this fun.
  • The Toy

  • The Toy – If you’ve never seen this, I recommend going to get it right away… or any Pryor movie except Superman III.  It’s just fun & goofy.  The Wonder-wheel is my favorite part.  And, there’s a lesson in there somewhere…
  • Revenge of the Nerds

  • Revenge of the Nerds – This movie made me want to be a nerd, if I wasn’t one already.  The 2nd one wasn’t all that bad, ether.  I think this made me want to start a nerd band too.
  • Police Academy

  • Police Academy series – I generally like all of these movies… I think I wanted to be Larvell Jones, or at least Zed.  Heh.  The eyebrow gag is the best…  I love movies that are just goofy to be goofy.
  • Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend

  • Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend – Perhaps this is why I still believe in the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, and Mokèlé-mbèmbé… and why I say “No problem!” all the time.
  • “Crocodile Dundee” – For a while in the 80’s, there seemed to be this odd obsession with all things Australian.  I don’t know if this was a cause of that or just another part of the wave, but I remember thinking how cool Australia was for quite a long time.  It was a like a fresh quirky cowboy movie.  The Simpsons episode where Bart prank calls Australia also pokes fun at this fascination.
  • The NeverEnding Story

  • The NeverEnding Story – What kid didn’t love this film when it came out?  It was visually amazing, sad, exciting, a little scary… it was an incredible adventure.  I bet Gmork would still scare me if I watched it now…
  • Don't Tell Mom, The Babysitter' Dead

  • Don’t Tell Mom, The Babysitter’s Dead – This movie has two things; the line “The dishes are done, man!” and Christina Applegate.  All I needed in 1991 was Christina Applegate. I would of watched 3 hours of her doing anything. Ha ha ha.
  • PredatorPredator

  • Predator – This movie was scary and thrilling.   It has one of the best movie lines ever… Jesse Ventura’s “I Ain’t got time to bleed.” …as well as many others.  This kind of film is so easy to get drawn into.  I was in this world when watching this film.  Heat vision?  Invisibility?  I think I wanted to be the Predator… ha ha ha.
  • I could go on with the Superman films, Spinal Tap, Dick Tracy, Howard the Duck, Harry and the Hendersons, Moving, Aliens, Beetlejuice, Gorillas in the Mist, The ‘Burbs, One Crazy Summer, Planet of the Apes, Gleaming the Cube, Pump up the Volume, King Kong, the Godzilla flicks,  so many good ones…