Guitarobatics 🎸


I’m on a few super gear-nerdy and G.A.S.-educing groups on Facebook.  To the Awesome Cheap Guitars group, I recently posed this question:

So,what awesome cheap guitar moves have you pulled on stage? I’m a horrible guitar player, but I can wow a crowd with some flash, flair, and goofy-looking guitars. I’m guilty of the checked following…

Dancing E.

Dancing E.

☑ Playing behind the head.
☑ Playing while squatting with guitar in between knees, reaching arm through legs from behind.
☑ Playing while falling/laying down.
☑ Dropping-trou and continuing to play.
☑ Playing on knees bending back until head almost touches the ground.
Sad 80’s dance move with shuffling feet while playing.
☑ Playing on chairs.
☑ Playing on tables.
☐ Playing on the bar.
☑ Walking outside & in another door if possible with a wireless.
☑ Sitting in a seat with a wireless.
☑ Stage-diving.
☑ The Chuck Berry/Angus Young walk.
☑ Switching instruments mid song.
☐ Using a beer bottle as a slide.
☑ Using a mic stand as a slide.
☐ Blowing bubblegum bubbles. (Like Doyle.)
☑ Drinking mid song.
☑ Injuring a band mate by accident. (I chipped the lead-singer/bass player’s tooth.)
☐ Injuring a band mate on purpose.
☑ Improvising a mic stand out of duct tape, a hockey stick, & gatorade bottles. (Hey, we were playing at a dek-hockey rink.)
☐ Playing on someone’s shoulders.
☐ Playing while someone is on your shoulders.
☑ Playing from behind a wooden bear statue with the guitar on the front of the bear.
☐ Putting a lit cigarette under the strings in the headstock.
☐ The amp-hump. (Like Jimi.)
☑ The guitar-as-a-phallic-symbol air-hump. (Like Rex from the Lone Rangers  in Airheads.) 
☐ The guitar toss – Badass edition. (Like Prince – also, check out the falling into the crowd move!!!)
☐ The guitar toss – Oops edition. (Like Prince with the borrowed Epiphone or Krist Novoselic on MTV.)
☐ The guitar toss – Someone else catches & starts playing.
☐ Smoke-bombs. (Like Ace Frehley.)
☐ Set Fire to the guitar. (Like Jimi.)
☐ The windmill. (Like Pete.)
☑ The powerslide.
☑ The failed powerslide.
☐ Swinging from the rafters. (Hard to do while actually playing? This dude did it.)
☐ The “‘round the world” spin.
☐ The failed “round the world” spin.
☑ Yelling out a second story window mid-set for people to come into the bar.
☐ The “nyah-nyah you can’t see me” EVH turn-around.
☐ The flying karate kick.
☑ On the knees.
☐ On top of a piano. (Like Slash.)
☑ Dancing with the crowd.
☑ Duel of the Fates – using another musician’s fretboard as a slide.
 The salute – All in the air.
☑ The Poison-ish choreographed lean.
☑ Lean on a bandmate.
☑ Lean into a bandmate.

I know there are more.  I know photos & videos exist of some of these with me.   I know this post can get goofy. Please, I implore you to share your moves, including videos, animated gifs, and photos in the comments!  This kind of stuff is hilariously entertaining to me.

What’s your favorite to do?  What’s your favorite to watch?  What have you copied?  What have you invented?  What did I miss on this list?  Share your stories and images and favorite stuff from your favorite performers!

Now, for the self-indulgence:

Dear Mr. Rose,


Dear Mr. Rose,

Thanks for pissing on the remaining shreds of hope that I had that there could ever be an Appetite-era lineup reunion of the infamous Guns N’ Roses.  I wasn’t hoping for a world tour or anything.  Just a 1-time set at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame would have been gracious and exciting.

I watched as the band burned bright, then fell apart.  Illusions I & II are the sound of a band imploding, and Spaghetti Incident is the sound of a band phoning it in.  Chinese Democracy is the unsettling ranting of a lunatic.

I have read the biographies, and I have made a public plea for a reunionAppetite for Destruction floored me when I was a teenager.  The guitars were blaring and dancing around each other perfectly.  The drums made my heat beat faster.  The bass managed to weave it all together.  The vocals made me want to scream and yell.  Lies was absolutely brilliant.  The raw aggression of the earlier “live” tracks were the Guns, & the stripped down yet edgy acoustic tracks were the Roses.

You could have been a grown-ass-man, and set aside your ego, your demons, and whatever else is plaguing you.  You could have probably even gotten away with not showing up for rehearsal, sound check or even acknowledging the existence of the other guys off stage.  Everyone knows you’re supposedly some sort of “temperamental genius” by now, and would have let it slide.  I mean, you really never got much more than a monetary slap on the wrist for inciting multiple riots.  If you can get away with that, you can pretty much get away with anything.

It seems that you fear reuniting with the old lineup would invalidate the existence of the current lineup of Guns N’ Roses.  The only thing that invalidates the current lineup is one W. Axl Rose.  You have made it unequivocally clear that the founding members of the band who wrote the songs that you’re surely playing on tour & developed the sound that you try so hard to get away from are nothing but hired guns (pun intended) to your apparently infallible and virtually unreachable artistic vision.  Why should we put any stock in the revolving door of members that has been present since the departure of core members Duff & Slash?  Perhaps Izzy was the most intelligent of the bunch, getting out shortly after Adler was ousted.  Gilby Clarke sure was never given status as a full band member.  Even Buckethead was called out for his apparent inabilities to record or tour when he left the band.  It’s always someone else’s fault, isn’t it?  Does Dizzy Reed know any other words than “Yes, Axl”?  (Surely even you have to notice how terrible the piano sounds on live versions of “Patience” and “Paradise City“.)

By all accounts it’s Axl who was always late to the stage, Axl who left everyone hanging in Chicago, Axl & some guy that wasn’t even in the band that included a hidden Charles Manson cover on an album despite the rest of the band’s wishes, Axl who called in Paul Tobias without asking anyone else, Axl who demanded legal ownership of the band name at a time when it was impossible for the others to refuse (all aiming to keep the fans happy), Axl who put out no albums while former bands mates cranked out multiple albums from multiple projects, and Axl who consistently points out the shortcomings of his peers and former friends through some self-created veil of paranoia while never taking the time to analyze or even admit to his own self-destructive actions.

Thank you for destroying my favorite band.

I guess I do have to thank you for making sure that the last memory of my favorite lineup won’t be some half-hearted attempt at recapturing some inspirational spark or any multitude of possibly disappointing outcomes.

Former Fan,
-ERiC AiXeLsyD

Appetite for Destruction

Appetite for Destruction (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Rock’s Greatest Guitar Intros? (a.k.a. Another Stupid List?)


“Top however many of whatever” lists are designed to generate ire & promote discussion.  This one undoubtedly has in many circles.  Spreading around the internet like herpes, here’s the latest from some radio station somewhere:

What are The Top 10 Greatest Guitar Intros in rock?  Well, someone compiled a list and put it on the Internet.

All the songs were released between 1967 and 1990.

Here’s the list:

10.)  “School’s Out”,  Alice Cooper  (1972)

9.)  “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love”,  Van Halen  (1978)

8.)  “Thunderstruck”,  AC⚡DC  (1990)

7.)  “Sweet Home Alabama”,  Lynyrd Skynyrd  (1974)

6.)  “Heartbreaker”,  Led Zeppelin  (1969)

 5.)  “Working Man”,  Rush  (1974)

4.)  “Layla”,  Derek and the Dominos  (1970)

3.)  “Suffragette City”,  David Bowie  (1976)

2.)  “Purple Haze”,  The Jimi Hendrix Experience (1967)

1.)  “Eruption / You Really Got Me”,  Van Halen  (1978)

Source: Wise Brother Media/ Radio 96.1

What?  Shenanigans I say!  I bet you say it too.  I mean, there are some stellar songs on that list, but also glaring omissions.  Some other yahoos are taking a poll.  Gibson made a list a while ago that grabs some more timeless tracks & grabs “Sweet Child O’ Mine” which would be close to or at the top of my list & really, who could forget “Crazy Train”?  And neither list makes note of the banes of guitar stores’ existence “Enter Sandman” or “Smells Like Teen Spirit“.  And where the hell is Black Sabbath?  “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath” has to be one of the coolest intros ever, among so many more.  What about “Welcome to the Jungle”?

If you’re gonna include “Sweet Home Alabama”, why not “Stairway to Heaven”, or even that one Pearl Jam song that’s all jangly and has that sweet tone where Vedder mumbles incoherently.  Hendrix’s version or “Hey Joe” or “Voodoo Child (Slight Return)”?

“Eruption”?  Clearly awesome, but it’s its own song, isn’t it, not an intro?  I mean, what are the rules here?  Why not just throw in some bass like “Bassically“/”N.I.B.” or “Anesthesia [Pulling Teeth]”/”Whiplash”?  A bass is arguably a guitar, right?

Nothing by Heart?  “Sunshine of Your Love” anyone?  “Start Me Up”?  “Hair of the Dog?”  No ZZ Top?  Nothing by Aerosmith?  No “Talk Dirty to Me?”  Ha ha.  Just making sure you’re paying attention.  What about some more metal stuff?  No Pantera?  No Slayer?  No Metalli-freakin’-ca?  No punk rock?  Well, I guess not a bunch of punk has blazing riff like intros.

What is rock?  Can rap or funk be included?  What about some crazy stuff by guys like Carl Perkins or Willie Nelson?

It’s clear my friends that we need to make our own list.  I dig Velvet Revolver’s “Set Me Free”, but I may be in the minority there.  Remember, this is guitar intros, not riffs.  I’m guessing we should aim for guitar-only intros, or we would all have to concede to “Rock You Like a Hurricane” for being the most powerful.   There’s also that one Avenged Sevenfold song…  it’s got a killer riff at the beginning, but I think there’s some drums right at the beginning.  If these are OK, is there room for “No Sleep till Brooklyn” or “Fight For Your Right”?

Start naming songs.  We’ll figure out some ground rules, set a number, set up some brackets & some votes.  We’ll even name it something classy like “The Actual Best Rock Guitar Intros of All Time (Not Chosen by Idoits)”.  Then, we’ll spark more idiots to have more useless arguments discussions.

♫♪ ☠ ♬♩

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