I have a problem. The problem is the One-Touch Can Opener. It’s a rather expensive useless plastic & metal rock. In fact, they ought to market it as “Pet Rock: With Batteries!” Maybe an actual rock would be more dependable in opening cans. We just recently bought our 2nd One-Touch Can Opener. I have no idea why we’re on a second one.
The first one was fine for a while, but it didn’t get much use unless we were making Nine Can Vegetable Soup or Chili or something where we had to open a bunch of cans at once. One day a lid got stuck. The can lid was successfully removed from the can, but remained under the blade of the One Touch. It remained securely under the blade. It wouldn’t come out with a gentle pull, or a labored tug. Pressing the button to try & turn it back on didn’t do anything. I think I eventually got some pliers to yank it out. After that (of course) it ceased working. Perhaps I yanked too hard?
Figuring it was my fault and that I broke it… I bought another. I thought that the lid getting stuck was a fluke & it didn’t occur to me that it may (would?) happen again. Boy, was I naive. It happened again. This time I didn’t try to dislodge the lid. I have tried pressing the button. I gave it several touches, to no avail. I set it down & took some photos… intending to write to the manufacturer wight a verbose ranting “WTF?” kind of letter. (You know, my usual.) The problem being that I couldn’t find the damn manufacturer.
What a wonderful piece of engineering! What excellent modern technology! I mean… What a blunder of engineering! What excrement passes for modern technology?
What a grip!
Unless you were watching another channel.
I mean, I have some pretty cool photos to send, and I had no idea where to send them. Googling One Touch Can Opener brings up several “As seen on TV” websites.
I emailed one of them, and they basically told me to go fornicate with myself…
From: As Seen On TV Customer Service
To: _____________@_____.___
Sent: Thursday, May 24, 2012 11:50 AM
Subject: One Touch Can Opener [Incident: 120523-000134]
Recently you requested personal assistance from our on-line support center. Below is a summary of your request and our response.
If this issue is not resolved to your satisfaction, you may reopen it within the next 7 days.
Thank you for allowing us to be of service to you.
Subject
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One Touch Can Opener
Discussion Thread
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Response Via Email (Allana) – 05/24/2012 08:50 AM
Dear Eric,
Thank you for your email. We are sorry to inform you that we do not have the referral contact information you seek. Please feel free to do a general web search for more information.
Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause you.
Best regards,
Allana
Customer Care Center
Customer By Web Form (Eric Carroll) – 05/23/2012
Hello, can you put me in touch with the manufacturer of the one-touch can opener? (Email or mailing address preferred.)
I’m having problems with my 2nd one now. It’s terrible. The lids keep getting stuck.
https://www.asseenontv.com/one-touch-can-opener/detail.php?p=296306
Thank you,
-Eric
Question Reference #120523-000134
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Category Level 1: Product inquiry
Date Created: 05/23/2012 09:13 AM
Last Updated: 05/24/2012 08:50 AM
Status: Solved
Order Number:
[—001:001194:41928—]
It’s great for sitting on top of cans & doing nothing until you press the button 4 times & have 2 false starts. (Photo credit: Carol Browne)
What helpful chaps who stand behind the products they sell!
Taking Allana’s wonderful advice I tried to Google One-Touch Can Opener Manufacturer. As you can see, there are several possible foreign manufacturing services for this tiny incredible modern convenience. I think I have it narrowed down though, to the correct one… It appears that Daka manufactures all of the One-Touch Products.
So, I sent them an email:
From: Eric Carroll <____________@_____.___>
To: “USA@onetouchproducts.com” <USA@onetouchproducts.com>; “info@daka.com.hk” <info@daka.com.hk>; “info@onetouchproducts.com” <info@onetouchproducts.com>; “Customerservice@cricketholdings.com” <Customerservice@cricketholdings.com>
Sent: Friday, May 25, 2012
Subject: One-Stuck Can Opener
Ciao Can Conquerors!
I’m writing to you today with an issue that you must have encountered before. I’m currently on my second One-Touch Can Opener… and it has been incapacitated by a stuck lid. Please see the attached pictures to literally illustrate my predicament. As you can see, the lid is still securely in the grasp of the One-Touch Can Opener. This is not the first time that this has happened to me with this unit. Sometimes I am able to persuade the can opener to relinquish the lid after an extra press of the button. This time, all the extra touching is not working. Right now I am left with what amounts to an expensive plastic and metal rock with batteries on my kitchen counter. This can-opener-come-rock currently has no purpose (other than annoying me each time I see it). I have only had it for a month or two. It has fresh batteries. Prior to it being rendered useless, it did not get much use.
I had previously owned a One-Touch can opener that eventually encountered the same problem. I was able to look past the fact that the product named One-Touch took several touches (after many many false starts) to operate. I was able to handle the fact that would occasionally cut tiny ribbons of the can label and drop it into my food. The scraps were generally easy to find and pick out. I was able to accept that it would occasionally tumble off of a can when finished removing the lid, possibly also knocking over the can in the process. It was still a time saver when making things like my award-winning chili or my easy comfort-food nine can vegetable soup. (Although, were I a betting man… I would place money on me being faster at opening a can with a P-38 army can opener.)
I had assumed that when I tried to forcibly remove the lid from my first One-Touch can opener I possibly broke something. It no longer responded to my touch. I checked the batteries. I tried different-sized cans. I tried to use the Force. (I tried the light side at first, and eventually the dark side. Anger does lead to hate, just like Yoda said. Hate also eventually led to my wallet suffering.) All of my peaceful attempts were to no avail. Perhaps using pliers to savagely pry the lid from the mighty grip of the mindless One-Touch was a bad idea. I had chalked it up to me being an idiot, and resigned to just purchase a new one.
I did purchase a new one, from Bed Bath & Beyond I believe, and we have arrived at the situation which I presented at the beginning of this email. I am left with the stuck can lid and useless One-Touch can opener in the attached photos.
I’m not exactly sure what my end game is here. My plan was to write to you to inform you of the situation, see if there were others who have encountered the same problem, and see what you may offer as a solution. I would say that acceptable courses of action would include (but are not limited to) the following:
- Advice as to how to properly get the One-Touch Can Opener to relinquish the can lid that it so dearly embraces.
- A new improved functioning One-Touch (if that exists).
- About $20 worth of U.S. Army issued P-38’s or other functioning non-electrical can openers. I arrived at this figure for roughly (and I’m rounding down): $15 for the One-Touch and $5 for name-brand batteries.
Of course if you would like to offer a more agreeable recompensation, I’m open to suggestions. I feel that I deserve at least something after two of your products have failed on me in rather rapid succession. Surely you concur? Most reasonable people would.
Thank you for your time and assistance. I look forward to your reply and suggested resolution. I’m anxious to remove the $20 plastic & metal decorative functionless One-Touch rock from my kitchen counter.
May the Force Be With You,
-Eric
.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI
I hope I get some sort of response. Until then, I will stick with my favorite can-opener: The P-38. I will race a functioning One-Touch (if you can find one), and I will win. It’s simple, small, and for the cost of one One-Touch I can get 50 of them from Ralph’s Army Surplus. I’d even take a P-51, or an Australian FRED. My grandma always kept a P-38 inside an old pill bottle in the drawer beside the silverware. I learned to use that before I learned to cook, I think.
Size comparison of P-51 and P-38 openers (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
F.R.E.D. – Currently employed by the Australian Army and New Zealand Army in its ration kits. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
What kind of can opener do you use? There is a ridiculous amount of different types of can openers out there. May I persuade you to not waste your time or money in purchasing a One-Touch? You will most certainly have to touch it several times. It’s false advertising. I feel stupid for having to have purchased two of them before I realized that it was not operator error, but a terrible product.
World (and Lunar) Domination 