Are you with me so far? I bet you thought I forgot about #GreenPotatoGate. Maybe you had, and wish I had. I think this may be it, as I’m never going to get a full response from Giant Eagle, and I did get some coupons! First, are you all caught up?
Had enough? Of course you haven’t. Read on, brave soldiers for spuds and titans for tubers!
As promised, I did receive some coupons from Tasteful Selections. Way to stand behind their products! There was a cool ingredient card too, so I may check that out. I do like purple potatoes.
Giant Eagle reached out with a DM on Twitter, then nothing. 🦗🦗🦗
Hmm. @GiantEagle still hasn't replied about these @SideDelights potatoes… even though Side Delights has. They cite improper handling by the big bird. All I get are crickets, no chirps, tweets, or even screeches.
That was anti-climactic. They didn’t comment on the maze or the green potatoes.
I did, however, get one super awesome response to a positive message that I sent out about some potatoes from The Little Potato Compnay that I bought at Shop ‘n Save. I reached out like this:
From: Me <me@nunya.biz> Date: Sun, Jan 1, 2023 at 10:44 PM Subject: Thank you for a great product! 🥔 To: <feedback@littlepotatoes.com>
Salutations Spud Specialists!
I just wanted to reach out to thank you for your tremendous tiny tubers, or your perfect potatoes if you will.
Saturday I picked up a bag of the Terrific Trio style spuds from Shop ‘n Save in Heidelberg, PA, …and they were all fantastic.
You may think it’s odd to be so elated with a perfect product, but lately I have been on a crusade of sorts as I feel that nearly ¼ of all my purchased potatoes are green and arguably poisonous. Albeit very slightly poisonous.
I eat a lot of potatoes. So I buy a lot of potatoes. It seems like no one is immune to the great greening that has taken place iver the last few years. Yours were absolutely delicious though.
If you would like a window to my spiral into spud shenanigans, please feel free to catch the saga as it has unfolded so far at my blog:
I’m sure that I’m up to at least 2 readers semi-regulartly that aren’t me or AI bots. Well, I think.
I draw mazes. I sent mazes to some of your competitors as a means to get their attention, and perhaps stand out among all rhe other missives.
I am sending them you you as a thank you. Please, enjoy them and pass them along to your potato people! I would love if you got a chuckle out of them and if you took the time to try them out.
I really appreciate your multiple avenues of contact, prominently displayed right on the packaging, and a super easy to navigate website. I need to poke around the recipes!
I hope the new year brings you many new opportunities, great joy, & happiness.
Auld Lang Syne
-Eric
PS – Also attached is a photo collage of breakfast home fries with those fantastic tri-color delicious beauties.
And attached this photo (along with my potato mazes):
And I got this response:
From: Feedback feedback@littlepotatoes.com Date: Tue, Jan 3, 2023 at 12:21 PM Subject: RE: Thank you for a great product! 🥔 To: Me me@nunya.biz
Hi Eric,
Thank you so much for the aMAZEing feedback! I’m glad you enjoyed your Terrific Trio home fries!
Well. The garden plot thickens. Or something. I have a few more potato-related emails. All signs point to the grocery stores being at fault, and funnily enough the grocery stores have not replied, at all.
This happened, and we got a refund from Instacart. It’s not green potatoes, but they definitely weren’t ready to just toss into the crock pot with a roast.
If you’re wondering what the hell I am talking about, you must have missed the saga as it uprooted…
Thank you for reaching out. It’s always great to meet another potato enthusiast! As you may know, while we don’t represent any one brand, Potatoes USA works on behalf of more than 2,000 potato growers and handlers across the country to promote the benefits of eating potatoes. We’re happy to provide general feedback, and the individual brands and retailers can tell you more about their practices.
As far as green potatoes go, you’re correct that the color signifies the build-up of solanine. It’s a natural reaction to the potato being exposed to too much light. If there’s slight greening, you can cut away those green portions before cooking and eating. Generally speaking, you’re unlikely to ingest enough solanine to do you any harm.
However, I know you’re a potato skin fan (and rightly so). One bit of good news on the nutrition front is that the only nutrient significantly lost when the skin is removed is fiber. (A medium (5.3 oz) potato contains 2 grams of fiber with the skin and 1 gram of fiber without the skin.) Potassium and vitamin C are found predominantly in the flesh.
Potato growers take a number of steps to reduce greening, including maintaining enough soil cover over potatoes in the field and storing harvested potatoes in facilities with minimal light.
If you aren’t already, I’d encourage you to store your fresh potatoes in a cool, dark place. If you’re finding green potatoes upon returning from the store (or after Instacart delivery), you can often return them.
Thanks again for your note. We hope you have a spud-tacular holiday season, filled with plenty of potatoes.
Thank you for your response! I really appreciate your time and the imparted potato knowledge.
In my reaching out to several potato producers, it seems that they all want to lay the blame on the distribution and storage by the grocers.
So, the “all the vitamins are in the skin” that I got from my grandma when I was a kid was just potato public relations? 🤣
No matter, I agree they are delicious.
Please, enjoy the attached mazes with your friends, family, & co-workers!
I hope you enjoy you have a pleasant holiday season and a happy new year, and a great going season next year. I know I am looking forward to planting some potatoes myself.
I may leave out some potato candy for Santa, if I don’t eat it all!
Tuber-ular Tidings to you & yours!
-Eric
I sent the mazes again, like an idiot. Ha ha. I forgot I had sent them previously. No reply or acknowledgement this time.
This came as response from Tasteful Selections, which are the ones pictured above:
Hi Eric,
Thank you so much for contacting us. I am terribly sorry for the poor experience you had with our product. I can assure you that the quality you saw is not our standard, and for this I apologize.
We strive to ensure that every package of potatoes that leave our farm is handled with the utmost care in order to deliver a quality product to our consumers. Unfortunately, sometimes temperature changes and changes in light make potatoes break down or decay faster than they normally would.
The greening you’re experiencing occurs when potatoes have been exposed to too much light, either natural or artificial, that gives the potatoes a sort of “sunburn.” While greening is a result of light exposure, the visible greening can be delayed. Potatoes exposed to light may be packaged and continue to green beyond our last inspection point. We make every effort to avoid this, however, in your case we were not successful. You can cut the green out of the potatoes and use the rest (although that’s a bit tougher with small potatoes), but eating the green portion of the potato can give a very bitter flavor.
I am sincerely sorry for the inconvenience this has caused you. We stand by our products and you should not have had to have an experience like this. I would like to make it up to you by offering you a product voucher to hopefully help compensate you for your troubles.
If I may please have your mailing address, I would be happy to send you a product voucher straight away. Again, my personal apologies for the frustration this has caused you.
Thank you for your response! I have been exasperated lately with the amount of green or sprouting potatoes from the grocery store. It is a consistent issue across brands and stores, and whether we use a service like I Instacart or pick a bag ourselves.
I understand, from your reply among others, that the issue is most likely occurring after it leaves the potato farm.
Can retailers like Aldi, Giant Eagle, or Target be better educated about potato shipping and storage?
Instacart already refunded us for the purchase of the recently sprouting spuds as that was clearly a shopper error.
If it was spring, I would just plant them! You have a delicious variety of golden potatoes, perfect for home-fries!
Sometimes, the green potatoes don’t reveal themselves until you crack open that bag about to prepare a meal.
I would just like some sort of solution going forward. What can the potato industry do to hold grocers accountable?
If I wanted the gastrointestinal distress and discomfort associated with eating green potatoes, I would just dine at Taco Bell or Pizza Hut. Right?
My mailing address is…
Eric AiXeLsyD
#### Nunya St.
Bidness, PA #####-####
…but again I’m not really looking for free potatoes, I just want to get what I pay for.
I appreciate you reaching out, and pride in the quality of your product. Please find my gift of the attached potato mazes, and share them with your co-workers and friends if so inclined.
Have a very starchy Christmas and a tuber new year!
-Eric
And I got a reply:
Hi Eric,
Thanks so much for getting back to me. I definitely understand your concerns. Our sales & business development team are already working with Produce Managers and providing resources for storing and caring for potatoes. We’ll continue to do our part, however, it ends up being the responsiblity of Produce Managers to not only train their staff, but also make sure they are following through with the potato best practices.
I have a few coupons headed your way.
Sincerely, Jenny
I like free potatoes. I will be on the lookout for potato vouchers!
Now, I have reached several road-blocks with getting a message to Aldi. They apparently do not like to give out email addresses.
I dug up some email formats & corporate names on teh Google mosheen and sent this, also to no avail (so far):
Greetings My Frugal Friends,
I hope you are gearing up for a pleasant, festive, and relaxing holiday season! I appreciate your role in bringing food & other goodies to our homes.
I write to you today with some tuber related shenanigans I have noticed over the last few years. I have submitted a missive to your contact form at the Aldi website to no avail. I have been checking my junk/spam folder too.
I also tried reaching out via Facebook and Twitter… only to be told that your social media teams are unfathomably unable to forward messages to your customer service team or provide an email address. I had to do some Googling, and I pray to a higher power that this reaches a live intelligent and empathetic human being.
I love potatoes. At rhe risk of sounding like Forrest Gump’s friend Bubba droning on about shrimp…
I love potatoes. I like home fries, hash browns, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, cheesy potatoes, hassleback potatoes, scalloped potatoes, potato candy, potato soup, lyinnaise potatoes, potato filling, tater tots, potato salad (hot or cold styles), shepherd’s pie, and sometimes even potato pancakes. Twice baked potatoes are a fantastic treat too. I hear potato vodka is good too, but I am not much of a drinker. Perhaps a potato beer would be more my speed if such a thing exists?
Nearly every bag of potatoes that I have purchased from your and/or your esteemed competitors over the last few years has had an alarmingly large amount of green solanine-filled potatoes. Glycoalkaloids are not our friends! On the mild end, eating green potatoes would be like chasing a Taco Bell meal with a laxative.
The straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back was one night at dinner when ready to bake 8 potatoes as a side to chili… 2 of the potatoes were totally green on the outside. They had been delivered by Instacart, but the green potatoes were not evident upon eying the outside of the bag.
That’s ¼ of rhe potatoes unusable for their intended purpose. Yes, I could have peeled away the green, but who wants a baked potato with no skin? That’s just craziness. Do I get ¼ of my money back?
I have written to and received replies from quite a few potato farms, and they all seem to point the finger at the end retailer… which in some cases is Aldi. They cite importer handling and storage… specifically exposure to light and longer than optimal time frames.
Perhaps the powers that be within your fine organization can put their heads together, asses your handling of these tiny starcchy underground gifts from heaven, and come up with ways to prevent waste? It may need to be a highly coordinated effort with logistics, distribution, shipping, and warehousing.
As an effort to aid exercise in meditation and clearing your thoughts, I have attached some potato themed mazes. Mazes and labyrinths have a history of assisting people to achieve a zen like state. Perhaps this will provide the needed clarity to prevent ultra violet potato decimation.
You have a fantastic business and I appreciate your effort to bring quality goods to the more budget-concious among us.
If requested, I can even forward my original (perhaps lost?) message.
Thank you for your time, I look forward to your thoughts on the matter!
Let’s root for a starchy Christmas and a tuber new year! -Eric
So, maybe that will get something. Maybe not. Giant Eagle hasn’t bothered to reply either.
Hmm. @GiantEagle still hasn't replied about these @SideDelights potatoes… even though Side Delights has. They cite improper handling by the big bird. All I get are crickets, no chirps, tweets, or even screeches.
@tastefulselect we got these from @aldiusa via @instacart yesterday. Instacart has refunded, but what gives with the ongoing potato issues? I have had so many green ones this past year or so. Are stores shipping/storing improperly?
Yeah, tried that. Got a phone number. Not interested in calling. I would like to send an email, but no one will provide an email address, and apparently your social media team can't just forward a DM to the customer service department. 🤷♂️🤦♂️
Well, the replies are starting to come in. While this certainly isn’t an issue as pressing, depraved, or salacious as the lady who put the pee in potato at Walmart that one time, it does seem to resonate with people.
Thank you so much for your prompt reply! This was a 5 lb. bag of Russet potatoes, I believed purchased at Aldi via Instacart. Unfortunately, I disposed of all the packaging. I cooked the whole bag! Well, everything that wasn’t green. It would have been purchased at the Aldi in Bridgeville, Pennsylvania… earlier this week. I really don’t want a rebate or anything. I just want to stop getting green potatoes. Can you imagine if 3 out of every dozen eggs were unusable? Or 5 slices of every loaf of bread just moldy? I may have to reach out to Aldi regarding their shipping/storage practices… and Instacart about their selection process. I am sure you take great pride in your potatoes. I know how I feel with a back yard garden, and I’m only feeding a family of 4. You guys must feed millions. I, really though, am going to reach out every time I get green potatoes, no matter the producer. We, as a society, can’t afford to not get the most value out of a dollar. I hope everyone can work together to get perfect produce into our kitchens.
Thank you for your time!
-Eric
And, they wrote back to me:
Hi Eric,
These are unique potato mazes! Thank you for sharing along with where you recently purchased your Alsum 5 lb. russet bag of potatoes. I’m hopeful the hands shopping for your produce through Aldi can be educated to remove from the store shelf any green potatoes to prevent this poor experience going forward. It might be worth the call to bring this to the retailers attention to help everyone have a good potato eating experience and use the bag in full.
As a consumer, I couldn’t agree more we need to stretch our food dollar, and it’s important from farmer to retail grocer to work together to provide a quality product.
We hope you give us another try.
Take care,
Christine
I wrote back once again:
Thank you Christine,
I have reached out to Aldi via web contact form and Facebook, but they are not nearly as quick as you with a response. I am sure you, like all of us, feel the pressure of stretching a dollar lately. I will most certainly give Alsum and Aldi (and even Instacart) another try. Hopefully they can adjust their potato handling process.
Thank you so much for your quick, informative and warm response. I hope the mazes can bring a smile to your co-workers’ faces!
You have a knack for writing, I enjoyed your email!
I am very sorry to hear about the many “green potato’s experiences” you have had. This particular purchase does worry me, we have not supplied potatoes to Giant Eagle since Sept. 29, 2022. So if they are our spuds, they were packed over 9 weeks ago and they would most definitely be green or breaking down. (We suggest a 4 week shelf life).
You are correct in saying eating green potatoes can be harmful, that is true but only if consumed in very large amounts. To play it safe, we tell everyone just to peel the green away or just throw it out.
Do you happen to have the kwik lock (plastic tie) to seal the bag? If so, can you tell me what the 6 digit numbers are? I am sorry I cannot be of much help on this one, but I would let the produce manager know so he or she can clean out their out of date bags on their produce shelf.
Thank you for your message,
Rachel
That was via webform, so I sent the potato mazes and this:
Hello Rachel,
Thank you for such a quick informative reply! I hope the attached mazes can entertain you & your co-workers. I believe I will follow up with Giant Eagle and other local grocers about the green potato issie. It seems that no potato farms are letting green potatoes out the door, but improper storage may be leading to green toxic tubers.
I must confess I have never put much thought into the choice of brands of potato. I just go with whatever is on the produce shelf. I will have to seek out Masser Spuds with intent from now on.
I don’t believe your product specifically was one that has recently been GOA (green on arrival) or turned quickly once it reached my home. I had some issues most recently with Alsum. In a bag of 8 total potatoes, 2 were green and unusable as baked potatoes to go along with the delicious chili that my wife made last week. It’s delicious because she follows my recipe although taking some unnecessary liberties on portions. The kids are crazy because they say hers is much much better than mine. I agree with them, because I may be crazy, but i am not stupid.
I also spotted an entirely green bag of Side Delights potatoes at the aforementioned Giant Eagle yesterday. It lends credence to the theory that Giant Eagle may need to take more care of their precious potato produce. A lot of people may not understand. I posted on social media asking if others had noticed the issue. On Nextdoor someone suggested that like bananas, I just let them ripen at home. 🤦♂️
Sadly though, the problem does not seem limited to any one store or potato farm. The Alsum bag with one quarter of the bag unusable was just the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. I feel like for the last 2 years, I have been getting a much greater number of green potatoes from Giant Eagle, Shop ‘n Save, Aldi, Walmart, Target, & even BJ’s Wholesale. It is usually only with bagged potatoes… not ones that I would pick fresh. There is the convenience of ordering from Instacart or Target home delivery. Arguably they should be picking better produce, but it is hard to see the whole bag.
Potatoes usually don’t last long here before they’re consumed. We grow our own in the summer, but they cannot fuel our entire consumption. Our small yard and time available are limiting,
If only Mythbusters was still a thing, perhaps they could tell us how much green potato we could safely consume before it felt like we had one of everything from the Taco Bell menu with a side of possible neurological complications.
Thank you once again for your time, and I do hope you enjoy the mazes.
Thank you!
-Eric
And that’s about it for now, other than some standard auto-replies, like this one from Aldi via Facebook Messenger:
I know you’re absolutely riveted by the saga and glued to the screen with anticipation of a solution to the great green potato crisis. Try the potato mazes while you wait!
From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com> Date: Tue, Aug 7, 2012 Subject: Re: The Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster To: The Cryptid Hunters <thecryptidhunters@gmail.com>
Hello Raptorguy14,
Nice to “meet” you! Sorry to hear that several of your people have become inactive. Hopefully they haven’t all mysteriously disappeared while searching for cryptids. Good luck in your quest to revive the group!
I understand that you’re not affiliated with MonsterQuest. If I understand correctly, MonsterQuest isn’t even being made any more? I find that to be such a shame. I can only watch the Hatfields & McCoys or How The States Got Their Shapes so many times, but I could watch MonsterQuest or UFO Hunters all day long.
I’m not sure if the tunnel monster is a hoax, but if it does exist… it has special powers that slow down traffic in the morning, afternoon, and during concerts or sporting events. I have more artist renderings attached if you’d like to tell me if they’re perhaps more accurate?
Have you heard about Tunnel Monsters out west, or anywhere else around the world? I would like to see this one captured…so I can get to events on time.
Onward & Upward,
-Waldo
P.S. – Your parents are very forward-thinking. Raptorguy is the coolest name ever, but to include a number like we’re in a science fiction novel? That’s just awesome.
These photos were attached (thanks to my faithful readers…):
This was the reply:
From: The Cryptid Hunters <thecryptidhunters@gmail.com> Date: Tue, Aug 14, 2012 Subject: Re: The Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster To: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
No, they’re perfectly fine, they just haven’t been active. I still converse with them on occasion.
That’s right, MonsterQuest is no longer in production. TV networks often get rid of good quality shows for some reason, but I suppose that’s how it works.
Again, I must reiterate my opinion that the tunnel monster is a myth being used to make people drive more carefully in tunnels. Tunnels can be more difficult to drive through than conventional roadways, so one must be more careful. And the fact that the monster targets speeders and wrecked vehicles strengthens this opinion; it makes people think, “I don’t want to encounter this ‘beast’, so I should be more careful in the tunnel.” The likelihood that this creature is real is very low.
To my knowledge, no tunnel monsters (myth or otherwise) exist in the Western United States. I’m not sure about the rest of the world, though.
What?
We’ll find that tunnel monster someday, & prove Raptorguy14 wrong!
OK, so remember my post about the Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster & the artist renderings? Well, I just got this reply. It came a little late, and it came from someone who couldn’t pick up on the fact that I was goofing around. I mean, I don’t even know how I should respond to this. Should I tell them, or keep it going? Surely a quick Google search of my email address or “Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster” would have landed you here? I kind of feel bad that this cat didn’t “get” it.
I poked around several forums and web pages until I found email addresses or forums or anywhere where I could post my goofiness. They mostly all fell entirely flat (Fail 1/Fail 2/Fail 3). This email eventually found someone, I guess.
Date: Fri, Aug 3, 2012 Subject: Re: The Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster To: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Hello, and thank you for emailing The Cryptid Hunters.
Firstly, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Raptorguy14, currently the only active member of this group. We used to have several people, but they’ve since become inactive. I’ve been thinking many times about reviving this group, and I may do that soon, but for now I can only investigate reports of cryptids in the Western United States.
Secondly, I, nor anyone else in this group, do not represent MonsterQuest or anything/anyone affiliated with it. I understand that the link to our email is on the History Channel website, so I apologize for any confusion. We are simply a group of amateur cryptid hunters.
Thirdly, the photos definitely appear to be fake. I know that you said they are artist renderings, but I’m certain that it’s impossible for creatures that look like those “renderings” in the photos to exist. After some preliminary research online, I can conclude that the Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster is likely a hoax, an urban legend, as no solid evidence has turned up yet. As I said, I would be open to investigating, but at this time I can only investigate cryptid reports in the Western United States (specifically the Intermountain West). I will try to find somebody to investigate, but I find it unlikely that any evidence will turn up. More than likely it’s just a myth that makes drivers be more cautious in the tunnel, as tunnels can be very dangerous places if certain driving precautions are not taken.
~Raptorguy14
I guess I should write back.
Also, if I neglected to post your artist rendering, please send it again! I was sitting on a few until I had another related post… wanna make sure I don’t miss any. Here’s one from Valley of Steel‘s Eric Yano:
Well, sort of. The buzz around town on the news & radio lately has been about a survey by a GPS data company called INRIX that calls the sweet spot from Greentree to the Fort Pitt tunnels on the Parkway West here in the ‘Burgh the worst traffic outside of New York or Los Angeles. Read the Post-Gazette article for all the juicy details. Here’s an excerpt…
According to INRIX, it takes an average of 13 minutes — nine more than it should — to traverse that stretch. That doesn’t count the time it takes to get there, as morning backups now routinely spill well down the back side of Green Tree Hill and sometimes past Carnegie.
At a delay of nine minutes a day, for a regular commuter that works out to about 36 hours a year down the rat hole, just for the morning rush. According to INRIX, drivers on the 10 worst U.S. corridors may squander up to 60 hours a year stuck in traffic.
Those who while away their mornings in the daily tangle might be inclined to dream of a wider Parkway West or new tunnels drilled through Mount Washington, but financial and topographic realities make that a bit like yearning for world peace.
Flying Tunnel Monster (by Eric Yano / Valley of Steel)
And here was the letter to MythBusters & Dirty Jobs, that didn’t get a reply from anyone…
From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com> Date: Mon, Feb 27, 2012 Subject: The Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster (Mythbusters & Dirty Jobs team-up?) To: jamie@m5industries.com, mythbusters@m5industries.com, adam@adamsavage.com, info@mikeroweworks.com, torybelleci@gmail.com, swift@buchwald.com Cc: info@beyondaction.com.au
Dear Duke of Dirt and Sultans of Science (or Emperors of Explosions?),
I’m a big fan of both of your shows, I believe that I have been watching since the first season of each, and have seen almost all (if not all) of the collective episodes. My wife & I enjoy the Saturday morning/afternoon marathon runs of each, sometimes they prevent us for doing anything productive (except learning while being entertained of course) for most of the day. My favorite Dirty Jobs moment has to be an early one… where Mike was at the charcoal factory & asking the guy how you can burn it after it has already been burned and the guy either didn’t know the answer or comprehend the question and started to get irate. It set the tone for the rest of the series! Of course I love all the dirty gross stuff like expressing the anal glands during pet grooming… who knew? Having worked an assembly line myself, I really appreciate that you manage to shed light on jobs that most people never even think about (or know existed). With Mythbusters, I don’t know how to pick a favorite… I loved the ninja & pirate myths, the ancient mirror laser thing, all of the movie scene recreations (or attempted recreations), the many abuses of Buster, and for some odd reason… the car filled entirely with A/B foam.
If I’m not watching the Discovery Network, I’m over on the History Channel. My wife likes to remind me that we have about 200 other channels. I don’t need them, really.
I first attempted this (intentionally humorous) pitch to the people over at history with MonsterQuest or MysteryQuest in my sights. I had assumed I’d receive some sort of “Yeah, whatever goofball” type of reply. Sadly I have not received any reply at all.
The more I thought about it, I feel that this is a serious subject. It would work for Mythbusters… not sure how you could word the myth… but basically your task would be to get to the bottom of seemingly inexplicable tunnel traffic/congestion. You could look at how people slow down when approaching, how throwing a roadside distraction (like a car accident) in there would effect things?
As for Mr. Rowe, I’m sure that working in a tunnel is a dirty job. There are nightly cleanings/work in the Liberty tubes some times… and someone sets out traffic cones every day for the changing of a lane’s direction when going into/coming out of the tunnel. I’m also guessing that being a Mythbuster (or one of their crew) is a dirty job. Pittsburgh is a little Hollywood lately, why not capitalize on it by coming to check out our little town? I know Grant & Tori were at the Zabmelli firework factory in New Castle once!
Did you see the incredibly forced Pawn Stars/American Pickers/American Restoration crossover? You guys could do way better than that, and it would be unscripted.
Here’s the meat of my original email…
I believe that we have a monster in the Pittsburgh area that you may want to check out. It’s affectionately referred to as the Tunnel Monster. People in the southwestern Pennsylvania area live in a great fear of the Tunnel Monster. Many yinzer drivers slow down as they approach any area tunnel… but most especially the Fort Pitt Tunnels, Liberty “Tubes”, and the Squirrel Hill Tunnels. I’ve heard theories that the tunnel monster also perhaps takes shelter in one or all of the three rivers when not lurking in the tunnel.
Fear seems to increase in times of rain, snow, and (perhaps strangely) before sporting events, holiday festivities, and large concerts. I believe we have weekday tunnel anxiety between 7:00am & 9:00am, and again from 2:00pm to 7:00pm at all tunnels. I’ve never heard a first-hand account of an actual sighting, but it’s clear that there is something strange happening at these locations. There are also spikes of Tunnel Monster fear when traffic accidents happen nearby. Perhaps the tunnel monster feeds on broken down cars, flat tires, or the corpses left in the wake of fatal accidents? Rubberneckers seem to be ripe for the picking also.
I have personally seen 18-wheelers get to the entrance of a tunnel and turn completely around, most likely out of fear of the tunnel monster perhaps lurking within the yellow-hued florescent-lit man made caverns. Some people go through the entire length of a tunnel holding their breath so the tunnel monster doesn’t steal it, or honking their horn the entire way to scare it off. I’ve seen motorcycles and ambulances go right down the center line at accelerated speeds, no doubt trying to avoid a tragic end. I’ve even heard of people tapping the roof of their car when spotting a Padiddle to ward off the evil tunnel monster. The theory perhaps being that the tunnel monster is on the hood of the other car, and its webbed fin (a paddle or “padiddle”) is blocking one headlight.
I have seen strange markings on the inside of they Liberty Tunnels, but they have since been covered-over. They were strange numbers and hieroglyphic-like symbols that appeared right before a construction project. Do you think the crews working in the tunnel are in any danger? Perhaps it’s a conspiracy? Are they in there hunting for the tunnel monster under the guise of construction efforts while they cover up the monster’s cave paintings? Could the monster be some sort of Neanderthal, or perhaps a supernatural being, or some sort of demon?
There are countless videos on YouTube documenting fearless drives through the Fort Pitt Tunnels, but I don’t believe that any concrete video evidence has been recorded. I have attached some artist renderings of the Tunnel Monster that I have found on the internet. Perhaps you would like your experts to interview the area residents and come up with your own?
I really would like someone to get to the bottom of this Tunnel Monster thing, and I believe that Monster Quest is perfectly suited for the job! Thank you for your time, I hope to hear from you soon!
So, now you know where my thought process has gone, & how it has developed. I’d love your consideration for this idea. Please don’t make me turn to TV shows that I don’t watch like Billy the Exterminator or Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you!
Not afraid of the Tunnel Monster,
-Waldo Lunar
I tried message boards, email addresses, all kinds of outlets… all to no avail. Party poopers.
We have all heard talk of the Pittsburgh tunnel monster. There are other sites that talk about it and claim that it’s not real, simply poor planning by the engineers that designed the traffic flow in & around the city, or my favorite… that it’s simply Pittsburgh drivers slowing down for absolutely no reason! I mean, how crazy is that? Slowing down for no discernible reason? That’s just insane, my friends.
Obviously there is something to the tunnel monster rumors. I have discovered a few artists’ renderings online. (I’d like to see more!) I decided to call in the big guns from the History Channel to investigate…
Hello Heads of Historical Heavy-Hitting!
I’m a big fan of all of your shows, I’m always watching Pawn Stars, Swamp People, American Restoration, American Pickers, Ancient Aliens, or one of your many informative yet incredibly entertaining offerings. One of my favorites is Monster Quest. I’m always intrigued by new evidence of cryptids, and am captivated by new Bigfoot or yeti sounds, hairs, tracks, eyewitness accounts, theories, and the like. I enjoy thought-provoking television where I’m able to learn some things or open my mind to new possibilities.
I believe that we have a monster in the Pittsburgh area that you may want to check out. It’s affectionately referred to as the Tunnel Monster. People in the southwestern Pennsylvania area live in a great fear of the Tunnel Monster. Many yinzer drivers slow down as they approach any area tunnel… but most especially the Fort Pitt Tunnels, Liberty “Tubes”, and the Squirrel Hill Tunnels. I’ve heard theories that the tunnel monster also perhaps takes shelter in one or all of the three rivers when not lurking in the tunnel.
Fear seems to increase in times of rain, snow, and (perhaps strangely) before sporting events, holiday festivities, and large concerts. I believe we have weekday tunnel anxiety between 7:00am & 9:00am, and again from 2:00pm to 7:00pm at all tunnels. I’ve never heard a first-hand account of an actual sighting, but it’s clear that there is something strange happening at these locations. There are also spikes of Tunnel Monster fear when traffic accidents happen nearby. Perhaps the tunnel monster feeds on broken down cars, flat tires, or the corpses left in the wake of fatal accidents? Rubberneckers seem to be ripe for the picking also.
I have personally seen 18-wheelers get to the entrance of a tunnel and turn completely around, most likely out of fear of the tunnel monster perhaps lurking within the yellow-hued florescent-lit man made caverns. Some people go through the entire length of a tunnel holding their breath so the tunnel monster doesn’t steal it, or honking their horn the entire way to scare it off. I’ve seen motorcycles and ambulances go right down the center line at accelerated speeds, no doubt trying to avoid a tragic end. I’ve even heard of people tapping the roof of their car when spotting a Padiddle to ward off the evil tunnel monster. The theory perhaps being that the tunnel monster is on the hood of the other car, and its webbed fin (a paddle or “padiddle”) is blocking one headlight.
I have seen strange markings on the inside of they Liberty Tunnels, but they have since been covered-over. They were strange numbers and hieroglyphic-like symbols that appeared right before a construction project. Do you think the crews working in the tunnel are in any danger? Perhaps it’s a conspiracy? Are they in there hunting for the tunnel monster under the guise of construction efforts while they cover up the monster’s cave paintings? Could the monster be some sort of Neanderthal, or perhaps a supernatural being, or some sort of demon?
There are countless videos on YouTube documenting fearless drives through the Fort Pitt Tunnels, but I don’t believe that any concrete video evidence has been recorded. I have attached some artist renderings of the Tunnel Monster that I have found on the internet. Perhaps you would like your experts to interview the area residents and come up with your own?
I really would like someone to get to the bottom of this Tunnel Monster thing, and I believe that Monster Quest is perfectly suited for the job! Thank you for your time, I hope to hear from you soon!
Not afraid of the Tunnel Monster,
-Waldo Lunar
World (and Lunar) Domination
These were the attached pictures:
The Pittsburgh Tunnel Monster (as presented by Boring Pittsburgh)
PENNDOT Uses Magic Eight Ball To Determine Travel Time on Parkway East (by Angry Mongo)
When I learned that MonsterQuest was no longer in production, I moved on to the people behind MysteryQuest. I wrote to their production company too… again to no avail (so far, anyway).
This must be investigated. I refuse to be ignored!
I recently had a show idea for MonsterQuest, to find that they are no longer in production… and I haven’t had any replies from their production company, the History Channel, A&E, or even from any of the people involved with MysteryQuest. Perhaps you can take a look at my attached letter, and somehow tie these mysterious happenings into extraterrestrials or ancient astronauts? Who built the first tunnels? Was it aliens? Were horses & chariots ever afraid of tunnels? Did this only happen since the invention of the automobile? Was Henry Ford working with alien technology?
I cannot wait to hear from you. I can’t contain my excitement. The original letter attached…
[Message from above included here.]
Since I can’t attach something in a contact form, here are links to the aforementioned photos:
Live long and prosper, and may the force be with you!
-Waldo Lunar
World (and Lunar) Domination
Giorgio A. Tsoukalos (Ancient Aliens)
Perhaps they will be able to help? I don’t like being ignored. I hope the Tunnel Monster isn’t somehow able to monitor my transmissions and stop anyone from replying. (Looks like the Tunnel Monster is on Facebook & Twitter – so it may be more technologically advanced than we thought.)
I’m sure the phenomenon isn’t isolated to the Steel City. I bet it happens with tunnels all over the world. Is there just one tunnel monster? Are there many?
Perhaps I will need to put together my own team to investigate. I’m guessing that since the local news has never touched upon this, that they’re scared of losing a reporter or a cameraman?
Also, I would love it if you would send me your own artist renderings of the tunnel monster. You can find plenty of photos of the Squirrel Hill Tunnel, The Fort Pitt Tunnel, The Liberty Tunnel, or even the Wabash(or any other local) tunnel online to start with… or you can start from scratch!
Not that this is really all that surprising or life-changing… just makes you pause to think about the absurdity of it all.
From an art perspective, this is very fun & funny. From an experimental perspective, this needs a little more control. I’d like to see the meal left to sit still in between photographs, and perhaps even from a camera that sits on a tripod in the same spot every time.
I’d also like to see meals from other chains like Burger King, Wendy’s, Steak N’ Shake, as well as a home-made patty cooked from fresh ground beef… and even a store-bought pre-made hamburger patty. Hell, why not even throw a Morning Star Farms or Boca veggie patty in there too?
I find the comments from Theresa Riley at McDonald’s to be the most absurd part. “Completely unsubstantiated?” Have you seen the photos?
Also, Dr. Michael Doyle going on record saying “no hamburger would look like this after one year unless it was tampered with or held frozen” is kind of goofy. Has he done this experiment? Does he know for sure?
I do have to say that environment has a lot to do with it. The fate of the burger & fries may be markedly different in an apartment in Florida vs. one in Alaska or Arizona… and then is there heat, A/C, or other environmental control going on in that apartment?
World (and Lunar) Domination 