It started with some warning post cards & emails. Dollar Shave Club was phasing out the three bladed razors in favor of the 4… and switching my plan without asking. Well, mine, and all the other subscribers out there. Why?
Assuming a lot of their membership is male. Stereotypically, men are resistant to change. Why fix what’s not broken?
In the grand scheme of life, this is most certainly just a small annoyance… but an annoyance nonetheless. My typical email writing shenanigans has not provided any “real” answers other than some 🐂💩 about having done research that indicates people like the new blades.
The 4-blade razors feel like tiny demons ripping the hair out of your face one-by-one. I don’t know how a razor company messes up razors, but here we are. I can’t be the only one.
I feel like they had to stop making them for some reason. Costs? Manufacturing facility change? Why change a good thing? I thought they called them The Executive but now they’re calling them “Heritage.”
I sent them this maze via email, Twitter,Facebook, & Instagram, and that have not acknowledged it at all. 🤣
It’s not easy keeping up with these perpetually-out-of-style sideburns & my regal salt & pepper goatee.
The responses have been pretty banal. This was my original email:
Hello Friends,
I think you messed up… but it’s OK. I’m here for you in your time of need. I can help clear your mind so you can make better decisions.
I cannot find any fathomable reason that you needed to switch from the heritage series razors to the club series. The old 3-bladed razors were awesome. These new 4-blade razors are, to put it bluntly (pun intended), absolute shit. After one use with the new 4-bladed razors, it feels like someone is ripping the hairs out of my face.
Honestly, I never paid much attention to what the old ones were called. Was it The Executive? I don’t know. I don’t care. It shaved my face, well, and I did not like any of the other options.
Did you test it on people with alopecia or animals that could not provide feedback? Were you not alive during the New Coke debacle? People don’t like change. Men stereotypically do not like change. I get anxiety when my wife rearranges the furniture.
You can imagine my displeasure with being forced to use a new razor, and my irritation (pun, again, woefully intended) at the use of it. I have seen many other unsatisfied people on Twitter. They all can’t be wrong.
My gift to you is this maze. You can use it as you contemplate the best way to bring back the old blade. Labyrinths have traditionally helped people meditate. Surely it can help you come to a good decision and a concise quick plan to get out of this shenanigans.
I may be forced to try Harry’s, but I like your Shave Butter and I don’t think they have anything comparable. How can I control my goofy lambchop-exsque sideburns and more-salt-than-pepper van dyke/goatee thing without a razor I can trust? It is hard to maintain my perpetually out of style facial hair. (Do you see an anti-change theme here?)
Thank you for your time. I look forward to your thoughts on the whole thing… or at least an explanation of the thinking behind the change.
My face feels like Anakin when Obi Wan got the high ground.
Pleading for sanity,
-Eric.seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI
This was their blah reply…
Hey Eric,
Thanks for bringing this to our attention. Apologies for the late response. This certainly isn’t the experience we would have hoped for and the quality of our products is a top priority for us, so we appreciate you bringing this to our attention. We apologize for the trouble. I’ll be sure to forward your feedback to the right department for a review. Your experience is extremely valuable to us. We also understand that change can be difficult but we decided to make and sell our own Club Series razor.
Of course, if you’d prefer to cancel your account immediately, we understand as well. Just let us know what you decide and we can get that taken care of right away.
Thanks,
Jane
Then, this…
Thanks Jane,
Did you or any of your team at least try the maze while you thought it over?
This is an insane level of shenanigans. I thought it would help you reach the right decision to keep making the old style blades until the sun explodes & swallows the earth… or at least until I die.
I would cancel, but your shave butter is super awesome. I am stuck between a proverbial rock and a hard place, but the rock is traditional shaving cream or gel, and the hard place is your 4-blade razors that feel like they are tugging the follicles out of my face.
Dejected,
Bushy in Bridgeville
This was it. Again. Is “Jane” AI?
Hey Eric,
Thanks for getting back to us. We are currently working on this issue. Can you please confirm if you want me to cancel your account immediately? As checked, you have an item with your recurring box that will be billed this coming April 21st.
Looking forward to your response so we can have this taken care of.
Thanks,
Jane
I guess this is where it ends, my friends.
Hello Jane,
I guess I would like you to cancel my subscription. I feel like you’re “sus” (as my kids would say) AI, and you’re not giving real reasons why the blades were changed, or even acknowledging my hilarious maze.
I think I may go with Amazon. Harry’s doesn’t appear to have that shave butter goodness… and Amazon has a plethora of options. I get TV, music, and everything else from Amazon anyway. I, for one, welcome our capitalist digital overlords. Maybe they have a sense of humor? I can draw them a maze and see if they appreciate it.
It’s never too late to re-think your bad decisions. Please share the maze with your friends & co-workers.
-Eric.
seitilibasid gninrael fo nuf ekam ot ynnuf ton yllaer s’tI
I would move to Harry’s, but they seem to not have anything comparable to DSC’s Shave Butter. I am a convert. No more cream or gel for me. I need to try this dastardly 6-bladed razor. Perhaps an Amazon subscription service will do me well?
They didn’t respond via Facebook messenger, a DM on Twitter seemed very AI, and Instagram’s DM was not entertaining in the least.
I’m not the only one who thought so either. Twitter is LIT UP about it.
Do you or did you subscribe to the Dollar Shave Club? Did this annoy you too? Sound off in the comments!
Also, try the maze!
World (and Lunar) Domination 