Patience is a virtue. Totino’s pushes the boundaries of scientific research thanks to me.

“arrange the rolls in a circle on a plate”

Oh man.  Does anyone remember my W(aL)D email shenanigans from a decade ago?

One such adventure was writing to Totino’s to ask if they had recommendations for microwaving more than 6 at a time.  They wrote back.  I asked them if I needed to arrange the rolls like wagon wheel spokes or like wagons on the Oregon Trail circling for protection.  I even got some 35¢ coupons that I considered as a research grant.

Have you noticed pizza roll cooking instructions lately?

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Eric Carroll (@aixelsyd13)

I won! Information for the people! Research to benefit the masses!

Really though.  This brings up a new series of questions.

When did just arranging in “a single layer become” acceptable?  Who does Totino’s think they are discarding the time-honored tradition of microwaving things in a circle?  Did we learn nothing from our ancestors at Stonehenge?  Did they consult the Softstix team over at SuperPretzel, or just roll forward (pun still intended) with wild abandon?  How do you summon the flavor spirits without the ceremonial circle?

Has the Fibonacci spiral ever been tested as a cooking pattern?  Can Ci3 make me a plate specifically for microwaving pizza rolls and little cheese-filled pretzels with the Fibonacci spiral on it?

I’m not a catering service.

Well, I haven’t done one of these in a while.  One day, a phishing spam caught my eye and I had to torment them a bit.  I have no idea where they get my email address.  Must be bots or I’m on a list I guess.  Also, I have no idea why they think I’m a catering service.

From: jones sandra <jonessandy101@gmail.com>
Date: 2016/08/04
To:
Subject: Catering Service

Hello, My name is Sandra Jones i would like to know if you will be available to cater for my Mums Birthday on the 25th of august,I await your response,hope you accept credit cards for payment?.

Simple enough. Why not be polite and write back?

W(aL)D <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello Ms. Jones,

I would be happy to cater your event. May I ask how you found me? I like to give discounts for referrals.

What kind of menu would you like? We specialize in Mexican-Asian fusion with an Ethiopian twist. Our signature entree is a teriyaki beef & brocoli burrito served over a bed of spanish rice and chick peas.

Unfortunately I do not accept credit cards. I can only except cash, in unmarked bills, in a breifcase, left at a drop point to be agreed upon. I also accept labor in trade if you would like to wash any dishes or help cook for other customers.

Your friend,
Juan Chang

“U CAN GET MORE DAN ONE TANG WITH JUAN CHANG!”

I bet that style exists. Somewhere.

From: jones sandra <jonessandy101@gmail.com>
Date: 2016/08/05
To: “W(aL)D” <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Catering Service

Good,am hearing impaired and i can only communicate via text and Email……Menu is ribs chicken brisket and potato salad for about 70 guests,i want the food dropped off by 1pm.where exactly are you located to know if you are close to Mum before we proceed please.,i just want to make the arrangement a big suprise for mum,its her 70th Birthday..I await for your response asap.

It gets interesting right away.

W(aL)D <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com> wrote:

Awesome.

I still need to know how you found me for referral kickback purposes. I can deliver via drone like Amazon, so just give me the address. I am located everywhere.

We can also drop balloons and confetti for an extra few dollars.

We have some Chicken Fried Spanish Rice, spicy pork burrito, and Korean BBQ rib quesadillas… os that OK? Perhaps we can work up a potato side like Taco Bell’s spicy potatoes with some Mexican or Ethiopian flair.

Will you be paying in Pesos or Yen?

Aloha!
-Juan Chang

Everyone likes balloons. Right?

From: jones sandra <jonessandy101@gmail.com>
Date: 2016/08/06
To: “W(aL)D” <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Catering Service

Ok i want to know the brief estimate now so that we can make the payment arrangement , For everything to be in order and i will like to know if you have a Chase,Wellsfargo or BoA Bank…If you have any of these three Banks you can call them and they will set you up for a merchant for free…I await for your response asap..

That’s not shady at all.

W(aL)D <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com> wrote:

I thought we agreed on cash only at a drop-point? Will you be paying in Yen or Pesos? I don’t trust banks. They are the tool of El Diablo.

We should be able to do 70 people for about $700 including a meal, appetizer, drink, and dessert.

Would you like to hire our Manchurian Mariachi band? They compliment the food perfectly.

-Juan

A Manchurian Mariachi band may also exist. OK.  I Googled it.  This is damn close, and so is this.  And this:

I can’t believe the things that come up when you Google crazy stuff.

From: jones sandra <jonessandy101@gmail.com>
Date: 2016/08/06
To: “W(aL)D” <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Catering Service

I can only make payment via credit card..Kindly let me know if it can work out for good..Thanks and hope to hear from you soon..

Pushy.

W(aL)D <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com> wrote:

Sandra,

I thought we had a great party being planned here. I can’t do credit cards. The credit card company fees are way too high. If I can’t pay the credit card fees, they figuratively come over and make me “drop trou” for a solid rogering.

Surely you can get your hands on some Yen or Pesos?

How do you feel about my proposed menu and the musical entertainment?

-Juan (& Only) Chang

And “she” won’t answer my highly important questions regarding cuisine or entertainment.

From: jones sandra <jonessandy101@gmail.com>
Date: 2016/08/09
To: “W(aL)D” <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Catering Service

Thanks for your response, i can only make the payment via my credit card only and regarding the charges fee to accept the credit card add the bills to the total estimate of your own service charges and i will give you my card info to charge everything on my card..Thanks and hope to hear from you asap..

At least she was polite. I guess we don’t have a deal. I’m not sure how this scam is supposed to work anyway.

W(aL)D <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com> wrote:

I guess we don’t have a deal then. You may want to try a local Boston Market or Panera Bread. I hear they may cater. They probably also deal in credit cards.

Good luck with your Grandma!

Your Friend,
-Juan

I thought I had planned one hell of a party. Anyone want to go into business?

Decoding the car horn honk. (So, can you help this PA n00b out?) #beep ⚠

Recently, I was contacted by a non-native PA resident as a sort of last ditch effort in providing an answer behind the reason to the local-ish custom of horn honking.  I believe a Google led to my blog on horn honking traffic trolls (or maybe one of many road rage posts).  As much as I’d like to proclaim myself an authority on all things ridiculous in Southwestern & Central PA, I must confess that I’d only be guessing here.  So, I’d like to ask you to help this southern transplant understand the ways of us nothern-ish-ers here in Pennsyltucky.

Here’s the email:

Name: Victoria

Email: XXXX####@gmail.com

Website: http://victoriasviewpoint.wordpress.com

Message / Comment:

Hi,

I really hope you can help me, and answer my question before I either lose my mind, or go running out into the street to flag down a driver and ask him/her.

A bit of background: I moved to Central PA 5 years ago from Memphis, TN.  It’s a very long and stupid story but, suffice to say, I am stuck in Hollidaysburg for now.  It’s not a bad little town.  And, compared to Memphis, it’s safety personified.

Anyway, I have noticed over the years that people honk their horns here.  A lot.  And not (seemingly) to acknowledge a friend they see on the street, as I have noticed this happen when there is NO one on the street (my street, in particular).

It always bugged me, and no one seemed to know why people do this (or it’s a stupid reason and they are ashamed to tell me), but today I really got in a snit.

From around 2:30 this afternoon for a good 5 minutes, people were honking their horns.  A lot of people, honking a lot of horns.  It annoyed me.

I looked on the internet, which is where I found your blog about horn-honking, and since you are in Pittsburgh, I thought you might be able to explain to me what in hell is with all this honking!  I didn’t see anything on the internet that it’s, say, “Hollidaysburg Annual Honk-Your-Horn Day” at 2:30 PM or anything.

It’s snowing a bit, the first time this season.  Is this some kind of weird weather ritual I never noticed until today?  “Honk if you like snow”?

To me, it just seemed like an exaggerated example of something I hear on an all-too-often basis.  And it’s, as we say in Memphis, getting on my last nerve!

Do you know what’s going on with this behavior??

Thank you in advance,
Victoria

How’d you find my blog?: searching for “Pennsylvania horn honking”

Time: November 13, 2014 at 2:50 pm
IP Address: ##.###.###.#
Contact Form URL: https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/

Sent by a verified WordPress.com user.

And here are my thoughts:

• Yinzers use short beeps to say hello.  This probably happens in other places too.  They could be beeping be a popular hangout or person.  Maybe someone’s beeping for their dealer medical marijuana vendor?
• I saw a news program once about people honking in front of some guys house because they hated him.  Something political in a small town I think?
• Maybe someone has a kid, dog, cat, or crazy person that’s always running into the road.
• Anti-cyclist road rage.
• Is there a tunnel or an underpass shaped like a tunnel nearby?  Why do people honk in tunnels around here?  Do they do that everywhere?
• A well placed “honk if you’re horny” style sticker?  Maybe even a honk for support or protest of something?
• Perhaps there’s an odd traffic situation nearby?  Bringing out the horn honking trolls?
• Maybe there is something to the snow?
• Buses?  Everyone hates buses.

Other than that, I’m stuck.  What say you, people of Pennsylvania?  Please comment below.  Victoria and I would appreciate it!

🚌🚍🚙🚘🚗🚕🚖🚛🚚🚓🚔🚒🚑🚐

Guest Post: How to book your band.

I’ve posted advice for existing and aspiring bands before, and I thought this email from a pro would be useful.  It was sparked when I saw his Facebook status the other day: “Great way to start the day: my favorite venue in the country complimented my email skills in contacting them to booking a date. It’s the highest praise I could hope for.”

The status went on to some comments & basically the author said he’d share the knowledge with those who cared to learn.  I asked if I could post it in a blog, and here we have it.  If you’re in a band on any level, pay heed to the advice below.

As far as background on Bengt, he’s in a band (& been in many), he records bands, he’s booked bands, and he’s generally been in every part of the scene.  He knows what he’s talking about.

Action Camp

On to the advice & the guest part of this guest post:

♪♫♩♬♩♫♪

Alright, so here is what we usually send like 99% of the time. There always a bit of customization but this is the basic format:

1. Greeting, name the booker if you know it (usually listed on indieonthemove.com or their website)

2. Band name (with a link to the website), genre, location.

3. Date(s) requested in bold. They love that, it makes it easier read. If you can swing 3-5 dates that’s best, it gives them room. Do them a favor and check the website for those dates first, they appreciate that a ton. Also make sure to follow their booking procedure to the T. A lot of places have a specific way they like to work (Facebook message, Sonicbids, email format, etc). If you do it right it shows you listened so you’re already at the top of the pile.

Also, if another band that’s played there before suggested it, tell them so. It’s like introducing yourself to anyone else and starting with saying you have a mutual friend. It’s a job reference.

4. Links to music, video, press – let them decide if they want to book you. The more you talk about how awesome you are and why you should be booked, the more they think you probably suck and are trying to gloss over it. It’s like handing someone your demo and saying it’s not your best work.

5. If you played there or in the city before tell them. If you know what you drew and stuff be honest, they love that.

6. Offer to help build the bill, and specifically name bands you know or have contacted already.

7. Thanks in advance, Thanks for your time, etc.

8. ALL of your contact info including phone numbers. It shows you are easy to reach and you have your shit together.

One final thing: DON’T say someone famous produced your record, quote random blog reviews, list facebook or twitter numbers, anything like that. No one cares about that if they know what their doing in the working touring circuit. Steve Albini producing your record won’t make 100 people come out in Dayton on a Monday night, and facebook and twitter followers are ostensibly your imaginary friends that only you can see. Plus, even you have 4,000 people odds are only 10 of them are near the venue you are trying to book.

Here is exactly what I sent to Southgate House:

Hello Morrella,

We are Action Camp, an art rock duo from Pittsburgh, PA.

We’re looking to see if you have Friday February 15th or Saturday the 16th available to book in the Revival Room – both look open on your calendar but I wasn’t sure if you would do a full house those nights. Our music is pretty different from what’s going on those nights so I’m not concerned about audience bleed over. This would be our 4th time to Southgate, 7th time in 3 years in the Cininnati/Newport scene. We know plenty of bands so we’d throw a bill together with 2 or 3 locals to help support.

– You can hear our music at actioncamp.bandcamp.com or at our website below.
– Here is a recent video from our 2012 summer tour
– And some press from our Winter tour just a couple weeks ago.

If these are unavailable I’d love to work something out in the future. Southgate was/is by far our favorite venue on tour, I can only assume the new house is great. Sincerely, I (Bengt) booked a venue in Pittsburgh, and based many of my practices on the way SGH was run by Rick and his crew.

Previous dates:

Parlour 10/1/2010 (Gallery Opening, free show, 100+ attending)
Parlour 1/2/2010 (w/ Duppy a Jamba, 97 paid)
Parlour Summer 2009 (Flux Capacitors last show, well attended, don’t have stats)

Our most recent dates in the area were both in Cincinnati:

12/8/2012 The Comet Cincinnati, OH (100+, free show)
7/5/2012 Sitwells Coffeehouse Cincinnati, OH (smaller acoustic show, last minute add on tour)

Thanks in advance, can’t wait to see the new place,

– Maura + Bengt (Action Camp)
http://www.action-camp.com
actioncamp@gmail.com
###.###.####

So that’s it, pretty simple. Just be honest and to the point. I also should point out that this was 1 of 10 venues we emailed on Christmas, and he got back just a day later with this response:

“Thanks for writing. Those dates aren’t announced yet, but they are spoken for. How about Wed Feb 13, or Sun Feb 17?

“PS – very well done email, especially listing previous show turnouts. You’re way ahead of the curve on that one, and it did persuade me to jump on this, and get you in!”

I always email every venue that would work for us in a city, it’s better to have choices than no show at all.

Hope this all helps,

– Maura + Bengt (Action Camp)
http://www.action-camp.com
actioncamp@gmail.com
###.###.####

♪♫♩♬♩♫♪

So, there you have it.  Got it?  Good.  Doing research in advance before you ask for dates seems like a no-brainer, but apparently it needs to be said.  I guess some bands naturally put more thought into stuff.

I’m not sure how you’d approach this if you had no previous gigs in an area… perhaps we can get Bengt to comment further for new bands, first time tours, etc.?

Check out the Action Camp video here:

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Mac Frosty & Ruben Tug

I’ve been struck by a prankster, but I know who you are.  One message came via the webform, one came via email:

Webform:

From: Mac Frosty <kb3ugw@gmail.com>
To: me@my.email.address
Sent: Monday, June 25, 2012 12:21 AM
Subject: W(aL)D Feedback

Name: Mac Frosty

Email: kb3ugw@gmail.com

Message / Comment: I went to you store on west liberty ace to get a smoothie. But my smoothie tasted like chocolate mint. You need to clean your fryers better so this want happen again. I also think all of the black people in ads H for slice are racist. Take them off the air , or I’m calling Obama.

Sincerely
Mac

How’d you find my blog?: It was in my reciept

Time: Monday June 25, 2012 at 12:21 am
IP Address: ##.##.###.##
Contact Form URL: https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/
Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

Email:

From: KB3UGW <kb3ugw@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 12:27 AM
Subject: Webforms Suck, so I’m emailing you directly!
To: “world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com” <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>

It’s like boom it’s like slam I swear that I’m telling you the facts, that’s how I beat.

Ac supafresh

Chocolate mulk cycad define the juice. Don’t be a pussy , eat it. Your fries are too greasy and 44 cent for BBQ save.   You crazy like randy randy  save Mcdonald rib pork patty I need roo feed

And bring back the pizza.

Ruben tug

I see that we have an avid reader, here, calling out that I hate webforms & all.  It did take me a second to realize that it was not actually someone thinking I’m McDonald’s (again).  I mean, you’ve seen the emails right?

At any rate, Google outed you Mac (or Ruben).  Pull up your pants, there are ladies present. ☺

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A food order for the 22th of December, eh?

Well.  Mr. Simson & Ms. Baker have some competition in the grifter circuit.  Seems all these scam artists really like chicken Caesar products.  I’d still like to know how they got my email & why it’s associated with ordering food.  Mr. Smith would like to throw his hat into the ring:

From: paul jason
Date: Fri, Dec 9, 2011
Subject: mr paul smith food order
To:

Hello how are you doing today my name is paul smith My Mom birthday is coming up on the 22th of december and i will like to place an order for 150 grilled chicken salad in individual pack for the 150 guest, it will be pick up by 3pm on the given date and i will like to inform you that am ready to make the full payment with my credit card today so can i know the total cost for the order plus tax…..get back to me with this following information below.

Restaurant address:
Personal cell number:
Total cost for my order plus tax:
Type of the credit card you accept

Regards
paul

Ah, the 22th of December is indeed a fine day.

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Dec 12, 2011
Subject: Re: mr paul smith food order
To: paul jason

Hello Paul,

What a wonderful son you are!  It’s so nice of you to plan a party for your mom on the 22th.  Which of our locations would you want to pickup from?  Generally, I like to personally deliver to ensure the quality of the food upon delivery.  In fact, I can give 1 free grilled chicken salad in individual pack if I can deliver & hang out at the party.  I can ensure quick delivery too, my van made the Kessel run in under 5 parsecs.

Does the party have a theme?  Have you thought about a Star Wars theme?  I can make excellent TIE-fighter shaped chicken caesar wraps, that I display in front of a giant cheese-ball Death Star.  It really is quite breathtaking.  I have some friends in the 501st Legion that can come out too.  They work for a charitable donation made in their name, we’ll just have to feed them.

The price would be $10 per person, so if you have 150 people, and 5 from the 501st Legion, we’re looking at $1550 total, and $1658.50 with tax.

Have you thought about drinks?  If you’re going with the Star Wars theme, you might want to consider Imperial Stout Trooper or Dark Helmet Imperial Schwarzbier.  I can recommend a good supplier if you don’t have one.

I really hope your mom is a Star Wars fan.  Does she need a date to the party?  These are the grilled chicken caesar TIE-fighter wraps you are looking for.

Regards,
-Waldo Lunar
Owner, Operator, Emperor
OMGWTFBBQ, Inc.

I thought it was time for a departure from the Hawaiian Toga Party theme.  In hindsight, now I really do want a Death Star cheese ball.  Can someone get on that?

No one took the time to make TIE-Fighter crackers?

From: paul Smith <paulsmith5485@yahoo.com>
Date: Mon, Dec 12, 2011
Subject: Re: mr paul smith food order
To: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>

Thanks for your email,I am very happy to hear from you with the cost of the order plus tax of my order which is $1658.50 for my order and its okay by me and i want the chicken salad so I will prefer them packed in to-go boxes. Mean while i would like you to add an additional $1275 plus the total price of the order so that you can have all that charged on my credit card now. The funds will be wire to the private carrier who will be coming for the pick up of the food in your place in cash via western union money transfer. i would like you to add it all together plus extra $100 Western union charges for wiring the $1275 to the private carrier and let me have the grand total price inclusive of the tax fee and the 3% credit card company charge fee for the transaction all together,so that I can give you my credit card to charge for the total. I will also like to know what type of credit card you accept for payment. i just want to let you know that i am just back from the hospital i was down with a diagnosis of cancer of the lungs as such i had to spend some time in the intensive care. so i cannot go to western union money transfer for now and pay the driver that is why i want you to help me pay them and you will charge my credit card for the total estimation for the food and the Carrier charges,Hope to hear back from you soon with the grand total so i can forward my credit card information and the carrier’s information to wire the cash via western union transfer to them asap.

Final Break Down:
Foods Order :$1658.50
Carrier’s fee: $1275
Western union fee: $100
3% CC company fee: ?

Unfazed, he was all about putting together a price, but not sure to what end… he wanted to give me a total?  Where do I get scammed here?  Does the “oh I’m paying the courier and he’ll pay you” come next?  I really don’t want to take any credit card information, in case the action in itself is illegal.

This one does not look appetizing at all.

I wrote back offering to be more helpful…

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Dec 12, 2011
Subject: Fwd: mr paul smith food order
To: paulsmith5485@yahoo.com

Hello Again Mr. Smith,

May I call you Paul?  I hope your mother is well, have you talked with her about the Star Wars theme?  I hope that your lung cancer treatment has gone well, Paul!  I’m sorry to hear that you were down with the sickness.  Ooh ah ah ah.  (Sorry, I have a form of Tourette’s that only comes out when I type.  It prevents me from using the Backspace or Delete key too.)  Perhaps you can wear a suit like Darth Vader to improve your breathing?  His lungs weren’t cancerous, but burned quite badly.  I believe all of life’s problems can be solved using Star Wars as a guide.

Why don’t you let me make this easy for you, and I’ll deliver to your location, free of charge!  That way, you don’t need to pay a courier, and I can take your card info. upon delivery, it will save you $1300… or give you a higher beer budget!  A true Jedi would carry out the mission himself.  I’ll even knock a dollar of of each head & provide the Death Star cheese ball free of charge.  Do you know if anyone attending has food allergies?  The cheese ball comes two ways – boy (with nuts) or girl (no nuts).

Does your mom like to drink?  I’m a fan of blue milk & several alcoholic beverages.  Sometimes at night when I’m all snuggled up in my Tauntaun sleeping bag, my R2-D2 trash can is my only friend.  Sometimes I sleep with leftover chicken caesar salad in the bag, because Tauntauns apparently smell bad on the inside.  I imagine rotting chicken, mayo, & raw eggs would simulate that smell pretty well.  I’m drinking blue milk now, mixed with some bourbon.  Actually, the blue milk is eggnog with food coloring.  Aldi doesn’t carry blue milk, and they look at me like I’m crazy every time I request it, so I have to make my own.

Can I come to your party?  I really need this.  In fact, I’ve never made a chicken caesar salad in my life.  But, I found a few good recipes on COOKS.com and I’m willing to try.  OMGWTFBBQ is mainly barbecue as the name suggests.  I cook my chicken breasts in a modified Darth Vader toaster so they come out looking awesome.  Our ribs are delicious, they’re Mustafarian style, blackened with smoky seasoning.

Can I ask where you found my email address?  This all has me very excited.  I think I’m really drunk, so I should end this email before I become incoherent.  I really need your business.  Can you send some photos of your mom?  Does she need a date to the party?

May the force be with you, from OMGWTFBBQ to you, happy birthday mom!

-Waldo Lunar
Owner, Operator, Emperor
OMGWTFBBQ, Inc.

No more correspondence.  Apparently Mr. Smith has no patience, or just is the same person as “John” & “Lori” from the last 2 times and was exasperated at the onset.

I Googled "Death Star Cheese Ball" & this came up. |-o-|

Why do these people prey upon us here in the United States?  From the email, I hope English is their second (or 3th) language.  Are we seen as easy targets?  Are we more Gullible?  There’s more of us?  Is there general hatred towards our country?  Do any of these emails ever work?

So, who’s going to start a catering business with me called OMGWTFBBQ?

OMG.WTF?BBQ!

More scams abound: Tried scamming me twice this week. (page 2)

Seriously, about the cheese ball…  Someone tell my wife.  My birthday’s coming up.  Let’s go Death Star cheese ball instead of a cake.  I want some TIE-fighter shaped crackers too.  I don’t think she reads thins unless I call her attention to it directly.  Something about “I listen to your insanity all the time in person, you expect me to read it too?” is her (valid) argument on her blog reading stance.

Related articles

• The worst scammers ever try again… (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• The dreaded ‘individual Chicken Cæsar Salad Individual wrap’ scam… (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• Star Wars: The true meaning of Christmas (adifferentform.wordpress.com)

The worst scammers ever try again…

You read the Chicken Caesar Wrap Scam post, right? This familiar assault came at my inbox again.  I wonder if Mr. Simson and Ms. Baker know each other, went to the same poorly taught “how to be an internet scammer” class, or are indeed the same person.  If they’re not the same person, at the very least they bought the same email list or scan bot program.

From: ray baker [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]
Date: On Mon, Dec 5, 2011
Subject: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: [blank?]

Hello

My name is Lori Sandra Baker and I would like to order individual grilled chicken Caesar salad in your restaurant,for 150 people on 13th of December and pick up time is 3 pm and it’s for my Dad’s Birthday Party and it will be picked up by Carrier Agent and I am ready to pay the full payment with my credit card so can you make the order for me on that date while you get me the grand total of the foods inclusive of the tax fee,get back to me with the total cost,you can also get back to me.

Regard

I wrote back with a similar response to last time (some parts blatantly cut & pasted – is it plagiarizing if you steal from yourself?):

From: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: lorisandra72@yahoo.com

Hello Ray & Lori,

Sounds like a great time! Would you like the salads in plain old salad form, or in Chicken Cæsar Salad wrap form? The wraps have been quite a hot item lately. May I ask where you found our humble establishment, and how you heard of our incredible Chicken Cæsar Salad? If you have a courier agent, I must assume you are quite fancy. Quite fancy indeed. I’m glad to have been noticed.

Would you like a full menu? We have quite a few price levels and advertising options to help keep the cost low. I also offer party planning, and discounts if I’m invited. (I don’t get out much, I’m always making Cæsar dressing and grilling chicken!) I could deliver, and we could do cash on delivery if that’s OK.

As far as pricing… Would you like to stamp your father’s name along with a happy birthday message on the outside of the wrap(s)? Advertising with printing directly on the wraps is standard for us, so it’s no big deal & not much of an extra charge for us to add a custom message. We feel that we must seize every opportunity to advertise.You heard of us somehow, right?

Currently we’re working on exciting “edible” advertisements that will pass through your system and remind you of our catering services upon their exit. They always come out (well, usually always), but they’re not always readable. We need to work on a smooth non-stick or oily surface that always floats. We hope to be the world leader in defecation-marketing!

I have a party theme idea for you too… Toga Luau. It’s going to be a thing, I tell you. It will be huge. Your dad can say “I had that party before it was cool.” I mean, brilliantly flowered togas? Let it simmer.

About the price… I like the show Pawn Stars. You ever watch? How about you give me a number that’s ridiculously low, and I’ll come back with an equally ridiculous high number, and we’ll negotiate.

Looking forward to your business!
-Waldo Lunar

From here on out there’s no mention of Ray, the name from the original email.  I hope Ray is OK, and not tied up in his basement.  At any rate, they continue:

From: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]

Hello

Thanks for the email Before you go Ahead i will like to Know if you accept Credit Card for Payment

Hope to hear from you asap

Regard

Regard, indeed.

From: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]

Hello Lori,

I can accept a credit card, I guess. I’m not sure if I like accepting credit card info. via email. Perhaps I should set up a PayPal account? From which of our locations would you like to pickup? I hear there are some shady people out there looking to grab cc info from emails.

Have you thought about the wraps, the advertising, the Toga Luau, and my invitation yet?

Also, come at me with a price!

OMGWTFBBQ,
-Waldo

Seriously, if I ever own a BBQ joint, that’s what I’m gonna call it. OMGWTFBBQ! Maybe OMG.WTF?BBQ! or something close. I bet there’s already one out there.

OMGWTFBBQ

Unfazed, it goes on…

From: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]

i have Credit Card Not paypal ok

Getting testy?

From: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]

Hello Lori,

I believe that you can use credit cards via PayPal. OMGWTFBBQ, Inc. is concerned about your privacy & personal information. Credit card will be fine.

What price would you like for the order? What about advertising, & the toga luau?

Cialoha (get it Ciao + Aloha…?),
-Waldo

Heh. At least I find myself amusing.

From: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]

not interested

D’oh! I try to redeem myself, while trying to slightly up the ridiculousness. To what end, I have no idea.

From: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]

Hello Lori,

May I ask why you’re all of a sudden not interested? You seemed quite eager to give me your credit card information. I’m not sure why. Shouldn’t we discuss details of the order before we discuss payment?

You’ll be sorry for passing up my Hawaiian toga party. It’s going to be all the rage next year. My on-wrap & defecation advertising promised DEEP discounts, and you still can’t see that we’re a perfect match?

I’m sorry for lashing out. Can I still come to the party?

“Welcome to Costco, I love you,”
-Waldo

Who loves Idiocracy? Everyone does (or should). Maybe “Lori” is a fan.  Maybe she thinks I’m dumb enough to fall for this crazy scam.

From: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]

Okay

OK?  OK!

From: Waldo Lunar [world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com]
Date: Tue, Dec 6, 2011
Subject: Re: Order for my Dad Birthday….
To: Lori Sandra [lorisandra72@yahoo.com]

Dear Lori,

OK I can come to the party? Sweet! Where is it? I already know the time and date.

Want me to bring a giant Chicken Cæsar Salad, or some individual wraps? Would you like any sides?

Toga! Toga! Toga!
-Waldo

…and no further reply. Heh. Apparently the projected profit has now outweighed the effort.

I did, however, recently gain some insight on the objective.  A member at The BBQ Brethren Forum, colonel00, posted a link to my Chicken Cæsar Wrap scam blog post, and apparently Mr. Simson & Ms. Baker get around… under a few different aliases.  Poster chachahut provided some insight on the type of scam:

This is a form of a Courier Grift.

The grifter – in this case the emailer or in some cases a person calling via TTD – wants a large order of food. Rather than having the joint deliver – they will be sending a courier. As the courier requires cash payment, they will ask you to charge the credit card an additional amount – usually a few hundred to $1000 – and wire the money to the courier service. Why do you have to wire it? Well, the grifter is in the hospital & cannot take it or wire it to them & the courier does not accept credit cards (yeah right).

Of course – there is no courier service. It’s nothing more than a receiving address for any one foolish enough to send the wire. Additionally – the credit card used it certainly stolen & will ultimately get rejected or the charges will be reversed.

The whole thread can be seen here: Tried scamming me twice this week.

Interesting.  Convoluted, but interesting.  Google didn’t turn up much for “Courier Grift”, but I did find these interesting/enlightening sites after altering my search terms slightly:

• The Art of the Grift
• The Daily Grifter

Crazy.  Hard to believe that anyone can be lulled into this one.  I mean there really are a lot of steps, and it’s got to be hard to gain confidence via email.  It must work if there’s still people out there trying it.

I wonder what the BBQ aficionado guys would think of my local BBQ joint reviews or chipped ham BBQ?

Related articles

• The dreaded ‘individual Chicken Cæsar Salad Individual wrap’ scam… (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• So, do you guys cater? (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• I’m still not McDonald’s. (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• s,pןɐuopɔɯ ʇou ɯɐ ı (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• OK, maybe I am McDonald’s? (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• Dynamite Dud (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• Boston Market is ready to battle. (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• Where’s Waldo? (thingamy.com)

I won the lottery? “Giveaway Team® Asia” seems legit.

I WON THE LOTTERY!  Well, according to this email, anyway.  I mean, seems legit, right?  It’s pretty awesome, because I didn’t even enter any lotteries.

From: Giveaway Team® Asia <googlegiveawayteam.asia@shqiptar.eu>
Date: Tue, Nov 1, 2011
Subject: Google Asia alert: Your information has reached us today, kindly provided the required info.
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

The Google Malaysia Office:
Level 40, Tower 2 Petronas Twin Towers
Kuala Lumpur City Centre 50088 Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia. Tel : +60-103202061

Office Open 7 Days, 8am-6pm.

Date: 01 November, 2011.

Dear Winner (Googler),
You are welcome to the Google Giveaway Southeast AsiaDisbursement center here in Malaysia, I am DR. PETER AHMED, the Google Asia (Malaysia) Regional coordinator and processing officer for this year Google UK  Anniversary Giveaway Sweepstakes which was held in UK to commemorate our 13 years of existence , thank you for responding promptly to the notification mail you received from our UK Company promo announcer.Your winning details and email has reached us from our UK Office today as one of our 10 lucky beneficiaries whose claim fall within our disbursement booklet as indicated in your play coupon. Your e-mail address attached to Ticket #: 899-633/UK-11-001 with CGP # AS/MY/0010/011 drew L u c k y #: 9012-2449-4041(17) that was randomly selected by our Central Computer System under category A. This Promotion is organized by Google Organization (Australia,North America, South America, Europe, Asia and Africa) to commemorate our 13th Anniversary and also to say “Thank you” to all our regular Web Users Worldwide (who uses our Online Search Engine, our e-mail service and other online ancillary services) for joining us in expanding  the use of internet worldwide especially in ASIA and AFRICA  and also for making “Google Search Engine” & GMail the #1 Online Search Engine/Web-base Email Provider worldwide.

Please note that “No tickets were sold out” for this promotion but all email addresses were assigned to different t i c k e t numbers for representation and privacy. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from exclusive list of 200,000 extracted email addresses of individual and corporate bodies from 45 Email providers companies from Australia, North America, South America, Europe, Asia and Africa as part of International Promotions  Program, which is conducted annually.

As indicated in your play coupon, your name have therefore been short-listed to claim a total sum of £850,000.00 GBP (Eight Hundred and Fifty Thousand Great British Pounds Sterling) from a total cash prize of £40,000.000 GBP shared amongst the first forty five (45) lucky beneficiaries in world-wide. Therefore, your prize payout is £850, 000 GBP which is approximately $1,390,913 US Dollars. Your claim shall be processed from this zone and your prize (Cheque) presentation shall be done at our office here in Malaysia or through our  affiliated Bank.
This giveaway sweepstakes promotion is approved by the British Gaming Board and also licensed by the International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR). To begin the verification process of your prize, you are   required to read through the options of claim and fill and provide the required information below:

Payment Option/Preferred Mode Of Payment

1 – Personal Prize Pickup:

All beneficiaries under the Asia claim zone are required to come down in person to personally pickup his/her Prize Cheque at any of our disbursement locations (cash pickup centers) here in Malaysia.

Requirements documents to come with for personal prize pickup are:

(a) An International Passport

(b) A tax clearance certification.

(c) Birth Certificate or Affidavit of age Declaration

(d) Police report attesting your patriotism and crime free citizen of your Country

Note: beneficiary(s) making use of this option must send the scan copies of the above documents along with the verification required information below. Beneficiary(s) who required invitation letter for Visa application (as  the case maybe) are required to forward the above mentioned documents scan copies via email to us to enable us process an Invitation Letter which would enable him/her obtain Visa in his/her country. claim deadline for this option is exactly 30 working days from today.

Inability for beneficiary(s) to meet up with this stipulated date either due to tight schedule, Official duties/engagement etc. may result to claim disqualification as funds will be re-used for other subsequent sweepstakes. This option is recommended to all our beneficiaries to clear doubts and unnecessary thinking as regard this Promo. This is because we have had series of complaints from individuals that people are using our company name for various forms of indecent acts. Thus, as a result of this we are advising our lucky beneficiaries to come over to our disbursement office here in Malaysia for personal prize pickup at no  cost.

2 – Bank to Bank Transfer:

Beneficiaries who can’t come down for personal Prize (Cheque) Pickup and wishes to have his/her prize via Bank transfer shall be referred to our affiliated Bank in-charge of international fund transfer . This option is an  alternative mode of payment basically arranged by the entire southeast Asia giveaway team for international beneficiaries who may not be able to travel down to Malaysia maybe due to tight schedule, Official duties/engagement, none availability of travel documents etc. which may result result to claim disqualification as previously mentioned above.

Note that the Give-Away Team Malaysia exempts itself from all related expenses when making use of this option, Our duty under this option is to deposit your prize Cheque (after issuance has been made in your favour) along with all claim backup documents (to be processed by this office) with our affiliated Bank for clearance and remittance to be carried out to your nominated bank account. This option is liable, affordable and basically designs for international beneficiaries who cannot visit us for person prize pickup.

====VERIFICATION REQUIREMENT====
***Complete the form below and send it back to us immediately via email***

First Name :…………………………………………………………………………………
Middle Name :………………………………………………………………………………
Last Name : ………………………………………………………………………………..
Date of Birth(YYY-MM-DD) :………………………………………………………….
Sex/Occupation :………………………………………………………………………….

Marital Status :……………………………………………………………………………
ADDRESS :…………………………………………………………………………………..
City/State/Province :…………………………………………………………………..
Country of Resident/Nationality:……………………………………………………
Telephone Number(s): ………………………………………………………………….
Mobile Number(s):………………………………………………………………………..
Fax Number(s):…………………………………………………………………………….
Winning E-mail: ……………………………………………………………………………
Alternate E-mail:………………………………………………………………………….
Date of Notification:……………………………………………………………………..
Ticket/ Lucky Number:………………………………………………………………….

Payment Option/Preferred Mode Of Payment.

Option 1: Personal Prize Pickup  {Yes/No} :………………

Option 2: Bank to Bank transfer  {Yes/No}  :……………….

We advice you on at this point to keep this information confidential until your prize is completely redeemed by you ,This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and impersonation by an unauthorized persons or companies which may automatically disqualify you from your prize claim.

For any question please call us on +60-10-320-2061

Once again accept our sincere congratulations!!

Sincerely,

DR. PETER AHMED.

Regional coordinator/Processing Officer,
Google Southeast Asia Disbursement Center

So, I tweeted..

http://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/131355483993944064

Then wrote back…

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Tue, Nov 1, 2011
Subject: Re: Google Asia alert: Your information has reached us today, kindly provided the required info.
To: Giveaway Team® Asia <googlegiveawayteam.asia@shqiptar.eu>

Hello Dr. Ahmed!

I was unaware that I had entered any lottery.  What an exciting proposition!  Unfortunately, I am no longer a citizen of any formally recognized nation, and a personal pickup may be an issue.  I have currently used most of my life savings to fly myself to the lunar surface, and need what little I have left to have supplies ferried back & forth while I continue my quest for world (and lunar) domination.  This financial windfall comes at the perfect time, and assures me that whatever deity in which you believe is on my side.

I understand that it is not your duty to pay for getting the money to me, but perhaps we can make some financial arrangement where you agree to be paid out of a portion of my winnings.  I trust that you will find this arrangement satisfactory, as I will eventually be the Emperor of the Earth (and Moon) and you probably want to stay on my good side.  I may let you continue to run state lottery operations on the moon.

Of course, once I’m in control, 70% of the money gained from the lottery will go directly to me, 30% to the winner, and of that 15% will be paid back to us in taxes.

Here is your verification form:

====VERIFICATION REQUIREMENT====
***Complete the form below and send it back to us immediately via email***

First Name : Waldo
Middle Name : L-ia (pronounced “Leh-dash-ee-ah”)
Last Name : Lunar
Date of Birth(YYY-MM-DD) : 10/31/1980
Sex/Occupation : Yes/Your Future Emperor

Marital Status : 13 wives & counting.
ADDRESS : 1313 Mockingbird Lane
City/State/Province : Sea of Tranquility, Waldominia
Country of Resident/Nationality : The Lunar Empire
Telephone Number(s): I abhor the telephone.
Mobile Number(s): Ditto.
Fax Number(s): None.  It is 2011.
Winning E-mail: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Alternate E-mail: worldandlunardomination@yahoo.com
Date of Notification: 11/01/2011
Ticket/ Lucky Number: Ticket #: 899-633/UK-11-001 with CGP # AS/MY/0010/011 drew L u c k y #: 9012-2449-4041(17)

 

Payment Option/Preferred Mode Of Payment.

Option 1: Personal Prize Pickup  {Yes/No} : No.

Option 2: Bank to Bank transfer  {Yes/No}  : No.

Option 3: Personal Delivery by Lottery Officials  {Yes/No}  : Yes!

I can’t wait to go tweet about my Google lottery winnings!  My minions will be ecstatic.  We were deciding who will be eaten first were we to run out of money and supplies.  If we need to eat someone before the prize is claimed, perhaps we’ll have our own lottery!  I’m not sure if it will be as exciting as our current Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock tournament, but general Zod will be relieved as he’s currently at the bottom!

Thank you for your congratulations & your cooperation!

Respectfully,
Your Imperial Majesty Waldo Lunar
Future Emperor of the Earth (and Moon)
World (and Lunar) Domination

They were apparently unamused, as I have received no further replies.  They will not be allowed on the moon.

W(aL)D

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McConsistency is Key.

Recently for lunch, I had a reconstituted-onion & cheese sandwich from McDonald’s with a little bit of beef on it.  It was extra special because it was pressed.  It was not like a panini press with grill lines, but more like someone sat on it.  There were also pickles stacked on top of each other, sticking out of the side.  Very artful & creative!

This wasn’t even from the West Liberty location.

I recently had a friend send one of his friends’ McTale-of-woe to me, because I have apparently become some sort of authority on all things wrong with McDonald’s customer service.

The reason I told of my recent adventure in lunch, is that it fits with the tale as told by someone who wishes to remain nameless, blameless, & shameless:

From: Pattyless Sandwich
Date: Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 9:29 AM
Subject: The Day McDonald’s Shit All Over My Good Time
To: The Hamburglar

On Sept. 27, 2011 I went through the drive thru at McDonald’s on Mt. Lebanon Blvd. in Castle Shannon, PA. I ordered a number 4 (two cheeseburgers), and I asked for no onion. When I got back to my friends house and we started eating I noticed that the sandwich looked really thin but I just figured it was smashed down a little more THAN NECESSARY so I bit in anyway. As I was chewing, I realized something wasn’t right about what was being smashed around in my mouth. I set my sandwich down and removed the top part of the bun to see the following: slice of cheese on the bottom half of the bun, pickles, ketchup, and mustard. Yes, that is correct, there was no meat on the sandwich. Luckily I had another sandwich, that in fact had the patty, to eat, but they put onions on it. The only thing I asked them to void. Now I understand work is work and if you have a job to live then that is fantastic, but to be the person to put the burgers together at McDonald’s, I feel like you go through a training day to be shown how to assemble them. Bottom bun, slice of cheese (I’m guessing it is on the bottom so the burger melts it, let’s not get crazy this shit isn’t cooked together), HAMBURGER PATTY, and then your condiments. Who put mine together and thought “hm….this looks right. Nothing is missing, I am a brilliant fucking burger maker extraordinaire.”? It’s not a hamburger from a hamburger joint if there is no meat. To quote a smart fast food chain (rhymes with Shmendy’s), “Where’s the beef!?”

Sincerely,
Pattyless Sandwich

And, there’s even a Facebook photo:

Veggie Burger?

Ridiculous.  At least this didn’t come through my contact form from someone thinking I was McDonald’s.

Friends, I seriously wish I could write to the McGiant on your behalf, but all of my insane yet legitimate complaints have fallen on deaf ears, blind eyes, or typical McCustomer-Service employees.

Check out my track record.  While I feel for you, maybe try their McPennsylvania site?  I can do nothing at this point but perhaps share in your misery, my freinds!

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• s,pןɐuopɔɯ ʇou ɯɐ ı (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• The Erin Andrews Diet: McDonald’s, Chick-fil-a, Arby’s, And Chipotle (businessinsider.com)
• I’m still not McDonald’s. (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)

s,pןɐuopɔɯ ʇou ɯɐ ı

I wrote one last email to Harmony & her husband to try & clear things up.  I haven’t had a response yet, but I’m really doubting I’ll get one.  What do you think?

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Sep 9, 2011
Subject: Re: AiXeLsyD13 / W(aL)D – I’m not McDonald’s
To: “krebs955@gmail.com” <krebs955@gmail.com>
Cc: shovelman11@yahoo.com, pastorskid_tiwtc4u@yahoo.com, pit.05834@us.stores.mcd.com, Ella.Jones@us.mcd.com, info@westliberty.mcdtoday.com, sandra.jaeger@gmail.com, rick.sapko@us.mcd.com

Hello Harmony & Harmony’s Husband,

I’m going to try this one more time…  I am ERiC AiXeLsyD.  I write a goofy blog.  You didn’t email me.  My email address is world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com (please see the “From” field of this email for reference).  It doesn’t say “world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com” on the top (or bottom) of a McDonald’s receipt.  You almost had me on this.  I actually had to go to this McDonald’s to check, because I really did believe that “The reason [you] posted on [my] blog is because it was on the bottom of our receipt” as stated in your last email.

Obtaining the receipt was actually quite a harrowing experience, but I survived.  Thank you for your concern.  Please, see the scanned images at the links below (also attached) if you don’t believe me:

• https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/mcreceipt-09-07-2011-640h.jpg
• https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/mcreceipt-09-07-2011-highlighted-640h.jpg

As you can see, it also does not say https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com at the top (or bottom) of the receipt, which is my blog’s URL.  It also does not list my email address as noted above.

It does list Rick Sapko as a manager (not me), and give the email address ella.jones@us.mcd.com (also not me).  I’m just trying to let you know that if you were trying to contact ella.jones@us.mcd.com, you have unfortunately been unsuccessful in doing so.

You contacted me by using the form located at https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/ (also a url, not an email address).  I know this because WordPress is quite an ingenious blogging platform, and emails that come to me through that web form have the subject line “W(aL)D Feedback”.  You may also remember filling out fields that you don’t normally have in an email client, like “Message / Comment” and “How’d you find my blog?”

What I believe has happened is that you searched Google or Bing for “ella.jones@us.mcd.com” instead of entering it into an email client.  This landed you at my blog.  I’ve tried it with both.  A search for her email address does indeed point you to my blog.  From there, you somehow found your way to the contact page… and we know the rest.  I’m just trying to help.

I see you have a Gmail address.  Being that it’s an email address you were trying to use and the weird set of circumstances, I’m assuming you found my blog with your Android phone.  Put the phone down.  I’d suggest finding a computer, and going to http://mail.google.com, logging in, clicking the “Compose Mail” button, and pasting “ella.jones@us.mcd.com” into the “To:” field.  Then, you may type away in the big blank box, and click “Send” when you’re done.

That is how you email Ms. Jones (and not me) regarding the insanity that abounds at the West Liberty Avenue McDonald’s.  I have to warn you though, she doesn’t really reply to emails.  At least not my emails, anyway.  I hope this helps.  I’m just trying to facilitate the expression of dissatisfaction with this Bermuda Triangle of fast food service.

I do, however, encourage your comments on my blog… as long as they’re directed to me, and not at McDonald’s.  I don’t mind the ones aimed at McDonald’s, but they fall on deaf ears.  I don’t think anyone at McDonald’s reads or cares about my blog.  If you would like to complain about McDonald’s to other people that aren’t McDonald’s, check out McSucks.com and McDonaldsSucks.com some time.  I would also encourage a review on UrbanSpoon.

Harmony’s Husband… I speak this as a consumer.  Please, please, please…  take pride in your work, and convince others around you to do the same.  Encourage burgers built with pickles in the middle, an amount of reconstituted onions that does not resemble a White Castle burger, and ketchup only on the inside of the bun… not the outside.  Encourage the politeness of the people working the cash register.  Encourage those taking orders to not do things like this…

McEmpoyee:  May I take your order?  (In some areas closer to downtown, this greeting is reduced to a wordless look, implying “What?”)
Me:  Hi.  I’d like two Crispy BBQ snack wraps, a lar…

McEmployee:  [Interrupting] Crispy or Grilled?
Me:  Um…  Crispy.
McEmployee:  Do you want Ranch or Honey Mustard?
Me:  Uh..  BBQ?
McEmployee:  OK.  Your total is…
Me:  [My turn to interrupt…]  Can I also get a large fry and a Sweet Tea?
McEmployee:  [Usually rolls eyes and.or sighs about here…]  What size fries?
Me:  Large please.
McEmployee:  You want a drink?
Me:  Yes.  Large Sweet Tea?  (If I say a size, I’m usually told there is only one size.  If I don’t say a size, I’ll be asked what size.)
McEmployee:  For here or to go?
Me:  To go, please.
Mc Employee:  [Sets tray on counter.]  Slide your card.  (Maybe the total is read here.)
[Food comes, & McEmployee, McFry-Technician, or McManager sets it on tray.]
Me:  Sorry, can I get that to go?
McEmployee:  [Looks at receipt.  It’s a 50/50 on whether it notes dine in or to go.  Puts food in bag.]  Here.
Me:  Thanks!

This has happened to me on more than one occasion at more than one location.  I hope you work at a competent location, like the one in Canonsburg.

Good luck getting through to Ms. Jones.  I haven’t been very successful in that matter.  I have four email addresses associated with the west liberty McDonald’s location.  You may want to try each of them…

• pit.05834@us.stores.mcd.com
• Ella.Jones@us.mcd.com
• info@westliberty.mcdtoday.com
• sandra.jaeger@gmail.com

Good luck on your quest, I hope this has finally expressed my point in an understandable manner.  A quick recap: My email address & blog URL are indeed not on a McDonald’s receipt.  You didn’t email me, you used the contact form on my blog.  I am not McDonald’s.  You didn’t email the address listed at the top of a McDonald’s receipt.  You used the contact form on my blog.

Do you want the combo, or just the sandwich?
-ERiC AiXeLsyD
World (and Lunar) Domination

I don't see my email address or blog url on here anywhere. Do you?

Trust me, I am not McDonald's.

s,pןɐuopɔɯ ʇou ɯɐ ı | Just in case you’re lost…  This is the latest in this round of chaos that involved people contacting me, apparently thinking that I’m McDonald’s.  I think they’ll all pop up in the “related articles” section below.

I’m guessing the four McEmail addresses listed above have a block on my world.and.lunar.domination email address., and I’m guessing Harmony, her husband, Shirley, and Amber are done with this.  I am too, until the next person emails me thinking that I am indeed McDonald’s.

Related articles

• I AM NOT McDONALD’S (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• I’m still not McDonald’s. (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)
• OK, maybe I am McDonald’s? (aixelsyd13.wordpress.com)