Go ahead, push the button… I dare you.


You know I hate public restrooms.  This sign may be a wave of the future.  Think it’s a good idea?  Think it will work?  Is it too easy to abuse?

Cleanliness is important to all of us...

Intimidating button…

I saw a full garbage can, & thought about pressing the button…but thought it may only be for emergencies not maintenance.  I didn’t want to be the guy that whined about the garbage can being full.  Then again, I’d rather empty a trash bag than pick it up off of the floor if I were an employee there.

Is a button the way to solve all of your bathroom problems? This reminded me of the pull-strings in hospital bathrooms.  Ha ha.  If you find one of these buttons, I dare you to push it & yell “I need someone to wipe!”

Forks vs. Croutons


I just found this amusing:

Is it weird that @Wendys' plastic fork can't p...

(Photo credit: eric_aixelsyd)

Wendy’s cares!  Ha ha.  Has anyone else ever run into this problem with impenetrable croutons?  I’m not exactly sure what they’ll be able to do about it.  Tougher forks?  Softer croutons?  Maybe I’ll get a free Frosty?  Will they start handing out sporks?  What about a metal Wendy’s fork that I can carry with me at all times?  I guess the possibilities are endless.

On a weird side-note…  Zemanta picked up my photo as a suggested image from Flickr.  How crazy is that?

Ketchup Packets & Dip & Squeeze…


I recently got this message via my contact form:

From: V Preboski <vpreboski@aol.com>
To: me@my.email.address
Sent: Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Subject: W(aL)D Feedback

Name: V Preboski

Email: vpreboski@aol.com

Message / Comment: Just wanted  to address this  issue I have with all fast food chains….Why can you make dipping containers for dipping sauces  bit not for ketchup  ????

How’d you find my blog?: Snooping around

Time: Tuesday August 28, 2012

IP Address: ##.##.##.##

Contact Form URL: https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/contact/

Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

It’s a familiar subject to me.  I have ranted on the same subject in the past, long before the Heinz dip & squeeze packets came out.  Check out my old rant:

Ketchup / Catchup / Catsup / Katsup / Ketsup

Current mood:contemplative

 

KETCHUP PACKETS ARE SO 1900'S!

KETCHUP PACKETS ARE SO 1900’S!

Yup.  You know what I’m talking about.  I like it.  However you spell it.  I like Heinz Ketchup.  I would like to know wht fast food places like McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Chick-Fil-A, and Burger King don’t serve ketchup in the same little cups that they use to serve the dipping sauces for chicken nuggets.  WTF, fast food conglomorates?  Your packets do not help me eat french fries or waffle fries.  I usually have to make a mess on a napkin or tray paper to enjoy dipping my fries in sweet tomato and vinegar flavored heaven.  Why should I have to do this?  Get with the times!  Stop using antiquated ketchup packet technology!  It’s 2006, damnit!

I want to dip my fried salty potato product without making a mess!

Yes, I realize we still need packets for use on burgers and chicken sandwiches and what-not…  but why not design a new container that can be used to dip in… or used to squeeze the ketchup out?  Imagine if you were the fast food giant to jump on that first…  you could patent the product and dominate the ketchup distribution industry.  Other restaurants would have to bow to you once it caught on, and pay you for the right to use this space-age individual serving size ketchup containment and distribution system!

Okay.  I might seem a little extreme in my verbalization of the idea here.  But, imagine the possibilities.

How I would love to dip fries in ketchup that I did now have to squeeze out of a tube on to a piece of paper.  I mean, really?  Are you supposed to squeeze a drop out on to each fry individually, or what?

Wherever cheese is available for fries, it always comes in little dip-friendly containers.  Can you imagine cheese in packets?  The idea is just ridiculous you say?  I agree!  And, I submit to you the thought that ketchup in packets is just as ridiculous my friends.  Inside your restaurants, you even serve it out of pumps into those little paper cups.  What good do those cups do to a man on the go, or in the food court?  No, good I say.  No good indeed.

Think, my friends.  Think of ketchup.  Think of science.  Think of dining pleasure.  Think… of the future!

Here are some responses that I got from various sources

The light bulb has been turned on…

Current mood:pleased

Remember my earlier blog/rant about ketchup packets?  Well, I e-mailed it to some fast food restaurants, and I have received some responses.  I thought I’d share:

From: Gayle Goshorn
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Feb 28, 2006 4:45 AM
Subject: TCF: Ketchup Container
TO:    Eric Aixelsyd
FROM:  Gayle Goshorn

Thank you for taking the time to write to us. I will pass your concerns on to our MTO Sales Manager about looking into ketchup containers.  Thank you and we do appreciate hearing from our customers.

Best Regards,
Gayle Goshorn


From: McDonaldsCorporation@mcd.com
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Mar 3, 2006 2:04 AM
Subject: Message from McDonald’s USA

Hello Eric:

Thank you for contacting McDonald’s and sharing your comments with us. We greatly appreciate this opportunity to address your concerns.

I’m sorry you were disappointed with our ketchup packets. At every McDonald’s we strive to deliver 100-percent Total Customer Satisfaction. With every customer, we’re committed to serving the highest quality products possible.

Because you are a valued customer, I have shared your comments with our Quality Assurance team. They work closely with our suppliers to ensure that all of our products are of the highest quality possible. Your complete satisfaction is our top priority.

Again, thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. We hope to have the opportunity of serving you again.

Tim
McDonald’s Customer Response Center

ref#:3441932


From: Chick-fil-A Cares

>Mailed-By: na.ko.com
Reply-To: Chick-fil-A Cares
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: 6 Mar 2006 10:05:21 -0500
Subject: RE: Chick-fil-A Web Form Message

Dear Mr. Aixelsyd:

Thank you for taking the time to contact Chick-fil-A CARES.  Our customers are very important to us, and we appreciate their comments, questions, and suggestions.

Regarding your suggestion about offering ketchup containers, I hope you’ll find the following information helpful.

Every year we receive literally hundreds of ideas from customers regarding items they would like to see on our menu or offered at our restaurants.

We especially appreciate customers who take the time to share their thoughts and ideas with us.  Thank you for the product suggestion.  We will keep the idea of adding ketchup containers in our future product discussions.

We thank you again for your time and interest and look forward to seeing you in one of our local Chick-fil-A restaurants soon.  As a token of appreciation for your time and effort, I’ll be sending you one “Chick-fil-A CARES” guest card which should arrive at your provided address in 7 to 10 business days.  Don’t hesitate to let us at Chick-fil-A CARES know should you need our assistance again.  Have a nice day!

Sincerely,
Kim W.
Chick-fil-A CARES
Chick-fil-A…We Didn’t Invent The Chicken, Just The Chicken Sandwich.
On the Web at www.chick-fil-a.com

P.S.  Please retain your Thread ID in the message body.  This will help us locate your information should you need us again.

[THREAD ID:1-EP8FBH]

Heinz's 'Dip & Squeeze,' introduced in 2011 as a 'true packaging breakthrough.' The top portion can be torn off to apply ketchup; the bottom can be peeled back for dipping.

Heinz’s ‘Dip & Squeeze,’ introduced in 2011 as a ‘true packaging breakthrough.’ The top portion can be torn off to apply ketchup; the bottom can be peeled back for dipping.

Basically, I had the idea… as did many others, but they didn’t want to pay any of us for it.  At first, only Chick-fil-A had the new dip & squeeze packets around the ‘Burgh, but I believe the McDonald’s in Bridgeville just started using them, not sure about others.

So Mr./Ms. Pebroski, I can say the time has come… a new ketchup packet has arrived.  More people just need to start using it.

I’m not sure if I have helped, how I could possibly help, or why you wrote to me, but I’m glad you did!  I hope this answers your question(s).

Seems like I even contacted Heinz, but I can’t find the first message:

From: <Heinzconsumeraffairs@us.hjheinz.com>
Date: Tue, Feb 16, 2010 at 2:58 PM
Subject: Re: In Response to your Website Comments – Ref # 003141412A HEINZ/JNEEL
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

February 16, 2010

Dear Eric,

Thank you for your comments about our Heinz Dip & Squeeze ketchup!

We understand your excitement – we can hardly wait for this breakthrough packaging to find Heinz Ketchup lovers, like yourself, so you can enjoy it even more on-the-go.

Heinz Dip & Squeeze is an exciting evolution of the ketchup packet which was introduced 42 years ago –-and a new, fun way for Americans to enjoy the ketchup they’ve loved for over a century.

Heinz Dip & Squeeze is just beginning to roll out into the marketplace with plans to have it nationwide by the end of 2010.   It is currently available at select quick service restaurants in the Midwest and Southeast, with additional markets and partners planned for the coming months.

Thanks so much for sharing your comments – we’ll certainly make sure they are passed on to our Packaging and Marketing staff.

Heinz Consumer Resource Center
Heinzconsumeraffairs@us.hjheinz.com

When contacting us, please refer to the following reference number: 003141412A

HEINZ/JNEEL

I must have submitted that via webform, so I wrote back:

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Feb 17, 2010 at 10:11 AM
Subject: Re: In Response to your Website Comments – Ref # 003141412A HEINZ/JNEEL
To: Heinzconsumeraffairs@us.hjheinz.com

Dear Heinz Consumer Resource Center,

Well, thank you for the response.  I can’t help but wonder why the product wasn’t rolled out here in Pittsburgh?  I mean, Pittsburgh certainly appreciates all things, Heinz… no?  I mean, the the name brand is almost synonymous with the region.  I love the animated neon sign now visible on my way from destinations north of the city toward my home in Dormont through the Liberty Tubes.  I can’t count the times I’ve been to Heinz field for varying events.  I have ketchup bottle & pickle pins somewhere at home.  I even have a tiny Heinz ketchup bottle (“liberated” from a hotel in Knoxville, TN) in with my antique beer/pop bottle collection.

I’ve ranted at the turnpike plazas along the highway in Ohio on my way to Cleveland, because they have the audacity to serve some kind of generic “Fancy Ketchup” and not Heinz so close to the ‘Burgh.  You can hardly buy Hunt’s ketchup if you tried in local stores… and really who in their right mind would try?

Why weren’t the yinzers given first access to this new ketchup delivery technology? Heinz and ‘Yinz‘ even end in the same 3 letters!  Pittsburghers know ketchup, my friends.  Why wasn’t this rolled out on the home turf for a test run or to show some Yinzer pride and appreciation?

Thank you for your time, I look forward to your reply!

Thanks,
-Eric

Of course they wrote back again…

From: <Heinzconsumeraffairs@us.hjheinz.com>
Date: Wed, Mar 3, 2010 at 2:06 PM
Subject: Re: In Response to your Website Comments – Ref # 003141412B HEINZ/JNEEL
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

March 3, 2010

Dear Eric,

Thank you for your additional comments about the new Heinz Dip n Squeeze cups.

Unfortunately we have no time table for when the product is rolling out here in Pittsburgh. We are as eager as you are to find these in our favorite restaurants. Keep watching, they should make their debut by the end of the year.

You may like to know that there is a Heinz Ketchup facebook page. There are lots of interesting facts to be found there as well as comments by Heinz Ketchup fans from all over the world.

Thanks again for contacting us.  We appreciate your interest.

Heinz Consumer Resource Center
Heinzconsumeraffairs@us.hjheinz.com

When contacting us, please refer to the following reference number: 003141412B

HEINZ/cl

From: <Heinzconsumeraffairs@hjheinz.com>
Date: Thu, Mar 4, 2010 at 10:50 AM
Subject: Re: In Response to your Website Comments – Ref # 003141412C KWHITE/JNEEL
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

March 4, 2010

Dear Eric,

Thank you for your email to our Communications Team.  They have asked Consumer Affairs to respond.

While not currently available in Pittsburgh, yinz should know that Heinz did test the product very first with some of our loyal consumers here at home during the Fall of 2009.  People gave Dip & Squeeze a big thumbs up!  It was a big hit.

Hopefully this makes you feel better because we do appreciate the hometown crowd.

Like you, those of us in Pittsburgh are waiting with bated breath to have the chance to get Dip & Squeeze and use it while we’re on the go.  Stay tuned and thanks for being one of our loyal consumers.  Have you friended us on Facebook?  If not, please join in the fun.

Karen
Heinz Consumer Resource Center
When contacting us, please refer to the following reference number: 003141412C

KWHITE/cl

Crazy.

So, is Taco Bell in on the joke, or not?


The other day I made a Facebook post about Taco Bell‘s commercials.  It got people excited, and it got me thinking.  Are Taco Bell’s commercials purposely aiming at stoners?  I would say yes, but maybe I’m over-thinking it.  Maybe it’s a humorous accident.  Maybe I just really want to try that Dorito taco shell.

Eric Carroll | Why doesn't Taco Bell just give up on "4th meal" and "late night munchies" and this Doritos shell business and just say "Taco Bell, get high and come to the border!" That "bawww" in their commercials might as well say "bong". Cheech & Chong would probably do their commercials. They reunited & probably could use some cash.  _____  Guy Montag | i have no idea what you're talking about  Jocelyn Sunder | double like!  Eric Carroll | I may have to blog about this.  Mike Copen | When are we getting the taco bell breakfast that cali gets?  Eric Carroll | When our stoners learn to stay up that late?  Jocelyn Sunder | will never happen dude, they're too tired  Jocelyn Sunder | stoners are anti-morning  Eric Carroll | Damn dirty hippies.  Jocelyn Sunder | hey man that's racist.  Jocelyn Sunder | you don't have to be a dirty hippie to be a stoner and the anti-pot dirty hippies probably don't appreciate your stereotypes lol  Eric Carroll | Wait, what?  Jocelyn Sunder | has anyone actually tried the dorito shell taco? just out of curiosity cause it looks gross to me but... you never know.  Eric Carroll | Ha ha. Pot smokers don't have any reading comprehension unless they're high... so they won't care when they're able to understand my statements, and won't understand my statements when they'd care.  Eric Carroll | The Dorito shell kind of scares me.  Eric Carroll ‎| ...And Taco Bell is starting to have the Pizza Hut effect on me.  Eric Carroll | https://aixelsyd13.wordpress.com/2010/12/19/wald-maze-letter-for-pizza-hut/  Eric Yanyo | I dunno but I'm getting awful sick of that stupid commercial where the dude drove 900 miles to get a stupid dorito taco. More like, he drove 900 seconds to the local 7-11 to get a bag of taco flavored doritoes and then take a nap.  Eric Carroll | Ha. He drove 3 miles and forgot where he was going. That's how he ended up 900 miles away.  Chuck Adams | They should stop marketing their laxatives as food...  Eric Carroll | Late night trotskis...  Kyle Healy | That's my bronco berry you're hating on pal  Andrew Welsh | The Doritos shell is amazing. I love them and wish I could eat one every day.  Eric Carroll | I'm not hating on it, I'm just saying stop hinting... and just say it.

♫♬ Late night munchies... ♫♬

I (of course) decided to write to Taco Bell and ask them about it.  Here’s what I sent…

⌓⌓⌓

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
To: Rob.Poetsch@yum.com
Cc: Brittany.Hunsaker@yum.com
Sent: Friday, April 20, 2012
Subject:
⌓ Taco Bell’s Drug Culture Advertising?

¡Hola, hombres from the border!

I’ve been wondering about your advertising for quite some time.  With phrases like “late night munchies” and “fourth meal”, are you actively trying to evoke a connection to pot smokers?  That “baaaawww” yell in you jingle might as well be the word “bong”.  Now with this Dorito taco shell and the kid that drove 900 miles to get one, it’s just pushing it over the edge.  Are you planning a film for it in the vein of Harold & Kumar go to White Castle?  If not, maybe you should.

I just can’t tell if you’re aware of it or not.  It’s genius either way.

If you are aware of it, wow.  Way to straddle the subculture line while subliminally (or not so) appealing to what has to be a core makeup of your consumer base.  If you’re not aware of it, then… well, maybe you ought to talk to your advertising agency or marketing department or whoever handles such campaigns.  They are the true geniuses to behold here.

Maybe I’m just hyper-aware of nonsense or trying to make correlations where there are none… and you really see no connection or intend one with your commercials and stoner culture.  I mean, I don’t partake… but consider myself well informed as I have seen Friday, Half Baked, and several Cheech & Chong movies.  I refuse to think I’m the only one that sees it.

If I see it, surely you see it too?  Why don’t you just come out & say it?  I have some possible new slogans for you…

“Cure the munchies with our crunchies!”
“Get baked at the Bell!”
“Fishbowl then drive thru!”
“Open late with a well lit parking lot for shady deals!”

Well, that last one needs some work.  I’m anxious to hear your thoughts on the whole thing.  Thank you for your time.

Inquisitively,
-Waldo
world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

⌓⌓⌓

TACO BELL | LEGALIZE POT OUR MENU IS FOR STONERS

At least the employees here agree (if this is indeed real).

I’m anxious to see what they send back.  Will they acknowledge it?  Will they be shocked?  Will they act surprised?

Did they give that kid enough coupons to equal 55½¢ per mile?  That’s $500 in Taco Bell Bucks… and depending on the year of that Volvo, he might not be getting that good of a deal on the gas milage.

I know, I’m over-analyzing the thing… but that’s what makes my blog fun.

I feel like they know exactly what they’re doing, but I guess there’s a fine line between finding your market & making overt marijuana references.  Perhaps the latter would get some people up in arms.  Has weed not become that acceptable yet?  I know functioning contributing members of society that smoke… but then again I have seen some people that are consumed by it.

TACO BELL | WE SUPPORT PROPOSITION 19 ~LOL~

They don't really make tilde characters for those signs, do they?

I guess it’s still illegal… so they can’t tell you to bake up & amble slowly to the border.  Actually, a string of “get high responsibly & feed yourself at Taco Bell” ads would be really really funny… or a play on the medical/medicinal angle.  Health food to go with your special green medicine & help with that nasty glaucoma?

Do you feel like Taco Bell knows what they’re doing, or do you think it’s a string of coincidence?

Are they advertising to stoners and dirty pot smoking hippies (I use that term with affection), or am I thinking too much?

Would you drive 900 miles for a Dorito shell taco?  Would you do it if Taco Bell footed the bill?  Have you tried one?  Did you like it?

Do you get late night munchies?  Do you enjoy a fourth meal?  Are you a dirty pot smoking hippie?  Do you work at Taco Bell’s ad agency?

My guest post on Ya Jagoff!!! | Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru?


I thoroughly & regularly enjoy YaJagoff.com.  The rants & raves remind me of my own lunatic ramblings, especially all the goofy yinzer parkers and things overheard on the bus.  I’d suggest adding Ya Jagoff!!! to your blog roll or news reader or subscribing via email or following on Twitter or Facebook or whatever you kids do these days.

One of the cool things about the site is that they occasionally feature guest blogs, and I was invited to send one in… so I did!  Check it out, and maybe even comment when you’re over there.  Take some time to poke around.

Ya Jagoff!!! | Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru?

Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru?

Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru?

My guest post on Ya Jagoff!!! | Who Designed The Fast Food Drive Thru?

Subway, Quiznos, Taco Bell, W.G. Grinder’s, & Sheetz take note…


https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169103504059797506

https://twitter.com/#!/FirehouseSubs/status/169104530632474624

https://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/169104935043088385

Firehouse Subs, you’re awesome.  I’m just sayin’.

Other food places with no shellfish currently on the menu, pay attention here too.  You don’t need shellfish.

Places that have added it over the years, preventing me from going back…

Other places that don’t need to add it to the menu…

Got that?  Good.

Also, what ever happened to Roly Poly & Schlotzsky’s?  They were excellent shellfish-free places to dine.  Come back!  Also, we need McCalister’s Deli and Lion’s Choice to remain shellfish free and move to the ‘Burgh.  Maybe even Jack in the Box too.

To the rest of you, let’s stop these damn seafood lent specials.  Let the business go to Red Lobster, Joe’s Crab Shack, Long John Silver’s‘, VFD fish fry events, and Monterey Bay.  If you don’t normally do shellfish, stay away from it.  Please?  I ask of behalf of the seafood allergic and those who choose to eat kosher.

Firehouse Subs

Firehouse Subs - my new food heroes.

Zero8


Zero8 | Resto-Bar

Restaurant sans allergène

I’m going to need to get my passport, a long weekend, and maybe even a French/English dictionary so I can drive to Montreal and have several meals at my new ideal vacation destination: Zero8

I just learned of the wonderful existence of Zero8 thanks to the ever informative Allergy Eats Blog.  Paul at Allergy Eats is always on top of current allergy issues with restaurants (like recent fast-food menu changes), and it’s great to see that a restaurant like this even exists in the first place.  What’s their deal?

Well, they are free of the top 8 allergens, plus a few other things… and seem to be extremely sensitive to the needs of those with food allergies, food intolerances, and celiac disease.  This quote alone from their “Learn More” page is really incredibly comforting:

As everyone suffering from food allergies knows, going to the restaurant with family, friends or colleagues is not always enjoyable: limited knowledge of the ingredients used in dishes, fear of cross-contamination, lack of confidence in the staff are some of the worries that can come with ordering a simple meal!

A food allergy cannot be taken lightly. Difficulty breathing, loss of consciousness, inflammation and vomiting are some of the extreme reactions that the immune system can have when confronted with a food protein. The consequences can be dramatic. Serious allergies can cause an anaphylactic shock, a violent reaction that can cause loss of consciousness and sometimes death.

At Zero8 we offer a secure environment where you can eat with confidence. We guarantee a worry-free meal!

…And something more restaurants ought to understand, express, & practice.  Or at least this could translate to other restaurants:

Since most food allergies are caused by the 9 priority allergens, you may be allergic to other foods. That is why we identify all of the ingredients in our dishes on our menu and that the list of our kitchen’s authorized ingredients is available upon request at any time. Whenever possible, we try to accommodate our clients’ requests in adapting dishes to their particular needs.

Zero8 pays attention to your needs!

Is that too much to ask?

I have no idea why Canada seems to be light-years ahead of the United States where food allergies are concerned.  They have better legislation, tolerance for epi-pens, and awareness.

Chefs in the US need to get behind this!  If there was a place like this in Pittsburgh, you could bet I’d be there all the time and I’d tell all my friends & family about the place.  There were a ton of Pittsburghers at the Food Allergy Walk last year, you have your clientele ready!

Click the Allergy Eats Blog logo to read about Paul’s experience there!

Allergy Eats Blog

Boston Market ups the pressure… (a.k.a. What now, Panera Bread?)


Insanity.

http://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/136910586947715072

That’s right.  Boston Market not only reached out via my contact form thanks to Facebook, but also had the cojones to do this…

Boston Market RT!

Boston Market RT!

I still haven’t received a reply to my email to Mr. Wakabayashi, but what now Panera Bread? What now?  Clearly, this will pan out to be a bigger rivalry than Neil Young vs. Skynrd, or East Coast Rap vs. West Coast Rap.  Maybe even bigger than me vs. the people that think I’m McDonald’s (At Least Mr. Wakabayashi used my contact form correctly!)

http://twitter.com/#!/W_a_L_D/status/137169033266077696

http://twitter.com/#!/bostonmarket/status/137212008138424321

If you have no idea what’s going on, or if you work for Panera Bread.  You can catch up here…

In other news, did you know that they both cater?  I wish someone would have told me.

Panera Bread (Scott Twp. Greentree Road) on UrbanspoonI actually stopped at the local Panera the other night because the wife was sick and wanted some of that cheese-broccoli soup.  I went in to get some to go, and got myself a half of a turkey sandwich and a cup of the chicken noodle.

The employee (a young girl, of course) at the counter was quite friendly, asked if I wanted lettuce tomato or onion on the sandwich, and even asked if I wanted mustard and/or mayo.  Clearly, someone went over new procedures.  Sadly, I asked for lettuce & tomato… and got neither, but I did get mustard and mayo.  I applaud the effort, and shame on me for not checking before I left the store.

I have to say, after my initial complaint, they have totally stepped it up service-wise.  I still call shenanigans on the new soup.  They ought to let sales do the talking… OFFER BOTH.  It’s certainly a popular item.  Let the consumers decide if they want a great-tasting soup… or the crappy flat-noodled healthy soup.  Clearly, as a leader in the Fast Casual industry, you can afford to test the proverbial waters?  I think more changes have been made, but it’s still not the old soup.  Shenanigans.

Also, I counted 3 signs within  a span of about 8 feet on the counter where you wait for your order advertising the catering… and the pop machine still does it too.  I think the receipt may have even said something about it.

I spend far too much time contemplating fast food & fast casual dining.  If only I could save time buy purchasing already prepared meals.  Does anyone out there do that?

New Catering Advertisement Opportunities! (for Boston Market & Panera Bread)


I’m just sayin’.

Panera Bread  - vs. -  Boston Market

Panera Bread - vs. - Boston Market

From: Waldo Lunar <world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Nov 4, 2011
Subject: New Catering Advertisement Opportunities!
To: & Cc:  A bunch of Panera & Boston Market Employees

Hello friends at Boston Market & Panera Bread,

I assume that the lack of response to my last email about an all-out catering battle at my house was ill-received.  I didn’t get any interest from either camp, or even any kind of acknowledgement of my email.  Not even a coupon.  Isn’t that the typical response?  “Throw ’em a coupon!”  Color me disappointed.

No reply is rather rude, don’t you think?  Batman movie night has come & gone.  We dutifully provided a favorable dining experience to our guests thanks to an incredible local pizza shop.  Roasted red peppers as a pizza topping?  A hit all around, I tell you!  Subs with a homemade feel cut in to bite-size appetizers were also quite delicious.

I’m not sure why neither Panera Bread or Boston Market was willing to enter my catering battle royale.  It would have been an exciting opportunity for both of you.  I realize now… that you need help with forward thinking.  You missed this opportunity to advertise your catering and fight for my dollar.

I believe that I may have come around to your way of thinking.  Perhaps I need to fight for your dollar.  I previously saw advertisements on the pop machine and all over the windows as borderline obscene… but why stop at the border, friends?  Let’s trample the border, deface it on our way through, and not look back!  I have some ideas that you may find attractive.  I really look forward to your feedback.  (Don’t give me any shenanigans about unsolicited ideas and what-not, we’re all friends here.)

  • Advertising on the napkins.  You already do it on the receipts, walls, & windows.  Subway uses their napkins for nutrition information.  Show them up, advertise!  Think of all that clean wasted ad space ripe for the slinging of your delicious wares.  Were one ambitious, this could extend to the “to go” sandwich wrappings, the fancy new plates that you’re both using, and even the trays.  Hell, why not the drink cups?
  • Guerrilla advertising. You could have employees go into your parking lot at regular intervals, and put flyers under the windshield wipers of cars.  If you really wanna get crazy, try bumper stickers!  People would love decorations on their autos.
  • Me.  Send me a T-shirt that advertises your catering services.  I play in a band.  I’ll wear it to shows.  The throngs of bar patrons who rock out with me on a regular basis will be sure to flock to the nearest Panera Bread or Boston Market location.  I might be able to convince my band-mates to do the same.  If we’d like to get really crazy, may I offer to sell my forehead as a billboard?
  • Paystubs.  Your employees get paid right?  Get that money back!  Advertise your catering services on their pay-stubs, and any communications that you need to send.  There’s room on that W2 envelope for a 10% off catering coupon.
  • Right on the food itself.  This is the one that excites me the most!  You’ve seen the toasters that produce an image of Darth Vader, and the irons that brand your initials on to a steak, right?  There are also printers that print right on things like rice paper & cakes.  Why not take advantage of this technology?  Think about it.  Full color printing on wraps?  Toasty images on buns, bread, & bagels?  Delicious meat branded with confidence, demanding that you pick up a catering menu.  It’s never been done.  It’s opulent.  It’s genius.  (If I do say so myself.)

So, what do you think?  Can I help in this new advertising adventure?  These are the next steps in the evolution of promulgation.  Let’s move onward and upward, into uncharted catering promotional territory.  It will be an onslaught to the senses, and an influx in revenue for all involved.  I’m excited for this venture, and especially excited to get some feedback from everyone involved.

Excelsoir!
-Waldo Lunar
[ -YOUR AD COULD BE HERE- ]

incessant emails / incessant advertising

incessant emails / incessant advertising

Further Reading:

McConsistency is Key.


Recently for lunch, I had a reconstituted-onion & cheese sandwich from McDonald’s with a little bit of beef on it.  It was extra special because it was pressed.  It was not like a panini press with grill lines, but more like someone sat on it.  There were also pickles stacked on top of each other, sticking out of the side.  Very artful & creative!

This wasn’t even from the West Liberty location.

I recently had a friend send one of his friends’ McTale-of-woe to me, because I have apparently become some sort of authority on all things wrong with McDonald’s customer service.

The reason I told of my recent adventure in lunch, is that it fits with the tale as told by someone who wishes to remain nameless, blameless, & shameless:

From: Pattyless Sandwich
Date: Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 9:29 AM
Subject: The Day McDonald’s Shit All Over My Good Time
To: The Hamburglar

On Sept. 27, 2011 I went through the drive thru at McDonald’s on Mt. Lebanon Blvd. in Castle Shannon, PA. I ordered a number 4 (two cheeseburgers), and I asked for no onion. When I got back to my friends house and we started eating I noticed that the sandwich looked really thin but I just figured it was smashed down a little more THAN NECESSARY so I bit in anyway. As I was chewing, I realized something wasn’t right about what was being smashed around in my mouth. I set my sandwich down and removed the top part of the bun to see the following: slice of cheese on the bottom half of the bun, pickles, ketchup, and mustard. Yes, that is correct, there was no meat on the sandwich. Luckily I had another sandwich, that in fact had the patty, to eat, but they put onions on it. The only thing I asked them to void. Now I understand work is work and if you have a job to live then that is fantastic, but to be the person to put the burgers together at McDonald’s, I feel like you go through a training day to be shown how to assemble them. Bottom bun, slice of cheese (I’m guessing it is on the bottom so the burger melts it, let’s not get crazy this shit isn’t cooked together), HAMBURGER PATTY, and then your condiments. Who put mine together and thought “hm….this looks right. Nothing is missing, I am a brilliant fucking burger maker extraordinaire.”? It’s not a hamburger from a hamburger joint if there is no meat. To quote a smart fast food chain (rhymes with Shmendy’s), “Where’s the beef!?”

Sincerely,
Pattyless Sandwich

And, there’s even a Facebook photo:

Veggie Burger?

Veggie Burger?

Ridiculous.  At least this didn’t come through my contact form from someone thinking I was McDonald’s.

Friends, I seriously wish I could write to the McGiant on your behalf, but all of my insane yet legitimate complaints have fallen on deaf ears, blind eyes, or typical McCustomer-Service employees.

Check out my track record.  While I feel for you, maybe try their McPennsylvania site?  I can do nothing at this point but perhaps share in your misery, my freinds!